On some random nights, when you randomly talk about your new life and how well you have been doing, I would find myself dwelling in thought I shouldn’t have dwelled about. As I would reply your joy with pretense, everything becomes worse as soon as I start to question myself.

  Why do I still need you in my life? Why do I still holding on to you?

  The tiny voice in my head will repeat those questions as my hands would type a blessing and let you believe that I am actually happy while in fact, I am envy.

  At the end of our night conversation, when I would wish you a good night, it will be the only time I smile as you would also wish me a good night.  I myself hope that the reason of my smile is because us exchanging good night is the only sincerity that haven’t change while we become further and further. But as I finish reading your message, I would admit that the reason for my smile is that because I realize that you don’t notice me any longer.

  You take my entire lie and you are flattered by my sham. You no longer need the truth from me for you already find love out there. You lose your ability to hear me sing my song of misery. You who were the only one who I couldn’t fool now choose to fool one self.

  I would smile to my sleep as sometimes tear would roll down to end on my pillow. And I would repeat the same question,

  Why do I still need you in my life? Why do I still holding on to you?

  Until I fall asleep and wake the next day to once again back on loving you.