"Call us as soon as you get there, okay?" her mother said softly, planting a soft kiss on Amber's cheek.

"I will Mom."
"Ate, you're going back to us right?" Yuan asked.

Amber ruffled his hair and gave a small smile.

"Of course."

She hugged her family for the last time then picked her bags, ready to board the plane.

"Wait, Amber."

Mr. Mallari was holding the small box delivered from their house last time. 

"You forgot this." he said.

*No Dad, I don't* she thought. Nevertheless she reached out for the box and made a mental note to return it to the sender as soon as she set foot on the city. She gave an inaudible 'thank you' and started to walk away for the second time, but her father was not done yet. He pushed a tiny, golden bracelet into her palms and smiled.

"I knew it's yours, I found it on Luhan's grave last time."

This part was unexpected for Amber. She thought she lost it on the beach, but just like the box it made its way back to her. Now she had two things to return.

"Goodbye. I love you all." she said, giving them her final wave.

Amber let out a long sigh as she pushed her sunglasses up to her hair. She hitched her bag, threw her empty coffee cup, and walked towards the exit door: It's time to clear things up with her friends now. She felt that Torrey and the others deserve her explanation for leaving  them without saying goodbye, but if this means clearing things up with Chance and Taec... well, she doesn't know.

"Where to ma'am?" the driver asked as soon as Amber went inside the cab.
"To the nearest hotel." she replied.

Amber leaned her cheek on the window pane as she watched the murky clouds turning gray, the buildings shifting into slums, and the people busying themselves with concerns of what to eat for the day. 

Amber gave an unamused laugh. She remembered herself being in the position of those people before; those who don't have a decent place to stay.... those who barely scrape money... those who have nothing to eat for a whole day. Those were the times that she was just starting to be independent, starting from a scratch to something hopeful, until she was able to pay her first apartment.

Her first apartment....

"Wait! Turn around please, I changed my mind!" Amber told the driver.

They made a quick U-turn and changed lanes, and Amber felt an excitement fluttering inside her stomach. Although she doesn't have pleasant memories there to think of, she wanted to go back to the place where she lived a normal life, unlike what she had today.

It was almost dusk when they reached her old street, and the paint-peeled building was the same as how Amber remembered it before. She paid the cab driver and went outside, eyeing the building with interest.

"And who are you?" a woman barked from behind.

Amber turned around quickly and saw her former landlady glaring down at her like Amber was some kind of prey. Dang was bigger and fatter than ever, but her snappy manner and intimidating face was still the same. Amber gave a friendly wave at her and smiled.

"Hey Dang, do you remember me?" she asked.

Dang studied Amber from head to toe, scrutinizing her long hair, her girly dress, and pointed heels. Then she snorted.

"Who the hell are you?" she snapped.
"I'm Amber." Amber replied in an obvious tone. Dang took several steps backwards, her eyes bulging unbelievably like she saw a person coming from the dead.... which was, kind of true.
"You're dead!" she shouted.
"I'm not." Amber blinked innocently, fighting herself from laughing at Dang's silly reaction. "Say what, is my old room free? Can have a stay-in? I'll pay." she said.

Dang blinked a few times, digesting what Amber had just said. Then she shook her head and regained her composure, attempting to look intimidating like earlier.

"Stay-ins have higher fee." she said.
"Sure." Amber said. *Still the same Dang. It's all about money* she thought.

And so after a few minutes of arrangements, Amber found herself back in her old apartment. The place where she would do household chores and homeworks after school, cook instant noodles everyday, and sleep at a tiny room every night. This old, claustrophobic room was too much to ask for a P5,000 fee for one night, but Amber willingly agreed to give the money to Dang.

She had just laid her bag on the couch when the door opened and Dang laid a tray of hot soup, roasted chicken, and softdrinks which made Amber taken by surprise.

"Wow, is this real?" she asked. Dang had never been nice to her... except when she agreed to extend her debt payment before.
"Additional P300 for the dinner."

It took every last effort for Amber not to roll her eyes. She dug her hands inside her bag and gave Dang the amount she asked for.

"Thank you." Amber said.

Dang was about to close the door when she stopped.

"Not that I care, but I'm just curious..." Dang started.

Amber nodded her head for Dang to continue.

"But why are you not with your boyfriend???"

Amber frowned. Surely, Dang doesn't know that she was "in a relationship" with Chance because that only happened after the accident. She shook her head.

"I don't understand." she said.
"You know, that handsome man who paid your interests and the rest of your debt."
"HUH?" Amber blurted confusedly.
"Stupid girl. That tall, well-toned man! With a black car!"
"Chance???"
"Yes, yes, him! Did you two break up? Why did you even let that one go? Do you know that he was generous enough to give me a bonus after he paid the interests.."
"What? But you said I can continue paying you without interests..."
"Because your boyfriend paid that stupid girl. Aish! This is going nowhere, I'm out of here." then she snapped the door shut.

Amber leaned back on the couch with an open mouth. 

*Chance paid my debts.... He was the reason why I had my burden slightly relieved that time. Not to mention that job he gave me.*

Amber rubbed her temples and groaned in frustration. When she has her heart burning in betrayal and anger, that piece of information came and now it made her all confused.

"He's really an idiot." she muttered, kicking her bag at the same time.

Her bag fell on the floor, revealing the small box delivered to her last time. Amber picked the box and rattled it again, and she was getting curious on what was the single thing inside it.

After a moment of hesitation her curiosity won over, and Amber was ripping the seal off within seconds. After she was done, she opened the box slowly, which revealed the most unexpected thing Amber thought.

It was a small video tape with a note plastered on top that read: "Handle With Care". She searched her room for a video player but saw none, so she approached Dang to 'borrow' one (with additional fee).

Moments later, she inserted the tape on the player's mouth and clicked 'play'.

At first the video showed only a room that might be a bedroom unfamiliar to Amber. For a minute Amber only saw the bedroom, and she thought that whoever sent it was just playing a prank to her. She reached for the 'stop' button when she heard movements inside the video, and she turned her attention back on the screen.

Chance placed a chair in front of the videocamera. Amber noticed that the Chance on the video was years younger, and her lips gave an unintentional smile when she remembered that it was the face of Chance when she first met him.

But apparently his expression was not the same cheery Chance that Amber remembered. He was gloomy, with red, puffy eyes; blotchy nose; and eyebags that seemed to go down forever. He was obviously crying, because his shoulders were still shaking, and his lips were quivering every now and then.

"Amber..." he croaked. Amber winced at the hoarseness of his voice and she couldn't understand what he was going through. She patiently waited for Chance to continue, but it was hard for the latter because he was about to start crying again.

"A-amber... I miss you..." he said. "Can you hear me? Where are you?" he looked up to the camera to show his longing eyes. His eyes that pierced Amber's heart like some kind of knife, because it hurts.

"I've been searching for you on every corner but I still can't find you... it's been a month now.. I- I'm sorry I can't find..."

But Chance was not able to continue what he was saying. He buried his face in his palms and cried, and with every passing minute his sob became harder and louder.

Now Amber understood. This video was Chance's diary after she fell from the cliff. Her chest tightened as she watched Chance's remorse, and she felt that any minute now her eyes will start to tear up as well. 

The video blinked and now it showed Chance with a beer in his hands. It was the first time that she saw him holding one, and based from that fact she guessed that the situation was something more serious because he was able to drink one.

"Life is cruel." he grunted, barely sober. "After three whole months of search I finally found you, but I barely recognized you." he sniffed and wiped his face, then he drank more beer. "What did you do to experience that cruelty, huh? You're so hurt... and it hurts too. Here." he thumped his chest and drank again. "It hurts here to see you hurt. What can I do to ease your pain? What -" 

Amber wondered why Chance stopped speaking. Then the bottle slipped from his hands, spilling its remaining contents, and his head hung limply to his side with a loud snore.

The video shifted again. Now it showed Chance with a longer hair. He was wearing thick layers of jackets, a wool scarf woven around his neck and earmuffs over his ears. He rubbed his hands before he started speaking.

"Hey Amber. How do you like our new house, eh?" he picked the videocam and strolled the camera around. It showed Amber and Chance's old house in Boston. Then Chance's face reappeared and he gave a hopeful smile.

"When you wake up, I'll show you this surprise. So wake up soon, okay?" he nodded encouragingly then he turned the video off.

Another scene appeared. The video looked like it was taken from Chance's phone because his face was a lot closer than the usual. He was looking far away from the camera lens, like he was in another world that even Amber couldn't interfere. Chance let out a long, miserable sigh.

"Hey Amber." he said, finally looking at the lens. "When are you going to wake up?" he pursed his lips and sighed again. "I always dream about you... are you dreaming of me too? God I wish you were, you're sleeping for almost four months. You sleepyhead!"

Amber chuckled. When she realized what she was doing, she stopped abruptly.

"The doctor said... that it can go on forever." Chance's eyes were sadder. "He said it was possible you'll remain sleeping. He... also said another thing.." Chance gulped, his eyes watering. "He said it's also possible that even if you will wake up, you won't remember me..."

"That was the last thing I want to happen. I want you to remember me Amber." he gave a small smile. "Do you want to start another memory with me? We will fill it with happy moments only. I promise you that I will never leave your side. I promise you that I will never choose another girl over you. I.... only have my eyes for you. How about that? Deal?"

The sad Chance shifted into a happy one when another video appeared. Chance was obviously starting the videocamera with haste, then his face appeared from a close up.

"AMBER!!! AMBER!!! THE DOCTOR SAID YOU'RE AWAKE!! WOOHOOO!!" he thumped his fist in the air and jumped happily like a kid. "Okay, I just went here to record this moment, I have to go to the hospital now, bye!"

Amber smiled as the video goes on for hours. Chance recorded almost everything... How she was able to walk again; How they practiced dancing; the art exhibits he and Amber organized...

At the end of the video was the most recent one that Chance recorded. Amber was sure that it was the present Chance, since he looked more mature and bulkier. However his face was pale in addition with his sadness, and she guessed that it was taken when he was sick, according to Torrey's information.

It took a long time for Chance to speak. For several minutes it seemed like they were just having eye contact with each other until Chance coughed and blinked.

"I won't ask you to forgive me Amber." he said gruffly. "I know that what I did was wrong. I know that I hurt you because of my lies, and I regret doing that. But Amber, I never regretted the times I spent with you. I was happy for a long time because you're with me, and you are the only contentment that I ask for. I know... that you have another man in your heart. It was never me, wasn't it?" he said painfully.

"I accept that, don't worry. This time, I'm wishing for your happiness. This time, I'm letting go of my selfishness. But always remember this Amber: even when everything I did was a lie for you, there was only one thing that I can assure you that was not - my love. I love you Amber, always."

Chance smiled and reached out for the camera, turning the video off.

Amber did not realize that her face was already wet. She wiped her tears as she stared at the blank screen.

"You're really an idiot!" she said, not sure why she was angry. "What a crying baby!" she continued. Her tears continued falling and she resisted it, until she gave up and just let everything out.

Then her phone beeped with a single text message:

Taeyeon: Let's meet up

Amber straightened up and frowned at the message. Why now?

***

"Hey."

Taeyeon turned around to see Amber walking towards her. She was holding two cups of coffee and she gave Taeyeon one.

"How are you doing?" Amber asked.
"I'm fine." Taeyeon replied.

There was an awkward atmosphere between them as they walked side-by-side with no real direction to take.

"So... why do you want to talk with me?"

Taeyeon stopped walking and peered at her coffee.

"When you make a coffee, from where do you start?" she asked.
"Uhhh..."
"You'll have to harvest the coffee beans first." Taeyeon answered herself. "You have to separate the best beans to the worst ones, so the coffee will have an absolute taste."
"I don't understand..."
"When a worst bean was mixed with a best bean, there was a tendency for the absolute taste to turn into a foul one." Taeyeon looked up and smiled at Amber. "Just like me, I'm a worst bean who's mixed up with the good ones."

When Amber did not reply, Taeyeon continued.

"I know I don't have a face to show you, but the burden inside my chest was getting unbearable." she said. "I'm sorry for what I've done to you. If only I controlled my anger more... and my jealousy..."
"Stop."

Amber dropped her coffee and took Taeyeon's hands firmly.

"Stop blaming yourself, it's done Taeyeon." she said kindly. "Besides, I understood your situation. You can never really control your emotions if you have a sickness like that."
"Why aren't you mad at me? You should start shouting at me instead of being kind. Just shout at me Amber, then I can feel better." Taeyeon said.
"What for? I don't feel like shouting."

Taeyeon released her hands from Amber's grip.

"That's what Taec loves about you." she said. "You're everything a man can ask for."

At the mention of Taec's name Amber's face hardened. But then her expression shifted into softness as she noticed Taeyeon's painful and jealous eyes: the same eyes that Chance gave her.

"Do you like him?" she whispered.
"It doesn't matter. Besides, I'm going back to U.S. You know, to get my treatment and start over." Taeyeon looked at Amber with sincerest eyes and smiled. "So I guess this is a goodbye for me too. I'm happy to know you Amber. Goodbye." Taeyeon reached out her hand to Amber. Slowly, Amber shook hands with her.
"Don't forget us, okay?" she said.
"I won't."

Then suddenly, a black van halted beside them. Two armed and masked men went outside the vehicle and pointed their guns at the girls. Amber instinctively threw her arms protectively at Taeyeon, who was cowering in fright behind her.

"Seize the girl!"
"Which one?!"
"The boyish one!"
"Which one?! There's no boyish-looking here!"
"THEN SEIZE THEM BOTH!!!"

 

And the last thing that happened on that dark and empty street was Taeyeon's coffee spilling on the hard, murky ground.