It's 5:23 pm and I know I'm already late for my meeting with Jae Hwa but I need to control this huffing and puffing. Damn my sides are gonna kill me!

 

INHALE... EXHALE...

 

Had to run because the zoo isn't that far from school. It's four blocks away and if I had taken the bus, it would've taken longer WAITING for the bus. So here. We ran. Dae Sung doesn't seem too bothered though. We just ran past 4 blocks but he's acting like he just power walked it. I'm like dying here. 

 

"Dae Sung... you're gonna hate me for this but huff... the person I'm meeting has something personal to tell me ... huff... and he's going to feel uncomfortable if there's someone else so can you give me 15 minutes? I swear I won't take that long," I explain to him.

 

"But you told me that you wanted me to come with you!" 

 

"I know, I know but I really needed you to be an alibi. Pretty please? I promise I'll make it up to you."

 

"I feel so used..." he pouts. I pinch both his cheeks.

 

"I owe you one, remember that."

 

Once again I start running. I ran for the monkeys, my favorite attraction here at the zoo. Sure they're not the most attractive animal, but they're the most fun. Jae Hwa and I have met here a few times. I see Jae Hwa sitting on a bench in front of the monkeys. 

 

"Oppa!" I ran towards him and hug him. I let his scent fill my nose. He smells really good. Ah I miss him a lot. 

 

"Oh Cuddle Bear, you miss me?" he hugs me tightly, as if he doesn't plan on letting me go. I nod my head. He chuckles. "Come, let's sit over there. You look like you've exercised too much for the day." He points at a bench a bit far from the monkeys where the trees are.

 

We walk there together with our arms around each other. 

 

He takes a minute to wipe sweat off my face and neck and fixed my hair. He pinches my cheek. "How have you been?"

 

"Same old, same old."

 

"Really? But that's Hyun Ok talk for 'I'm hiding something from you'," he points out, giving me a mischievious smile. I swear I can't hide anything from him. 

 

"Erm... well. I'm really good friends with Youngbae again. But that's it," I tried to say it as fast as I could, hoping for him not to catch that. "By the way you texted me about YOU. What's up with YOU?"

 

"You're kidding! How can you be friends with that boy again after how he treated you like you were nothing? Hyun Ok, be smart! He'll use you!" he held my face between his hands. "Don't be fooled."

 

"Oppa... he's not a bad guy. He takes good care of me. The other day he went shopping with me to pick out a birthday gift for you. Well kinda. If you could only hang out with- " but before I could finish he takes a loud sigh. "What's wrong?"

 

"You've fallen for him."

 

I cough.

 

"Ehem... excuse me. I'm not that easy. We're not going out or anything, okay?" I roll my eyes. "Just be honest. You're annoyed at him because he was Chae Bom's first."

 

He coughs. 

 

We don't spend a lot of time together but we can still read each other like a book. 

 

He takes a moment to gaze at the monkeys. His face brightens at the thought of something. He goes on like this for a few minutes until I nudged him by the elbow. 

 

I ruffle his hair. "You're happy about something."

 

He turns to face me and I was a bit surprised by his reaction. He's smiling... but his eyes convey deep sadness. He's happy and sad. It's a combination of the two. How is that even possible? 

 

"Chae Bom is... carrying something special. It's a part of me."

 

I scoff. "Geez, someone ate some cheesy fries this-  "

 

"Hyun Ok, I'm going to be a father."

 

"Jae... Jae Hwa...?" I say, trying to register what he just said into my brain.

 

Him. Chae Bom. Lovers. Baby. Baby dance... !

 

O_O

 

SLAP!

 

Jae Hwa rubs the cheek that I had just slapped. I stand up from the bench, about to give him a mouthful.

 

"OPPA! How could you! She's a bleeping high school girl and you're bleeping over 30 and knowing that you still bleeped her??!!! You motherbleeper! All this time I thought it was all true, innocent love all the while you just oh my god! And she's bleeping pregnant? You do know her future's going to be bleeped up because of that, right?" 

 

He nods his head without looking at me.

 

"Never in my life have I thought of you as a bad guy. But now I do. You bad guy."

 

He's had his head down for a while now with his elbows leaning on his knees. "I know..."

 

"You really bleeped up this time," I hit his head lightly with my knuckle. 

 

"I know..."

 

I lean down and hug him. He's trying hard not to show me but I know he's crying. I rub his back. 

 

"Hyun Ok... I don't know what I'll do if anything ever happens to you or Bom..." with that he starts sobbing full time. I start to rub his back to calm him down. "I've always been a bad guy Hyun Ok. I'm a bad guy. A bad guy with a weak heart. I'm useless." 

 

"It'll be alright, oppa," I start to rock him now as his sobbing seems to worsen. After a while he calms down. He faces me and smiles, his nose and eyes red. He cups my face in his hands and kisses my forehead. He then straightens up and faces his front as his face turns sullen. 

 

"After this... if you see me, don't acknowledge me."

 

"Oppa, I don't hate you. I'm mad at what you di-"

 

"Turn the other way, don't even look at me for more than a second."

 

"This is ridi-"

 

"Don't go out at night. Don't go out in the morning without anybody with you. Listen to everything your Appa will say. Never trust anyone new, got that?" 

 

"HYUN OK!" a familiar sounding voice yelled out.

 

I turn to face the person who called out my name and it turned out to be Youngbae. Oh my god he looks like he's about to kill someone. As he started to walk towards us, Jae Hwa stood up. Youngbae pushed Jae Hwa and Jae Hwa almost fell over. Youngbae looks so menacing even though he's a lot shorter than Jae Hwa. 

 

"The bleep you want huh? If you plan to get Hyun Ok pregnant this time I won't bleeping let you, you bleeping bleephole. I'll cut your bleeping bleep off!" Youngbae has Jae Hwa by the collar now, Jae Hwa showing no signs of stopping Youngbae at all. I try to get in between the two but Youngbae's grip is so tight I couldn't even get a hand in. Finally Youngbae punches Jae Hwa.

 

"Youngbae!" I grab Youngbae from the back and wrap him in my arms before Jae Hwa responds. But he doesn't. He wipes the blood from his lip with his left hand, looks at it, and chuckles. He looks at Youngbae with admiration.

 

"Don't let Hyun Ok out of your sight. Ever." 

 

With that Jae Hwa turns and leaves. I walk to him but Youngbae stops me, grabbing both of my arms. I tried to wriggle free but I was no match. 

 

"Oppa..." I cry out to Jae Hwa.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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It's 6:16 pm and I had just tried calling Seungri to no avail. I'm inside Kwon Jiyong's car. He's taking me, Youngbae, and Daesung home. Everything's such a mess I can still hear my heart thumping. After Jae Hwa left I tried to look for him but Youngbae wouldn't let me. He gripped my left wrist so hard as he (practically) dragged me to Jiyong's car. I still have a mark on that wrist. We saw Dae Sung on the way there and I have a feeling that he saw the whole thing. When we got to Jiyong's car, Youngbae took me to the backseat with him and DaeSung sat in front with Jiyong. 

 

"Don't ever go near that man again. If you do, I'll beat him to shreads, arasso?" 

 

"Arasso..."

 

After seeing him punch Jae Hwa so hard, I couldn't help but say yes. I have become a bit scared of Youngbae. I've never seen him act so threatening like that. 

 

And wow... Young Bae knew about Chae Bom being pregnant... that time we had a date... when he had to visit Chae Bom at the hospital... oh my god. I feel like killing Jae Hwa too. 

 

The whole trip was quiet. So painfully quiet. Even Jiyong, the usually hyper one didn't say anything. I was at a point were I was about to imitate Jim Carrey just to lighten up the mood when I realized that we were at our block. We reach my house. Youngbae gets out first and keeps the car door open for me (my door wouldn't open. I had a feeling Jiyong had it on child lock on purpose). 

 

"Thanks man," Youngbae waves at Jiyong. 

 

"Alright," Jiyong nods at him. He then smiles. "Don't be too rough on your girl. She won't like you that way." He gives me a wink. 

 

Youngbae just sighed and we both say bye to Jiyong and DaeSung. Youngbae grabs my hand and we walk up to my house. Why he needs to drag me to my own home as well, I don't know. Before we even get to open the door, Umma had already gotten there. She grabs me as Youngbae lets me go. I see Appa standing in the middle of our living room. He's giving off a really serious vibe. Nonetheless I still have to greet him. 

 

"Oh, Appa. You're home early!" I walk towards to him. 

 

He looks down at me with discontent and asks, "How did it come to this?"

 

I look at him dumbfoundedly.

 

"As I told you earlier this afternoon she was doing her punishment," Youngbae starts off and pauses for a bit when I turn to face him. "But she was let go by our teacher. By the time I went out to check on her, she had already gone off. I'm sorry sir."

 

Appa grunts.

 

Gulp.

 

Oh... my... they know. I feel my eyes starting to tear up from shock. I don't think I've ever been more scared in my life. The root of this fear is me being naturally unable to hold on to a lie. I've been lying to them for so long...

 

"I heard he's got a classmate of yours pregnant," Appa keeps his eye on me, not blinking. "I would've thought he was getting on right by himself."

 

"Appa..." I hear my voice shaking as I start to feel tears running down my cheeks. His expression turns even more grim.

 

"After you ran away that one time... when you came back... didn't I tell you? Didn't I tell you that I will look after your own needs from then on? Didn't I tell you that I will ALWAYS look at YOUR own perspective in every situation?"

 

"Yes..." I whimper. 

 

"From then on... can you ever think of a time when I was selfish concerning you?"

 

"No..." I take a step back.

 

"From then on... can you say of a time when I gave you an order, an order that didn't make sense, as if you thought I had just whipped it out of thin air?"

 

"No..." I take another step back. 

 

"You don't know what's been brewing behind the scenes, so you think that disobeying your parents will be alright. You think... that just because I let him go... that I don't love him? That I don't check up on what he's doing?"

 

"Appa... " I couldn't even keep my knees up now as I slump myself into the coffee table. I feel so nervous I can just burst. 

 

"If I had loved him selfishly, he would still be with us. But he's not. Because I have a wife and a daughter to keep safe. I work hard to keep my wife and my daughter happy by working hard and being with them while he goes around scamming god knows who from god knows where to satisfy his own greed for revenge!"

 

"Yobo... please calm down..." Umma manages to say out loud over the overwhelming presence of my father. Youngbae stands quietly next to her. 

I don't understand. Why is he regarding this situation so seriously? I make time for my brother, I don't do drugs or sleep around or get involve in my brother's other life. Why is he making such a big deal out of this?

 

"Appa, why can't I have the freedom to see even my own brother?" I stand up slowly, speaking in a soft tone so as not to surprise him. "I should be able to do that even without your consent, shouldn't I? I can handle myself."

 

"Yobo!" my mother cried out.

 

Oh no... I can see the veigns on Appa's head. He's turning purple now from trying to suppress his anger inside. Without warning, he raises his right hand towards me, making me jerk back. Before Youngbae and Umma made it to us, Appa smacks the left side of my face with his big grubby hand. I could tell he didn't hold back one bit because the left side of my face had gone numb from pain a second after he had slapped it. I feel Youngbae dragging my limp body away from Appa as Umma crowds over Appa to stop him from getting near me again. 

 

"Yobo! Let's talk again later, " Umma cries out. "You're in no condition to be talking like this! Let's go-"

 

"YOU USELESS, PATHETIC EXCUSE TO LIFE!" Appa growls, his mouth twitches and even spits out saliva. "WHAT'S THE POINT OF KEEPING YOU SAFE? I MIGHT AS WELL KILL YOU NOW!!!!!!"

 

I couldn't say anything. I couldn't even feel anything. My tears came back silently, flowing everywhere to my nose and to my mouth. It tastes salty. 

I can taste sadness again...

 

 

...

 

 

I can't recall how I got into my room, but I know that Youngbae helped me get here. We stand in front of my desk while he hugs me and rub my back.

 

He rocks my body a bit and wipes my tears with his hand. I look at my guitar on the floor as I remember Appa's words. The tears start to fall down again. But my expression remains the same. I can't even sob, it's as if all the energy from my body had been drained out. Youngbae wipes my tears away again and raises my face up to his. He kisses my forehead.

 

"Forgive him, okay?" He chuckles a little bit. "Fathers can be overprotective when it comes to their daughters. That's just your Appa's high blood pressure talking and moving. He loves you. I love you, okay?"

 

He kisses my swollen cheek this time. I wince. He then proceeds to get me into my bed. I close my eyes the second I hit my pillow, feeling Youngbae's fingers interlocking with my own...

 

 

 

 

 

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Sorry about the hiatus. I have ADD it's the best excuse I've got.