It was often in the day when Tiffany would catch Taeyeon staring at her. Just staring at her - with those expressive eyes and barely-there eyebrows, and sometimes Tiffany would one of her own well-endowed eyebrows back at her in silent query and they would share a look for the infinitesimal of seconds before turning their heads to the floor, mouths curved into shy smiles. Sometimes she would feign ignorance while sneaking glances from the corner of her eyes, trying to figure out exactly what fell within Taeyeon’s line of sight. There were mostly two – one she had taken to leaving bare lately with sleeveless tops, and the other…

She blushed.

But she would still let Taeyeon stare. She liked the attention, and the fact that her assets were still an attraction to Taeyeon after a decade of cohabitation?

Positively gratifying.

After that necessary confrontation in the dressing room last week it became apparent that Taeyeon was dead serious in keeping her word to work harder on their relationship.

For Tiffany that meant surprise visits back-stage with her favourite eel rice in the take-away package when she was shooting for her individual CFs, and bouquets of pink roses from a certain Erika Kim when Taeyeon's own schedules clashed with her filming. It meant the comfortable stretches of silence when she would call Taeyeon because she couldn't sleep from the jet-lag after her flight to LA; Taeyeon insisting that she wasn't sleepy - yes it was 3am in Seoul but no, she wasn't sleepy at all, nope, not at all - and after that Tiffany would lie on her bed and press her handphone closer to her ear just so she could hear Taeyeon's light snores and cute little mumbles. It meant chalking up another long distance call after she had screwed up her dodgers' pitch, Taeyeon's voice one part comforting, one part teasing, another part chiding, and it was almost as if her kid leader was right here, in her home in LA.

It also meant a bundle of Taeyeon and blanket, the kid curling up against the cushion and dozing off on the couch, waiting up late so she could be the first to greet her back from LA.

I wasn't waiting for you, I was waiting for the cereal bars. Did you get them? I only want those cereal bars. It's your fault for introducing them to me, if I get fat you're going to the gym with me, Taeyeon would insist, her face flushed slightly when Tiffany about how she was too old to be feeling lonely so easily - and had she not just been away for 4 short days?

Besides, had Taeyeon really wanted those cereal bars so desperately she had to call her everyday to remind her to buy them - even when Tiffany had already told her they ran out of the blueberry ones she knew was Taeyeon's favourite?

Oh, Taeyeon was such a ty liar.

But to be honest Tiffany would have it no other way.

She missed her other half too.

So when Taeyeon’s eyes refused to avert from hers despite Sooyoung’s repeated calls Tiffany only smiled. Reaching her hand over to brush gently against Taeyeon’s palm, her smile grew wider as Taeyeon ducked her head and swerved to the left in time to dodge the roll of magazine.

“Stop drooling kid.”

More than the sheepish grin, it was the way Taeyeon’s hand jerked up to touch the edge of with her thumb that was telling.

“Now can we start?"

The two of them turned to the source of the chuckling voice - and to the two expectant set of eyes that belonged to their concept director and their manager whom previously, were not in attendance.

Okay where had this people come from?

Tiffany muttered to herself as she shuffled in her seat.

She saw a similiar stunned expression flash briefly across Taeyeon's face before it was quickly stifled into mild curiousity and it was just so damn cute, too damn cute, that she gave up resisting and allowed the gravitational pull of Taeyeon's gaze to raise her own eyes to meet the latter's.

And, well, she couldn't explain it.

She couldn't explain how she could see everything of Taeyeon from just that one gaze.

There was that faint dying trace of surprise at the sudden appearance of their guests, slowly giving way to that tad bit of aloof nonchalance that told Tiffany exactly how little Taeyeon cared about this meeting. The slight tilt of her head and that devilishly cocky, self-satisfied smirk that was spreading across Taeyeon's face from her realisation that Tiffany was staring at her. It was paired with a flash of her impossibly cute chin dimple and it was curling the ends of her luscious lips up.

Those lips.

Just looking at Taeyeon's lips, thinking about the divine way they made her feel, and the places they had been gave Tiffany trembles she knew had nothing to do with the stiff air-conditioned coldness. Taeyeon thought her best physical feature was her porcelain white skin (and don't get her wrong, Tiffany definitely appreciated that - especially when she could run her hands along the wide span of Taeyeon's back and hear her whisper in her ear) but when it came to best facial feature... Well Tiffany already knew where she would cast her vote.

Oh those devil lips - Tiffany could go on about them for forever.

She could stare at them forever too.

And she would - if she had not seen the glint of teasing arrogance that flirted across Taeyeon's eyes.

Well, well. Are you checking me out now?

It seemed to say.

Are you liking what you see?

Tiffany pursued her lips.

A of Taeyeon's right eyebrow and her smirk was blossoming slowly into a full-blown grin.

It's okay to stare at your girlfriend. Especially one as gorgeous as me.

Oh for the love of Pete.

Even in her head, Taeyeon could be such a tease.

It was precisely that though - this was just all in her head (and premusably, Taeyeon's as well) and it was precisely this that Tiffany could not explain.

She couldn't explain how the both of them literally had a full-blown conversation relying merely on an extensive understanding of each other's non-verbal cues. All nine of them could read each other pretty well having lived together for years now, but no one else came close to what she and Taeyeon had.

And it was pretty obvious to Tiffany that what she had between her and Taeyeon was a relationship she would never get to share with another in her lifetime. Taeyeon grounded her, you see. If she was the branches, young, wild, and swinging at the mercy of wind, then Taeyeon was the roots, reaching deep, steadying and supporting her.

And it was a miracle they had met, really - an American and a Korean, barely teenages, miles away from each other, with no idea what they were doing and blindly trusting that the path they were taking was truly leading them to where they wanted to be. There were so many choices to make at every juncture, and so many other routes they could have chosen instead that would have led them further away from each other. A different name-card, a different entertainment company, or maybe even a different country.

But no. No.

Against the incredible odds they had met - pulled together by the threads of fate and pushed together by the hands of affinity.

Oh, the more Tiffany thought about it the more amazing it seemed to her that their paths could have crossed.

But maybe they would have met anyway, because she was Tiffany - and because she was Tiffany, how could Taeyeon not be in her life? Even if it wasn't for Girls' Generation, she knew she would have Taeyeon in her life in some form, because she couldn't conceive a life without her.

She couldn't function properly without Taeyeon; probably couldn't even live without her.

But it was useless to think about such morbidity when she had Taeyeon here with her, by her side.

And so she was happy. She was also tired, sure, but she was happy tired.

Life was good.

Had Taeyeon reached the same conclusion as her?

Because her eyes were either teasing nor arrogant nor cocky any longer.

They was all soft and warm now.

Taeyeon.

Those eyes.

Taeyeon.

"Ahem."

Oops.

They forgot they had an audience.

And sometimes Tiffany wondered how they managed to get away with being so obvious. Did they not see or did they choose not to see? But then she thought maybe it wasn't wise to probe so deeply into something that was a blessing.

"So. Solo stages." The concept director continued.

"As it's part of the album tracklist, Taeyeon and Tiffany will do Lost in Love."

Well, Taeyeon and Tiffany are lost in love. Hehe.

Tiffany was pretty sure Taeyeon had caught onto her wavelength by the way the latter was avoiding her gaze. To burst out in laughter in the midst of a meeting was probably considered unprofessional.

"Then, onto the cover songs. Have you all submitted your track title? Let's see."

The concept director shuffled the papers on the table before continuing.

"Yuri and Hyoyeon will do I am."

The duo nodded in acknowledgement.

"It's going to be fantastic just wait for it," Hyoyeon chuckled.

"As will ours!" countered Sooyoung as she clasped the hands of both Yoona and Sunny.

"Sooyoung, Yoona and Sunny: Marry You," the director read off.

"Finally I will get a part that is more than 10 seconds," Sooyoung said, her tone half serious and half in jest.

"In fact I think we should get more than 3 minutes! We have 3 members over here," Sooyoung plead.

"What? If she gets more than 3 minutes then so should I. Do you know how many dance steps I had to cut out just to fit it into the 3 minutes?" Hyoyeon stepped in.

"I asked first," retorted Sooyoung.

"How does that even count for anything," the blondie snapped back, glaring.

And this was how fights usually started within the members of Girls' Generation.

In reality Tiffany knew all nine of them walked together but also apart.

The knowledge that Girls' Generation as a idol group could simply not last forever was like a dark cloud that loomed in the back of each of their minds, with each of them finding their own ways to deal with the issue. Throughout the years they have had to withstand the whispers of who and who, and temptations of new contracts, drama deals, features, OSTs, but beyond that the key phrase was always what Ock Joo Hyun and all her other sunbae-nims said while petting her hand tenderly.

Never stop thinking about your future, Tiffany. Your own future.

Tiffany knew the others knew as well.

And so the stakes were high. They were into their fifth year since debut and they all had something they needed to prove.

"Ey ladies stop it please. Each performance will be 3 minutes. No more, no less," snapped the director.

"Well Yuri and I don't need it anyway," said Hyoyeon as she leant back against the chair.

"Nor do we," echoed Sooyoung as she slouched further into the couch.

Their line of sight matched and their eyes met.

Then they shared a smile - all grievances forgotten in the face of their decade-long friendship.

And this was how fights were usually resolved within the members of Girls' Generation.

This one had lasted for a grand, oh, maybe 30 seconds.

You see, the knowledge that they couldn't be together forever functioned as a double-edged sword. In the same time that it reminded them to seek out an individual path after the group, it also reminded them of how precious the time they had together was.

Tiffany knew that above anything else, all nine of them wanted to enjoy this while it lasted.

And so not for the first time that night did she feel a little sorry for the staff that worked with them.

Because the poor director was looking between Sooyoung and Hyoyeon, who were now cheerily shooting rubber bands across the table at each other, with an absolutely perplexed expression on his face.

It was exactly as Sooyoung had said. How had she phrased it?

Ah.

If you weren't a part of Girls' Generation, you simply wouldn't understand.

He cleared his throat, still visibly unsettled, and continued.

"Maknae will do Speak Now."

"With a guitar," chipped in Hyoyeon, "I go nuts every night she takes out that pink thing."

Pink guitar?

There was a pink guitar lying around the dorm and she had no idea about it?

Tiffany turned to look at Seohyun, who was looking entirely blasé about the situation when previously she would have fluttered, fumbled and blushed at Hyoyeon's teasing.

Tiffany wasn't sure if it was the combined efforts of the eight of them over the five years, or just the single effect from dating that boy, but man was their maknae growing up.

The realisation filled her with pride, and then also a tad bit of inexplicable sadness.

She would talk to Taeyeon about it - but later. Still, she tried to catch Taeyeon's eyes but the latter had her gaze fixed on the window to the left of her.

"Jessica: Someday."

Ooh she liked that song.

"Tiffany, yours is Call me maybe."

She thought it was the right song. A little fluffy, a little pop, a little showy. It would be good placed just after Jessica's

"And Taeyeon," he sighed.

"Won't you reconsider?"

Oh. Right.

Now she knew why Taeyeon had been avoiding her gaze the moment this meeting had started.

It was always like that with Taeyeon. One moment Tiffany would feel like she had felt right into the corners of Taeyeon's heart, and the next moment she was a distant star - mysterious and far.

Taeyeon was looking squarely into the eyes of the director.

"I'll pass," she said firmly, "I told you a long time ago that I'll pass. We can do another group song with that time."

"But why? You never told us why," he queried.

"And we haven't told sajangnim, Taeyeon. You know he isn't going to be happy about this," he said, "You know there are plans gearing up behind your solo stage this time, Taeyeon," he shared a look with Taeyeon and Tiffany frowned at his tone. 

What plans?

"You know he isn't going to be happy that they are disrupted, and when he isn't happy..." 

"It'll be fine. Now how about we do Genie?" Taeyeon persisted, the smile she had plastered on her face was not quite meeting her eyes.

Like Tiffany said, Taeyeon was a ty liar.

"It's a crowd favourite, and we can use the edited remix so it wouldn't be more than 3 minutes."

"Taeyeon..." He tried again.

Tiffany would give props to the poor man for trying.

"It should work," Taeyeon cut in with a flourish, a tone that brooked no further argument.

And so they settled down uneasily, finalising and running through every detail of their various performance and rehearsals so it was only until half past two in the morning when Tiffany could pull Taeyeon to the side during the break when their managers had gone to update the higher-ups on their progress.

She made Taeyeon face her even as the latter slouched along the stairway.

"What is it? Fany-ah we're busy."

"Taeyeonie, tell me, please."

"Tell you what?"

Even now Taeyeon was squirming - even now, when it was just her and Taeyeon.

"Okay I had enough of this Kim Taeyeon. Did we not promise to trust each other with our problems? Did you not promise to trust me?"

And Tiffany could see from the latter's eyes that it had only now dawned onto her the entirety of what that promise had meant.

Taeyeon stared at her.

She glared back.

And as always, Taeyeon gave in first.

"Fany-ah," Taeyeon whined. Breaking the eye contact, she drove her right shoe into the ground and pouted while leaning her back flat against the wall.

Oh whining now, are we. Tiffany thought angrily. She would have no more of that , uh-uh.

No more of this .

Had Taeyeon not expected this to be part of their working-hard-on-their-relationship deal? Had Taeyeon thought it would just be about the roses and the phone calls? Well too bad and too late. Now that she had Taeyeon's promise in her arsenal she would hold the woman to her word. She would drag Taeyeon out of her self-imposed gag order - forcefully, if she had to.

They were getting too old for this tortured artiste image, really.

"Taeyeon-ah. Handling all the on your own doesn't make you selfless, honey, it makes you selfish," Tiffany started.

She watched the latter cringe at the accusation and struggled to assuage the pang of guilt. Well someone had to say it, and if so Tiffany would rather it be she herself who knocked the sense into the love of her life than someone else who could hurt her more ruthlessly.  

So she took a breath and continued.

"Professionally, we are a team. We need each and everyone on board with our upcoming comeback and world tour, and we can't have members who are facing problems and keeping things from each other."

Taeyeon was still not quite meeting her eyes.

"And personally," Tiffany made sure to soften her tone, "I want this to work Taengoo. I want us to work."

Taeyeon's eyes were on her sneakers.

"Besides, didn't you promise me? You promised me."

Still nothing.

"Please?" Tiffany reached out to tug on the ends of Taeyeon's yellow Chuck Taylor jacket in time with her plea.

Urgh. Nothing.

"Please? Please? Please? Bbuing-bbuing!"

Well. It was a bit embarrassing but Tiffany was not beyond using a bit of aegyo to get what she wanted.

She always got what she wanted.

And this time what she wanted was the crack of a smile on Taeyeon's face as the latter finally raised her head to shove her gently on her forehead.

"Aish. You. What do we do about you? Aren't you a bit too old for aegyo right now?" Taeyeon's tone was just the right bit cheery and just the right bit teasing it was enough for Tiffany to mentally pet herself on her back.

Tiffany would wager a guess that now Taeyeon would talk.

Taeyeon sighed.

And then...

"You're right. I should tell you."

Yep. Hehe.

"I should tell everyone."

Okay.

She felt a small pinch of resentment that after all her efforts to pry open the shells of Taeyeon's heart, the rewards would be shared with others so easily. But it was quickly washed away by a surge of concern that coursed through her like a wave.

Whatever it was that was bothering Taeyeon was more serious than she had initially thought if Taeyeon felt she had to share it with the whole team.

Her eyebrows furrowed as she let Taeyeon walk her back to the meeting room.

"Uhm." Taeyeon started.

They looked to her - the seven others, curiosity gleaming in their eyes.

"Guys. I... uhm... h-have something to - need to t-tell you." She gluped.

Tiffany could see from the way Taeyeon was cranking and stuttering that the latter was on the verge of giving up on the plan entirely.

She could sense how hard this was for their leader. Sharing her problems with them like this, and being what she felt was a burden, probably ran against every single one of Taeyeon's life principles.

And she started to wonder if she had not pushed Taeyeon too hard. Maybe she should have let Taeyeon take her own time to nurse her wounds instead of pushing her out to the wilderness? Especially after she had opened her heart like this - leaving her all alone and vulnerable to hurt.

No.

Tiffany promptly decided that while Taeyeon might be vulnerable, she definitely wasn’t alone.  

She walked behind Taeyeon wordlessly and slowly reached out her forefinger to gently brush against the back of Taeyeon's right hand. Taeyeon's instinctive flip of that hand to grab hers within her own and to intertwine their fingers together was almost second nature.

It seemed to give her strength to start again.

"So I... Uh." Taeyeon stuttered.

Tiffany gave their entangled hands a gentle squeeze.

"So after the A-Angel Price Music Festival I..."

Angel Price Music Festival?

Tiffany saw the confusion reflected in the faces of the other seven as well as she sifted through a mental collection of names, and then - Oh.

That one.

But that was such a long while ago! Had Taeyeon been keeping this to herself, hiding away from them - all these time?

"I... I'm afraid... of the stage." Taeyeon whispered.

"It's okay when I've with you guys. When I'm with you guys i forget everything and there's nothing I fear," Taeyeon continued as if in answer to the confounded expressions and the unspoken questions on each of their faces.

"It's just that I..."

"I'm afraid of being alone... on the stage."

"When I'm alone all I can think about is how - h-how he grabbed me and... the comments on the internet... and... you know there's more of them right? The stalkers, you know, they're everywhere, every-ing-where," she took a deep breath.  

And Tiffany knew Taeyeon was going to let everything out.

Good.

"Outside our dorms, in the toilets, in our garage, in the airports, following us out like dogs... I can't go anywhere without someone watching me. There's someone watching me. I feel like someone’s watching me even when there’s no one around and it drives me crazy. And... I just... I just can't breathe."

"The stage is the reason they're here. The Kim Taeyeon on the stage is who they want, and that Kim Taeyeon wants them too. She loves them. She lives off them."

"But the Kim Taeyeon here is ing sick of this ."

"And so I'm scared every single time I go onto the stage because I can't stop thinking that some faces amongst the crowd, are people like those men who want a piece of me. I can't stop thinking about how they all want a piece of us, how they can't see that off-stage we are our own people. Because it's not just the Girls' Generation on stage they want."

"They want Kim Taeyeon, they want Seo Juhyun, they want Kwon Yuri." She stared at each member in turn to drive the point home.

"We're considered freaking public property."

"And you know what's the worst thing? It's that I can't even complain about it because this is my ing career."

"Sometimes I just want to give all of this up."

"Because the stage is just s-scary to me now and you know I just..." She staggered.

"I just..."

"I don't know..." Taeyeon's shaky voice trailing off as she let go of Tiffany's hand to take two steps backwards, her eyes again on her sneakers.

"It's just so scary - so so scary. The s-s-t-tage. It's so s-scary."

Taeyeon shuddered, her head bent as she leant against the wall and slumped down, the back of her jacket riding up with the momentum.

Her legs curled in and her arms wrapped around herself protectively.

"So so scary."

She whispered, more to herself than anyone else.

She shivered.

And Tiffany couldn't hold it in any longer.

She strode over to pull Taeyeon forcefully up by her arm and crashed herself into the woman's embrace, her arms wrapping around Taeyeon's waist so tightly she could feel a faint trace of paint scraping off the wall and onto her skin.

Taeyeon was rigid against her, her arms hanging awkwardly from the side.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry," Tiffany whispered.

Oh her baby.

Her precious baby.

How could she not have noticed earlier? Why did she not push harder earlier when she knew Taeyeon was keeping stuffs from her? She had let Taeyeon simmer in her own pool of insecurity and depression for so long and for that she was -

"-sorry, I'm so so sorry."

She felt Taeyeon raise her arms hesitantly to place them lightly on her back.

Tiffany hugged her tighter.

"...not your fault," she heard Taeyeon mutter against her ear, "...how is this your fault."

Tiffany buried her face in Taeyeon's shoulder.

Oh now, even now, when she was supposed to be strong for Taeyeon, her leader was still the one who held her up and comforted her.

Because Tiffany didn't know what to do.

She was supposed to know what to do, wasn't she. Now that she had unsealed the wounds buried deep within Taeyeon's heart wasn't she supposed to know how to heal them?

But she didn't. She simply didn't know what to do.

And then more arms went around them.

Sooyoung.

Seohyun, Sunny, Hyoyeon, Jessica, Yuri, Yoona.

Ah.

It's been a long time since they had a group hug like this, rallying around their leader.

Tiffany released Taeyeon from her grasp so they could form a circle around her, putting their heads together so close they were messing up each other's hairstyles.

"You don't have to face this alone, Taengoo," quipped Yuri.

"Yeah. I'll chase those freaks away for you," interjected Sunny.

"We'll help you get over this!" That was Yoona.

"Unnie, I think we can do this progressively," Seohyun enunciated clearly, "let's start with having you stand on stage with three of us around, and then two, and then..."

"Maknae! Can we talk about this later? Right now I just want to do this!" cut in Hyoyeon.

And right on cue she started pushing to the side so their bodies starting making a clock-wise turn, with Taeyeon in the middle

"Aigoo, our Taengoo," Sooyoung, Sunny and the other pranksters were taking turns to jab Taeyeon lightly on the back of head as they past her in rotation, Taeyeon blushing from the attention while cowering and covering her head with her hands - with no where to flee because of the way they encircled her.

"Our Taengoo unnie is opening up to us," Yoona sang-songed.

"Thought she'd never," Yuri continued in the same tone.

"Thought she'd never," Sunny echoed and she poked Taeyeon in the forehead as the momentum pulled her past the other.

"Thought she'd stay in her fortress forever," Sooyoung was not one to miss out on the fun.

"Yah, guys," Taeyeon said in mock annoyance.

They were twirling around so quickly in the circle, making so much noise, and Tiffany was stumbling around trying to catch up with the pace so she could only catch glimpses of Taeyeon's face everytime her body wisped past the latter's. But everytime it did she could see the way Taeyeon's face had lit up.

They were the Girls' Generation.

What Taeyeon couldn't do alone, what the two of them couldn't do on their own, they could do it together, as Girls' Generation.

And Tiffany knew that regardless of what paths they took in the future, that this was what would always be home to them.

All nine of them held hands and just looked at each other.

Worn-out, dusty smiles on each of their faces.

They walked separately, but also together.

They were nine, but they were also one.

And then they looked towards the door collectively in annoyance.

Their managers were back. And the concept director looked positively terrified.

What now? Tiffany thought tiredly to herself. Surely they had enough for the day.

And she soon found out that could get ter as their sajangnim strode in briskly behind them and smacked Taeyeon across the face with the back of his palm.

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A/N: Sorry, I'm going to be away for a while.