The other servants invited me to have dinner and drinks, but I politely declined.  I wasn’t exactly in the mood to celebrate and I didn’t want to put a damper on everyone else. 

I slipped out of my master’s room, and walked mindlessly around the castle.  I could hear the joyous sounds of music and laughter coming from the party in the ballroom.  I immediately turned around and walked in the opposite direction.  I really didn’t want to see my master, even if it was only a glimpse.

I found myself standing in an indoor garden.  Unlike the gardens outside, the plants bloomed freely, unburdened by the cold of the winter snow.

There was a small fish pond and the sound of running water calmed my troubled heart.  I walked closer to the pond and out of the corner of my eye, I caught sight of a small stone bench.  It was almost completely obscured by a large flowering plant, and was relatively hidden from sight.

I brushed away the branches and quietly sat, letting the leafy limbs shield me.  I felt safe, like I was in a cocoon where I could be alone with my thoughts.  It was peaceful here, but the tranquility seemed at odds with my swirling, maddening thoughts.

I closed my eyes and focused on the sound of my breathing, the constant pattern made me feel more settled and I determined I could now sort everything out in my mind.

Being the prince’s concubine was not a position that was taken lightly.  It was actually a very honorable position, one that would lend me considerable authority.  However, I did not crave power, so the prestige meant little to me.  What I found appealing was the respect that the position promised.  If I became his concubine, I would never be threatened again.  My virtue would be safe and I would be able to walk around without the constant threat of being overpowered and forced into someone else’s bed.

The feeling of security was highly attractive, and I considered this fact the biggest upside.  However, the idea of swallowing my pride and sense of self was the biggest drawback.  The idea that I had to willingly submit and give myself to my master pained me.

I knew Yesung was kind, and wouldn’t hurt me, but it was the feeling of letting myself be taken that troubled me.  I had been before, and yes, the experience was horrible.  But even when I was taken against my will, I still managed to keep my pride.

I fought with everything I had, I refused to give in.  Although such actions did little to save me, I still was slightly comforted with the fact that I kept my will.  I was able to preserve my self-respect when I didn’t just accept my imminent fate.

However, giving my body to please my master seemed almost like I was selling my soul.  It would be like my pride was nothing.  All the effort invested in keeping my spirit would have been wasted, and I would become nothing but a play thing.

Furthermore, just acting as a simple servant to my master made me feel like I was suffocating.  The idea that he would dominate me, control me, was unbearable.  It was like I was trapped in a cage that just kept growing smaller and smaller.  How could I maintain my sanity when the walls were caving in on me?

I buried my head in my hands, feeling hopeless.  The only positive thing I could see with this proposition was that I had a large window of time to consider it.  I had at least a month, if not more, to figure everything out.  For the first time since I had arrived, I wished ardently that the negotiations would be drawn out.

I was so consumed with my own conflicts that I didn’t notice the footsteps until they were right in front of the bush that acted as my protective barrier.  Through the leafy barricade I could see a man and a woman walking together.  They stopped right in front of me and I couldn’t help but overhear their conversation.

The woman’s voice was silky and it became quite clear that she was trying to seduce her companion.

“You’re so cold” she whined, and I could practically see the pout on her face.  I covered my mouth with my hand, hiding my amused snort.

I heard her companion hum noncommittally, but he didn’t say anything.  It was silent for a moment before the girl apparently changed tactics.  She dropped her aegyo act, and her voice became a suggestive purr.

“Well, I could always warm you up myself”

Although my vision was obscured, I could still see as she grabbed his hand, placing it on her chest.  I blushed and turned away, shocked by her audacity.  I couldn’t help but turn back to the two when the man sighed and quickly removed his hand.

“That’s enough.  I’m obviously not interested, so please, leave now and preserve some vestiges of your dignity”

My eyes widened as he rejected her so emotionlessly.  What was even more surprising was I knew the owner of that voice.  I squinted through the leaves and my hunch was confirmed.  It was Kyuhyun. Instead of the simple black clothes he was wearing earlier, he wore a navy military blazer with the insignia of his kingdom’s army.  It seemed strange, funny almost, that I had already seen him three times in the course of two days.

 The girl scurried away, looking both angry and embarrassed.  I couldn’t help but feel sorry for her.  Being dismissed so indifferently must have wounded her pride.  I found myself wondering what made him act so callously.

He stood, seemingly unfazed as he watched her huff away.  I expected him to leave soon after her, but to my shock he turned and pushed the branches away, unveiling my hiding place.

“I thought so” he said, sounding slightly amused.

I regarded him with discomfort, slightly embarrassed at being discovered.

“Well, for the record, I was here first.  You and your companion intruded on me, not the other way around”

The corners of his mouth twitched, and I could tell he was trying not to smile.

“I wasn’t going to accuse you, don’t sound so defensive”

I bit the inside of my cheek, blushing slightly.  I didn’t look up even when he moved and sat beside me on the bench.  Although we were sitting relatively close, I didn’t move, not really affected by his presence.

We sat there, neither of us making the move to speak.  Surprisingly, I didn’t find the silence stifling.  It was by no means comfortable, but it also didn’t bother me enough to make me leave.  My forehead creased, and I bit my lip, my thoughts bothering me immensely.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, not sounding particularly interested.

It was obvious he was asking out of politeness and nothing more.  I sent him an appraising look, before shrugging and looking straight ahead.

“Why didn’t you go with her?  Her intentions were clear”

He nodded, as if my inquiry made perfect sense to him.

“I don’t love her, I barely even know her.  means nothing if it’s just lust.  It’s just a way to tie yourself to someone.   Why would I tie myself to someone I don’t have feelings for?”

I didn’t respond, too distracted by my other thoughts.  It bothered me to think that he was right.

Would I let myself be tied further?

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Hehe, Kyuhyun's a philosophic maknae!

Anyway, double update!

Thanks for reading you guys!! ^^

Music: "Time's Up" by LEDApple