When you were a little girl, you and your brother Lee Minhyuk (Yeah, Mijin has an older brother) go to swim on the beach.

 

“You’re happy right? Minjin-a?” Your brother asked, you nodded and hugged him, it’s his idea to cheer you up after your bad grades at school.

After swimming for couple of hours, you decided to stop swimming because you’re tired; you left your Minhyuk oppa behind. He still laughs at you while you’re watching him swimming.

Your brother swimming to the deeper area, you can’t see him again,

“Oppa!! Where are you??” you stared to yell at him,

“He-lp!” its your brother’s voice,

“Oppa!!!! Help, someone please help my oppa!! Please!!” you scream out loud, people near you begin to run to you, asking for what happened, the lifeguard run to the ocean and swim to your brother, it takes minutes and you can’t stop crying.

The lifeguard carries your brother on…

“Thank God! Oppa…” you stopped your step, you saw the lifeguard’s face, what’s happening…oppa did survive didn’t him? You thought,

“I’m sorry…” the lifeguard says,

There’s your brother…breathless…you tried to shake your brother’s body…but still no moves…your parent run to see your brother…they began to cry…you cry…you just lost your brother…it’s my fault…I should never leave oppa swimming alone…this is all my fault…

“Oppa…please wake up, don’t tease me like this, this isn’t funny at all…oppa…you love me right? Please open your eyes, I promise I will do anything that you told if you wake up, you can use my things, oppa…” you stared to cry even louder…He’s gone?

“Mijin, oppa is gone…” your dad said to you,

“ANI! Appa lie! Oppa is not going to anywhere without me! He promises that to me! Right oppa?”

“Mijin, honey…its okay…its not your fault, its no one’s fault…"

 

Since then…you don’t want to swim anymore, you even afraid of pool, ocean, river, lake…anything that contains a lot of water. It reminds you of your brother…

At the funeral…rain accompany you and your parent also relatives…it’s raining oppa…you always love rain...but…I think I’m gonna hate it…

 

***

Its on her birthday…6^th November…

“Appa…where are you going? We should blow the candles”,

“Mianhae Mijin-a, appa need to go now, Mijin can blow the candles with eomma, ok?”

“Appa have to join us, it wouldn’t be same without appa…yayaya…”

“Mianhae Mijin-a,” your dad leaving you alone,

You ran after him, when it suddenly raining, one heavy rain, but it didn’t stopped you from chasing your father’s car, you fell…Appa…you began crying in the middle of the street,

“Mijin-a!!!” your mom hugged you tightly; you know she’s crying too. It’s too painful for both of you, your mom loses her husband and you lose your father.

Jeongmal mianhae eomma…I cannot do anything…jeongmal jeongmal mianhae…

 

***

When the rain comes, your mood is going to be bad, you always feel left behind when the rain comes, you also mad–mad at your father for leaving you and mad at yourself for can’t do anything to hold him, mad at yourself for being such a fool girl. You mad at everything. All those bad memories running out of your mind…your brain kept playing the bad scenes of your life, you were too young for all of this of life.

***