CHAPTER 9 Unexpected Changes

            It was the start of Summer – holidays for many including myself but not for Kevin or U-Kiss. It was very frustrating. Kevin told me so many times to not think about his schedule too much and just enjoy summer for myself. “Go outside and enjoy the weather! Go out and see your friends; hangout at the park or at the beach!” he says. Easy than said, I was feeling a bit thorn to go when all he was doing was work, work and work. I don’t want to have a great time when he doesn’t. I have so much pity for the young man I’m married to if I’m ever happy; I want him to be happy too.

            So I just slump into my couch in the living room, opening my laptop to log into Twitter to find I got a few mentions from my friends asking me to join them to the beach and etc. I kindly decline them, “Maybe next time,” and left them to be. I updated my Twitter in subsequent to notice to my followers, “Summer isn’t just summer the way I wanted it to be. I wish it could be more.” More… As in… I wish he was here. There’s always something more when he’s here with me.

            I closed twitter and all my SNS’s to just roll over on the sofa like a lazy sloth I was, complaining quietly how boring the summer vacation was without Kevin. Maybe he was right. I should go out with my friends but I felt bad for my husband. This feeling just left me thorn more and it made me tired so I slept for the rest of the warm day.

            “What are still doing here, sleeping?” asked Kevin smiling mischievously at me.

            I wanted to hit him but I couldn’t.

            “Didn’t I tell you to go out and play? You’re so stubborn jagi~” he teased as he pinched my nose.

            I pouted at him. “I don’t want to play without you,” I mumbled but he didn’t seem to hear me when he turned his back and left.

             I frowned and thought where he was going. I wanted to follow him but my legs were heavy to move. So I just stayed there, hoping he would come back but he didn’t.

             My nose twitched to the burning smell. My eyes fluttered opened and noticed my surrounding were different, darker and I instantly looked at the clock by instinct an saw how late it was! I jumped up to a sitting position and rubbed my eyes to open them wide open. I stood up and smelt that weird smoky smell again but it wasn’t suffocating but rather…

            “That smells delicious!” I said aloud as my legs walked following my senses brought me to where it came from. They didn’t bring to the kitchen but I was taken to the backyard instead.

             The backyard was breathtaking! There, I saw the source of the delicious aroma I sensed in my sleep, the BBQ set up grilling some pieces of chicken and sausages; vegetables… The picnic table beside it was set up with candle lights lit up with a blanket spread onto the table. Even a vase of small white daisies were neatly put into a small vase complimented the table but more than that which amazed me was the decoration lights that lit up the whole backyard creating a very calming and romantic atmosphere.

              “Simply breathtaking,” I said to myself taking in the moment, smiling.

            “Glad you liked it,” Kevin said who stood behind me all this while with some plates and glasses smiling at my back.

               I turned to him surprised and smiled even wider. “You did all of this?”

             “Of cause I did! Who else?” he said chuckling and he went ahead the frozen-in-place me and set up the rest of the picnic table. “I thought I would do something special tonight since it’s the first day of summer. So…” he clasped his hand together taking accounted everything and looked at me, “Is there anything else you want?”

          I smiled and walked to Kevin and hugged him which made him surprised. “No. Everything’s perfect…” Since he’s here. I inhaled his scent while his hand my head lovingly. I really loved it when he does.

          “Oh! I was making some of my dad’s famous Hawaiian Bukkeumbab. You’re going to love it!” he said excitingly as he rushed to the kitchen again. I just giggled feeling all excited as he was.

           That night, we had a very delicious and fulfilling BBQ dinner as we both pampered each other by feeding each other and made jokes about our days and each other. When dinner was finished, I insisted that I clean up everything since he prepared it all so that he can rest. The only thing I let Kevin do was putting away the BBQ set. Although I said I wanted to clean everything, Kevin was too persistent to leave me do it alone.

            When I finished cleaning up in the kitchen and head to the living room, he wasn’t there so I expected he was still in the backyard. I was correct when I heard him calling me and I rushed to him immediately. As I got there, I saw him sitting on the picnic blanket he spread onto the grass and he pat at his beside, asking me to join him.

            “What is it this time?” I asked as I take my place beside him.

             “Close your eyes,” he ordered.

        I gave a suspicious and nervous look but I complied anyway and closed my eyes. I felt a pair of arms wrapped around me and pushed me to the ground which surprised me, “Ack!!” I went and he laughed at me. Even though Kevin also fell flat onto his side, he still thought pushing me with him was very funny so I hit him. “Yah! What are you doing oppa?”

            “Mianhe jagi~ But look up!” he ushered to me.

         My eyes turned wider and my lips parted a little being so struck with awe. The night sky was filled with stars. I don’t think I remember a sky so beautiful as tonight or forgotten about it since I haven’t looked at the sky so closely before. Did Kevin prepare everything just to show me this? I was ultimately and deliberately touched by him that a tear fell from the side of my eye.

          Kevin saw this and kissed my eye dry from it, “Jagi… You know I love you right?” he said hugging me tighter under the stars.

               “Of cause I do Sunghyun oppa. I love you too.”

               “It doesn’t matter what you do, or where you are, my feelings for you never change.”

                I then felt I had to turn my head to look at him; to see what his expression looked like while he said those words but when I turned to face him, he was looking at me all the time. I moved my hand to touch his face and trace his kind expression. He was calm and I felt happiness radiating from him. “Why you say that?”

               “I just felt like you don’t do anything because of me. Because of me, you stay up all night. Because of me, you don’t see your friends. Because of me… you aren’t living your life. Jagi…” he reached to my head again. “We agreed to never change after our marriage, didn’t we? Don’t ever forget that.”

                “I… I’m still me oppa… I haven’t forgotten. What makes you think I’ve changed?”

                “Then go… Go out and live your life.”

               My hand left his cheek and went to his arm and gripped it firmly. His eyes looked down to me and closed slowly and opened again leaving me a hundred and one questions figuring him out. “You’re my life now. I’m happiest when I see you happy.”

               “And you are mine but we agr–“ I pressed my finger onto his lips to silence him.

             “It’s true we agreed to never change but you’re forgetting being apart of each others lives changed us and it’s a change I don’t regret. I really do hope it’s the same for you.” Ironic as it sounded, it would mean the world to me if Kevin could accept me the way I am now even if it means he would be angry at me. I’ve been selfish but I love nothing more than being near him, more than my own life.

            “Pabo ya!” he hugged me tightly, tighter than any night we ever spent together and I could feel his heard breathing when I had my head near his chest. “How can I say no to that? You know I can’t live without you too.”

              “So, does that mean I can stay and do anything I want?” I asked.

               “As long as it makes you happy.”

               “I’m always happy when I’m with you.”

               We both knew this marriage was complicated but it made us complete. He was worried for me as he told me when he saw my tweet. It was as if he has taken my freedom away but it wasn’t the case. If there was anything he has taken away from me, it was my heart and he replaced it with infinite happiness and love I could ever long for. I just think I have to remind him more and more; every day, every night. That is how Kevin and I spend the rest of our days and more, throughout our lives hopefully.