Hoya couldn’t get Sungyeol’s words out of his head. Why did the other have to tell him such a stupid, false thing? If Hoya had feelings for the leader, he should know first. Heck, if he was gay, then he’d know first. There was no way Sungyeol, the most spacey member of the group, knew Hoya’s feelings before he did.

“You alright?” Inguk, one of Hoya’s costars, seemed to notice that the dancer was staring off into space during every break. They hadn’t known each other very long, but Hoya was the type of person who would work on his break. If he just finished a scene, it was common to find him in a dressing room, reciting lines or going over his blocking. Sitting in the background just staring into space, like Hoya was doing now, was very uncommon.

“I think I am.” Hoya rubbed at his eyes, not caring if he smudged the make on up his face that was supposed to look like he wasn’t wearing any. The stylist could reapply later when it actually mattered. “Well, maybe not. One of the members just said something to me the other day that I still can’t wrap my head around.”

“Well, what he say to you?” Inguk sat down next to Hoya, but then suddenly seemed to realize that they’re not as close as their characters and that personal matters weren’t something they normally discussed. “I mean, if you’re comfortable talking about it that is. I don’t really know you or your band mates very well, so I don’t know if I could be a big help.”

Hoya sighed, “Honestly I don’t think it’d matter if you knew us personally. This problem is just, well, it’s not a problem really. Not if I don’t make it one.”

“What are you talking about?” The actor didn’t understand Hoya’s cryptic language.

But Hoya decided to use the fact Inguk wouldn’t know anything about his band members to his advantage. “Well, it’s just, with this drama a lot of them are joking that they’re into men because my character is. But I’m starting to think that one of them might not be joking, only he won’t admit it to himself.”

“So? It’s not like he’s gonna want to start making out with everyone in the group.” Inguk chuckled. “Not everyone is destined to live a life like your character where love goes unrequited. Heck, it’s a normal thing in straight people’s lives too. But I’m pretty sure that the only way he’ll ever be happy is to admit it to himself. If he starts trying to fill a man-sized void with a woman, he’s gonna be lonely his whole life.”

Hoya was shocked that just came out of his costar’s mouth. It almost sounded like he had experience in this kind of matter. “You sound like you know.”

“It’s not me, just a guy I used to know.” Inguk shrugged truthfully.

“But what if he isn’t sure of it himself?” Hoya couldn’t help but ask. He was positive he wasn’t gay, he was one of the manliest members of Infinite! But a little voice in his head – that sounded like Sungyeol the more he heard it – was throwing around the possibility of him liking Sunggyu as more than just a friend. And it made sense – whenever it rained, Hoya’s mind immediately jumped to the day where him and the leader hid under the playground and got called beggars. At first Hoya just thought maybe he wanted to go back to a simpler time when he was a trainee. However, the more he thought about the memory, the more he liked that warmth the leader provided him despite the rain.

“Then he should probably just take some time by himself to try and sort everything.” Inguk rested a comforting hand on Hoya’s back, as if he knew Hoya was talking about himself and not one of the members. “He’s got to just think for himself though. For a little while he should forget he’s an idol and just think of what he wants for himself, not what the fans want for the persona he presents them. Heck, it’d probably be good if he just forgot about what society would think or what they say he should be like. He’s got to just think for himself. He’s got to be a little bit selfish or else he’ll never be happy.”

“Be selfish?” Hoya pondered the idea for a moment. When he thought about being gay, his first thought was always how would his parents react. That was followed up by what if the rest of the band found out and were disgusted and what if the fans found out and then started to hate him. But never once had he thought about the prospect of actually liking a guy and kissing a guy to be negative. It was always the reaction to him being gay that drove it from his mind.

“When was the last time this friend of yours was selfish?” Inguk asked, emphasizing the word ‘friend’ with a wink.

Hoya knew that probably meant that Inguk knew he was talking about himself, but the dancer didn’t care at the moment. He was too busy thinking selfishly for a change. He wasn’t admitting that he was gay, after all Hoya was pretty sure he wasn’t and this was some odd sort of phase. But just opening his mind to the possibility of not caring what anyone else thought led him to a relaxing world.

 It had been so long since the first person he worried about was himself. He was Hoya, not Howon. Hoya had a fan base of thousands of people around the world who cared for him and would judge him for all his decisions. Sure most of the time the majority of his fans supported his decisions, but being gay was different. Despite it being a part of him, some people didn’t see it that way and thought negatively of it. However, Howon was just a mischievous boy from Busan who only cared for his family and friends, all of who just wanted him to be happy. Howon also possibly had a crush on his good friend, not his leader.

“Did I help?” Inguk asked with a soft smile on his face.

Hoya nodded, “I really think you did. My friend just needs to start thinking about himself again. It’s probably been a long time since he’s done that.”

“Well good for him, it’s unhealthy to always be worrying about what others think.” Inguk smiled before standing up and offering a hand to Hoya, “Come on, they’ll probably want to fix your makeup before we shoot the next scene.”

“Sure, just give me a minute though. I need to make a quick call.” Hoya waved the actor off before stepping outside the studio and dialing a familiar number.

“Howon, why are you calling?” Sunggyu’s laugh was like music to Hoya’s ears, even if the older called him by his real name.

“Just checking in.” Hoy a replied. “Is everything alright there?”

“Of course, I’m Infinite’s leader, I can take care of everything.” Sungggyu chuckled, “Except I can’t take care of the stray little puppy who drove off to Busan. How’s he doing?”

“I’m not a puppy.” Hoya pouted, happy though that no one could see him to make fun of him. “But I’m doing alright. The fresh air down here is doing me good I think.”

“Good, you looked a little tired the last time you were here.” Sunggyu sounded relieved. “But are you sure nothing’s wrong? You don’t normally just cal in middle of the day.”

“Things are great, Hyung.” Hoya replied because it was true. He felt like a weight had been lifted off his chest. “Just wanted to make sure you were great too.”

“I’ll be great when my puppy returns home.” Sunggyu replied in a voice too quiet to be purely joking. But before Hoya could respond, Sunggyu sighed, “Manager hyung is here, I have to go now. But good luck with your filming!”

ahhh I'm so sorry for the long wait! i've just been really easily distracted lately and the only thing i can focus on is the most adorable Little Prince *bonus points if anyone knows who the Little Prince is* but i'm starting to learn how to use him to a writing advantage so hopefully the next chapter will come sooner! for some reason this fic just loves to test my brain to see if i can think of things. but things will definitely  start happening soon! more action, less thinking~