Staring into the dark sky from the balcony of their dormitory, Taeyeon took another swig from her glass of wine, feeling the alcohol permeate up through her brain. The momentary numb feeling in her head was comforting.

It hurt to think.

On the table, another empty bottle of Vodka joined the other two.

She paused to collect her thoughts: Girls’ Generation were on the first day of a two day vacation – the first of such in a year, so for today, just for today, she was free to abandon herself wantonly into the darkness. For once, she could lose control, and just like the characters in those sappy K-dramas, she could try and let the alcohol numb what seemed to be a now constant throbbing pain of her heart.

She chuckled. Who was she kidding? There was no remedy to this.

She let her gaze drift gently over the dark sky that was about as bleak as her mood, and the stars...? Oh those were just burnt out figments of happiness from a distant memory, from a time before...

Oh Taeyeon, since when have you been so melodramatic?

She silently admonished herself. She couldn’t continue like this, mopping around like an old dog without a master. She was Kim Taeyeon, she was the (kid) leader of the global phenomenon that was Girls’ Generation and she couldn’t crumble. She was Kim Taeyeon, the kid who would pick up fights with bullies twice her size even in elementary school and stand up against mega media conglomerates even at the peak of her career, so why couldn’t she stand up for herself this time?

But deep down inside she knew the reason.

It was because she was Kim Taeyeon, and she was...

A pair of arms s past her waist and Taeyeon shuddered, feeling a warm body press against her back. She eased her breathing slower in a bid to try and still her thumping heart. It was, as usual, in vain. When it came to her, all her efforts were always in vain.

“Tae Tae...”

Her voice was muffled from being pressed against Taeyeon’s back, but Taeyeon could still smell the alcohol in her breath. This was their routine. On the nights that Tiffany went out with her boy she would come back punch-drunk in the middle of the night, and Taeyeon would be the one to pick up the pieces.

The pieces of Tiffany’s mess and the pieces of Taeyeon’s heart.

Her weakness, her strength, her damnation, her salvation, all rolled into the hot mess that was currently clinging onto her back.

“... Fany-ah.”

 ----------------------

“Tae Tae, you know I love you right?” 

Tiffany giggled as she clung onto Taeyeon; her right hand slung over Taeyeon’s neck and her left hand clutching tightly onto Taeyeon’s shoulder. Tiffany didn’t seem to have any qualms over the fact that her elbow was pressed tightly against Taeyeon’s chest.

Taeyeon’s heart clenched.

“You’re drunk, Fany-ah. Let me get you to your room,” muttered Taeyeon.

She hoped the darkness of the unlit living room would have hid her expression well. All her efforts were diverted towards keeping her voice even and her anger under check she couldn’t spare any to keep her expressions even.

“Tae – you worry too much,” Tiffany leaned over her side and whispered. Taeyeon could feel her lips on her ears, and her bosom pressed against Taeyeon’s right shoulder. She staggered as she dragged the other woman back to their room, trying to distance their bodies a little.

“And you’re supposed to be the best drinker in our group...” Taeyeon grumbling, attempting to inject a sense of normalcy into the conversation.

“...I AM!” Taeyeon winced and recoiled at Tiffany’s loud exclamation, causing Tiffany to lose her grip of her shoulders. Taeyeon stretched out her left arm and wrapped it around Tiffany’s waist before the mushroom head could fall.

“He just... uhm… wonderful...” Tiffany giggled again, a wide smile spreading slowly across her face. She was apparently too intoxicated to string together a coherent sentence, but the damage was already done.

Under the faint grace of moonlight, the slight bruise on the side of Tiffany’s lips was thrown into relief.

Taeyeon thought that Tiffany’s laughter was particularly ironic. An appropriate background music to what was quickly becoming an everyday occurrence: the breaking of a heart.

The walk to Tiffany’s room had never been longer.

Taeyeon plunked Tiffany onto her bed, watching the taller woman snuggle up to her pink blanket.

Taeyeon wanted out.

She couldn’t stand to be in the same room as her. She couldn’t breath the same air as her. Her heart ached for another round of the Vodka that was standing out in the cold balcony.

The Vodka would never leave her. The Vodka would never judge her.

She couldn’t breath. It hurt to breath.

She turned to leave.

“Tae Tae... give me a goodnight kiss,” Tiffany’s mumbles pierce the still midnight air.

Tiffany sat up on her bed, dragging her blanket with her and puckering her lips in anticipation for the fulfillment of her request.

“Fany, you sure know the best way to kill someone don’t you?” Taeyeon said slowly, feeling her temper rising.

Tiffany just moaned in response.

Taeyeon, walk away. Walk away please Taeyeon, walk away. Walk away now or you wouldn’t get out of this alive. Taeyeon please. WALK AWAY NOW.

Taeyeon’s feet moved of its own volition towards Tiffany’s bed. Taeyeon’s head moved of its own will towards Tiffany’s head. Taeyeon’s lips moved of its own accord to Tiffany’s – no, not her lips, not her lips that he savaged... A quick peck to the cheeks. Her cheek. Taeyeon could still claim that for her own.

That thought gave her as much comfort as it killed her.

“Good night Fany-ah.”

------------------------

The first beams of sunlight seeped through the loosely clasped curtains and into the Girls’ Generation dormitory, reflecting off the pale porcelain face of the lead singer who was draped across the sofa couch, gently snoring off in a way that was distinctly un-sonyuh-like.

In the kitchen, a striking 1.8-meter tall giant was facing off a fiery Shorty for the last piece of the BBQ meat. It was impossible to tell who was screaming louder.

The meat was a treasured product, considering the cook was now pre-occupied with her choding counterpart, wrestling with each other in the living room after Yoona had teased Hyoyeon with a piece of uncooked chicken leg.

“Unnies...” Seohyun whined as she witnessed the rough tumble that was bordering on violence unfold in front of her eyes.

The Girls’ Generation’s dormitory was where you could find the clearest evidence that age was not a indication of maturity, and the maknae sighed before she let Secretary-General Ban-Ki Moon’s latest work – a book on the progression of women in the 21^st century – recapture her attention.

A thunderous “GOOD MORNING!” from Tiffany Hwang broke through the buzz.

Ti-Manager broke apart the fighting chodings, cut the meat into half for the quarrelling SooSun, and gave one of her mega-watt eye-smiles to Seohyun before settling down on the sofa beside her leader, marveling that she had managed to sleep through the noise.

Climbing over to straddle Taeyeon by her waist, Tiffany brought her hands to cup Taeyeon’s face and shook it ever so gently.

Without any of those excessive stage make-ups, Taeyeon looked exactly like the friend who picked up her from the depths of hell when she first landed in Korea 6 years ago and lifted her up together towards stardom.

They had been through hell and back together.

God and Tae Tae were her anchors, and she would do everything to protect this relationship.

“Wake up Tae Tae~”

-----------

Taeyeon groaned.

She rubbed her hands through her face, feeling the horribly dry after-taste of alcohol in . There was something bright in front of her eyes, which she figured was the sun, and something heavy around her hips, which she dismissed as a cushion.

Whatever it was, she wasn’t waking up.

She had spent the remaining of the night drinking, and refused to go back to the room because Tiffany was horrible. Tiffany was evil. Tiffany was mean... and Tiffany was bad for her.

She wanted to sleep – when she slept there was no pain.

In her dreams Tiffany was all hers and he didn’t exist. In her dreams she had the courage to take the leap of faith and confess. In her dreams she could fall asleep beside the love of her life and have her wake her up every morning...

Taeyeon opened her eyes.