TEN

You can cut the silence with a knife.

Ever since he’s uttered that one ‘oh’, no one has said a word.

I’m looking at him, carefully studying his still way too beautiful features, allowing him to take my breath away, just like he's always done before. The most natural thing would be my greeting him and acting all casual as if I’m just visiting an old friend, yet I can’t help but simply stare.

Daesung on the other hand, started off by avoiding my eyes; he nervously glanced at Hikari, and then he locked his gaze on the empty chair next to me, as if it’s that much more interesting than me.

Hikari’s just looking at the both of us, eyes constantly shifting between the uninvited guest and her oppa. She then makes a clicking sound, making the both of us direct our attention to her instead. Both Daesung and I look a bit annoyed, as if she’s just interrupted something very important.

Hikari quietly touches his arm gently with her hand. I can’t help but stare at it; resting there so naturally, like it is the most normal thing in the world, like it’s belonged there all along.

“Why don’t I go out for a bit?” She suggests.

Daesung shoots her a worried glance, but she just smiles that smile I previously loathed. If that smile means her leaving, then I take back my words; then I love it.

“I still have groceries to do anyway,” she lifts her hand to Daesung’s cheek and lets it rest there for barely a second, and for some reason, it relaxes him.

He nods in consent, she nods at me in order to say goodbye, and I nod at her just so she’ll leave faster.

It’s not until the front door falls into its frame that Daesung actually looks at me. He blinks a couple of times as if he’s trying to make sure that I’m really there, in his house, on his couch.

He then silently shuffles towards a big soft-looking chair on the opposite side of where I am seated, and carefully lowers himself. He takes a couple soft breaths, and looks at me.

It surprises me, his eyes are suddenly so normal, just like they had been the night of Youngbae’s wedding. He looks at me in the most normal way anyone possibly could. He doesn’t look at me as if we actually have a history; he looks at me as if he doesn’t remember anything.

“You should have told me you were coming,” Daesung softly says in order to break the silence.

I hate the way his voice sounds right now. So strained, so tired. It makes me wonder what’s making him feel this way. I hope it’s not me.

“How, though?” I ask, making sure my eyes don’t leave his for even a second.

“You could have called me, hyung.”

The way he calls me hyung is literally killing me. Merely thinking about the affection once accompanied that word whenever he called me that before, and then being reminded of how it sounds now like something said out of habit. It’s killing me.

“I don’t have your number, Daesung.” Not anymore, at least.

His eyes widen for a second, but they quickly go back to how they were before.

“Oh,” is his only reply.

I keep my gaze focused on him for a moment; yet seeing him doing his utmost best to avoid my eyes again compels me to avert mine as well. Looking around in the room, I notice an entire display of pictures. There are pictures of him and Hikari, which I don’t allow myself to properly look at. I don’t really want to see those anyway. There are pictures of him and his family, they’re all smiling. Pictures of him and his friends take up the largest space. Over the years he’s come to know quite a lot of people, so I’m not shocked to see that many photographs. All I feel is envy. Envy that I’m not a part of his life anymore.

Secretly, I steal another glance at Daesung. He’s still not looking at me, playing with his fingers while waiting for time to pass. Suddenly, my chest feels stuffy. I