If time was playing tug-of-war with her right now then it was definitely winning.

Three hours ago she was nervous but excited to see her family; two hours ago she was overwhelmed when she finally met them; and now she felt so numb, so cold, so dead, in front of her brother's grave.

They were standing on the hilltop facing the calm sea. Her parents explained that Luhan always wants a peaceful and quiet place, and this spot was the perfect one for him. They knew he'll love the view, and they wanted him to be close to them too, even though physically, it will never be possible again.

Amber prayed silently together with her family and Chance. After their brief prayer silence fell among them.

"We'll leave you with him." her father said, hugging her tightly. "Come down when you're ready, ok?"

Amber just nodded, not knowing what to say. One by one they started to leave, but Chance remained behind. He stood still meters away from Amber, unsure of what to say and what to do as well. Finally, he cleared his throat.

"Amy -"
"I want to be alone." she cut. Chance winced at her sudden coldness but nodded otherwise. "I understand." he said.

Casting an uncertain glance at her, he reluctantly went down the hill too, leaving Amber alone with Luhan.

A picture of Luhan was lying on the grass together with a boquet of flowers and some candles. She sat on the grass and stared at Luhan's picture, memorizing his whole face. She did not miss even the tiniest detail of him, desperate to remember her brother for a long time.

"Look at the irony Kuya." she said, her expression dead. "Just when I came back you left, and we never crossed paths again."

She paused, thinking of which of the million things she was thinking right now should she say first.

"I have no idea that my big brother's so good-looking. I bet girls fell head over heels on you, aren't they?" she complimented, softly brushing the picture with her hand.

"I wonder how strong our relationship was before? Do you protect me from bad guys? Do we fight?"
"Did you wait for me?"
"Why did you left so early?"
"Do you miss me?" she asked continuously.

"It's so werid Kuya Luhan..." she put her hand on her left chest and felt her heartbeat. "Can you hear it? My heart was crying, but my eyes can't. Why? Why do I feel so numb?

"I'm so sorry." she continued. "I'm sorry I haven't come earlier kuya. If only I insisted more, then maybe we could have seen each other again." she laid on the grass and rolled over, facing his picture. "Forgive me."

***

"Chance?" Mr. Mallari called as they finally reached the bottom hill.
"Yes sir?" Chance inquired.
"I need to talk to you."

Mr. Mallari caught his wife's eye and and smiled. "It's ok honey, you can go ahead."
"Yuhan, let's go." Mrs. Mallari said, dragging Yuhan with her.

When Yuhan and Mrs. Mallari were gone, Mr. Mallari turned seriously to Chance.

"There are some things I don't understand." he said.

Chance nodded in understanding. "Please continue sir."

Mr. Mallari scrutinized Chance. In his more than 40 years of existence, his experience taught him many things, thus realizing that the young man in front of him knew or did something he never told.
"Why? Why do I get the feeling that Amber doesn't know us? It's the way she searched our eyes earlier. It's not right."

Chance sighed. It will be another long hours of explanation for him. Which of course, he totally deserved.

***

Taec parked his car in front of Amber's house. He quickly checked himself on the mirror before getting outside Betty with his gifts for Amber in hand. Then he squinted on his car and knocked on the windows.

"You're not coming?" he asked.
"Nope. I'll just wait here." Taeyeon replied.

Taec nodded and proceeded inside the front gates. Surprisingly for him, it was locked.

*Hmm. Maybe they went outside for a while.* he thought.

He turned around and made his way back to his car when something more caught his eye - a placard that said "House For Sale".

"Fck!" he cussed. Dropping his bags he unlocked the gates and ran on the front yard. Due to her curiosity, Taeyeon went outside the car too and followed suit.

"Taec! Where are you going?!" she called. Then she noticed the sign too, making her heart fluttered happily. Her attention went back to Taec, who was banging the door loudly.
"CHANSUNG! AMBER!" he shouted.
"Taec!" Taeyeon ran after him and grabbed his arms. "Taec calm down!" she felt awkward that she said the words 'calm down' to Taec when it was she who always has the problem of calming down.
"No! No they can't leave! NOT NOW!" Taec shouted angrily. "Fck that bastard! I should've known!" then he kicked the front door repeatedly.
"Taec.... stop that.." Taeyeon said weakly.

His phone vibrated suddenly and he picked it up fast. 

Calling.... Chansung

"Fck you!" he welcomed. "Fck you Chansung! Bring Amber back here or I swear I'll -"
"She's safe Taec." Chance cut. "She's with her family." he continued calmly.
"-find you and - What?" he asked blankly.
"She's with her family. Here in Palawan." Chance repeated. Taec felt that Chance hesitated for a while. He was about to answer him back when Chance continued, "Look, her brother - Luhan - just died. I think she needs our friends right now. Can you come?"

It took a while for Taec to process what Chance just said. Finally, he answered.

"That was a stupid question Chansung." then he hung up. He quickly dialed Nichkhun's number and impatiently waited for him to pick up his call. Finally, Nichkhun answered.
"Yo Taec? Why?"
"Hey." Taec glanced at Taeyeon and back to his car. "How about another trip to Palawan?"

***

"Welcome to Palawan Airport. It is now 02:00 p.m. PST. Please..."
"We're here." Junho nudged Wooyoung and stood up. They picked their bags and were the first ones who got off from the plane. Nichkhun and Torrey went off too, followed by Minjun, Taec and finally, Taeyeon.
"Whoah. I miss this place!" Wooyoung said enthusiastically.
"Yeah me too." Minjun said, breathing the fresh air.
"Remember though. We're here not to have fun but to give our condolences." Junho said seriously.
"We know bro." Nichkhun patted Junho's shoulder and smiled. "Let's go?"

They all rode the way down to the main town, towards the farthest village and finally, up in the mountains - much to Taeyeon's annoyance.

"Why." she muttered through her gritted teeth. "Why didn't anyone tell me that we're trekking?". It was the 15th time she tripped on her heels. Her knees and elbows showed numerous scratches on her flawless legs and arms, and her face dripped in sweat and dirt. Taec rolled his eyes on her.
"You never asked." he snapped. But then he offered his hands to her. "Hold my hand, the pathway's getting trickier."

Taeyeon smiled and gratefully accepted Taec's hands. Nichkhun and Minjun looked at each other with raised eyebrows.

"Taec's being a gentleman." Minjun whispered.
"I know." Nichkhun replied.

They glanced at Taec and Taeyeon who were still holding hands and sniggered. Things were getting more interesting for them.

After two hours they reached Amber's house at last. The first person they saw was Chance, who was obviously waiting for them.

"Hey, where's AJ?" Nichkhun asked him.
"On the hilltop." he answered briefly. Chance caught Taec's firece eyes and looked away. "Amy's parents are inside. They're waiting for you all since yesterday. Come in." 

He ushered his friends inside and they greeted Mr. and Mrs. Mallari respectfully.

"Ah, the same faces I see!" Mrs. Mallari beamed down on them. Her eyes landed on Taeyeon, who blushed embarrassedly. "Except for one, I guess?" she smiled kindly at Taeyeon who smiled too.
"I'm Kim Taeyeon ma'am. I'm pleased to meet you." she said.
"Come on." Mrs. Mallari waved an impatient hand on them."Stop the formalities like 'mam' and 'sir'... Just call us auntie and uncle okay? Now I wonder when will Amber come down...?"
"I'll get her!" Chance and Taec said at the same time. Taec glared at Chance who stared back in return.
"You don't know where it is Taec, so I'll just go and get her myself." Chance said quietly.
"You said she's on the hilltop. How many hilltops do we have?" Taec retorted. "So I can do it, thank you very much."
"How about.." Nichkhun's loud voice rang. His eyes glistened maliciously and he grinned at his friends. "You two both fetch her?"
"Hmm. Yes, I agree." Minjun raised his hands like he was voting for something and hid his smirk. Taec gritted his teeth.
"Fine." he said forcefully

He went outside the cramped house and went straight left.

"Hey, the hilltop's over here." Chance called.

Taec veered right and passed Chance without commenting anything, his nose up in the air. Chance followed him. They climbed uphill in silence.

"I don't get you." Taec said after several minutes
"Why?" Chance asked.
"I thought you'll take Amber away from us again, only to find out that you're staying here with her family."

Chance did not reply. He didn't need to affirm Taec's suspicion of taking Amber away again.

His original plan was after they visited Amber's family, they'll fly off to London and settle there, until Chance's newest exhibit in Wimbledon. However, he never thought that things will go the wrong way like this.

What was more, he felt Amber slipping way from him. Her coldness hurt, but he understood her. Maybe she blamed his rejections before whenever she'll suggest to visit her family sooner. Well, truth be said, if he agreed to see the Mallaris a month ago then maybe Amber could've seen her brother at last. With Luhan's death, he faced his first worst consequence from his selfishness. And it was terrible.

Finally, they reached the hilltop. From afar they saw Amber's silhouette. Her hair was being blown by the mild wind, and she will tuck her hair behind her ear every now and then. When she heard Taec and Chance's footsteps, she looked up on them with blank eyes.

"I can go home myself." she said.

Taec winced at her coldness. She was never used on an expressionless Amber.

"We know, but we insisted Amy." Chance replied.

Amber looked at him with the same expression. "Thank you Chance, but I prefer staying here for a little longer. Take him with you." she said, nodding towards Taec.
"Hey, look here -" Taec started.
"Just go." Amber insisted. "GO."

Her order made them nervous. Taec and Chance reluctantly backed away from her. Amber stared at them coldly until their figures disappeared.

Finding peace for herself again, Amber sighed. She's been like this for the past few days now, but she can't help it. A part of her blamed herself, and the other part blamed Chance - unfortunately.

She closed her eyes for a while and painted Luhan's face in her mind again. The black hair,  the large eyes, his pointed nose, his porcelain skin...

She felt something move beside her and she quickly opened her eyes. Taec was sitting comfortably on the grass, with his arms curled around his knees.

"I thought I told you to go?"
"Yeah, you did. But I don't listen to anyone except my momma." he smirked.

Amber ignored him and continued to stare at his brother's picture. Taec studied her face, most of all her expression. 

"It's not bad to cry," he said.
"I'm not crying." she grunted.

Taec looked away from her and sighed.

"You know, I lost someone I love too."

Amber looked at him. "Really?"
"Yeah. She's a real beauty."
"Your girlfriend?"
"I wish she were." an amused smile crept from Taec's lips, as if remembering something happy. "She's the best woman I met, and the last woman I'll love."

Amber doesn't get why he was saying this out of the blue but her curiosity deepened.

"What happened to her?"
"She died." Taec answered.

*Well, obviously.* Amber thought. Losing interest in their conversation, she went back to staring Luhan's picture again.

"I cried." Taec continued. Amber looked at him again. "That was the hardest, loudest and snottiest cry I did in all my life. She was my happiness, she changed me for so many reasons. And when I realized that I love her, it was too late for us."

*Just like it was too late for me and Kuya Luhan to meet*

"It took me more than a year to move on." he smiled bitterly at her. "And I was a pathetic person back then."
"How did you move on?"
"Oh a little bit of this and a little bit of that." Taec answered vaguely. "But mostly I just think that if she was still alive and she saw how messed up I was, she'll never be happy. So I tried to move forward."

Taec gazed at Amber's eyes for a long time. She never leave his eyes too, looking deeper than what she can see from Taec's shining eyes,

"It's the same for you Amber." a wind slightly stronger than before blew, making Amber's hair waved over her face. Taec tucked stray strands of her hair on her ear and smiled at her. "Your brother will be happy if you are happy. So don't hold back from crying. If you feel like doing it then do it. At least when the time comes that you shed all your tears and can't cry anymore, then you can move on." he smiled at her again, revealing his white teeth.

She felt her heart quickened at Taec's smile. Then, Amber cracked a smile too.

"I know that my brother's happy now. So I won't cry."

They held gazes with each other. Then, Amber continued.

"That person... Even when she was gone, do you still love her?"

Taec smiled affectionately. He played with Amber's hair first then down to her ears. Amber felt good goosebumps rose from her neck as Taec continued to tickle her. She locked stares with him for a long time then slowly, down to his lips. She involuntarily her lips.

"Always." Taec answered. And with that he cupped her cheeks and leaned closer to her, finally planting his soft lips to hers after two, long years.