Ji Hyo fixed her eyes at him for a second longer, seeing how Jong Kook’s eyes darkened into a cloud of storm. She smiled sadly, knowingly, as his jaw clenched and his lips pressed tightly into a thin line, not letting him say a word. For a split second their eyes met but Jong Kook quickly closed his eyes and broke the contact; he was so afraid with the questions b in her eyes – the ever resounding ‘why’ that he was unable to give the answer to because in truth, how could Jong Kook explain her something that he couldn’t even explain to himself?

He was still closing his eyes when he heard a shuffling of fabric next to him followed by a cool touch on his heated skin. His breath hitched as he felt a thumb caress his cheek, coaxing him to open his eyes. Involuntarily Jong Kook leaned in to the soft touch and opened his eyes very slowly. The intensity in Ji Hyo’s eyes was drowning.

“It’s alright, Jong Kook-ah,” she said. “I’m not going to ask anymore. It’s going to be alright.”

Unable to form a word as he was too mesmerised by the feel of her skin on his and the silky voice calling his name, Jong Kook could only nod. He expected her to draw back but the next thing she did surprised the both of them. Before he could react, Ji Hyo had knelt in front of him and leaned forward to close the distance between them. Her lips found the corner of his mouth and she lingered for a while before pulling back.

This time Jong Kook’s reaction was swift. His hand shot out and captured Ji Hyo’s wrist before she could move away too far. He wasn’t thinking when he pulled her hard, making her lose her balance and fall unceremoniously into his embrace, and he wasn’t thinking either when he circled his arms around her.

"Oppa!" Ji Hyo exclaimed, trying to pull away, "Oppa, your mother..."

“No, please,” Jong Kook pleaded, whispering into her hair, “Let me. Please, just this once – one more time.” Ji Hyo was still tense in his arms for a second before she went limp, snaking her own arms around him.

She closed her eyes as she pressed the side of her face into his chest, listening to the steady beating of his heart and feeling the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed. He was so warm and he felt a lot like home. Ji Hyo breathed in the scent of him, thinking of how right it felt while at the same time realising how wrong it was. He wasn’t hers to hold, never once and – from the look of it – never would be. But like he said earlier – just this once, one more time. One more time pretending; she could live with that.

They stayed in each other’s arms for some time before he regretfully let go, remembering where they were right now. His body hummed in protest when she pulled away from him but he ignored it. It was enough – it had to be enough. Jong Kook was secretly happy that Ji Hyo stayed seated next to him, close enough that their shoulders bumped. A single glance at the woman showed that she was blushing faintly. You’re so pretty, Song Ji Hyo, he thought.

“Do you think we can do it?” she posed.

“Do what?”

“Being friends. We’ve been doing a lousy job at being just friends so far,” she mumbled lightly.

Jong Kook shrugged. “Maybe it just means that we should stop trying. Maybe we are meant for more,” he commented without looking at her.  

“Maybe,” Ji Hyo affirmed with a nod, almost inaudibly. “But then again, we’re also lousy at being more than friends.” She looked up at the ceiling and closed her eyes, remarking, “Maybe one of these days you’ll find some girl who doesn’t make everything complicated, Hyungnim.”

He looked at her in disbelief – was this woman daft? Didn’t she know that he wouldn’t exchange her for any woman in the world? Of course she doesn’t know, stupid Kim Jong Kook – you never said a word to her, the voice in his head mocked mercilessly. “I doubt it,” he replied. Ji Hyo opened her eyes and he thought he saw sadness flash in her eyes for a second.

“Don’t be so sure about it, my Oppa,” was her only reply, a sad smile on her face. She leaned sideways and rested her head on Jong Kook’s shoulder. It was an involuntary gesture but even when she realised what she was doing, Ji Hyo didn’t remove herself off of him. She closed her eyes and inhaled the scent of him, letting her mind wander to the early morning when she woke up the second time.

...

The sun was up and shining when Ji Hyo opened her eyes the second time. She no longer felt so weak and her feet didn’t throb so much this time – she was sure that she was alright. A glance at the clock showed that it was still fairly early and from the sounds – or lack thereof – outside, she was sure that she could go back to sleep if she wanted to. Ji Hyo snuggled farther into her blanket, staring blankly at the ceiling as she removed the cobwebs of sleep from her hazy mind before rolling to her side.

Immediately her eyes fell on the sleeping figure lying on the floor next to the bed. A smile crept into her face when she traced the outline of Jong Kook’s perfectly sculptured face with her eyes. She was itching to touch his face, but she knew that it wasn’t her place to do so; she had to feel contented only by looking at him. The older man looked so peaceful in his sleep – there was no trace of worry on his face and the vertical lines that recently seemed to be ingrained permanently between his brows when he was awake was nowhere to be seen, making him look a lot younger. He was handsome, Ji Hyo had to admit.

Her eyes soon fell to Jong Kook’s lips and she blushed in an instant, the memory of their kiss flooded back into her making her tingle in places that had no business to be tingling. Unconsciously, Ji Hyo her lower lip as she stared at the pair of thin lips – now knowing how they really tasted against her own. If she wanted to be honest, she didn’t want the kiss to end; he was a good kisser and their exchanged lip-lock was too brief to her liking. Yeah, that coming from the woman who slapped him for kissing her, mocked her brain. Shut up, Ji Hyo berated to silence the jeering voice in her head, he deserved the slap.

Keep fooling yourself, Song Ji Hyo. You enjoyed the kiss, admit it, the voice was unforgiving. Ji Hyo clicked her tongue and said that it was only because he was a good kisser. But even as she told herself that she knew that was not the sole reason. Yes, it was undeniable that Jong Kook was a great kisser – she had some men in the past as comparisons. And yet she couldn’t deny that he woke up something else inside her that she never felt before. Lust – that must be lust, she rationalised, not wanting to further complicate herself by falling for someone who didn’t even love her.

A faint voice from the floor broke her out of her musing. Ji Hyo blinked to see that Jong Kook had turned around, curling in a ball as if fighting off the cold. It was then when she realised that he wasn’t wearing any blankets. The woman sighed; she sat up and pondered what to do – she grimaced at the thought of having to meet with Jong Kook’s mother. The older woman had to hate her very much for creating trouble in her household. Of course she could always pretend to sleep until Jong Kook was awake, but she didn’t want to meet Jong Kook either.

Well, first thing first, she decided as she got up from the bed, wincing slightly when trying to stand on her injured feet. That’s what you get for being impulsive, her logical brain said cruelly. Ji Hyo took a tentative step, and then another, and decided that the pain was bearable. Slowly she knelt by Jong Kook’s side with blanket in her hand.

As she began to cover Jong Kook with the blanket, she felt him stir. Ji Hyo froze, fearing that he would wake up. She didn’t move until she was sure that he was still fast asleep. The woman carefully tucked his legs under the blanket, making sure that his shoulders were covered properly too. The floor was warm, thanks to the ondol, but it didn’t mean that the morning chill didn’t enter the room. Afterward, she stayed kneeling by his side, again indulging herself into watching him sleep.

When the temptation overwhelmed her, Ji Hyo raised a hand and softly ran her fingers into his hair. Jong Kook sighed in his sleep, shuffling closer to her as if knowing that she was there. Jong Kook’s hair felt soft to the touch and somehow it comforted Ji Hyo.

What are you to me, Jong Kook Oppa? She wondered. What am I to you?

“Mmmhhh... Ji Hyo,” he suddenly mumbled in his sleep and again, Ji Hyo stopped on her tracks. Her heartbeat picked up a ridiculous pace on his next words. “I love you.”

Gasping in disbelief, Ji Hyo scrambled to her feet and backed away. What did you just say? Her mind screamed. “No, no, no...” She was so confused. The woman turned around fast for the door, not wanting to be in the same room with the older man who kept turning her world upside down and back again.

Ji Hyo closed the door behind her and she leaned on it, her face pale as paper and her head spun. It couldn’t be – he couldn’t love her. He just said that he didn’t love her the previous night. No, her mind had to be playing tricks on her.

Love? That was ridiculous. He couldn’t love her; it was not in the least possible. Ji Hyo couldn’t help but feel the irony of the situation – last night she thought she’d give anything to hear him say the words to her but now that she heard it fall from his own mouth, she was scared. The instinct to run away was so great that she actually trembled on her spot. What could she do now if he really loved her? She honestly didn’t want to think about that. Not before she could sort out her own feelings toward him – and obviously not before she knew that Chang Joo wouldn’t be able to touch them anymore.

That was how Kim Sang Hae found her a few minutes later, her back leaning on the door; she was mumbling the word ‘no’ over and over again. The older woman almost couldn’t believe her eyes at how quickly Ji Hyo regained her composure the moment she realised that she was no longer alone – the conflicted look on her face was replaced with calmness as she regarded the older woman cordially. If anything, Sang Hae thought, this woman was a very good actress.

...

“Ji Hyo? Are you alright?” he asked in concern for she didn’t say a word for a while.

No, I’m not. I’m far from alright, Ji Hyo thought but she said nothing. She was so emotionally tired and she knew she had to regroup; alas, she couldn’t do so if he was around. Therefore she offered him a weak smile and started to leave, telling him that she was going to help his mother with lunch. He didn’t stop her this time.

When she was a couple of steps away, still limping a little, she remembered something. Ji Hyo turned around to find Jong Kook staring at her with open mouth – no, she corrected herself, he was staring at my clothes. She raised an eyebrow.

“Didn’t your mother teach you it’s impolite to stare, Kim Jong Kook?”

If she was trying to make him uncomfortable, she failed. “I’m not staring at you,” he replied unabashedly, pointing at Ji Hyo’s shirt.“That’s my shirt you’re wearing.” And my boxers. Oh and by the way, you look edible in it. He bit his tongue before the words came out. Get a grip, Kim Jong Kook – she’s not some food you can eat!

Ji Hyo looked down at her outfit and scoffed. “This?” she said, “Honestly, Kim Jong Kook, it doesn’t even fit you anymore. I’m taking it.”

He went agape when his brain was done processing her words. “Did you just say what I think you just said?”

The woman rolled her eyes impatiently, waving her hand dismissively at him. “Before I forget,” she said, nodding at the fish pond. “Omeoni wanted me to tell you that you have until lunchtime to retrieve all the pebbles from the pond.” She pivoted and walked away but not before winking at him, sweetly adding, “Oh, and she also said please don’t disturb the fish while you’re at it or you’ll be in trouble.”

It wasn’t until they left the house when Jong Kook realised that she had referred to his mother as ‘Omeoni’ and for a reason, he felt his heart swell.

***

Even though this wasn’t the first time Jong Kook went to a Saeguk filming set, he had to admit that this one was quite impressive. The detailed work on the props and costumes worn by leading actors as well as the cameos showed that it was not child’s play – that the crew worked real hard to ensure the propriety of the set to the era. It was amazing dedication; if only he could say the same about the work condition.

Leaning against the side of his car with a can of tea he got from a crew in his hand, his eyes travelled around to see exhausted faces around him. Once in a while he would crane his neck to look for Ji Hyo but the woman was nowhere to be seen. She had been whisked away by her manager and a costume artist – who made it a point to look at him condescendingly as she went past – immediately upon arrival, practically leaving him stranded in the set.

He noticed some glances directed at him and while they were more curious than hostile, Jong Kook couldn’t help but feel awkward and so out of place. From afar, outside the perimeters, he could see people (fans or paparazzi, who knew?) taking pictures of actors. It took him a while before he realised that he, too, was the object of the vigorous picture taking.

Having been a celebrity for some time had taught Jong Kook to pay little attention to people taking pictures of him without permission, but in the light of recent events he became a lot more self-conscious about his pictures being taken. He was acutely alert about his whereabouts; this was Ji Hyo’s film setting. Wouldn’t people read too much about his being around? For a split second he thought if Ji Hyo had an ulterior motive of inviting him – then again, wasn’t she the one who kept insisting that they stop pretending? Jong Kook frowned and quickly removed the idea from his brain. Ji Hyo wasn’t the type to tricking him for her own gain; and besides, what did she gain from doing this?

Jong Kook had just finished his tea when he saw Ji Hyo coming out of a trailer on the far side of the setting. Not wanting to disturb anyone, he didn’t go to her but simply waved a hand. She waved back and mouthed something he couldn’t understand; he gestured that he couldn’t hear her and after a couple of tries, she gave up. She raised her phone and waved it at him, telling him that she was going to call.

“Orabeonni,” she greeted the moment he picked up his phone and Jong Kook rolled his eyes at the way she addressed him.

“Yah, Song Ji Hyo! You keep finding new words to call me with!” he commented in a chuckle.

“Orabeonni,” Ji Hyo ignored him, “Are you having fun? What are you doing there? Do you see the second trailer on your left? Go sit there – it’s mine.”

“I’m fine, don’t worry about me,” he said, “You have a good filming, okay?” Ji Hyo smiled, nodding from afar and Jong Kook winked at her. “By the way, you look dashing in that dress,” he complimented before hanging up.

Ji Hyo’s filming took several run-throughs and by the time they did the real take, Jong Kook noticed that she looked a little bit worn out – the limp on her feet was becoming more noticeable if people bothered to care. The other thing he’d notice was how the crew and actors kept her on arm lengths in between takes. It hit him square in the stomach as he remembered about Ji Hyo’s drunken call in Jeju.

She had told him about people avoiding her; he knew that she didn’t lie even back then, but he thought she was only over sensitive about it – that she was exaggerating it a little. But here he saw it with his own eyes how some people deliberately avoided her eyes the moment the PD said ‘cut’, how the younger actors spoke with one another as if she wasn’t there.

She had been right – he got away far too easily. The elation he had been feeling for having settled down some things with Ji Hyo evaporated in an instant, replaced by a sudden weight of guilt that sank his heart down. Their eyes met and Jong Kook broke into cold sweat of understanding what made her invite him to the set; the words were written so visibly in the pair of sad eyes: “Welcome to my world, Jong Kook Oppa”.

A/N: Sorry if this doesn't live to the expectation and that somehow Ji Hyo looks like an indecisive biatch on this chapter. I'm not promising that I'm going to explain her behaviour - no, I hope you will be able to pick up the hints that she was too confused to know what she was doing. 

I typed this at work so I don't have time to do any proofreading. Please feel free to criticise and point out any mistakes or discrepancies you see; I'll fix them all later. 

Thank you for reading and sticking to the story this far, dearies :) I appreciate all the subs and upvote and the comments you throw my way.