Regret

Main Pairing: Kris + Lay (KrAy)

Side Pairing: Sehun + Lay (SeLay), Xiumin + Kris (XiuRis)

...xXx...

There are a lot of things Kris regrets in life, he finds. Whether it's his destroyed 'cool' image or his decision to shave his head for that one comeback, there's much he regrets, but as he lies there, thoughts slipping away, he finds the thing he regrets the most comes to haunt him, hovering over him anxiously.

All it took was a simple confession, just a few sentences - perhaps even one sentence - and he wouldn't have to carry this regret anymore.

All it took was a freaking I love you. and he wouldn't have such regret, loving someone for the past thirty years without answer.

All it took was three words and he wouldn't have had to watch his best friend move on and leave him behind.

The two grew up together, Chinese buddies in the heart of Korea. They were close - closer than Kai was with D.O and even closer than Baekhyun was with Chanyeol. They were always together and it seemed as though he just kept on falling and falling. 

Kris thinks back to when he first falls for Lay and though he can't pinpoint an exact time, he knows it's around the Wolf era, when the two fought over the mics and he finally came to terms with yes, he was in love with his best friend. (The eldest of the bunch, Xiumin, calls him an idiot later on when he confides.)

He starts using excuses, he remembers, light ones to just sit beside him or wrap an arm around his shoulder while laughing - things like that.

Thanks Ge.

(He didn't realize how much he'd miss that word, Ge, until much later.)

He, at first, is comfortable just being Lay's friend, but later on, he finds he wants more.

Love? I don't know Duizhang. We're idols now. It's not exactly easy.

(He realizes so as well, but for Lay, he decides, it's worth it.)

He tries to not be obvious, but at the same time he recalls being desperate in trying to find out Lay's feelings.

I do like someone...but let's just keep it at that for now Duizhang.

(His hopes rise but so do his fears.)

He remembers pitiful failures and one argument that leads to the two of them talking for an entire month. 

Quit talking to me then! What are you so desperate for?!

(Kris faintly remembers Xiumin warning him at that time but he was too angry to care.)

The two play it cool on TV but Kris finds he can't use it as an excuse to draw closer - to forgive - and during that time, the other comes.

Don't worry about Krith-Hyung. He'th probably jutht angry about thomething.

(If only, he regrets, he had confessed then instead.)

It's only after Sehun and Lay have been dating for a few months that the two finally make up.

Why'd you want to know so badly?

...No particular reason Lay. Just...curious.

(Xiumin catches him crying later and as the eldest, helps him dry his tears.)

He watches them, protects them even, from the public and supports them when they decide to reveal it. 

Duizhang will you really help?

Of course.

(No, he shouts inwardly, because, he thinks - wishes - that it should have been him there.)

He still feels Lay's hug from that day every now and then and he bites his lip until it bleeds because he could have been that lucky guy - Lay's lucky guy.

Ge, you're the best.

(Ge, not Duizhang, he thinks with elation.)

He feels his heart tear every time he sees the two together, but he gets used to the pain in his heart even up until the wedding, being the best man Lay wants, not the husband he wanted.

You know Ge...I used to like you...but...you know...so I just moved on. Funny, huh? It could have been us at that altar.

(He smiles that time, but his heart rips into pieces inside.)

He supports them and smiles even though he wants nothing more than to rip Sehun apart.

Ge, you must have had a weird dream about fire, swords, and Sehun. You were sleep talking all night!

(He decides sharing a room with Lay isn't so smart anymore and switches to room with Xiumin.)

He watches them adopt a small girl of no more than 4 from Mexico named Marcela and wistfully wishes he would be Daddy instead of Uncle.

Hey Uncle Kris. It's a secret but I wish you were my Daddy sometimes. Sehun-Daddy can be stingy and a butthead.

(He laughs it off then, but inside he agrees with her. Xiumin, who's nearby, gives Kris a knowing look.)

He guards them like an angel, but inside he's a devil and he wishes desperately that it all was a dream, because even all these years later and he's still not over Lay.

I don't know Kris. Some things happen for a reason.

(Xiumin comforts him and encourages him to move on, but it's not enough.)

It's years after EXO's retirement, when he's older but still not married, that he is invited to the EXO reunion trip.

Let's go together Ge!

Yay! Uncle Kris is coming!

(He wonders how much longer he'll have to endure this torture, but decides to go with them anyways.)

And it only took a second - a single measly second - in the rain and still-slippery-and-iced roads.

Yup! Back then, Uncle Krith here wath tho popular!

Sehun, sh!

Don't like bragging Ge?

Not you too Lay!

Uncle Kris!

Wha-

(He regrets driving too, now that he thinks about it.)

Faintly, in between the blood and dirt, he sees Lay, Sehun, and Marcela, all safe - injured of course but safe.

Ge!

Ohmygoth! Krith-Hyung!

Uncle Kris!

(He's surprisingly calm, he realizes at their panicked expressions.)

He's dying here, he assumes, and all he can remember now is the things he didn't do - couldn't do - wouldn't do.

Lay...

Ge, don't talk. Sehun's on the phone right now and you're going to be alright and-

(He doesn't recall ever hearing Lay speak this much since the time Suho threw out his back and Lay was having a panic attack.)

He cuts Lay off because he realizes that this is the end.

Lay. Just know...I love you...even now.

(He can tell he's almost out of breathe - a pierced lung?)

He puts his hand over Lay's, giving one last squeeze.

Ge. Ge! GE!

(Kris decides that at least at the end, he said what he couldn't before...even if it was too late.)

...xXx...