You checked your phone again. Nothing.

               Sighing, you put it in your pocket. You’d sent him a message three hours ago and he still hadn’t replied. When TOP had asked you to be his girlfriend, you’d accepted immediately. You knew it would be hard, with the secrecy and less than frequent contact, but as his best friend for years beforehand, you were already used to it. Besides, there was no way you were going to deny your long-time crush after it took so long for him to finally confess his mutual feelings. Still, you never would’ve thought it would have gotten to this point.

               With his tour ended, you thought he’d be home, that you’d be able to see him face-to-face again since he’d finally be in the same country as you. And you had seen him since. The two of you had spent a week completely together. One amazing week.

               Then he was gone for filming his movie. All. The. Time.

               You had thought he’d be able to come visit at least once a week, but no. Normally, you wouldn’t mind too much, but the long tour having just ended and now him gone for another long amount of time in which you weren’t seeing him at all again-it was nearly driving you insane.

               To add on to that, he was barely even trying to stay in contact. Delayed responses you could understand. Not being able to call due to surroundings, you could understand. But when ten texts from him was a good day, when actually conversing him was a miracle, when you felt more alone now than he was half way across the world, when he managed to find time to go support his other members and go to their concerts but not even call you; it was too much.

               A text a day is all TOP has to say.

               The thought that he might have someone else had naturally crossed you mind. But, you brushed it off. It just wasn’t in his nature. It wasn’t in TOP’s nature to cheat. Especially on you; his best friend. Yu also hadn’t brought this topic up to him, there simply had been no chance to; you never talked anymore.

               You were lonely. Angry, frustrated, miserable, upset, and lonely. That’s when the breakup thoughts crept in. Should I really stay? Should I just go?

               No, I can’t. I can’t leave Seunghyun like this. He’s my best friend. Besides, where would I go? We just need to see each other, to talk it out. I still love him.

               But this shouldn’t be the way I have to live. I shouldn’t have to feel this way. He should be returning this love, or at least trying to receive it. It takes two for a relationship to work. Does he even care anymore?

               You let the two sides continue to bicker in your head as you sat on the bed as hugged your knees to your chest. The TV beckoned to you, but you didn’t want to risk seeing him on it. Sighing, you rested your head on your knees and held back the depressed & fuming thoughts while also fighting tears; the same thing you’d been doing for days now. I will not cry for him now.

               There was a soft click as you heard the door close. “Jagiya?” you heard a deep voice ask and turned your head to see TOP approaching you.

               Anger coiled up in your blood as you stood up to face him. “There you are!” you snapped. “It’s about freaking time!”

               Clearly not anticipating you to yell at him, he was at a loss for words for a minute. “There was a lot of traffic today-”

               “Sure there was. Like every day for the last month or so. Just save it.” You crossed your arms.

               He stepped closer, trying to figure out what was going on. “I don’t know what I did but-”

               “Don’t know what you did!? How can you NOT know!? All my texts and calls and you still DON”T KNOW!?” you shrieked.

               Confusion was written all over his face as he tried to come closer and touch you, but you backed away. “Baby I’ll fix it, I promise-”

               “You don’t even know what you’re apologizing for!” You exclaimed and pointed a finger at him. “How can you fix something you don’t know, even if it’s right in front of your face!?”

               “Then just tell me,” he said, trying to stay calm and gentle.

               “I shouldn’t have to,” you replied icily before turning away. “Even if I told you, it wouldn’t matter. You can’t change it. And there’s certainly nothing I can do either.”

               He stepped towards you again, dark eyes gazing into yours. “Is it what I think it is?”

               You searched his face, unsure of what he was implying.

               TOP placed his hands on your waist and asked quietly, “Is it mine?”

               “What!? No!” You immediately pulled away.

               “Ah I knew it!” he finally snapped. “You’ve been cheating on me!” You opened your mouth and struggled to find the words to reply as shock swept through your mind. How could he have come to this conclusion? He roughly grabbed your arms and store into your soul. “When was it? Recently? During the tour? It was during the tour wasn’t it! Aish, I should’ve known!”

               “Seung-”

               “Who?” he cut you off. “Who was it? Some random guy? Someone you know? Someone I know!?” He waited for a response, that you couldn’t form, before silently gasping. “Is it one of the other members?” The expression he was making frightened you and you couldn’t process that these words were actually coming from his mouth. He shook you roughly. “Answer me!” he bellowed.

               “Let me GO!” You screamed and fought your way out of his grasp.

               “TELL ME!” he yelled.

               “It’s NO ONE!” you screamed. “I’M NOT PREGNANT YOU NAPPEUN NOM!”

               “Wh-what!?” his entire expression changed and softened.

               “That’s not what I’m upset about!” you screeched. “Why don’t you LISTEN!? Why don’t you pay attention for once!? Then maybe you’d have a clue! Urgh, it doesn’t matter anymore. I don’t care anymore!” You stormed across the room to grab your coat.

               Quickly realizing what you meant to do, he ran across the room to stop you. “No, no, stop. Stay. I jumped to conclusions. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell.”

               “Yes you did,” you glared and slid your arms in the sleeves. “Doesn’t matter anyways. I’m done with this. I’m done.”

               “No no no, don’t do this!” he pleaded. “Just tell me what’s wrong; I love you.”

               “No you don’t,” you spat and tried to get past him so you could leave, but her grabbed you arm.

               “Why do you say that?’ he asked, trying to find the answers in your expression.

               “Babo. You’re just a babo,” you muttered and tried to keep your anger contained as you continued. “Someone who loved me would not treat me like this. Accusing me of cheating with no evidence! I thought you trusted me.”

               “I do, I’m sorry. I overreacted there. I didn’t mean to yell. Things just got carried away. It’s been a long day for me.”

               “A long day for you?” you gave a hard laugh. “Just, whatever. I told you it doesn’t matter so let me go,” you said through clenched teeth.

               “Not until you tell me what’s wrong,” he insisted.

               Finally you couldn’t hold it in any longer; you snapped. “Why do you even want to listen to me now!?! All those times I called, all those times I texted asking basic everyday questions to be sure you were still alive, all those times I waited-the dreadfully lonely times I waited for a sign of life, for a reply, for a shred of giving a crap about me, for you Seunghyun. And after all that, now is when you want to listen,” you grimaced in disgust. “Pitiful.”

               The realization washed over him like a wave. “You’ve been lonely.”

               “I have been more than just freaking lonely!” You yelled at him. “I have been depressed, I have been crying every night, I have been frustrated! I have been alone,” the venom dripped from your words, poisioning his mind with the knowledge of you suffering. “Because of you.”

               Taking advantage of his shock at your last words, you moved around him to leave again, but he stopped you last second. “No-stay. I know I’ve been neglecting you, I understand now. Just let me have one more chance.”

               “You’ve had plenty of chances and you blew them away as I waited hours on end. You say you’ve had long days. Try mine.”

               “Please, stop. It was only because of my job-”

               “You have more than one job!” you shouted. “When I accepted as being your girlfriend, as my boyfriend you were given the job of keeping me safe and happy. But you haven’t been doing that! Now if you’ll move I’m-”

               “No.”

               You gave him a hard glare. “Let me go Seunghyun. I don’t want to do this anymore.”

               He unexpectedly pulled you into a tight hug. “I won’t let you go; I will never let you go!”

               “It’s too late,” you held back the tears that threatened to fall. “You should’ve come sooner, you should’ve called sooner! It’s too late now.”

               “Don’t say that,” he whispered and held you closer. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for everything I‘ve done to you recently. You’re right, you don’t deserve this. I should’ve never done this to you.”

               “But you did,” you said flatly.

               He kissed your head. “I would take it back if I could. I promise to never do it again! I love you, I love you so much...” there were droplets of moisture dropping on your hair. “Please don’t go. I can’t live without you.”

               You felt yourself breakdown and bury your face in his chest, sobbing. He gently rocked you back and forth as you bother cried. “I’m sorry...I couldn’t be here for you. That I ignored you...I’m sorry. It’ll never happen again. I’ve missed you so much...” he murmured with his voice cracking every sentence and thick with tears.

               “I’ve missed you too,” you choked on and his hand your back gently.

               “This will never happen again,” he promised and pulled you back so he could look you in the eye. “You mean more to me than my work and always will. I’m sorry I’ve been negligent, I will change. I love you,” his thumb wiped the tears off your cheeks.

               “I love you too,” you replied in a wavering voice and gave him a kiss before hugging him tightly again.

               He was here now.