"Look at me, Taec.."

Taec closed his eyes.

"I love you."

She was falling.... falling straight to the wallowing sea beneath.

"Amber..." Taec sobbed.

"Lee brat! Lunch is ready!"

"Stop." He clapped his hands over his ears.

"GET OUT OF HERE YOU FCKING LESBIAN!"

"I'm sorry Amber...." Taec clutched his chest and sobbed harder.

"Lee brat! Lee brat! Lee brat!"

"STOP!!!!! AAAHHHHH!!!!" Taec stood up and kicked his already over-turned couch. "Amber why did you leave me, WHY?!" Taec smashed his vases and expensive figurines. "Why????" he knelt down on the glass shards and cried his heart out. "I miss you lesbie... I... I'm sorry... It's.. it's all my fcking fault.. I'm sorry."

He lay on the floor, ignoring the pain from the glass shards all around his body, and continued to cry.

There was a knock on the door but he ignored it. He did not want to see anyone... he  just wanted to be alone.

The knock continued. Finally, there was a sound of keys outside and the door was unlocked by someone.

"Taec?" Nichkhun called. Everything was dark; the curtains were closed and the lights were off. He felt the walls for the light switch. Finally, he found it and clicked it open.

Taec covered his eyes as a sudden burst of light glimmered on his messy condominium. Nichkhun looked around and saw Taec lying on the floor, together with beer bottles, cigarettes, glass shards and more broken materials around him.

"Is he inside?" a sweet voice asked nervously.
"Yes, come in Torrey."

Torrey walked inside too and looked piteously at Taec.

"Go away." Taec grunted.

Nichkhun walked towards him and offered his hand.

"You're a mess Taec Lee." he said.

Taec rolled over as fresh pain from the glass shards shot on his body.

"You're a fool Taec! Look what you're doing to yourself! Get up!" Nichkhun helped him stand up but Taec slapped his hands away.
"I don't need you. Get out." he said coldly.

Nichkhun closed his eyes for more patience. It had been a year since Amber died, but Taec was not able to move on yet. He, Torrey, Minjun, Wooyoung and Junho all take turns on who will visit him everyday to check and clean him out. Every single day was the same, but they did not give up on Taec. Not even once, for they knew how badly he needed a friend right now.

Torrey placed a comforting hand on Taec's shoulder.

"Taec, please stand up. We'll cook your breakfast while you go and take your bath, okay?" she said softly.
"I want beer." Taec grunted.
"No more beers." Nichkhun said firmly.
"I order you to give me beer!!" Taec shouted and stood up. He swayed, his head was dizzy from the amount of alcohol he drank from the whole night. "Give me some Minjun, give me!"

Nichkhun sighed and looked at Torrey. She gave an approving nod and closed her eyes.

"Do it Khun."

Nichkhun clenched his fist and sighed. "Sorry Taec, time to sleep." he punched Taec hardly and he was knocked out immediately. Nichkhun looked at his friend sadly.

"Look at him, he's so wasted, he doesn't even recognize that I'm Nichkhun, not Minjun." he said.
"Forget it Khun, I'll go and prepare our breakfast." Torrey went over the kitchen and placed the cat-patterned apron around her waist. She started preparing the ingredients while Nichkhun removed the glass shards that were still sticking on Taec's body. Then he carried him towards his room.
"I'll clean him up Torrey, you can handle that right?"
"Of course."

Nichkhun removed Taec's clothes and placed a new shirt on him. Then he walked around his room and picked some of Taec's used clothes on the floor. Then he went outside his room and walked pass Torrey.

"I'll do the laundry this time." he offered, walking towards the laundry room.
"No, I'll do that. You just go and clean his living room." Torrey grabbed the laundry basket from him and went inside the laundry room herself. "And please watch over the rice while I do this." she called from inside.

After hours of doing their work - laundrying, cooking and cleaning - Nichkhun and Torrey sat side by side on the dining table while they ate their breakfast.

"Taec's still not awake." Torrey noted worriedly.
"Let him rest." Nichkhun stared at his food sadly. "I don't know how much longer Taec will be like this."

Torrey sniffed. "I miss Ambie." she said, wiping her tears from her eyes. "I miss her so bad Khun." she covered her face and cried. Nichkhun embraced her and kissed her cheek.
"I miss AJ too." he said sadly. "and I'm very thankful that I met her, because if I didn't, then I wouldn't have met you too."

Torrey straightened up and smiled at him.

"Are you still in touch with Krystal, Sulli and Luna?" she asked suspiciously.
"No! How could you say that?" Nichkhun said, feeling hurt. "You do know that I stopped womanizing for a long time right? And it will stay that way forever."

Torrey laughed. "I'm just messing with you." she pinched his cheeks and giggled.
"Ow ow ow, Torrey stop.."

She pinched his cheeks harder. "Hahaha.. I used to do this at Ambie too..."

At the sound of her name, both of their smiles faltered. Torrey hang her hands limply and looked sad again.

"Any news with Chance?" she asked.

Nichkhun shook his head solemnly.

"That man's another problem. He haven't contacted any of us for seven months now. The last time we saw him was when he was searching fruitlessly for AJ. Then as if he just gave up, he decided to go abroad. Now nobody knew where he was."
"Maybe he wants space. Anyone who lost someone he deeply love will surely ask space for himself, so I understand him." Torrey said. "At least we're sure that Chance can handle himself better than Taec, right?"

Nichkhun nodded in approval. "But he should have still contacted us."
"He will, when he's ready." Torrey said confidently. "How about that two devils? What's their name again? Jessica and Jaebeom right?"
"In prison. I still don't know why Jaebeom did this because Taec wouldn't say a single thing."

Torrey sighed heavily.

"And when I came to think on how broken-hearted Ambie's family were after they heard the news, my heart always wants to get crushed too. It's very different without her here." Torrey bowed her head and fought her tears from falling.

The bedroom door opened and Taec appeared, clutching his head. Torrey and Nichkhun immediately stood up from their seats and walked towards him.

"Are you feeling better now?" Nichkhun asked.

Taec ignored his question and opened the fridge. He took a beer from inside and opened it.

"No Taec, no more beer." Nichkhun grabbed the bottle from him and pushed it to Torrey. "Throw all the beers that you can see Torrey. Taec doesn't need any of those more."
"Don't decide for me Nichkhun." Taec snapped. "Give me that." he turned to Torrey coldly. She shook her head firmly.
"Khun's right. No more of these."
"FCK YOU ALL! JUST STOP MESSING WITH MY LIFE!"
"No Taec! You stop messing your life." Nichkhun pointed his fingers on Taec's chest. "It's been a year now, but you still haven't change. Try moving on Taec, it was hard for us too, but if we can do it, then you can too."
"Stop talking like you know how I feel Nichkhun! You don't know what you're saying!"
"You think?! Well WE DO! Do you think you're the only person who cares for AJ here?! Do you think we're not hurt at her loss too?! You're so selfish Taec! It's not all about yourself!" Nichkhun shouted, losing his temper at him. He sighed heavily and continued, "If AJ's still alive, do you think she'll be happy on how messed up you are now? Of course she won't! Stop ruining yourself and move forward, or you'll just be stuck here, blaming yourself forever!"

Taec looked at Nichkhun and pursed his lips.

"It was my fault why Amber died.. It's all my fault." he said softly, his eyes were beginning to water again. "I shouldn't have let her enter my life, it's all my fault." he knelt down and cried. "It's all my fault... It's all my fault."

Torrey and Nichkhun looked at at the piteous Taec. They don't know what to do about him. Nichkhun sighed and searched his bags. Finally, he saw what he was searching for and gave a plane ticket to Taec.

"Wooyoung booked you a flight. You can leave the country anytime. Think about it Taec." Nichkhun knelt down too and patted his shoulder in a brotherly way. "Stop blaming yourself. Move on in your life. Live. Do it in memory of AJ. I'm sure that she'll be happy when you're doing well with your life." then he hugged Taec briefly. "Just remember Taec, you're not alone. We're always here for you, got that?"

Taec did not respond. Nichkhun nodded to himself and placed the plane ticket beside Taec.

"Get all the beers Torrey, then I'll drive you home."

Torrey nodded and searched every part of Taec's condominium for beers. At last, when she was sure she spotted everything, she and Nichkhun decided to leave Taec. Before Nichkhun closed the door, he said for the last time,

"Think about it Taec." and snapped the door shut.

Now everything was silent. Taec picked the plane ticket and placed it at the counter. He looked at his newly-cleaned living room. He blinked and watched Amber clean his sofa, his coffee table, the carpet, and his windows.

"After you're done with that lesbie, clean my room." he ordered. Amber glared at him but she gave him her signature sweet smile too. Taec was dazzled at her smile and blinked.

She was gone.

He walked towards the kitchen and stared at the counter.

"The first thing you do is to heat the pan first"

Taec was looking at Amber again who was teaching him on how to cook fried chickens properly.

"Did you put cooking oil here?"
"Oh. Do I have too?"

Taec blinked, and she disappeared again.

He looked at the dining table.

"Why are you standing there?"
"Maid etiquette, I guess."
"Sit."
"W-what???"
"I said sit. Are you deaf or what?"

"I won't blink now, I don't want to lose you..."

He stared at Amber without blinking for a long time.

"Achooo!" Taec sneezed, and once again, Amber was gone.

He went over the living room again.

"I trusted you. I trusted you and became my friend then you'll give me this?!"
"I can explain Taec.."
"I DON'T NEED YOUR EXPLANATION! I THOUGHT YOU WERE TRUSTWORTHY! I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS! WHY HUH? WHAT ELSE DO YOU NEED?! Work? House? Money? ?!!"

"Forgive me Amber.." Taec closed his eyes while tears fell down his cheeks. He looked up again, and Amber was gone again.

He looked at her bedroom. He saw Amber walked shyly out of her room. She was a plain princess in a dazzling beauty.

"You look really beautiful Amber. I'm sorry I said you look horrible on that before."

Amber looked at him straight in the eyes.

"I love you". she said
"This is too much." Taec closed his eyes for the last time. Amber was nowhere to be seen anymore. He looked around his condominium; Every single part inside - from the rest room door to his bed room - has a memory of Amber.

"Stop blaming yourself. Move on in your life. Live. Do it in memory of AJ". Nichkhun's wise words rang inside his head again. He looked at the plane ticket and thought hard.

"Is Nichkhun right, Amber?" he asked himself. He looked around his place again. "Without you I'm hopeless you stupid lesbie." a tear fell on his face. "But maybe it's time to let go of your memory now."