“BOOOOM!”

Main doors closed. It was Junhyung.  He came home drunk again.  I sighed deeply, holding tears back. I stood up and made my way to him and hugged him so he won’t fall.

“Hyunseung… you don’t know how much I love you!”

I could smell alcohol from his mouth.

“You don’t. You have a girlfriend, remember?” I faked smile.

“Oh yeah… right.” He smiled too and leanded his head on my shoulder.

I took him to his bedroom and lied him down on bed.

“Sleep well.” I whispered and petted his head.

“I love you!” he smiled, closed his eyes and fall asleep.

“I love you too Junhyung. You don’t even know how much.” I said to myself when I closed his door.

People say, that when someone is drunk, he’ll be telling the truth. How I wish Junhyung would mean his words for real.  But I can only dream about that. You know why? When he’s not drunk, he doesn’t even look at me. He never talks to me. Even more, he ignores me. That’s why I don’t tell him to stop drinking. He talks to me when he is drunk. That’s the only thing that keeps me staying here, in B2ST. It’s not that I don’t like them. But it hurts me to see Junhyung every day, talking about someone else. It hurts so much. I’d love to go back in BIG BANG. G-Dragon was so nice to me. And TOP too. But… who’d take care of Junhyung then? I can’t let anyone to know about all those nights.

I sighed.

I opened TV and fell asleep on sofa.

“HYUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNG! A BUG IS UNDER MY BED!”

I was sleeping… for maybe 2 hours. God Yoseob, can’t you kill it yourself?!

I stood up and went to kitchen to make breakfast.

“Shall I prepare the table?”

Dongwoon was standing next to me, smiling.

“Sure. You’d be in much help to me.” I smiled back and mess his hair.

He took plates and went in living room.

“Guys~ Breakfast!”

They were all already sitting behind table, waiting. I gave breakfast on table and made my way to my room.

“Hyung, you aren’t going to eat?” Dongwoon was looking after me.

“Aniyo.” I sighed. I couldn’t stand sitting next to Junhung.

“We will talk later Hyunseung.” Doojoon said with annoyed voice. I don’t know if he was annoyed by Yoseob, who was waking up so early ‘cause of a bug, or me, who was acting so childish.

“Hyunseung. Wake up.” Doojoon’s hand was gently shaking my body. I looked up to him with asking face.

“Where were you last night?” he asked calmy.

“Me? Home… why?”  I closed my eyes again. Light was too strong.

“Don’t lie. I heard when you came home.” He shaked me again.

Doojoon, you head Junhyung, not me. I wish I could tell you about it.

“I was… in pub.” I lied.

“Oh so. Okay than… but next time tell me when you’ll go, okay?”

I nodded.

“And… one more thing. Junhyung is asking if you could cook dinner. Something special. His Girlfriend is coming by.”

“Doojoon, I’m leaving the group.”

I couldn’t hold myself back anymore. He looked at me with pale face.

“Hyunseung, why would you do that?”

 I burst in crying. I hugged pillow and tried to calm down.

“Please… leave me alone.”

Doojoon just stood up and did what I asked him to.

I could heared Doojoon and Junhyung talking in hallway next to my room.

“He doesn’t feel okay.”
“So he won’t cook?”
“No. And for groups sake, don’t bring your girlfriend here again. Are we clear?”
“From when are you making rules?!”
“Stop screaming. Hyunseung is sleeping.”
“Do I look like I care?!”

Doojoon walked off.

11.00 pm.

I stood up from bed. I felt little dizzy. I made my way in kitchen and took some pills.

“I have to put myself together.” I told myself and sighed heavily.

Now imagine. You in kitchen, feeling sorry for yourself. And in another room, an angel, singing our new song. Writing lyrics.  But you, dumb, don’t do anything about it. You don’t run to him and hug him. You just listen. And that’s right. Song isn’t meant to you.

“You feeling better?”

Doojoon gently shaked my arm.

I looked at him and nodded.