Love Flourishing in War

Title: [5/5]

Comments: Most titles now a day, give away the entire story in just the title not wanting us to actually want to read it. With yours it gives away just as much as it needs to, without going overboard!

Story Layout: [10/10]

Comments: Love the poster! Really reflects the story.

Forward & Description: [6/10]

Comments: The placing of the Author's note was poor. Personally I felt Author Notes in Forwards and Descriptions, are un-needed but if you feel the need, you need to put them at the end of the Forward or it looks unprofessional. Or you can add it at the end of the first chapter. Also the red wording threw me off. Why would that exact quote taken from the story be red. I understand if both quotes were bold.

Plot: [18/20]

Comments: There isn't enough for me to read to determine your plot, but from what you send me in the form, I can tell it will soon start digging into it. I think your plot is clever. When I first read what you sent, I thought 'oh great, a Hunger Games type story' but what I read in your forward, changed that thought to 'ok, this is much more than that' and I was curious to read on.

Characterization: [5/5]

Origionality [10/10]

Comments: Well not very much chapters up to determine this, but from what I can tell so far, it isn't cliche.

Flow: [7/10]

Comments: Some of your descriptions were too...confusing. I give you props for trying to paint an image, but if you could possibly tone it down a little, I and other people would be able to picture it better.

Grammar/Spelling: [9/10]

Comments: Just a few punctuation errors here and there.

Overall Enjoyment [9/15]

Bonus Points [5/5]

Total [84/100]

Comments: Thank you for letting me review your story. I think you'll have a great story. You asked for some ideas and I might be able to help you, or not. I'm terrible at war type stories.

Since it's a war story, you should have more action. Less thinking some times and more fighting. I'm worried, you are going to move to fast and make Kai already meet the girl. Slow down, let him recover than go back into field. This is when you can add the big battle...just no more katanas or old time guns...unless there is a reason, it is just hard to imagine the people fighting with swords and hand guns when everyone else is issued military guns.

Show him interacting with other people in the army. Give us something other than his thoughts not pertaining to the war. Also if it's just a normal war, they aren't fighting all the time. They also travel. He could see Saran while resting and go to his friend talking about her, reveling who she is and possible gossip about her (ex. "Saran? Nah, you shouldn't mess with her. I heard her Dad is dangerous." said Jongin. "Yeah! I heard that to, that he was a mobster." Chen whispered leaning into the group.) just try to introduce her before they meet later on.

I don't know if I helped at all, but as I said. I'm terrible at war stories. ^_^;