Ok tbh i'm making stuff as I go along and have no definite plans for where this story is going. LOL Let's all just see what happens ~

Kyuhyun

Socialization, the bane of mankind. What was that saying? No man is an island? Why can't we all just be little islands, forming an archipelago, instead of these interconnected continental plates--ah but then there's the matter of colonization and the seeming inability of men to leave other men alone. Honestly the world would be so much better with less people in it.

Anyway, I'm alone at the party, as usual. Sungmin is off talking to his athlete friends, I don't even have my fellow introvert Hyeri, who had a family dinner and didn't attend. I even spotted Henry again... why is he wherever Raeha is? He should just go back to his own school. He didn't see me, though, so I didn't greet him. He wasn't with Raeha, either, wonder where she went?

Honestly, everyone was getting a bit rowdy, too loud for my taste. Why am I still here? I really should leave. The few people I talked to in class left long ago.

I got up to go when by the entrance, I unexpectedly saw an older gentleman with Park seonsaengnim, who called over Raeha. She and the gentleman shook hands. As he continued speaking, Raeha was uncharacteristically silent. It didn't seem like the usual polite silence, rather an uncomfortable one. She was looking down the entire time, a small smile plastered on her face, a complete turn around from the loud girl I knew. The gentleman would as her questions, and she'd merely look up and nod, then look back down.

Finally, when their conversation ended and seonsaengnim brought the man to the other teachers, I saw Raeha turn and step out the door. Realising they were no longer blocking the exit, I headed there.

It was only when I stepped out and was halfway to my dad's car when I heard a sniff coming from somewhere in the parking lot. Curious, I slowly walked towards the sound, being careful not to make any noise.

To my utter surprise, I found the silhouette of Raeha, facing away from me and leaning on a dimly lit lamppost beside the door. Her hand was over , producing no sound except for a random sniff from her uncovered nose. I came closer and realised her shoulders were shaking. Was she... crying? This was absolutely new. Never, in the several years that I knew her, had I seen Raeha show any negative emotion other than boredom and anger. She was usually cheerful, teasing, talking to everyone excitedly. Suddenly I recalled the first party, when she said she didn't really belong anywhere. Was that what this was about?

"Raeha?" I ask carefully, making sure not to scare her.

She jumped at the sound of her name and quickly wiped her face. Idiot, as if I didn't see her do that. She turned around with a smile plastered on her lips, but I could see even under this dim light that her eyes were red and swollen, and she was still sniffing. "Cho, hey, what are you doing out here? Heading home?"

"I was about to--but I saw you here and I came over."

"Why?" 

The question caught me off guard. Why indeed? Since when had I actually felt this much concern for Raeha? I asked myself, if it were anyone else, would I have done the same? Maybe. But strangely enough, it felt different--it felt like I didn't want her to cry, that I wanted to take away what was making her cry. Could I? I answered the question honestly, "Because you were crying." It was the truth.

"Ah.. yeah. Sorry about that." She murmured, avoiding my eyes and sniffing again. She cleared her voice, saying, "Look, if you just came over to make fun of me crying, just leave."

"Why are you apologizing for crying?"

She looked up at me, seemingly surprised by my question. "I-I don't know." She looked so different, this girl in front of me. She looked weak and vulnerable, the opposite of the feisty, loud classmate I saw every day, and not quite the same as the person who called me in the middle of the night to tell me to sing to her. So there was this side to her, as well.

I shifted awkwardly from one leg to the other, suddenly aware that I hadn't moved from where I was standing, which was quite a distance from her. But I didn't want to approach her if she didn't want me to. "Do you need to talk about it?" I asked her that because I really didn't know what else to say in this situation. And maybe, deep inside, I wanted to hear the reason for her to break like this.

She opened to say something, but it seems her tears beat her to it. The tears fell again, and her hand flew to . What came out was a strange, muffled heavy breathing sound, but had I not been looking at her crying, I would never have noticed.

"How do you cry so quietly?" Her inaudible sobs calmed and her shoulders stopped shaking. Instead, she just held in her hands, tears streaming from closed eyes. She remained unmoving for a few seconds. I took a few steps towards her. I wonder what could have caused her to learn how to cry without anyone noticing. Why did she feel like she had to hide her emotions? Had they just remained pent up, hidden under her enthusiastic demeanor, until they exploded like this?

Not knowing what to do, I did something even I didn't expect to do, but it was the only thing I knew to do: I sang. 

Smile, though your heart is aching

Smile, even though it's breaking,

When there are clouds in the sky,

You'll get by.

If you smile through your fear and sorrow,

Smile and maybe tomorrow

You'll see the sun shining through for you.

She was no longer crying, but remained silent. She was now just looking at the dark sky, only the moon visible against the bright city lights twinkling brighter than stars. The dim light from the lamppost shone on her face, bringing out her profile. Her long hair framed her small face, and her lashes cast long shadows on her cheeks. Her cheeks were red from crying, but she didn't look ugly. In fact, it was far from it. She crinkled her nose as she sniffed, rubbing her sleeve on her nose. I softened at seeing her like this.

"A while ago.. the man I was talking to was a representative from Seoul University. He was offering me a scholarship."

I was shocked. "That's why you were crying?"

She pursed her lips before replying, "He asked me what major I wanted, and I couldn't answer." Confused by this, I waited for her to answer.

She heaved a sigh and looked at something far away. "Do you know what it's like not to have a dream, Cho?"

"Well, I know that my father wants me to be an educator in the future, or a lawyer," I replied, "but I have a passion for music."

She smiled wryly. "Either way, your life has direction."

"Does yours not? You're top in our class. You're bound to be successful."

"It's not always a good thing to be at the top, you know." She looked at the ground, wringing her hands. "When you set people's expectations too high, there's no going down."

"What happened to 'there's nowhere to go but up?'"

"You would know better than anyone else, Cho, how I feel. When you consistently do good, you're expected to be good all the time. Like you're automatically required to do more. And if I make a single mistake, I'm a disappointment, a failure," at this, her voice broke. "I've been on this path since I was a kid, and now if I do a simple thing wrong, it's a lecture, a scolding, stupid girl."

I realised now that she felt the way I did. I beat myself up, too sometimes, from fear of failure, fear of being a disappointment. My heart reached out to her, this new side of her that I'd never known.

"It's hard, this path we set for ourselves," I said. "I know it's scary, because everyone's expecting so much, and putting so much pressure on your shoulders to succeed. But we're still human, and we're young. It's okay to make mistakes. I mean, even if you don't know where your life is going, you have so much time to still figure it out, because we're not even full humans yet. We're still learning about the world, and about ourselves. Honestly, you have an entire life to figure out, and you've only lived less than a quarter of it. So don't feel so bad about it." I tentatively reached over to pat her on the back. I was kind of awkward, but it kind of felt like the thing to do.

She chuckled at this, a real chuckle that wasn't sad. "Your patting is awkward. Maybe you've never comforted anyone before."

"You really are a mind reader, huh?"

She laughed now, no longer looking like she was in danger of crying. "Nevertheless, thank you, Kyuhyun." She returned my pat on the back with a sincere smile. "I'm sorry you had to see that side that I show to no one, not even Hyeri, not even my family."

"Really? Why do you hide your feelings from them?"

"I feel like they wouldn't understand me. They can try, but they really don't. So I held it in all this time, supported only by myself. I didn't want to burden anyone else with my feelings, so instead I tried to lighten their burdens by being happy and letting me be their shoulder to cry on."

It was strange, knowing that there was a side of Raeha only I knew. Only me and no one else. I was touched by her sincerity and warmth.

"Honestly, Kyuhyun, I'm thankful it was you who found me crying. I feel like you understand how I feel better than others do. So thank you, my heart was lightened a little bit."

"It was nice, being relied on."

She laughed again, completely different from the emotional wreck I found just an hour ago. "Then, maybe I can rely on you more often. Even if you've never comforted someone, you seem to be really good at it."

"Alright. I can be a comforter if you need it. Don't hold it all in by yourself, okay?"

"Wah, this is amazing. The great Cho Kyuhyun is being soooo nice to me, Jung Raeha? Unbelievable," she joked.

"I wouldn't let these comforting powers go to waste, now, would I?"

"Don't let it get to your head, buddy."

I merely laughed at this and let it slide. "Come on, I can take you home. You don't have to walk home by yourself today."