NINE

“I don’t know. It seems pretty unrealistic to me,” he says.

“I mean, can you just imagine? That the two of us would actually be in that kind of relationship?” A loud laugh escapes his lips.

“That’d be just weird.” His eyes shoot to mine and I do my best to suppress a bitter laugh and give a mocking one instead.

“Yeah,” I mutter, “totally.”

He then nudges Jiyong who starts laughing now, too. Oh how funny they all are. Never underestimate the top-notch humour of my ever so hilarious hyungs.

Seungri joins the laughter by pointing at another one of the pictures a fan sent where Seunghyun and I are hand in hand.

“They drew a heart around you two,” he sheepishly laughs as he looks at Youngbae.

But Youngbae doesn’t laugh. He looks at me, and he looks annoyed.

“I’m going home,” I suddenly say.

They all look up in surprise.

“It’s not even seven o’clock yet,” Seunghyun says.

He sounds somewhat disappointed that I’m leaving, but I’m probably imagining that, so I shrug.

“I’m tired,” I snarl.

It’s not a complete lie. I am tired; tired of listening to this kind of nonsense. I want to go home, crawl into my bed and don’t come out for hours.

“Me too,” Youngbae nods.

He places a hand on my shoulder and we walk towards the front door. As we’re putting our shoes on, Seunghyun joins us.

“Is that really it?” He asks; his eyes focused on mine.

Youngbae then coughs, shuffles, and says: “I’ll wait outside, okay?”

He shoots a reproaching look in Seunghyun’s direction, followed by a worried one at me. I nod, and he leaves.

“What do you mean? Of course it is,” I answer to Seunghyun’s question; I’m playing dumb.

“It wasn’t a tiring day.” He says, then looks away before sitting himself down next to me.

I immediately jump up, and my hand reaches for the doorknob.

“Maybe for you, it wasn’t,” I bite.

I open the door and step outside without looking back.

“Daesung,” he softly calls after me. But I don’t turn around, and simply walk away.

My phone is ringing. I rub my temple gently as I slowly try to pull myself out of my very much sleep-deprived state. I hate dreaming about the past.

I take my sweet time before taking a look at who's calling. When I see Jiyong’s name flash on the screen, one of my eyebrows involuntarily rises. Why is he calling? I drag the weary corners of my lips up into a wide smile before I press the green button.

“Hyung?” I ask, not even trying to mask the fatigue in my voice.

“Daesungie,” he almost sounds as tired as me, but it feels like a different kind of tired.

I wait for him to state his business. I don’t like being interrupted, that’s why I don’t do it to other people either. On the other side of the line, I hear a deep sigh.

“Hyung?” I ask again, a hint of worry mingling with my exhaustion.

“Daesungie,” he repeats, slower this time, as if he’s feeling guilty.

“How are you?” It’s a standard question people often look upon as useless, but it’s a question I always ask despite how trivial it may seem.

I’ve learned over the years that it’s an important thing to ask, and that it’s even more important to listen to the reply. Though it’s not the reply itself that’s so relevant; it’s the way they say it. Anyone can fake a ‘fine’, but no one can suppress the undeniable silent sigh that follows when that ‘fine’ isn’t fine at all.

The ‘fine’ Jiyong gives me as an answer obviously isn’t a genuine fine.

“Jiyong-hyung,” I say his name in a sigh, indicating exactly how much I believe him.

He’s known me long enough to understand, and I can hear a small chuckle, which fades away not so long after.

“I’m sorry,” he then says.

“Sorry? For what?” I frown.

He can’t see me but I bet he knows that’s what I’m doing.

“I’m really sorry,” there’s a tone in his voice that puts me on alert.

“What did you do?” I suddenly feel uneasy.

I straighten myself and push myself up as I move closer to the window. I don’t know what I’m trying to see, it’s not like I’m expecting to see him or something. Because that would be very impressive, to say the least.

“Seunghyun came by the other day,” he starts.

Normally, I find it f