This is in no way related to the storyline of [The Thirteenth Shadowchild]. Let's just say that I really want to make up for not being able to update the other day. Hope you enjoyed!

I’m Han Gayoung, born from a Chinese mother and a Korean father. For the first ten years of my life, I lived in China. When my mother died, my father brought us back here to Korea. My first two years in Korea was not easy. I didn’t know the language. Because of that I couldn’t exactly leave the house without my father accompanying me, in fear that I would get lost in the streets. And instead of going to school, I was home schooled. Life was really boring then. I studied, watched TV, and toyed with my dollhouse all day long. I had no friends. I was lonely.

*             *             *

One day, some family moved into the house beside ours. I was excited. My father and I went to greet our new neighbors that early morning.

That was when I met the love of my life: Luhan. He was unfriendly and cold that I got discouraged easily. I went back home feeling down.

But a light of hope went ablaze when that night I sat around my study table just beside the window and realized that from my seat, I can clearly see into Luhan’s room. I knew it was his because boyish toys were scattered all over the floor.

Our windows were literally almost an arm’s length apart. I hurriedly opened my window and climbed onto my table to tap on his window.

Thinking of the devil, his door twisted opened and he entered his room. He looked at me disapprovingly, but I shrugged it off as I mouthed to him to open his window. He scowled at me, then ignored me.

His actions hurt me. I was just trying to be friends with him.

*             *             *

Months had passed and I found out that Luhan was already in his first year of middle school. In that entire length of time, I never made progress in making Luhan become friends with me. I almost lost hope when one day my father suddenly asked me if I wanted to try going to school like how a normal kid would.

It spiked my interest immediately and told him that I wanted to attend the same school Luhan did. My father was delighted that I was eager, so he processed the papers immediately. It was agreed that I would enter the next school year.

Ever since I got the news, I stalked Luhan. I wrote him love letters I would never send. I would wake up in the middle of the night just to watch him sleep from my window. When I was feeling brave enough, I would unlock the window from his room (It was really tricky to find out how!) and sneak into his room to get a picture of his sleeping face.

I knew I was being creepy, but I would do anything if it meant chasing after my love.

*             *             *

Finally, the day I waited for my entire life had arrived.

I was really excited and happy. I loved the school uniform on me. I loved the drive from home to school. But nervousness crept on me when I realized that I knew no one in school. The students around me were huddled into groups and I felt lost. I was hoping I would bump into Luhan, but I never saw him on my first day.

My father fetched me and I went home feeling as if my life just got out of my body. I went to peek into Luhan’s room and saw that he wasn’t there. I wondered where he was.

*             *             *

The first week passed by slowly and in a very dull manner. I had never felt so bored in my life.

Luhan, I found out, was my classmate and, luckily, my seatmate too. But he was nowhere to be found. His entire family was missing! It made me worried. 

So one night, I asked my father if he knew where Luhan’s family was. He had told me that Luhan had to stay with his aunt while his parents were abroad. I remembered sighing at that remark. Why hadn’t my father told me earlier? That way, I wouldn’t have been lovesick.

Through the nights that passed, I couldn’t sleep properly. I can’t stop thinking about Luhan.

*             *             *

When Luhan finally returned, my life became better. I saw colors everywhere and the butterflies in my tummy didn’t bother me at all. In fact, they were very pleasant.

Luhan still avoided me though. If I can’t talk to him, I had to do something. And I came up with really ridiculous ideas. I befriended his friends, hanging out with them during the weekends and eating with them in the cafeteria during lunch.

When I was close enough with them, I borrowed one of their phones with the excuse that I wanted to play the games they had. It was innocent, really. But what I was really trying to do was to search for Luhan’s number in their Contacts list. It wasn’t a difficult task. I memorized the numbers, along with the social networking sites where he had an account.

As soon as I got the information I needed, I did my research.

Knowing that Luhan would ignore me over and over again, I made alternative accounts, used a different name, and uploaded a pretty girl’s photo as my profile picture. I sent him a friend request on each site, and I can’t believe that he accepted all of them!

Ever since then, I went Sherlock Holmes on him. I downloaded every image of him that I crossed upon, memorized everything in his biodata, and kept myself updated with his posts. I know, I was crazily head over heels in love with over him.

Not long after that, I finally had the courage to send him love letters, all named Anonymous.

Every time he went to the lockers after class, I would follow him. (Well, mine was just five lockers away from him.) I would watch him from the corner of my eye as he read the letter.

Every single time, his reaction was the same. He would read the letter, crumple it, and throw it into the nearest trash bin. I had to admit that the first time I saw that, it broke my heart. I poured my feelings into that letter, and he just crumpled them like they were nothing.

That same night, I cried myself to sleep. But I decided not to give up. I loved Luhan. I would have him—someday. I could feel it.

*             *             *

As if destiny was on my side, his friend named Mirin approached me and asked me if I liked Luhan. I almost choked on my own words when I lied to her and said I didn’t. I asked her why, but she just shrugged her shoulders and told me if I wanted to go shopping with her. She even said that Luhan and the others were tagging along. Of course, I didn’t think twice.

The outing turned out to be great. Luhan never spoke a word to me, as per usual. But the fact that he was with us made me already happy and giddy.

“We’re graduating soon,” Minji said. “Have you thought of which high school to go to?”

I nodded my head, dearly holding the camera that I had brought with me. “Perhaps a school that has a photography club in it.”

“Whoa, you like to take pictures?” Minji asked again. She sounded really excited.

“Yup, I love taking scenery pictures. And people,” I supplied.

“Then, maybe you and Luhan should go to the same school!” Shindong said.

I automatically blushed. While going to the same high school as Luhan was still a fantasy, I was actually hoping that we would. Honestly, I would be willing to go anywhere as long as I could be with him.

“He likes photography too!” Minji exclaimed. “He’s quite good at it!”

“Really?” I said, surprised. “Why didn’t you tell me, Luhan-shi?”

Luhan glared at me and kept silent. Truth was, Luhan never really spoke that much even if among with his friends. They told me that Luhan really liked to act cold but worry behind their backs. They said he was that kind of guy.

So when it was time for us to bid each other goodbye, and the two of us went to ride a bus together, I can’t help but squirm in my seat and feel happy because it felt like I was having a date with him. Sitting beside him everyday should have felt normal already, but it never did. The blushing never stopped and the butterflies just became even more tumultuous.

“We’re here,” Luhan said.

His voice woke me up. I was dumbfounded to find my head leaning on his shoulder. I immediately sat upright and combed my hair with my fingers.

“You’re drooling,” he said again.

I felt my eyes widen, and my hands frantically went to my lips. Then, I heard the sound of a shutter. I looked up and felt my heart drop to my feet when he threw me a smile. “Great pose,” he told me. “I totally love it.”

He returned the camera to me and walked nonchalantly ahead. I cursed myself. That was the first time that I felt a tsunami of emotions—embarrassment, nervous, angry, happy, and giddy.

But the feeling that overpowered all those emotions was happiness. It was the first time Luhan spoke to me in three years. It was the first time he actually smiled to me. I didn’t care if it was a smile that mixed slyness and mockery—it was a smile, nonetheless—a smile directed at me. For the first time in three years, he finally acknowledged my presence. I wondered if it was the start of our friendship.

*             *             *

High school came by fast.

I never told Luhan which school I would go to, and I never knew his. I could always stalk him online or sneak into his room whenever I wanted. So when he actually waited for me on our porch on first day of school, I was totally shocked. Three years spent avoiding me and now he was standing beside me.

“I thought you of leaving you in a minute actually,” he had said.

I was speechless to even say anything. As if to answer the question in my head, he continued, “Your father asked me to come to school with you because he said you didn’t know how to commute on your own. How old are you anyway?”

Then, he started walking ahead again. So that was why he waited for me. It was nothing special. I followed after him.

While on the bus, I asked him which school he was going, and he answered me sarcastically, “Our uniforms don’t quite match, you think so?”

“Oh.”

We were going to the same school. I wanted to scream at that moment. I felt like the luckiest girl on earth who just won in a lottery.

The surprises never ended there because it so happened that we became seatmates again, joined the photography club together, and ate lunch together. I didn’t know why he was sticking by my side. It could probably be because I was the only one he knew in the school. I couldn’t think of anything else. Anyway, I was glad of the opportunity and took advantage of it.

*             *             *

In a few months’ time, we became the inseparable best friends.

We often crashed into each other’s house. There were times when he would sneak into my room, bring snacks, demand to watch a movie together which would later on end up with him sleeping on my couch. There were also times when I would throw a pebble on his window to make him open it, and I would jump into his room to teach me in math, which was my weakest subject.

During weekends, we would walk around Seoul to capture some moments. If he considered it a duo activity for the club, I considered those days our dates. And in those times, I never failed to immortalize a smiling Luhan.

When we had free time during class hours, we would hide in the library to sleep, to chat, or to just read.

If Luhan and I were complete strangers before, we were the exact opposite of that now. And I had my interest in photography to be grateful to.

*             *             *

Because I didn’t need to stalk on Luhan now the way I did before, I stopped sending him love letters and saving his online pictures. I didn’t need to do those when I could text him every night before going to sleep or capturing his random moments without the need of sneaking into his room.

Whatever secrets he had, he had told me those already. He admitted to me once that he was reluctant to open up with anyone because as a child, he had been bullied and betrayed by his friends because girls always followed him wherever he went. He initially thought I was one of those girls. But when he found out that we had the same passion, he didn’t hesitate to give me a chance to become his friend.

He realized later on, he had said, that I was not one of those girls who wanted him only as a boyfriend. He even complimented me that I was a sincere kind of girl and that he liked me. Don’t misunderstand that part because while we were talking about this, he actually put me into friend zone. I was half-disappointed half-happy.

I had never been in love with anyone else my whole life. And being in love, as I realized, was wanting for the other’s happiness even if it meant sacrificing your own.

*             *             *

We were in our second year of high school when Luhan had his first girlfriend. I was heartbroken. I remembered crying the whole night and not going to school the next day, in fear that Luhan would find out I liked him.

If Luhan liked me only as a friend and if him finding out that I only wanted to get close with him in the first place was because I loved him, he would surely run away and break our friendship. I didn’t want risk what I already had with him. So I plastered a smile whenever I was around him, pretending things were all right when they weren’t.

It was, I had to say, the most devastating year of my life. Because of his girlfriend, we could no longer go on our usual weekend dates, couldn’t eat lunch together, couldn’t skip class to hide in the library, and no more sleepovers. I was so sad. I felt terribly alone. Slowly, Luhan and I drifted apart from each other.

And during this time when I was feeling like the heavens had closed down on me, I received love letters and confessions from different males, all of whom I rejected without a second thought. I couldn’t imagine loving anyone else aside from Luhan.

“I heard you rejected another guy,” Luhan told me. He had cornered me in my locker when he realized I was not in the mood to talk with him.

“Yeah, so what?” I said, closing my locker door. “Why aren’t you with Hyejin?”

He scratched the back of his earlobe, a habit he had when he didn’t want to talk about something but talked about it anyway. “We broke up.”

Honestly, I heard jingle bells ringing inside my head. I wanted to  jump in joy. Luhan was free from that devil! Of course, I can’t let him know how I was truly feeling. So I cleared my throat and lied, “I’m sorry to hear that. So, you okay?”

Luhan smiled at me. “Nah! I’m the one who broke it off with her.”

“You did?” I said, disbelievingly. 

For all I knew, Luhan really loved her. He had been happy with her. Every time I thought of how Luhan had been happy with her, I wanted to smack Hyejin’s face and scream to her that Luhan was mine and that she was stealing my place, but at the same time, my heart broke into a thousand pieces that it just made me want to hide in a dark corner where I could curl myself into a ball and fully open the floodgates of my heart.

“Yeah,” Luhan told me, flicking my forehead. “Why do you look so happy? Come on, it’s my treat.”

I found out that same day that Luhan found out that she cheated on him. I was so mad I actually demanded Luhan to give me her phone number so I could call her right then and there and let her hear a piece of my mind. Luhan didn’t even bother. He just said, “It’s okay. I never thought she’s the one anyway.”

“But you were happy,” I countered.

“I was,” he thought. “But not happier than when I’m with you.”

That sent my mind into a fireworks festival. Luhan said he was happier with me. Could this mean anything? This could mean something, right?!

“Luhan, um, actually, I’ve been meaning to tell you something.”

“What?” He looked deep into my eyes, and in that moment, I chickened out. I wanted to confess. I wanted to know how he felt about me before another girl had the chance to steal him away from me. I wanted to ask, but I kept choking on my words and stuttering at the beginning. “N-N-Nev..er m-mind. I-It’s nothing really, uh, i-important.”

“What is?”

“I told you it’s nothing.”

He just shrugged. “If you say so. So I wanna know why you’ve been rejecting all those guys. I can’t believe you even rejected Siwon-sunbae! Whoa, that’s just daebak, you know! How can you turn down the school’s flower boy?”

I wanted to tell him so badly, Because he’s not you, but thought better of it. I had to keep reminding myself that this friendship should never be ruined by a c