What the hell was I thinking?
Why the heck did I even blow up like that?
I mean, he had it coming, but I should feel....I don't know....somewhat relieved?

So why do I feel like crap?

"Ugh, that jerk even screwed around with my feelings," I sprawled out on the hill I was sitting on that overlooked the town. The grass tickled the back of my neck as I laid there, lost in my own thoughts for what seemed like hours.

I still didn't get it.
I'm suppose to be happy that I told L off.
But instead, I only felt....regret.
And as indifferent as I may seem on the outside, I actually did kinda care about him.
I mean, we both needed each other to get out of this game.

"I give up," I mumbled to myself as I sat up. The sun in the distance was setting, casting eerie looking shadows across the field that separated the hill and the town gate. I felt a shiver go down my spine.

The wind suddenly picked up as the little remaining rays of sunlight disappeared.
And that little shiver that I felt before came back with a vengence.
I stared at the creepy looking field, slowly walking back and hating every minute of it.

"Why the frick do I always put myself into these weird, awkward situations?" I shook my head, dragging my feet across the field. Behind me, the wind rustled the branches on the trees so loudly that someone could've snuck behind me and I wouldn't even know it.

Correction.
Something.

The second the wind stopped, I heard a small thump and the next thing I knew, I was lying face down on the ground.
The only two things I could hear was the monster's growling and my racing heartbeat.
I extended my fingers slowly and placed both my hands flat on the ground, feeling the magic surge through me and flow into it. Seconds later, vines shot up from the ground and wrapped themselves tightly around the monster's ankles, pulling it off of me and into the air, where it dangled, struggling and biting on the vines. As I got up off the ground, it suddenly turned its head and howled towards the woods, getting multiple howls in response.

It was calling for backup.
I could only handle 3 monsters max.
And judging by the sound of the running and crashing going on in the woods, I'd say there's probably more than 3 coming at me right now.

I swung my hand upwards, making another vine shoot up from the ground and stab the monster through the stomach.
It disintigrated into pixels just as its friends arrived.
Their beady, red eyes narrowed in on me as I just stood there.
I couldn't move.
I was literally frozen on the spot, waiting for them to use me as their late night snack.

"Move," I whispered to myself, willing my feet to run and forcing them to move. "MOVE!"

They pounced all at once.
I didn't even have time to react.
The last thing I saw before I out was someone's back and the flash of a sword.

Ugh...my head.
Oh my gosh, it feels like someone threw a brick at it.
I rubbed it and cringed as the world came into focus through my half opened eyes.

I was inside.
What the hell?
How did I end up outside on the field getting ready to be eaten by a bunch of monsters, to being inside looking up at a ceiling.

"You're finally awake," I heard L's voice coming from the doorway. I sat up slowly and saw him leaning against the door frame with one hand resting gently on his sword.

That sword.
I remember seeing a sword before I passed out.
And someone's back.
But he didn't follow me to the field so there's no way that could've been him.

"You know," he walked over to the bed and sat in the chair beside it, "you're not as heavy as you look."
The only reason why I didn't punch him in the face was cause I honestly didn't have any energy to lift my arms.
"Gee thanks..." I said, shooting him my usual dirty look. "Wait...why were you carrying me anyways? Last time I checked, you were in town and I was out there. Plus you don't even have any reason to carry me back remember?"
L tilted his head a little as he opened his mouth slightly, moving his tongue inside. As he started leaning in towards me, my natural reaction would be to push him away or pull the covers over my head, but something told me not to move.

So I sat there...staring him down as he got closer to me.
He stopped as soon as his mouth was directly next to my ear, tickling it with his breath.
I froze.

"You really wanna know my reason?" he whispered, making the hairs on my body involuntarily stand up and my heart beat accelerate.
I couldn't really form coherent words to answer him with at this point
And I know he was enjoying every minute of it.
He scoffed before he pulled back, leaning against his chair again as I shook my head, snapping myself out of the daze he put me in;

I don't know why, but my body always reacts in the complete opposite way I want it to when it come to L.
Him being so close to me shouldn't make my heart skip a beat or give me butterflies in my stomach.
But it does.
And I can't do anything about it.
It's like my body is trying to tell me something by reacting on its own like this.
Maybe it is...
But at the moment, my brain and heart refuse to listen to it.

"You didn't answer my question," I finally said, watching him toss his bangs to the side with a quick turn of his head. Why were you there?"
"Did you wanna become their dinner?"
"No but-"
He got up out of his seat, his eyes never leaving mine, "So stop asking then."

Silence settled in the room again.
He looked away and sighed, running his fingers through his hair as he turned around and headed for the door, "Get some rest. We're leaving in the morning."
"Ok," I mumbled in repsonse. He was already at the door when I all of sudden just blurted out, "Thank you."
L stopped halfway through the doorframe and turned around,
I found myself smiling at him, "Thank you...for saving me again."
"You owe me," he replied, disappearing around the corner. Two seconds later, he stuck his head back into the room.
"Anytime," he said with a little smile on his lips.

Author's Note

about the title: "now if i look behind me, i feel like you’ll be there"~Without You