Jong Kook sat on the wooden porch that overlooked the backyard with his back against a large wooden post, engrossed with his own thoughts. He didn’t look up when he heard muffled footsteps of socked feet approaching him in hope that they took a hint and left him alone. There was no such luck, though. From his peripheral vision he saw a tray of beverage and snack being placed next to him followed by a rustle of a dress and the sound of someone sitting down. He sighed.

“Don’t be rude; I’m not here to talk to you,” the person said nonchalantly. “If anything, you came to me and not the other way around. Go back to your daydreaming – and drop the frown, it’s impolite to scowl at your mother.”

The man winced and had the sense to look sheepish. He mumbled his apology as he watched his mother take out a piece of half-finished crochet work from a basket and begin to work without so much as looking at him. The rhythmical action of needles and thread against a piece of cloth lulled Jong Kook back into his train of thoughts of the event a few hours ago.

He didn’t know what made him drive to his mother’s house. It was the only thing that came into his mind when, in between heaving sobs, Ji Hyo held on to him and told him she didn’t want anyone to look at her like that. The moment she broke down in tears he quickly scanned for the nearest rest area and parked his car in one of the farthest spots. It was almost impossible to move around in such enclosed space but somehow Jong Kook managed to loosen the woman’s seatbelt and pull her onto his arms. She buried her head in the crook of his neck and Jong Kook was so tempted to kiss her head to calm her. He didn’t do it, though. Instead, he rubbed soothing circles on her back and murmured words that meant nothing. It didn’t take long for Ji Hyo to fall asleep and Jong Kook carefully eased her back on her seat and secured the seatbelts before driving away, turning the car to another direction that wasn’t Anyang or Ilsan.

Jong Kook thought that he owed his mother so much. It seemed to him that his mother had lived long enough in this world to be unfazed about a lot of things, especially when it came to her children. The older Kim didn’t even bat an eye when her younger son showed up unannounced at her doorstep early in the afternoon, carrying a sleeping woman in his arms.

To her credits, the older woman simply nodded quietly in acknowledgement at her son’s grim expression before ushering them into Jong Kook’s old room which she always kept in an impeccable condition. She didn’t raise a question when she saw Ji Hyo’s swollen lip and the sign of dried tears on her face as Jong Kook laid her gently onto his bed. She lingered long enough to see her son cover the sleeping woman with a blanket and tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. Deciding to give them privacy, the woman left the room; she did leave the door open by a crack, though, because this was still her house and the idea of leaving a woman and a man not married to each other in a bedroom didn’t really appeal to her traditional value.

The muscular man bent down, took a handful of colourful pebbles off the ground under the porch and began throwing them one by one to the fishpond at the far side of the backyard. It wasn’t until he heard his mother clearing when he stopped.

“Those pebbles won’t walk out of the pond by themselves, son,” she reminded calmly, still with her eyes on her work. The stout woman smiled when she heard him drop the rest of the pebbles back to where they belonged.

“Sorry, I’ll clean everything before I leave,” he mumbled like a guilty child after being reprimanded.

“Make sure not to disturb the fish while you’re at it,” the older Kim added.

Jong Kook couldn’t help but chuckle. He wiped his hands at his jeans before reaching for a mug of his mother’s special blend of corn tea. Jong Kook closed his eyes as he took a long sip of the drink, revelling at the unique taste of his favourite drink. It was weird, really, but he always found comfort in the beverage since he was a child and the familiarity sent warmth into his heart.

They fell back into silence, mother and son busy with their own musings. Kim Sang Hae wouldn’t say that she wasn’t curious to what happened – the look on her son’s face was enough to tell her that Jong Kook was having problems – but she also knew that asking questions wouldn’t be the best approach with this son. While Jong Kook’s brother would be spewing everything that bothered him if asked, Jong Kook would only close himself further. Her younger son always opted to be left alone to gather his thoughts and regroup before he said anything, if at all.

Noticing that she was looking at him, Jong Kook tilted his head to the side. “You aren’t going to ask me anything, are you, Omma?”

“Do you want me to ask you questions?” she asked back calmly.

Jong Kook shrugged. “Yes,” he answered hesitantly, “No. Not really – I... I don’t know.” He fiddled with his glass and took another long sip of corn tea, revelling at the unique taste of it when it touched his tongue. “This is very good, Omma – you have to teach me how to make this,” he commented.

The older woman didn’t stop what she was doing as she laughed at Jong Kook’s remark. “It must be some problem you are having now, Jong Kook-ah,” she said. Her son raised a questioning eyebrow and she elaborated, “You always say the same thing when you have something really bothering you.” She put down her work on her lap then patted her son’s hand. “Don’t look like that – you don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to.”

Jong Kook nodded, understanding fully that his mother meant what she said. She was not one to push him to talk if he didn’t want to. He was mulling over whether or not to tell the older woman his problem. On the one hand, he didn’t want to burden her with his problem – it wasn’t fair to dump his difficulties on the woman who had raised him; on the other hand, he needed someone level-headed enough to listen to his problems without making any judgments. Besides, he felt that he owed his mother an explanation – it would be right to tell your mother the reason to why you brought a woman that wasn’t your wife to her house, wouldn’t it?

“We were having lunch, Ji Hyo and I,” he started, focusing his eyes on a weird-shaped shrubbery around the fish pond, not looking at his mother. “We were just talking and suddenly a woman came out of nowhere, poured ice water on her head, called her a , and ran away before I could react.”

“Do you know her?”

“No,” replied Jong Kook curtly. “I take it she was a disgruntled fan – my fan who doesn’t like me and Ji Hyo being together. We got a lot of that, her mostly.”

The older woman frowned at the story. “That was rude!” she commented in high voice, “Rude and totally disgusting, I must add. Aissh, what has this world come to? Young people nowadays have no manners! Reall, Jong Kook-ah, I get it that you and Song Ji Hyo-ssi are celebrities but that doesn’t mean that people can simply come to your face telling you how to live your lives. You are still humans with privacy, for goodness’ sake!”

“No, Omma – you don’t understand. Some fans, they think that celebrities belong to them and that we have to please their every need. The length these people do... well, you really don’t want to know.”

“Did the woman do anything else? Why is there a cut on Ji Hyo-ssi’s lip?”

His expression darkened. “That was another story,” he said, pausing a second to calm himself down and shaking the image of Ji Hyo’s crumpling on the ground in the wood. “Another story in which I also failed to protect her. It frustrates me, Omma – it frustrates me to keep failing and seeing her hurt because I’m not good enough to keep her out of harm’s way. I’m constantly in pain because she keeps hurting. I want her to be happy; I need her to be happy. I lo–...” Jong Kook stopped mid-sentence. What was he going to say? Love? That was too strong of a word and he was damn sure it wasn’t what he had in mind. He furrowed his brows.

If the older Kim heard the half-formed word, she didn’t show it. Instead she focused on Jong Kook’s earlier sentences and she told her son that however good his intention was he was still human and there were only so many things he could do to shield someone from bad things – he couldn’t control everything. “What matters is that you’re there for her,” she ended the advice.

 “I’m not sure that it’s that simple anymore, Omma,” Jong Kook sighed.

“Why? Because it’s no longer pure sympathy that you are feeling now? Because there’s something else involved?”

Jong Kook grimaced at the blunt question. “Yes,” he finally admitted hesitantly. “Ji Hyo–... she’s grown on me. I don’t know how and when but I know that she’s a very important part of me now. She’s always on my mind because I constantly worried about her; worried about what makes her happy, about she is feeling sad. It’s... maddening.”

 “And yet you don’t love her?”

“And yet I don’t love her like a man loves a woman,” Jong Kook corrected his mother quickly. “I do love her very much, but not that kind of love – at least that’s what I think.”

She smiled cryptically at her son and rested a hand on his chest. “Then, Kim Jong Kook,” she began patiently, “it’s time for you to think less and feel more.”

Jong Kook opened his mouth to ask what she meant by that when he heard a creak from behind them. He turned around to see Ji Hyo standing at the doorframe. How long has she been standing there? His panicked mind said. “Ji Hyo,” he said, standing up immediately. Her face, as usual, betrayed nothing with her blank expression and Jong Kook really wished that this woman wasn’t so good of an actress.

Ji Hyo smiled awkwardly at the man before turning to the woman she recognised as Jong Kook’s mother to bow deep as a greeting. She felt so embarrassed for being an inconvenience and told the other woman so.

Kim Sang Hae chuckled when she saw the utter discomfort in Ji Hyo’s stiff feature, immediately taking a like on her. They talked a bit before the Kim woman decided to leave the two to their own devices, telling them to stay put for dinner.

“Hey,” Jong Kook began when they were alone. “Are you alright?”

“I can’t believe you brought me to your mother’s house,” Ji Hyo whispered as she sat down, glancing at the direction of the house just in case the older woman was still within earshot. “What were you thinking?”

“I didn’t,” he admitted. “I just wanted to make sure you were alright and somehow I arrived here.” He saw Ji Hyo shake her head. “You were asleep,” Jong Kook pointed out in defence. “I was worn out and it would be inappropriate if people see we slept in the car. If I drove to either of our places, I can’t carry you upstairs either. People would see and talk. Taking you to a hotel was definitely out of the question – that would be scandalous.”

The thought of Jong Kook’s taking her to a hotel made Ji Hyo blush bright red. She cleared and looked away for a moment to school her expression, focusing on what she had overheard from the conversation Jong Kook and his mother had had to calm the beating of her heart. The handcraft in the basket drew her attention; carefully, Ji Hyo ran her fingers on the neatly crocheted artwork. Without looking at Jong Kook, she remarked, “You could have driven me home and waken me up once we arrived.”

 “I could have,” he agreed.

“Why didn’t you?”

“I’m not ready to let you out of my sight yet,” he replied truthfully.

Ji Hyo stopped her movements, turning her head to look at Jong Kook. “You should stop that, you know,” she said in a small voice.

“Stop what?” Jong Kook replied in confusion.

“That – the whole act of being nice and lovey-dovey to me. We are not in public now and you don’t have to pretend to be my boyfriend,” she explained tiredly. “I know your mother knows that we aren’t really together – her choice of words say as much.”

He shook his head. “I don’t understand,” he said. “I’m not acting.”

Ji Hyo exhaled, hunching her shoulders as if the weight of the world was on them. “I want us to stop this nuisance – you and I being together; I can no longer pretend that I am your girlfriend. This is silly. I–.. Let’s just stop and not talk about it anymore, shall we?”

“Why? Ji Hyo, I swear to you if this is about Baek Chang Joo again I...”

“No!” she paused. “Yes, partly – but that’s not about it.”

“Then why? We were alright when you left for Jeju. Why? What changed?” he pressed. Something that resembled annoyance flashed in Ji Hyo’s eyes and Jong Kook sighed in understanding. “Don’t tell me it’s because you thought I changed.”

She scoffed, “I don’t think it, Jong Kook Oppa. You did change. As a matter of fact, you’re still awkward around me for the reasons which I can’t put my fingers on.”

“I can fix that.”

“And what good will it do, Oppa? You said it yourself earlier: this is not that simple anymore. And yes, I agree with you.”

He froze. “You heard my conversation with my mother,” he stated. “How much did you hear?”

“Enough.” She closed her eyes to fight the wave of emotions that began to crash the walls of her heart. “I’m not your pity project, Jong Kook Oppa. Don’t treat me as such.”

“Cheon Seung Im, honestly, you can be frustrating at times – who said anything about pity project?”

“Nobody did but it begins to feel like so. Listen to me, Kim Jong Kook: you are under no obligations to do anything for me – we are nothing but friends. Oh, seriously, we weren’t even that close of friends to begin with,” Ji Hyo spat out. “I want to always believe the best in people but after the deal with Chang Joo Oppa and every other sh– awful thing people have had me go through I begin to wonder if you also have different agenda in helping me.”

“Were you going to say ‘’?” Jong Kook queried with an amused smile.

“That is not the point!” Ji Hyo snapped, “You weren’t listening!”

“You were going to say .” He nodded in confirmation. His eyes saw the movement of Ji Hyo’s hand and he reacted swiftly, catching the woman by her wrist to stop her from flinging his mother’s crochet. “My mother treasures that, Song Ji Hyo,” he said softly, “as much as I treasure you.”

Ji Hyo scoffed at the cheesiness. “What a brilliant way to suggest that your mother doesn’t care about her artwork at all.”

Their eyes interlocked for what seemed to be forever, each pair tried to read what was inside the other’s mind. Jong Kook sighed when all he could find in Ji Hyo’s eyes were distrust and suspicion – it was as if the past few weeks of them trusting each other never happened. He let go of Ji Hyo’s wrist, his fingers grazed Ji Hyo’s palm as he retracted his own.

“What do you want me to do?” he asked, again.

“I want us to break up.”

“Not a chance. Try again.”

“Why do you insist on continuing this?”

“Why do you insist on breaking up with me?” Jong Kook asked back, not wanting to answer the woman’s question.

“Because you don’t love me and I’m not sure that us being together is good idea.” Ji Hyo ran her fingers through her hair and Jong Kook’s eyes were suddenly drawn to the movement longingly, as if wanting the fingers to be his. “People have started to avoid me – people that I work with. They avoid me, Jong Kook Oppa. Not you – me. And the fans, you saw it for yourself. There were the two of us in the cafe and whom did they ‘attack’? Me again. And that’s only because I am a woman; this misogyny is starting to hurt my head.”

The older man was rendered speechless for a second. He could understand now the reason why Ji Hyo reacted so strongly when he tried to detach himself from her – she thought that he was one of those who started to avoid her. Jong Kook wanted to slap himself; he was sure that his mother would be willing to slap him to oblivion if he told her what he had done.

“This thing wouldn’t last long – Ji Hyo-yah. I know that outside of Running Man we haven’t made our relationship official yet, but once we do, sooner or later people will learn to accept that we are together,” he tried again.

She was never this frustrated before. “Why do you keep missing the point? What ‘we’? Oppa, do you forget that there is no ‘we’? There isn’t even any relationship. ‘We’–..” She gestured at the two of them with a finger to emphasis her words, “ –doesn’t exist. If we continue this on one of us – if not both – will get hurt.”

“I won’t let that happen.”

“You’re not in control of the world, Kim Jong Kook. Tell me this – even if one day people accept that you and I are involved, won’t there be a day that we have to end this crazy fake relationship? Won’t there be a day when either you or me find someone else? What will we do then? Keep on deceiving people? No; we will have to stage a ‘fake’ breakup and this vicious cycle of me getting the blame will start again.” Ji Hyo’s breath was hitched as if she was going to cry. “You will get the easy way out, Kim Jong Kook – because you are a man!”

Jong Kook exhaled audibly, unable to counter everything that she said because deep down he knew that it was true – one day they would have to end their fake relationship and Ji Hyo would be in another cycle of gossip. How much he would give to be able to ward away every single bad thing in Ji Hyo’s life.

“Why were you avoiding me?” Ji Hyo finally asked the million-dollar question. She had been itching to ask him this since they met again for filming last Monday – but it hadn’t been the right time. Then the incident with Choi Min Soo happened and Ji Hyo didn’t have the heart to keep treating Jong Kook like even though she still thought he deserved it so she let her be close to her again. A big mistake, so it seemed.

“I wasn’t avoiding you!”

Ji Hyo snorted in disbelief, annoyed at the blatant lie. “Yes, and cows can fly,” she mocked.

“Ji Hyo...”

“Don’t ‘Ji Hyo’ me! I know what I’m talking about; I’m not stupid. Jong Kook Oppa, I don’t know how low you think of me but please – please be honest to me about this.”

It was Ji Hyo’s words and the way she said it that made his heart clench in pain. How could she think that he thought low of her when it was really the other way around?

“You were drunk when you called me last Saturday,” Jong Kook began after a while of silence. Maybe it was better to come clean. He glanced at Ji Hyo and she only nodded, urging him to continue. “You said a lot of things – things that I know you wouldn’t have said if you hadn’t been so out of it. You talked about your role in Frozen Flower –..” he paused to see her reaction and shook his head when he saw how Ji Hyo seemed to shrink away from him. Jong Kook reached for her wrist to keep her from inching away. “You told me how much it affected your family and your career to some extent. Then you talked about us.”

There was a change in Jong Kook’s tone as he spoke the last sentence and Ji Hyo could see his eyes darken, looking fixed at her – no, at her lips. Involuntarily she her bottom lip that suddenly felt dry under the intense stare; her skin that was touching Jong Kook’s was on fire.

It was getting harder for Jong Kook to find words; as much as he had been thinking about this, he never thought that he had to tell Ji Hyo about their conversation that night let alone the reason why he had been slightly pulling away from her afterward. “You asked me,” he forced his eyes, which seemed to have life of their own and kept staring at Ji Hyo’s lips, closed. “You asked me if friends want to kiss each other.” He stopped right there – no way in the world would he tell her that she had wondered out loud about what his lips tasted like. He wasn’t going to embarrass her.

“And you think I wanted to kiss you?” Ji Hyo asked for confirmation, her voice thick with something unexplainable. “And you were afraid?”

“No,” Jong Kook said truthfully. His hand that was holding Ji Hyo’s wrist brushed the length of her bare forearm and left it, hovering only an inch away from the woman’s face, right above her lips. “No – I wasn’t afraid because I think you wanted to kiss me.”

They looked at each other for what felt like forever when finally Jong Kook pulled his hand away and whispered huskily, “I was – and still am – afraid because ever since that night I couldn’t think of anything else but your lips and how it would taste on mine.”

A/N: Hi for those of you who have been waiting for this chapter. I hope you haven't lost interest at all (I don't blame you if you have). The chapter is actually around 7000 words so I decided to cut it in half and post the other half after I'm done editing (and most probably rewriting) it. 

I hope this quite long chapter can serve as an apology for my not updating since a while ago. Thanks for reading and commenting. And for my new subscribers, this chapter is for you - I hope you like it. Please let me know what you think.