SIXTEEN

It’s hard to take a hold of how much time has already passed. It can be just a couple of seconds, it can be an eternity. It’s hard to determine.

It’s also clear neither one of us is done saying what he wanted to say, yet it remains silent.

There’s a lot to take in, too. I didn’t realise he was hurting that badly. I never looked good enough either. Back then, I looked away instead, thinking what I was doing was what I should be doing. Assuming I was right, when I couldn’t have been more wrong. Even though I’m still convinced he wouldn’t be where he is right now with his career if it wasn’t for us breaking up, I don’t think I’d be able to do the same thing again. I’ve already been too selfish; I don’t mind being it a bit more. I want him in my life, and I’m not going to let anything hold me back this time.

As for him, he didn’t know why I did the things I did, and now he does. I’m still not sure whether it really makes a difference for him, but I hope he finds it in his heart to forgive me, despite how difficult it may be.

“So,” my voice breaks just as much as it’s breaking the silence between us. “Where do we go from here?”

I want him to look at me again, but I shouldn’t be too greedy and make him. He needs time, and I need to give that to him.

He shrugs. “I’m not leaving Hikari,” he says matter-of-factly.

I hate hearing it more than anything right now. My teeth clench, so does my fist.

“And you were the one that said we can’t be friends,” he adds.

Daesung suddenly sounds so bitter, which makes my heart sink all the way to my shoes.

“Daesung,” I will him to look at me by softly grazing my fingers against his cheek.

He flinches shortly and pulls back only a little bit. Boundaries. Right.

“I want you in my life again; these past years have been hell.”

He doesn’t say anything to it. He’s thinking. I can see it by the way he kind of scrunches his nose.

When a tiny ray of sunlight suddenly falls upon the soft and delicate features of his face, I realise we’ve spent all night talking.

As we’re watching the sun rise, Daesung quietly hums a melody. I recognize it to be one of his first solo songs, and I hate to admit it, but it secretly brings me to tears. Hurriedly, my hand