Shutting out my blabbing mind so I could put myself to sleep has been a real struggle. Maybe it was around 4 in the morning when I finally stopped tossing and turning.

But it wasn’t too long since I slept when I’m brought back to earth with a throbbing head. The sun just rose up when I poured out my favorite brew and cereals. The very uncommon breakfast was interrupted by my phone, notifying me that I received a message. Kibum sent a message but I didn’t have to open it. I’m not ready for any thinking yet, I don’t want my stressors to disturb this one of rare tranquility brought by my morning meal.

What made me contented and happy back then was hearing my phone beep telling me that my boyfriend cared enough to send me a message. I hated how I sought attention from him and how a simple gesture could turn me into a fool. I hated it. I still do. Now that I think about how foolish I was.

When I got my fill of the serenity I craved for, I pulled up the courage to see what he had to say. I fetched my phone and read:

To: Yanna

Baby, I’ll see you tonight. I’ll pick you up and then let’s have dinner out. I know this place, you’ll love it. Can’t wait to see you.

From: Kibum ♥

Is it just me or the heart right there is really annoying? Did I really put it right there? Well, maybe that is myself reminding me of my stupidity. I’ll take this opportunity to break it off with him. I cannot pretend forever. He wanted to put things back how it used to be? I don’t want that! I hated how it used to be!

To: Kibum ♥

Yeah, I’ll see you later. I can’t wait to see you too.

From: Yanna

I seriously need to remove that disturbing symbol there! Some people might see this as an act to escape from Kibum so I could join hands with Heechul. No. I don’t even want to go near him anymore. I won’t see him after this. What I told him yesterday that seemed like I wanted to make things work between me and Kibum, is a lie, a white lie to console him and myself. This is clearly self-denial but let me; it’s the only what this could get a little less complicated.

My simple but delightful early morning just set my mood high and I took the chance to use my energy on something useful. I cleaned around. Now, without Heechul, I tidied my home how I always wanted to. I placed back the center table at the middle of the carpet; Heechul liked sprawling in the carpet to watch TV and eat his cookies. The bathroom perfectly reminded me of him too; his toothbrush and the messed up toothpaste tube were still by the sink. Then I started worrying for about him. I wondered if he slept soundly last night but I immediately dumped the ideas.

I began worrying for myself; on how Kibum will take the break up I’m planning to start. Thinking of many possibilities of how would my meeting with Kibum go, I decided I wanted to look my best in case anything goes wrong. I’d need to defend my pride and move on but I’m a girl after all.

Nightfall came, my yellow embroidered dress snugly hugged my torso and flowed freely on my thighs and it did go well with my beige flats. I inched closer to the mirror as I evened out the loose powder I applied, lined my lids black and went for the lip gloss that smelled and tasted like chocolate.

The lock to my condo bleeped audibly telling me that Kibum just arrived.

“Yanna!” he yelled to confirm that.

“I’m here, just a second!” I stuffed my phone and wallet in my favorite long strapped bag and I’m ready! “You can do this,” I said as I stared at my reflection.

Kibum wore his gorgeous grin when he welcomed me and gave my cheeks a peck.

“You must be happy, you look wonderful…” his hand landed on the small of back.

“Ugh… yeah…” I awkwardly nodded while he showed me out of my condo.

We hopped into a black luxurious sedan. I could tell Kibum’s mood was on high; exactly like my mood this morning but mine’s slightly the opposite. He constantly smiled at me beautifully. Our scenario set a very intimate ambiance.

He glanced at me and flashed that handsome smile once again grabbed my hand to put a kiss on it. He started the car and the radio and today I heard them play that song again; that song that still brings a certain glow and sings a love I knew. I can perfectly recall each note and line because it was our song; Kibum and mine.

It reminded me of that one day, he played it on a piano and we both sang along. It was for out 100^th day which we happen to celebrate on the 107^th since he can’t make it on the actual date; but still, it was a beautiful memory and I’d love to keep it.

I can remember almost all the details, the music, the sunshine-lighted room, the scent of the pretty flowers he gave me, both ivory and ebony keys on the piano and the most gorgeous smile on Kibum’s face that day. It saddens me that I don’t remember the feeling. God knows how I wish I could again. But I just don’t feel the same anymore. I know it’s so hard to believe but I don’t; maybe, sometimes a love just goes wrong.

Kibum parked his car beside a tall gray sophisticated looking edifice. He ushered me inside without a word, just the sound of our feet travelling towards the elevator.

The elevator’s doors swung open and revealed the fabulous rooftop deck. A small bar on the side, few customers seated on the stylish sets of chairs and tables that were scattered beautifully around and some sharply dressed staff waited. But what’s more amazing about the deck is that the area allows you to overlook the breath-taking sight of the city’s skyline.

A pretty waitress welcomed us and showed us to our seats. She distributed the menus and asked what we wanted. She made a few suggestions but I had no idea what they were.

“What do you like to eat Yanna?” Kibum looked at me.

“Anything will do, you can order for me,” I told him.

He informed the waitress of our orders and she went away after; leaving us by ourselves again.

“Heechul Hyung is doing okay…his Mom and Dad passed by today to check on him. He likes following Donghae around…” he laughed to himself like he just remembered something.

“Good to hear he’s doing fine now…I do hope he gets back his memories now,” I commented.

“Don’t worry, he’ll be fine…” he assured.

Kibum animatedly told me stories about his trip to Taiwan and how the shooting went so well. He informed me that the drama will air sometime at the end of the year. The waitress served the food shortly and we dined quietly. I would sometimes look around, but mostly at the bright lights of the city that decorated the dark night sky.

“It was good?” Kibum disturbed.

“Uh-huh? What?” I answered, still slightly disoriented.

“Food, Yanna, it was good, isn’t?” he clarified.

“Of course…it’s good...Yeah…” I replied.

“Would you like to have dessert?” he offered.

“Uhmm…no, I’m fine…” I shook my head.

“You sure…?”

“Yes, I’m sure…and I…uh…want to tell you…something…”

“Hmm?” he hummed while wiping his lips with the table napkin.

“I…I…ugh…I hate to say this but…” I stuttered.

“To say what, Yanna?” I noticed he got more attentive.

“I’m leaving you, Kibum. Things just don’t work for me anymore. We’re not the way we used to be. I loved you and I thought it can last forever but it can’t. It just can’t anymore…” I rambled in fear that I won’t be able to say what I wanted to.

“What are you saying, Yanna?” his brows furrowed.

“I’m breaking up with you, Kibum…” I dropped my head and fiddled with my hand, again waiting for him to react badly.

“Wha-what? Why?!” he exclaimed.

“I can’t do this anymore…” I weakly reasoned.

“Why? What do you mean?” he inquired some more.

“I don’t want to wait all the time…I hate it! It makes me feel pathetic and worthless.” I sighed.

“This? Again? We’ve discussed this before, didn’t we? I’m trying Yanna, I make time for you whenever I can, don’t I? Please don’t do this now, Yanna.”

“Yes, I know and I do understand that but I’m tired. I was yours but you’re not mine, you are your company’s; never mine Kibum,” I looked up and stared at his tensed eyes.

“Is this just about that or this has to do with ‘someone’ else?” he accused and made an emphasis on the word someone.

“Are you accusing me?” I asked.

“Are you guilty?” he raised an eyebrow.

“Don’t twist this, Kibum!” I warned him. I still don’t have the tiniest idea where I get the guts to talk to him like this.

“Then why are you doing this now?!” he said rather loudly and banged the table with his clenched fists; the couple near our table gave us curious stares.

“I’ve just had enough of the waiting. I hate it! I’m not a hobby that you can just drop when you’re busy and give attention to whenever you have the time,” I replied matching his tone. Now, I don’t care what other people say. What? Is this their first time seeing a couple break up on public?

I was proud of myself for being able to gather the strength to finally do this but that didn’t last long when Kibum abruptly grabbed my hand and gripped it tightly.

“You can’t do this to me, Yanna,” his eyes glared at me strongly and it scared the hell out of me. I wiggled my hand free and placed both of my hands in my chest.

“So now, you can use violence against me? Go on! Hit me! Let everyone see…” I provoked him and good thing we were in public that I was able to.

“Don’t…You…You can’t do this, Yanna,” he pointed his finger at me.

“I can Kibum…” without lifting the chair, I noisily stood up, fetched my bag and headed towards the elevator and I didn’t dared to look back. One sensible waitress minded to hand me my coat and I thanked her. Now more curious heads turned at my direction, even the staff. Stare all you want, I don’t care anymore es.

Though I didn’t really cared, but I didn’t enjoy the attention either; good thing the elevator accommodated me quickly. I got in and it was then that I realized I was breathing heavily; both my hands gripped my coat tightly. I sighed in relief when the elevator dinged and presented me the lobby. I strode along the marble floors of the reception area and wrapped my coat back to my shivering body.

Just when I thought I was safe, he found me again. Out of nowhere, a furious Kibum grabbed my wrist and dragged me towards the parking lot.

“Le…let go…of me…” I struggled to escape but what can a girl like me do.

“Get in!” he ordered as he opened the passenger seat’s door.

“I can go home by myself…you’re hurting me…let go of my hand!” I yelled at him.

“JUST GET IN!” he commanded louder. Too afraid of what worse could happen next, I obliged. I’ve never seen him this angry. We argued and exchanged loud statements but not like this.  His eyes had this dark and intense glare and his forehead never lose the creases. He hopped onto the driver seat and drove off speedily. I was scared for my life.

Author says:

Next update will be soon! 

I just need to sleep a little bit!

I told myself, I'll be away for a while

But Mr. Arrogant haunts me in my sleep... T_T

Some of you don't like Kibummie here, I don't too.

He hurts Yanna...bad Bummie!

Anyway, I still thank my subbies and commenters!

I love you all!

Please continue reading and subscribing!

And and and...follow me on twitter @07Laira2013

so we could spazz just about anything!

Laira signing off.