Only a Broken, Shattered Glass

InfiniteIsForForever

Title: [3/5]

Comments: I thought the title was nice, but too long and didn't grab my attention at all. But it did give me a nice feel for the story.

Story Layout: [10/10]

Comments: The poster was very nice and the background was great. Everything was plain and simple, but there wasn't too much simplicity.

Forward/Description: [5/10]

Comments: You gave away a lot of what will happen in the story. Now there isn't a mystery! Make it more vauge {ex. instead fo

Plot: [15/20]

Comments: From what I can tell there isn't a strong plot at all in this. It may be because there isn't enough chapters, so i'm not taking too many points off.

Characterization: [5/5]

Originality: [4/10]

Comments: I have seen a lot of stories with this story line. Try bringing suprises in to entertain the reader and keep them on their toes.

Overall Enjoyment: [ 9/15]

Comments: To be honest it bored me a little and was predictable.

Bonus Points: [5/5]

Grammar/Spelling: [4/10]

Comments: Major grammical errors and spelling mistakes. I would recommend you taking the time and fixing them in your story!

Flow: [8/10]

Comments: The flow was good for the most part but the transitions into other sections of the story were poorly exicuted.

Total: [68/100]

Comments: I apologize a hundred times over for taking so long to do the review. First off, thank you for letting me review your story! There is a list of things that are bugging me a lot about your story...

Let's address the first chapter:

• No teachers are rude to their students {ex. sit next to "emo girl". }. It just seems unrealistic to have everyone against our main character.

• The parenthesis you have are not needed. You could have easily written a longer sentence.

Origional: The bell rang and a tall black haired female walked in wearing a white blouse (you could see her black bra underneath it), black skirt that reached her knees, and some high heels.

My version: The bell rang and the tall, haired, female walked in wearing a white blouse with her black bra showing through, a black skirt that reached her knees, and a pair of high heels.

• Adding "..." does not make things more dramatic. I know that you added a big scene about reveling that she was a 'cutter' but it just seemed choppy to have the "..." followed by the word than another "..."

Chapter 2:

• Again, "..." does not make things more dramatic.

• My biggest pet peeve is two guys fighting over a girl. I understand if they're both secretly in love with her {or a crush} but not what you have.

• Smoking to die sooner? As a smoker {Yeah, don't judge} it relieves stress, I litterly face palmed myself after I read that.

I hope this helps, I don't mean to be harsh...

A helpful tip for you would be to do a little research or read blogs about self harm, smoking, depression, etc.