It was easier than I thought it would be.  It was all very matter of fact.  I would return with my master, I would become his .  It was simple.

I hadn’t seen Kyuhyun in the days that it took to prepare for our departure, but I didn’t really expect to.  I heeded his wishes and didn’t attempt to find him; I would leave him be as he requested.

It was startling to me that after so much pain I could just feel so empty.  I wasn’t sure if this was better, but it was certainly easier.  So long as I didn’t think too hard, I could breathe.

Now, I stood beside my master, quietly watching as servants prepared the royal carriages that we would take back to our kingdom.  While Yesung concealed his smile beneath his princely mask, I knew that he was happy.  Ever since I had made my decision, he was nothing but bright smiles and barely contained excitement.  If he was smug about how things had gone with Kyuhyun, he said nothing about it.  It seemed clear to me that my master intended to forget about Kyuhyun, to pretend that he had never existed.  At least for the time being, I would try to do the same.

I tried to tell myself that it was for my master’s sake—for Kyuhyun’s sake.  But I knew that I had more selfish motives.  Kyuhyun and the memories I had of him would be locked in my heart.  They would live within me as festering wounds, old scabs that I would pick at from time to time.  But for now, I would leave them alone, not wanting to feel the raw pain that they caused.

Finally, everything was packed.  All that was left was to say our final farewells.  I turned towards the royal family and kneeled, pressing my forehead to the ground.  My master moved to exchange his final pleasantries with the king and queen when a loud disturbance broke out.  My head shot up at the noise, and I watched as a sobbing Princess Sungmin wrenched out of a guard’s grasp and flew towards me.

I was on my feet in an instant, and I held out my arms to support the weeping beauty.

“NO!  Please Ryeowook!  P-please, please don’t d-do this!” she cried, gripping the fabric of my shirt desperately.

I sighed and gently comforted her, shushing her violent sobs and broken pleas. 

“It’s okay, Princess.  It’s all okay” I consoled.

She looked up at me, her eyes bloodshot and her expression broken.

“B-but it’s not” she cried, “N-none of this is right!”

I didn’t say anything, but I felt a sharp tug on my heart.  Swallowing back my own feelings, I pushed all thoughts from my head, focusing on staying blank.  At this point a royal guard approached us, and I did my best to place the still weeping princess in his care.  I smiled sadly as she allowed herself to be led away. 

 After taking a moment to recover, I quickly looked back at the king and queen and the rest of their court.  Queen Heechul smiled at me benignly, nodding her head graciously as I once again bowed deeply in her direction.  When I turned to give my final farewells to the king, he gave me an odd look, one tinged with what could only be described as disappointment.  However, I chose to ignore the implications of such a look and instead offered him a deep respectful bow.

Turning to address the rest of the court members, I caught sight of a distressed Donghae standing beside a satisfied Head General.  I didn’t bother scanning the rest of the crowd.  I knew he wasn’t there.

I locked eyes with the kind Lieutenant, the one who had offered me encouragement, protection, and friendship in the times I needed it most.  I sent him a small smile, and I saw his face contort with a mix of emotions.  While I seemingly bowed to show my thanks to the entire court, my gratitude was meant for Donghae alone.

The rest of the farewells proceeded without further interruption, and within minutes we were pulling away from the castle.  I sat beside my master in the plush carriage, staring blankly out the window.  My master kept a running dialogue, detailing everything would take place once we returned to the kingdom.  I didn’t bother responding, as he seemed to be talking enough for the both of us.

This continued for a while, and again I marveled how easy it all was.  It seemed that years of practice had made it easy to forget, to become unfeeling.  So long as I didn’t think, I didn’t hurt.

A flash of black outside my window had my breath suddenly catching in my throat.  With little warning the carriage came to an abrupt stop, the sudden change of momentum causing both my master and myself to lurch forward.

My master growled in irritation, and he whipped the carriage door open to see what has caused the sudden halt.  I scrambled after him to see what was happening.  However, the erratic beating of my heart already signaled who it must be.

Sitting high on Starcraft and blocking the path of the caravan sat a very determined Kyuhyun.  He glared daggers at Yesung, and my master shook with fury.  Kyuhyun’s eyes quickly left Yesung’s, and I felt them settle on me.

Without a word he leaped from the beast and walked towards me, grabbing my arm harshly.  He started to pull me away, but Yesung stopped him with the tip of his sword placed at Kyuhyun’s neck.

“M-master!” I begged, my eyes growing wide in horror.

But neither man paid me any attention.  Instead they remained locked in a silent battle of wills, neither willing to back down. 

Finally, I managed to pull away from Kyuhyun’s bruising grasp.  The sudden loss caused Kyuhyun to break his glare, and I saw Yesung ready to make a move.

“STOP!” I screamed shrilly, and my master all but dropped his sword in his surprise.  It was almost as if he had forgotten I was there.

“Wookie, get back into the carriage!” He ordered, his voice angry and authoritative.

I wasn’t one to defy my master, but this time I could not obey.  Instead I dropped to my knees, kneeling submissively before him.

“P-please master” I begged, “Spare him for m-my sake.”

He said nothing, and I looked up hopefully.  Yesung’s eyes were black with barely concealed malice, but he nodded curtly. 

“Let me talk to him” Kyuhyun demanded suddenly, and my master looked ready to attack once again.

Not willing to go through this again, I reached out and grasped my master’s hand.  I felt Yesung relax visibly at my touch, and after a moment of contemplation he bit out,

“Fine, but don’t think for a minute that I won’t kill you if you try anything.  I would relish the feel of your blood on my hands.”

Seemingly unconcerned by the vicious threat, Kyuhyun grabbed me once again, dragging me over to where Starcraft stood tall.  My master made no moves to follow us, but he also did not return to the carriage.  Choosing instead to watch us with narrowed eyes.

I couldn’t look at him.  I knew that if I looked into his eyes, something inside me would die.  I didn’t think that I could survive it.

“Ryeowook” he began softly, and I trembled at the gentleness of his voice.

“Ryeowook please.  Don’t do this, please don’t leave.”

His hand rose to caress my cheek, and it took everything I had to keep my eyes averted.

“P-please” he repeated, his voice tinged with desperation.  “I didn’t mean what I said, none of it.  Please Ryeowook, this is me asking you to stay.”

I couldn’t stop myself any longer.  I looked up into brown eyes that were wildly searching mine.  So beautiful.  For as long as I lived, I would remember this, the moment when I had seen true beauty.

“Ryeowook!” he pleaded again, clearly distressed by my silence. 

But I was drinking him, committing him to memory so it would be perfect.

Finally, I gave him a small smile, and I could see him relax the slightest bit.  However the tension returned when I asked softly,

“Do you love me, Kyuhyun?”

He opened his mouth, but words refused to come out.  Even now he hesitated.  For the second time since I had known him, I saw his eyes fill with tears. 

“It’s okay” I whispered, smiling gently.  “Me too, Kyuhyun, me too.”

And suddenly his dark eyes were blazing, begging, trying to communicate the words that he just couldn’t bring himself to say.  But it was too late now.  I had done things that couldn’t be undone no matter how hard those watery eyes screamed at me.

I turned, pulling away from Kyuhyun’s now weakened grasp.  I headed back to where my master was standing, fully intending to return to the carriage.  Suddenly Kyuhyun yelled my name again.  I turned slowly, aware that my master’s dissatisfied glare watched our every move.

Silently Kyuhyun approached, leading Starcraft with him.  Without a word he the reigns into my hand.  I looked down in bewilderment before trying to hand them back, but Kyuhyun refused.

“Keep him” he murmured so softly I had to hold my breath to hear him.  “Keep him and when you’re ready, you’ll bring him back to me.”

Without another word or even a backward glance, Kyuhyun walked away, leaving me alone with the worn reigns grasped in my hands.  Starcraft whinnied softly, a sound so broken I wondered if it had actually come from me.

And suddenly it wasn’t easy anymore.  It hurt.

Very long author's note to follow.