Himchan's POV

Six years later...

It still hurts to even speak her name. She was my first love and I chose my career over her and I regret it. But what could I do? She left Korea to god knows where. But even if I knew where, what could I have done? My life was hectic as ever, my career especially. B.A.P was reaching an all-time high. A Japanese debut, a Chinese debut, a U.S. tour, a European tour, and a South American tour with an addition to 11 comebacks and endless promoting.

Everything was great until it wasn't.

We were tired, over worked, and lonely. Though we had each other, we were still alone. I wasn't the only one to lose a love that day, six years ago, Yongguk lost a budding relationship with Emily. He wouldn't talk to me for weeks but he eventually realized how tough of a position I was in and that I, too, lost something that could have been great.

But during those weeks that he was angry at me, the other members could sense the shift in our friendship. The whole group's dynamic was thrown off. Youngjae started to lash out at Yongguk for "always" telling us what to do. Then Zelo began acting out because he felt that everyone was treating him like a baby. Even Jongup just exploded with pent up rage from over the years and aired it all out. Things like: not getting appreciated, always being seen as dumb and confused, and that except for Zelo no one cared to ask if he was okay.

And we tried to hide our discontent when we did interviews and made appearances but that only worked for a time.

We were crumbling.

After awhile of trying to keep up a façade, we realized we all wanted different things and that there was no way to fix what was broken in our group.

Eventually we just split.

Daehyun & Youngjae went off to start a duo singing career.

Zelo & Jongup became a dance and rap duo based in LA.

While Yongguk & I went off to New York to produce music.

And that all happened just 7 months ago.

But to be honest, a part of me wanted to go to New York on the odd chance that I'd run into Ally. But of course it was a long shot. New York is home to millions of people, and to actually think I would miraculously bump into her was not only naive but down right stupid of me.

So why do I still hold onto that hope?

---

Today was yet another uneventful day. Well, to any other person it might not be but after years of non stop working with only three hours of sleep, the stuff Yongguk and I do is nothing to us.

"Stop being such a perfectionist. The track is great." I took a of my chocolate mint ice cream scoop, it was disgusting but it reminded me of the first day we met.

I think I stared into space for a good minute or two until Yongguk broke my concentration.

"You're thinking about her again, aren't you?" It was like he could read my mind. "What happened to Nahyun? I thought you two were getting serious."

Choi Nahyun, the daughter of some conglomerate business man of a Korean company who sent her out to America to get a law degree blah, blah, blah.

She was a stuck up brat with no regard for other people's feelings. At least that's what I thought, before I actually got to know her one late night at the studio. She adored music and that's all she could see herself doing but her dad had other plans for her. She was stuck in a place she couldn't get out of, so she lied her way out here by telling her father that she wanted to pursue law. Several late nights turned into something else. A relationship.

I didn't absolutely hate the idea of being in a relationship with someone, and I actually cared for her but nothing would compare to what I had with Ally.

I pulled out a small velvet box from my pocket and tossed it at Yongguk to catch. "We are."

His expression when he opened the box was priceless. I almost took a picture.

"You sure you're ready?" He tossed it back.

"I have to move on with someone and Nahyun is a great girl." I stuffed it back in my pocket.

"Whatever you say. Just make sure you think it through." He turned towards the soundboard and made a few tweaks to the bass.

"I'm going over to Starbucks, you want anything?" I stood up and stretched.

"Bring me back a bagel." He said as I walked out the door.

~~

Americano and bagel in hand I walked out and almost bumped into a little girl sitting on the ground with her head down.

"Uh," I hesitated, I didn't know what to do or say. "Hey." I nudged her with my foot.

When she looked up, her eyes were full of sadness and she had tears streaming down her face.

"What's wrong?" I kneeled down to match her height. She couldn't have been any older than seven.

"I lost my mommy." She wiped her cheeks.

Now I really didn't know what to do. "Okay, what's your name?"

"Bailey." She tucked her thick curly hair behind her ear.

"Do you know where your mom went?" I ran a hand through my hair.

"I don't know!" She started crying again.

Her cries drew attention. And I certainly didn't want to look like some ert or a kidnapper. So I said anything to get her to keep quiet.

"I like to play guitar. And I like to dance, but I'm not very good. What do you like to do?" I tried to distract her.

She sniffled and looked up at me with her dark brown almond shaped eyes. "I dance too."

"Really? What kind? Do you do hip hop like me?!" I set my stuff down and busted out a purposefully terrible move.

She giggled. "No! I do ballet, like this." She stood up and did multiple twirls with her hands up above her head. When she finished I clapped for her. "I'm the best in my class." She boasted.

"That's not all! Look!" She pointed at her teeth. She smiled and showed off her two missing front teeth.

"I got ten dollars! My daddy says the tooth fairy left it for me. But I know it was him." She crossed her arms across her little body.

This kid was smart.

"Bay!" I heard someone scream from behind me.

"Aunty Mimi!" A woman brushed past me and hugged the little girl. "Oh my god, we were looking everywhere for you!"

The woman whipped around to face me and kept Bailey behind her.

I couldn't believe my eyes, so I rubbed them and she was still there with the same face.

"Himchan? What are you doing here?" She quickly picked Bailey up.

I was at a lose for words. What were the odds?

"I-I moved out here a couple months ago... with Yongguk."

Her whole demeanor changed. "Yongguk's here too?" She looked flustered.

"Yeah."

After a few seconds she went back to her same attitude. "Why were you here with Bailey?"

"She said she lost her mother, I couldn't just leave her here." A thought crossed my mind after saying that. "Whose child is this?"

"We have to go now." She dodged my question and walked away quickly with Bailey waving me goodbye.

Not quite ready to end the conversation, I followed after. "Emily!"

She stopped, I'm guessing she realized pretty quickly that I wouldn't stop following her.

"Just leave it alone. You don't want to go down this road. She's doing just fine without you barging into her life!" She stopped herself from speaking anymore as she had said too much.

"She who? Ally?" My heart began to pound.

"Please, just leave it alone." She pleaded. "I'm going and don't follow me this time."

I stood there for a solid ten minutes before I could move again.

Ally was here.

~~

"Alright man. We have a deal. Great, thanks." Yongguk hung up the phone and did a little victory dance until he heard me close the door.

"Guess what!" He turned to face me. "Some company is launching this amazing new product which merges fashion and music and they want us to produce some sick beats." He turned around to jot something down.

"They're having a launch party next month and they need us to have at least three songs produced by then." He turned back to face me but sighed, he must've noticed my somber expression. "I know it's gonna be tough but we got this."

I shook my head. "It's not that."

He sighed again. "Then what is it?"

I stayed silent.

"If it's about Ally then you need to—"

"I saw Emily." I cut him off.

"You what?" He fell into his chair. "That's not possible."

I took a seat. "She and Ally are both in New York. And she has a kid."

"Em has a kid?" He shot up.

"No, not her." My head hung low.

"Oh." He sat down. "Oh." It sunk in.

"She probably has a great life, a career... a man she loves. Or loved enough to have a kid with." I sunk into my chair.

When I looked over at Yongguk, it looked like he was deep in thought. "She looked happy." I managed to grab his attention.

"Huh?"

"When I mentioned you she looked happy. She even smiled." He ran a hand through his hair and bit his lip to hide his smile which was totally obvious.

"Okay," I wanted to change the subject. "About this launch party."

~~~

A MONTH LATER

We had no idea whether this launch thing was formal or not, so I came in my best suit and tie while Yongguk was more casual.

"Dude, I can't believe we got five songs done." He said as I adjusted my crooked tie.

"Himchan Kim and Yongguk Bang." I told the guy at the entrance. He checked off our names and let us through. Instantly we were hit by a barrage of lights that flashed in our faces.

"Hi, hi, hi! You must be the producers." A girl rushed up to us and handed us VIP lanyards with our names on them. "Follow me."

The red headed girl with freckles took us to an elaborately decorated room with mirrors and clothes all around.

"Just wait here. The makeup artist will be here soon to touch you up for the pictures." She was walking away already.

"Pictures?" I whispered to Yongguk, which he responded to with a clueless shrug.

A couple minutes passed by before someone came in. I instantly recognized her.

"Hello, I'm—" She stopped in her tracks. "You again!?"

Yongguk whipped around at the sound of her voice. A voice I'm sure he never forgot. "Emily?"

She dropped the makeup tools she had in her hands, with agape in shock. Promptly closing it she bent down to pick them up, Yongguk went over to her to help out. "Have you and Ally been in New York this whole time?"

She gave me a quick glance. "I've been around. I can't say the same for Ally." She didn't want to confirm Ally's whereabouts. And I understood. I broke her best friend's heart like a coward and didn't stand up for her or myself even in the face of my career ending.

"I've missed you." He took her by the hand.

And I took that as my cue to leave and give them some alone time. I quietly made my way out the room and slowly closed the door.

"Hey, I remember you!" I felt a little tug on the back of my suit jacket. When I turned around it was the little girl from Starbucks, Bailey. I bent down to match her height.

"Oh yeah, I remember you too. What's your name? Don't tell me." I paused. "Is it Baloney?" I smiled.

"No!" She giggled and jumped around. "Guess again."

"Hmm," I pretended to think and placed a hand on my chin. "Bacon?"

"It's Bailey!" She started twirling. "I do ballet, remember?"

"Nice seeing you again, Bailey. I'm Himchan." I held out my hand which she promptly shook.

"Bailey Bun," A man appeared from what seemed like no where. I recognized him from a previous encounter.

"Seunghyun hyung!" I bowed. I was surprised to see the infamous T.O.P here, in New York.

Though I was elated to see him, I couldn't exactly say the same about him seeing me. But then again, he was always so hard to read. "Ah, Himchan. It's been a while. I see you've met my daughter." He took her by the hand, which incited her to do another twirl.

"Y-Your daughter?" I tried keeping my cool. So he's the man Ally loves?

"Yes, she certainly has spunk, doesn't she?"

I smiled at Bailey. "Yes she does."

It was weird, I've been around kids before but I felt connected somehow to her, which I can probably chalk up to my connection with Ally.

"Where's mommy?" She asked as she looked up at him with those same dopey eyes she had when she was crying outside of Starbucks. "She has Jelly Bean."

"Jelly Bean?" I looked at Seunghyun.

"He's my bestest friend! We have tea parties all the time." She suddenly gasped. "Do you wanna meet him?" She grabbed my hand and started pulling me in her direction before I could object.

"I think you will be bestest friends with him too." She continued to guide me through the crowd of people.

People moved out of her way the moment they realized that they were obstructing her path. And she knew it. Clearly she's been to these kinds of things before. I guess that's just one of the perks of being the daughter of Choi Seunghyun. But even that couldn't stop me from worrying about her well being. Was this even the right environment for a child?

Suddenly there was a woman in my view, her back facing me, holding a stuffed elephant at her side. And as we crept closer, I could tell more and more that it was her. Her hair was up in a bun with stray hairs here and there, which she tried to rake back with her fingers.

"Yeah that's good." She critiqued one girl's outfit as she removed the scarf from around the girl's neck.

"Mommy!" Bailey let go of my hand and ran to Ally.

"Hey, princess!" Ally turned around and crouched down to embrace her little girl. "Where did you go? Did you find your dad?"

She nodded her head vigorously. "Can I have Jelly Bean? I want him to meet my new friend." She pointed towards me.

It took her a few seconds to finally look up and when she did, the adoring smile meant for her child quickly morphed into a scornful glare meant for me.

Damn... If looks could kill.