Taeyeon needed neither the incessant beeping of her heart-rate monitor, nor hearing the snippets of a distant conversation between the doctor and her manager to know that she was at.

The absence of what was by now a constant throbbing pain of her heart already told her that she was in trouble.

Deep deep trouble.

Her eyes flew open.

“Haeyoung oppa-” Her voice a bare croak.

Her manager hastened to her side.

“Taeyeon-ah, you suffered a bruise to your waist and the doctors told me they detected a slight painkiller over-dose!” He huffed.

“What happened Taeyeon? You used to be the one I could count on the most!”

“…Do the members know?” Taeyeon mumbled.

“No actually I’m about to call-”

“NO!” Taeyeon winced as her side burned.

“No,” she repeated, softly and slowly this time. “No need to worry them over a silly bruise.”

“And help me pack up oppa, I want to be discharged.”

-------------------------------

“Taeyeonie what happened?!” shrieked Sooyoung as she lurched to her feet to hold onto Taeyeon’s other side with Haeyoung as they helped her limp to the sofa.

“What happened? After you and Tiffany left last night neither of you came back to the dorm and I heard Tiffany went straight to her Fame rehearsal this morning?” “What happened?” Sooyoung persisted.

“Calm down Sooyoung-ah.” Taeyeon placed a hand on the taller woman in a bid to pacify her.

“Haeyoung oppa please gather everyone who is available. I know I owe everyone an explanation.”

Hyoyeon, Yuri, Seohyun and Jessica were, and they expressed both their shock and concern at Taeyeon’s injured state; each holding onto Taeyeon as the leader organized her thoughts.

“What happened last night was… after sending Tiffany off to her boyfriend’s I met with a small accident on the way back.”

There was a collective gasp of shock from the audience.

“It’s nothing big! It’s nothing big!” Taeyeon waved her arms in the air in an attempt to reassure the crowd.

“I just banged against the gear shift and it caused a bruise. I tried to take a few painkillers for the pain,” she looked pointedly at Haeyoung by way of explanation, “but gave up and went to the hospital in the end. That’s all. It will heal in a week or two.”

She smiled placatingly at the attentive audience.

“I’m sorry to have caused you guys so much worry. I’m fine. I’m really okay.”

-----------------------------------

Taeyeon sighed as she sank gently into the armchair in her room, trying to avoid exerting her sore waist. The moon was especially bright tonight, and having memorized all of her girls’ schedules by heart, she knew the falling of night signaled the end of musical practice for a certain someone.

Her heart was full of dread of what she had to do later.

She stiffened as the door to her room creaked open. She could recognize that fragrance from a mile away.

She braced herself.

This is the first test. Be strong Taeyeon.

“Tae-?” whispered Tiffany.

“I’m right here,” said Taeyeon, swirling her armchair slowly around to come to a stop in front of Tiffany.

They faced each other for a full second before Tiffany threw herself around Taeyeon as best as she could with the interfering armrests of the chair.

“Oh Tae!” Tiffany burst into tears.

“I’m really sorry- I heard the story that you told Manager Oppa and the others… Thank you for protecting me,” sobbed Tiffany.

“Does the wound hurt? I’m so so so sorry- Let me see-” she blubbered, her hand reaching out trying to lift Taeyeon’s shirt to get a glimpse of the wound she had caused.

Tiffany stopped in mid-speech and watched in astonishment as Taeyeon used the tips of her feet to push gently away from her embrace.

They were now an arms length away from each other.

“Tae…?” Tiffany was bewildered.

“Tiffany. I was at fault too, that night. I’m sorry for over-stepping the boundaries,” Taeyeon’s voice rang out, clear and controlled, her gaze calmly piercing through Tiffany’s teary ones.

Tiffany winced at Taeyeon’s use of her name. Taeyeon never addressed her with her stage name in private.

“I think, in the future, that it would be better if we could be more mindful of the proper etiquette that should be observed between members,” she continued.

“Etiquette…Members?” mumbled Tiffany, the confusion clouding her mind.

“Precisely,” Taeyeon continued in that clinical tone. “And please don’t misunderstand. I fabricated the story of last night to solely prevent any disruption to our scheduling – not protect your interest.”

“Also, I think we let this TaeNy thing go on for too long,” Taeyeon added, letting just the twinge of disgust to coat her tone.

“It is SM’s opinion, as it is mine, that for the sake of the interest of Girls’ Generation, that we would let it die down. I’m sure you understand.”

“…Yes… I understand… but I uhm… just wanted to say I’m sorry…” mumbled Tiffany, staring at her feet, feeling chastened like a ten year old. She felt the tears roll off her cheek and splatter on the ground before she could stop them.

“Apology accepted. It’s late and we have a schedule at Bora Radio tomorrow morning so it would be good if you could retire early,” Taeyeon said calmly, before turning her armchair back to face the desk and turning her attention back to the lyric sheet of the new OST song she was to record.

“Ss-sure.” Tiffany staggered slowly out of Taeyeon’s room – her brain still processing the recent occurrence. She pulled the sleeve of her jacket lower to wipe her tears off. 

It was foolish, self-centered thought but it was the first time she had cried in front of Taeyeon that she had to wipe her tears off herself.

She wasn’t even sure why she was crying. She initially thought that it might have been because Taeyeon was injured, but now she could feel a deep and intense sense of emptiness.

She just knew that somehow, somewhere, that she had lost something very important to her.

And that she might never find it back.

---------------------------------

Taeyeon shrank as she felt a warm pair of arms hug around her from behind.

“Don’t worry – it’s just me,” murmured Sunny.

Taeyeon sighed. Her vision was blurry from the accumulation of tears she refused to let fall.

“Sunny... It hurts so much. It hurts so much that I- I have... I have to let it go so I can breath. But why does it hurt so much?

“I love her Sunny. I love her.”

A tear blob fell on the lyric sheet, smudging the words.

Why is it just my love that is late

Why is it just my love that is hard

Although I’m right in front of you,

Although I am right beside you.

You were my whole world,

I see only you.

But when I’m right in front of you,

I look away.

If perhaps this yearning, this longing…

When it sounds, when it touches,

Please act as if you didn’t know

Although the closer I get to you,

The more scared I get

I guess… I can’t stop this love.

- Excerpts from Can You Hear Me, by Kim Taeyeon.