Jessica's POV

 

Lazing off is my forte nowadays. It's not that I just laze around in our dorm but it's because I really don't have things to do, it means I'm a free woman.

 

"Unnie! Unnie!" My gigantic dongsaeng called me agitatedly and wearing an excited smile on her beauteous face as she went inside my room.

 

I watched her as she run towards me as I asked her. "What's wrong? Why are you so fired up? Did something good happen?"

 

She gave me a small giggle as she started babbling the story behind everything. "I'm sure that you will love this." I waited for her story to start with a weird feeling inside, a nervous feeling, perhaps?

 

"Earlier, I attended our bible study, right? Guess what, I saw someone who is very familiar, he's added to our bible study group. He's..." She stated as she left the last sentence hanging.

 

"Can you just tell it already?" I muttered impatiently.

 

Sooyoung chuckled cutely showing her prominent cheekbone as well as making me feel impatient.

 

"Fine. Fine. It's Donghae-oppa, happy?"

 

I stared at her dumbfounded as I heard his name, forming an 'O' shape on my mouth. I tried to speak but no words came out from my lips, leaving me speechless.

 

"Are you joking?" I asked her, making sure that she's telling the truth.

 

"Yah! Do I look like a liar to you?" She retorted while smiling on my weird face.

 

"Ahhhh!!!!"

 

I yelled with full of excitement showing my powerful voice, I can't believe that it's true. I'm happy as well as excited. Now, I can have an easy way to be closer with him and all I need to do is to join their bible study group.

 

"Ya! Can you keep it low?" Sooyoung complained as her long fingers cover her ears.

 

"Can I join?" I hurriedly asked her while biting my lower lip, hoping that her answer is a 'yes'.

 

"Sure. Our group wants members because the truth we're only few so..."

 

I hugged her thankfully and excitedly. "I love you! I love you! You're the best dongsaeng." I muttered as I hug her tightly with thoughts of what's going to happen when I finally join the bible study group.

 

Sooyoung chuckled at my childishness as she patted my back. "I'm just giving the favor back to my favorite unnie."

 

I smiled at her reply, making my heart jump for joy because of her sweetness as a sister and as well as helping me in my love life. I can't wait till the first session, I think I can't sleep because of excitement and I can't wait to see his face with a smile that will surely outshine everyone.

 

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After our photo shoot schedule will be my first session in their bible study group. For the whole shoot, I just think of the bible study. My mind is already going insane as well as imagining excited things that can happen later.

 

"Sooyoung-ah!" I called my favorite sister with a cute tone.

 

"Unnie! What?" She asked me, confused of my actions.

 

"Let's go!" I told her with an excited feeling inside my body.

 

"Ya. Unnie! Look at the time, it's 1 hour early and you will tell me that we should already go?" Sooyoung lectured and telling that it's way too early because sometimes the bible study does not start at the exact time.

 

"It's okay! We should be early so that they will know that I am sincere of being a Christian. Right? So let's go!" I explained while pulling her arms for her to get ready.

 

"Unnie~"

 

I looked at her, giving her a death glare, telling that if she will not get ready she's dead.

 

"Araso. Don't tell me later that we are early, okay?"

 

I nodded my head like a ten-year-old kid that is begging for an ice cream.

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Our manager brought us to the small church where the bible study is being held every meeting. Its exterior design is simple but pleasant to the eyes and it's like a shining church from a far. We got down from the car, bidding our goodbyes to our most kind manager-oppa.

 

"Hurry!" I commanded Sooyoung as I pulled her with me as we enter the small church.

 

My mouth dropped as I saw the inside. It's perfectly done. Even if it's small, you can still feel comfortable in this kind of church. Every corner of the church has the images of God.

 

"See! We're the first one to arrive." Sooyoung retorted impatiently.

 

"It's okay! I can wait." I said excitedly while pulling her to seat on the chairs.

 

We've waited until someone come until we're finally complete as he finally came wearing an excited smile on his fish-like face. All of us positioned ourselves on a big round wood table with bibles on our hands.

 

"So, looks like Sooyoung recruited a new one and it's her co-member, Jessica-sshi. Welcome." Siwon introduced me as he act as the leader of this group. Everybody welcomed me with a smile and a warm hug except one person, Donghae.

 

He didn't even look at me or smile and it's like I never existed in this place, what's wrong with him? Did I like the wrong guy?

 

As we go on, we shared different stories based on out personal experiences. There's a happy part and also a sad part that made us cry. Its fun doing this bible study but my main purpose is ruined by him. We all stood up as the time ended in a speed of light. We really enjoyed this session and I can really relate to some of the topics.

 

"Unnie, wait for me outside, I just need to talk to somebody." Sooyoung explained as she walked away.

 

I went outside the church to wait for her and to our manager-oppa.

 

"Jessica-sshi..." I heard a voice calling my name.

 

I slowly turned around to see who's the one who called me and as I saw that person, my heart started to beat furiously.

 

"Do-donghae..." I muttered slowly while stuttering my words as I look at him with my both eyes open wide.

 

"Welcome to our group, I'm sorry I didn't greet you earlier, I was busy thinking of something." He said shyly as he scratches his nape while smiling at me.

 

That's smile makes me crazy and I waited for this moment to come and I'm sure that I will not let my chance slip.

 

"Thank you, Do-donghae... Can I call you Donghae-oppa?"

 

He showed his killer smile to me as he responded. "Sure, so I will call you Sica, okay?" He agreed as he started to call me Sica. I feel so close to him already even if we just talked only now.

 

I nodded excitedly while I pouted my lips. I usually pout my lips when I'm shy.

 

"Unnie!!" The disturber called me as I glare at her secretly.

 

"Oh... Sorry, I didn't know, just go on with your talking." Sooyoung apologized while looking at me apologetically.

 

"No, its okay, I need to go." Donghae suddenly said that made Sooyoung stopped from retreating.

 

"So, it's nice meeting you, Sica. See you next time, bye!" He continued as he bid his goodbye to us while giving us a heartwarming smile.

 

I smiled at him as he slowly walk away from us then after that I glared at Sooyoung who just ruined my chance.

 

"Unnie~ I'm sorry." She said as she acts cutely showing her puppy eyes.

 

"Hmph!" I acted angrily but the truth I'm not angry because Donghae said that 'see you next time' so it means he's looking forward for the next session and that makes my heart jump for joy.

 

"Beep! Beep!" Our manager-oppa already arrived as we hurriedly get on the car and drive home with a smile on my face, finally, this day arrived.

 

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Many sessions had passed and I and Donghae became closer to each other in the sense that we're joking on each other, pulling some pranks, texting each other at night to ask about the day, always chatting in the session that results to scolding by Siwon and especially going out to eat or shop with just the both of us.

 

And I know this day will come, the day that I will finally confess my love for him.

 

Our session is already done and almost all the people went home already. I stayed inside church waiting for him to come.

 

"Sica! What are you doing here? You should go home it's getting late." He said worriedly as he approach me.

 

I stood up from my seat that is in the very front of the church that is near to the altar.

 

"Donghae-oppa" I called his name while gathering all my might to say what I really wanted to say since the first meeting.

 

"What? Is there any problem?" He asked as he finally stopped on front of me.

 

"I...like you." I said loud and clear that echoed inside the church. I stared at his expression, waiting for his answer but it looks like he doesn't feel the same way towards me because his expression showed it.

 

"I know it's so sudden and we just met a month ago but when I first saw you in a music show, I already fell in love with you even if we don't know each other personally. You made my heart beat abnormally and I know its love... I joined this group not because I want to be closer to God but I want to be closer to you. The truth is, I have no interest in praying and attending this kind of session but because of you, I forced myself to attend, just to see you..." I confessed still staring intently on his unreadable eyes.

 

"No." He replied with a loud tone that make my heart broke apart into pieces as he finally rejected me.

 

"Why?" I asked him as tears started to flow on my cheeks, hoping that he will take back his words and accept me inside his heart.

 

"Why? Are you really asking me why?" Donghae said with an annoyed tone as he give me a disappointed look.

 

"Oppa..."

 

"I thought you're sincere being a Christian, that you really want to be close to God but you fooled everyone with your perfect acting. I'm disappointed on you, I thought...you're a good person that is true to everybody. I never thought that those friendly words you've said to us aren't true, you just use everybody and especially God. You don't know the meaning of love if you can't love Him and you can't love me if you don't know the true meaning of love." Donghae said sincerely to me but with disappointed look painted on his face.

 

He slowly turned around as he started to lift his feet to leave me. I hurriedly followed him and gave him a back hug, begging him to stay.

 

"Oppa... I'm so sorry... I..." Before I can finish my words, he cut my words to say the most painful words he can ever say to me.

 

"I hate you... I hate people who used Him to achieve their own happiness." He exclaimed without looking at me as he remove my hands and slowly walk away from me.

 

"Do-donghae..." I called him once again still hoping that he will come back with tears on my eyes. 

 

"I'm so sorry...for foolishly loving you..."

 

--------------

 

It's been 3 months since my confession happened and still we didn't talk again but that didn't lead me to leave the group. It made me closer to Him and now I know that He existed and continuously guiding us. Sometimes, we exchange glances but he never smile again when he's looking at me and I know he's still mad at what I did.

 

After that incident, I always visit to pray and to tell God about my experiences that day. Every day, God and I have a short story telling led by me. I also started to attend seminars about my religion and it made me more serious to know about my religion.

 

Our session today finally ended and I'm alone waiting at the last seat of the church near the door. Sooyoung is not with me today because she needs to attend some important schedule. I stood up on my seat as look at the outside and I can see that it's already raining hard so I decided to call my manager-oppa to fetch me.

 

"Oppa! Can you fetch me at the church?" I blurted out as soon as he answered his phone.

 

"Sica, I'm sorry I can't fetch you right now, your dongsaengs have tight schedule today so I need to accompany them. You should just take the cab." My manager explained.

 

"But..." Before I can finish what I'm going to say, he cut the line.

 

"Oh cool! I will go home alone in this kind of weather." I said sarcastically as my mood got ruined by this bad weather.

 

"Jessica." I heard someone calling my name as I slowly face at the back to see who that person is but that made my eyes wide and my heart beats faster. 

 

"Donghae-sshi..." I said lowly as I look at him while controlling my tears. I can't believe that he is talking to me right now, is this my imagination??

 

"Sica, do you want me to bring you home?" He offered with sincerity in his eyes.

 

"No, it's okay, my manager will fetch me." I lied to him while avoiding his gaze as I took my seat on the long wood bench at the back.

 

That didn't stop him. He took his seat beside me leaving almost 2 ruler space between us. As we took our seats, I can feel the awkward aura between us.

 

"It looks like you're very devoted to Him now." He started to talk while looking forward.

 

I let out a small chuckle as I started to talk. "Because someone told me that I should love Him for me to know the true meaning of love." I said with a serious tone as I control myself to look at him.

 

"So, do you hate that someone?" He continued as he finally looked at me waiting for my answer.

 

I didn't have any choice but to look at him. "No." I replied as simple as that. I'm not mad at him but I'm thankful for showing me the right path to take.

 

"Then it means you still like him?" Donghae questioned me as I felt my cheeks burning because of what he said so I hurriedly looked away to prevent his intent stare.

 

I just shook my head without saying anything. I lied at him because I still like him more than anyone and still he's the only one in my heart. I don't deserve to love someone like him.  Then he suddenly moved closer to me leaving no space between us as I stared at him, reading what his thoughts are. What is he planning to do?

 

"Are you sure?" He asked as he moved his face closer to mine that made me blush hard showing my pinkish cheeks. I hate it when his teasing me.

 

"Yes." I answered as I nodded repeatedly and to avoid his gaze.

 

He chuckled lightly and cutely as he showed his fishy smile to me once again. "Then look at me." He dared as my mind went crazy because if I look at his handsome face I will surely say the truth.

 

"I don't want." I declared still not looking at him.

 

"So it means you still like me." He declared boastfully still with his face closer to mine.

 

I didn't want to tell him the truth so out of my mind, I faced him with a mad expression.

 

"I-I..."

 

He chuckled lightly as I faced him because I didn't realize that he's face is still closer to mine and that made my mad expression slowly faded away as I saw his face in zoom view.

 

"What?" He questioned me still with his smiling face.

 

"I-I---" But before I can say want I wanted to say he leaned closer to me, closer to my lips as our lips locked together.

 

My eyes went wide as I realized the he's kissing me. My mind went blank and can't think of a plan. I didn't kiss back because I still don't want to fall on his trap.

 

After almost 5 seconds, he parted his lips on mine as he stared at my shock expression, reading my thoughts. I didn't have any strength to talk back as my body feels numb and paralyzed. Again, he laughed at me. "It looks like you still like me, huh?" He muttered as he finally knows the truth.

 

"I-I... I don't like you." I lied again as I avoid his looks.

 

"No! You still like me!" He talked back surely of his statement as he crossed his arm.

 

"No! I don't!" I countered as I stood up on my seat still telling a lie.

 

He stood up also as he look at me. "I know you still like me, then why didn't you push me away when I kissed you?" He talked back again.

 

"It's because...it's because..." I stuttered still thinking of my answer that will make him believe to what I said.

 

"See! You don't have any reason, so it means it's true."

 

I didn't know what to answer as I thought of my last resort, walk away.

 

I walked away hurriedly leaving him but suddenly he pulled my hand to stop me from walking. I struggled and I tried to remove his hands on my arms but it's useless. Then suddenly he pulled me as he started to walk to the front of the church near the altar, where I confessed my love for him. I didn't know why but I didn't struggle anymore as I decided to follow him.

 

As we reach the altar, he stopped on his tracks and faced me but then my crazy self wants to run again so I try to escape.

 

"I like you..." He confesses loud and clear as my feet suddenly stopped. My eyes went wide and my heart suddenly beats furiously again as I heard his confession then I slowly faced him with tears flowing on my cheeks.

 

"Can you stop running away from me?" He continued sincerely as my tears suddenly flowed heavily.

 

He slowly approaches me as he wipes my tears caringly. "What I said is true, I really really like you." He started as he looked at my eyes intently then I stared at his face with teary eyes.

 

"At that time when you confessed to me, I was happy because I like you too but what you said made my heart broke apart. We should know how to love God before we can love others. Then I saw it all, I saw that you did all your best to change, to love Him truly with all your heart and now, I know that your heart is ready to love. So now is my right chance to say it all, I love the Jessica now who knows how to love, who did everything to change and love Him."

 

I cried heavily as I hugged him tightly because I am so touched about what he said, I never thought that he will love someone like me.

 

"Oppa..."

 

"Sheesh, don't cry." He said caringly as he hugged me.

 

I broke our hug as I look at him. "I'm sorry..." I said as I control my tears.

 

"You're now forgiven by Him because He knew that you've changed and because of that… it made me love you more..."

 

"Donghae-oppa..."

 

He didn't answer me but he leaned again to me, kissing my lips as I finally kissed back, savoring every kiss he gave to me. Then we parted away to catch some air.

 

"I love you, Sica."

 

"I love you too, Donghae-oppa."

 

I responded as I kissed him again still in the center of the church with God who witnessed how our love begun and will never end forever.

 

~END~