“Jongup,please come with me. I need to shower and the river is creepy and the day is almost dark and there are noises on the wood and.....” “Shut up,let’s just go get you shower. Your excuses make my head hurt.” Himchan laughs to himself as he watches Jaehyo stomps out of the hut grumpily. He notices the look on Jongup’s face thus giving him a reassure smile. “I’ll be fine,don’t worry. Go now” Himchan voices calmly,tilting his head to the door to emphasize his point. Jongup nods before walking out of the door,throwing a last glance on Himchan who smiles and waves almost naturally.

“No peeking” Jaehyo warns as he approaches the riverbed. That only triggers an ugly snort from Jongup. “Like i would. There’re only bones anyway.”  Jaehyo looks totally offended by that,even more when Jongup takes off his clothes and starts to wash his immaculately built body. “Excuse me? Himchan is all bones too,you know but you still peek at him so often.” Hearing that,Jongup almost chokes on his saliva. “W..well,he’s different. He’s not childish like you.” He just freaking stammers,infront of Jaehyo of all people. Jaehyo scoffs. “Huh,funny. You just stammer. Himchan should see that..” “Shut up or i’ll drown you right now.” “Huh,try me.” “This brat..”

A smile instantly forms on Himchan’s lips as the goofy laughter of Jaehyo’s wafts to him from across the river. He is extremely glad they still can have fun like this,it is an effective distraction he’s been craving for,to conceal his pain,to minimise his suffering,to occupy the empty spot in his aching heart. He decides to clean up the place,sorting their things more properly since Jaehyo is really bad at keeping things at their appropriate places. It is when he is lifting Jongup’s heavy backpack that the familiar temptation tugging desperately on his skin. He is overly curious as he lifts the backpack again,hearing the unusual thumps and clinking sounds as he gives a sharp shake. Just one peek and that’s all. Just one single harmless peek. Himchan glances nervously at the door then at the backpack. When he hears another waves of laughter,he takes it as a sign for him to start moving.

“Let’s see what you have here....” His slender fingers quickly but silently ped the backpack,his impatient eyes nosily peeking through the forming gap. One of his hands already fumbling into the bag,rummaging for nothing in particular until he decides that he should just open the bag as wide as he can. “What in the world....” Initially,Himchan is surprised at how Jongup managed to stuff all his weapons,dangerous one at that,in that single backpack. Running a finger on the smooth surface of one of the knives,he eyes the objects curiously. “What......” Himchan is gaping,wide,his eyes are just as wide as his eyes train on a shiny object,which is an exact duplicate of the key he is wearing right now. His surprise multiplied tenfold as he figures Jongup also happen to have his special box,which Jiho has strictly instruct not to open until his 23^th birthday,and he couldn’t help wondering how on earth that Jongup has a duplicate of his key and his special box which is a special present from his deceased love one.

And now Himchan is curious as what is exactly in the box. What so special about the special box that has triggered Jongup to secretly stealing it from him? “I’m sorry Jiho but i have to do this” he whispers to himself before closing his eyes a little as he fits the key into the keyhole. The box is unlocked with a single click. Breathless,Himchan swallows thickly before allowing himself to open the box. A single restricted gasp escapes his airway as he finally making a visual contact with the objects displayed neatly over the velvety covering. Diamonds. Two freaking large chunks of diamonds. In the special box. In HIS special box. His 23th birthday present. Why on earth Jongup has this on his backpack? The backpack he secretly keeps away from anyone? Why did Jongup,of all people has his special box?

It happens so fast that Himchan can’t even stop the flashes of possibilities from flooding his mind. Images of how Jongup has came to them and the purpose of staying with them struck his mind like a malevolent plague,gluing his abilities to even move. It has been a lie. All about him has been a lie. Maybe his confession has been a lie too,it must be. How could someone be so cruel? He could’ve just stolen everything then leaves. Why makes everything more complicated? Why he decides to play with his heart? Torturing his emotion? Confusing his heart? Why he even bother to save them from danger? Why he even care to protect them from Jinhoon,someone he doesn’t know about? Unless......

“Hey Himchan,what you’re doing?” Jaehyo suddenly enters while giggling,but his giggles stop as he noticed the clouded expression on Himchan’s face. He never saw that expression before and wishing that he never ever seen that because,it frightens him,so much that he feels shiver run down his spine. ing pissed. That’s the only 2 words that could describe the expression on Himchan’s face right now. “Where’s Jongup?” His gruff tone matches the dark look on his face as he stares past the door,silently waiting for Jongup’s appearance. “H..he try to..uh..he still..”  Jaehyo almost gasping out a relief breath as he feels Jongup’s presence right behind him,being alone with an angry Himchan is a total torment. He didn’t know when the other will snap. And that is a whole lot scarier than an angry Jongup.

“What are you....you didn’t....” Jongup couldn’t even express his bewilderment as Himchan slaps him hard across his face. The fact that this is not the usual slaps he has grown used to making his heart sting. It hurts. It hurts even more as Himchan utters two words as a statement of his accusations, his rage, his disgust. “ you.”  Himchan doesn’t utter any single word as he storms outside,banging against the wooden door so hard that it collapse against the gravity,flopping down just beside the perplexed Jaehyo. It takes Jongup 2 seconds to stare at his opened backpack and the unlocked box to figure out what has inflicted Himchan to act that ferocious. Without a second thought,Jongup makes a mad dash toward Himchan who is trying to mount on the horse. Keeping a tight grip on both of his wrists,Jongup managed to stop Himchan from running away.

“Let me go,traitor! Jerk! I hate you! Don’t ing touch me with your dirty hands!”  Himchan screams,struggling violently against Jongup’s grasps. “I have explanations. Calm down and listen to me.” Himchan gives a particularly hard tug,taking Jongup by surprise thus freeing his wrists from the iron grip. “Explanations? So finally you want to tell me why you have my box and key and your hidden intentions of keeping us with you? Or why you work for Jihoon? ” Jongup fist his hands real hard that his knuckles turn white,teeth gritting tightly hurting his jaw. “There were never hidden intentions. Please,Himchan. Give me a chance to explain myself” he hates himself for sounding so desperate but at this rate,he would’ve kneel down and beg if he has to. He just wants Himchan to not get a wrong idea about him. About all of his lies and why he had done so.

“Just give me some space. Leave me alone. I can’t believe i’m so stupid to even trust a stranger. Just go away,take all my money and diamonds, and whatever left. Just stop,okay? Stop lying,i don’t need that anymore.” Marking his words with silent grunts,Himchan turns to his heels and run into the wood along the path,mindlessly trying to get as far as he can from Jongup. Jongup remains rooted to the ground,absorbing all the accusations with self-disgust.  It hurts,it is hurting everywhere. He never feel this hurt before,even when he’s been stabbed  a couple of years back,even when he broke his arms last year. Breathing as calm as he can,he gathers  whatever sanity left within him and starts to pursue Himchan.

Jongup breaks into a sprint as he catches a glimpse of Himchan on the corner of the junction around the riverbed, ultimately enclosing their gap. When he is within his grasp,Jongup resolves to throw his body to Himchan’s tense back, holding him tight in his strong arms. “Please, Himchan. Listen to me. I beg you,please. I never intended on hurting you,ever.” When Jongup gains no reaction from Himchan,he sighs heavily,sinking his head to Himchan’s shoulder,feeling his eyes turns stingingly wet. At least Himchan is not running away again. “Please....just this once....” Himchan instantly relaxes under Jongup’s touch as he feels hot tears slowly dripping to his shoulder,wetting the fabric of his new shirt. The urge of wanting to turns around and wipes the tears off Jongup’s normally serious face tempting him but he’s in desperate need of an explanation. He needs to know everything.

“Tell me everything. I need to know everything. If you dare to tell me more lies,i won’t hesitate to kill you even if i have to kill myself in the process” Came Himchan’s command,loud and strict. Jongup dares himself to be a little bit more relieve,his tense shoulders droops down as he tightens his hold on Himchan’s waist. “I was a ninja. I never even remember why i was one or when it has happened.  I never even know that there is other kind of live people were living because it feel so normal to be ninja-s in my village. Basically all we did were training,each day,every hours,until i had this urge of wanting to be above everyone else,to be in charged and be respected,and then i started to train harder than everyone else. I don’t even have the chance to express myself and i don’t even know human could freely express themselves until i met you guys. In my place,it is normal to be emotionless,we kill people every day any way,why should we have any emotion? Did we even deserve one?”

Unconsciously,Jongup finds himself rubbing his thumbs tenderly over Himchan’s body,trying to calm himself more than anything. He takes Himchan’s silent as an indication for him to keep on his explanation.  “So one day my master instruct me for a special mission,my first solo mission. The mission is to kill you then take your key and box, and of course,our client is Jihoon. Supposedly,he shouldn’t have come before i finish my mission but he came anyway,blinded by his greed. Yes,Jihoon had been the one paying one of us to kill Jiho,but it’s not me. It’s not me. He didn’t even know about me or us in general. Our missions are clandestine even to clients. And i had known exactly what he’s planning. So i took you away. I took us away from him.”

Silence befalls upon them as Jongup marking the last of his explanation with a heave of troubled sigh. His heart is palpitating hard against his chest as anxiousness invades his whole system, restraining his need of breathing. It is beating too fast,too loud in his ears,he bets Himchan might feels it too,might even heard it too. For a few minutes they just stand there unmoving,neither make the effort to break away from each other. “Then,why haven’t you kill me yet?” Himchan’s voice is laced with uncertainty and doubt but Jongup just sighs again,resting his forehead on the back on Himchan’s head. “Didn’t you get it? Can’t you feel it? Didn’t you hear me before?”  Himchan closes his eyes tightly as he feels Jongup’s hold on him tightens. He almost anticipating the younger’s next word and it scares him. It scares him a lot. Why is he anticipating those words anyway? What is Jongup to him?

“I like you....no..i love you..i love you so much i can’t even stop myself even though you didn’t like me that way. I love you for making myself feel so human. I love you for making me realise how wrong i am before. I love the way you smile even when you’re in pain. I love the way you’re being so stupid , worrying about someone else when you’re the person who need help more than anything. I love the way you’re so sure with yourselves, the tenacity of your will. I love you for being yourselves. I love you Kim Himchan even when you can’t love me back. I will never hurt you, not anymore. I’ve been lying to myself for the entire life. I can’t live like that anymore. So please don’t leave. I can’t afford to lose you.”

“Then why are you taking the key and the box with you? Does it still mean something to you?” Himchan slowly questions mere curiosity than suspicion, feeling the blossoming doubts rapidly withering away from his system as he witness the way those hot tears taint Jongup’s reddening cheeks. A few seconds trail by before Jongup is composed enough to bring his head up to face Himchan’s questioning stare. “Because it means something to you. I don’t want you to lose everything. It’s from Jiho after all. I thought I’ll give you when it’s appropriate enough, i don’t expect it’ll turn out like this” his voice is merely above whispering as he looks away at the very last second, unable to hide his wavering emotions. He missed the small smile forming on Himchan’s previously tight lips. He missed the way Himchan eyes lights up noticeably at his genuine words.

Tears. Jongup never know it is salty until that very moment where he tastes his own tears as they slide down his face slowly,delicately passes down Himchan’s shoulder. He didn’t even know he could cry until that very moment where he desperately clinging on Himchan’s body,his silent pleads speaks louder than any words he could utter. He muffles a sob as Himchan slowly but firmly pulls away from his grasp,breaking their close proximity in silence. He expects Himchan to slap him again and swears at him or even punches him hard on the gut,so when Himchan wordlessly lifts his chin to plant a chaste kiss on his forehead,he didn’t even have a chance to think straight. Instead he gapes in utter disbelief,staring at Himchan as if the older just kick him on the balls.

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault. It’s okay,we’ll be fine.” At those words,Jongup finally feels all the troubled feelings that have been haunting him somewhat dissolve within him. He feels his knees buckle before he they failed him,involuntarily sending him kneeling on the ground right in front of Himchan. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for not telling this sooner” he whispers silently as he buries his face to Himchan’s stomach. Himchan bites his lips,swallowing the need of tearing up,but he is strong. He will not cry anymore. Yes,he didn’t think Jongup is at fault. The boy has been innocent. He was taught that way,how could he know it was wrong. And now he feels so indescribably responsible for this young boy before him.  Jongup didn’t stop crying yet.

“It’s okay,i won’t leave you. I’ll stay,Jonguppie. It’s okay.”  The normally stoic and sturdy boy is now reduced to a whimpering mess and Himchan couldn’t help thinking how vulnerable Jongup is looking right then. He looks so young,so fragile,so human. Himchan let his fingers run through Jongup’s dark ruffled hair,occasionally massaging his scalp soothingly,calming down the younger’s insecurities. They will be fine. Things will get better with time,or so he thought.

#####

sorry guys for super late update....thanks for not leaving me yet....^^

i hope you guys still remember about the box though...

but i must warn you...things are not going to be better...brace yourself..