You were 18. Your first day of college began. You were a pathetic sight, with empty and dark eyes, messy hair, untidy clothes and an old bag which belonged to Yongguk. No one bothered to make friends with you. You didn’t talk. It’s almost half a year since Yongguk’s death. He left, leaving you clinging stubbornly on something that doesn’t exist any longer.

After classes ended, you walked home. Your mind was empty, and nothing was able to make their way in. No emotions, no thoughts, no memories. You were an empty shell. You’ve lost 6 kilos since Yongguk’s death, and you were already skinny before that. People gave you looks as you crossed the streets, wondering if you were some sort of beggar. You ignored them.

You entered an empty house like you did for the past few months. It was spring, but it was cold. Inside you. Everything was cold and hollow. Numb. You walked into your house, took your iPod out and sat on the couch. The one you and Yongguk liked sitting on. You plugged in your earphones. Music was the only thing that was with you when everything else was gone. Tablo’s voice and the lyrics made its way into your head.

“Everybody says that something’s different, that I’ve changed

They say, you used to be full of love and care but

Since one day, you became cold, they don’t get it

You used to smile a lot, but now your eyes and face

The way you speak, it all became dark and scary.

Maybe it’s because of the memory that I want to kill

I erase myself from my heart.”

You sat there without moving for a few hours, the same song replaying in your head. You knew this wasn’t right, you knew Yongguk would’ve hated you this way. He always told you how much he loved your bright smile and your laugh. The two things he loved most about you were lost along with him.

The next day in school, someone sat beside you. You didn’t see him yesterday, but you didn’t bother giving him a look when he sat down either. You didn’t see the point in sociallizing, you didn’t want to let other people into your life anymore. You weren’t fine alone, but you wouldn’t be better off with people in your life. Fragile, glass humans that might just leave you the very next day, you weren’t going to let yourself accept them into your life.

The boy beside you spoke. “Hello! My name is Zelo! What’s yours?” You looked up to see a boy with blonde hair, white milky skin and a happy smile on his face. You said your name before looking elsewhere. You remembered where you had seen him before. On the streets of Seoul, that night, he was performing. He had so much emotions then, but now he was just bright and bubbly. You had a sudden hatred towards him.

Why is he able to laugh and smile so happily, while you were suffering as you felt yourself crumbling into pieces as days pass? You knew the answer well, you knew exactly why. You just didn’t want to admit it. The fact that you were the one torturing yourself, reminding yourself about the past, making yourself look pathetic. But you would never admit that. No, it wasn’t your fault.

Zelo spoke again. “I was absent, because I forgot school was starting yesterday. Haha. Nice to meet you! I hope we can become great friends.” Everything he did was filled with happiness. You looked up at him, your eyes cold, glistening with sadness. “Yes, I hope so too.” You said, not knowing what else to reply.

“Are you okay?” Zelo asked, concerned about the miserable expression on your face. The way he did it, it reminded you so much of Yongguk. The way he cared. Those 3 warm words, that always made you blurt everything out to Yongguk, only to end with him cradling you in his arms. At that moment, you could almost feel the warmth Yongguk gave when he was there. Your skin tingled.

You cleared your throat before replying a single “yes.” You stood up and walked out of class as the professor wasn’t there yet. You found a place at the back of the school buildings and you curled up in a ball on the ground. You were afraid. You were afraid of the feelings in you, the shadow of Yongguk all around you, the fact that you’ve turned so cold to humanity you don’t even remember how to sociallize, the way your heart really hurt when Yongguk’s face flashed into your mind, but mostly, the way Zelo brought back so much feelings between you and Yongguk.

And Zelo didn’t even do much. But the way he spoke, it was similar. To Yongguk. In a warm and gentle voice, with sincerity and care in it, something you thought only Yongguk would have for you. You didn’t realize as you started sobbing, your arms hugging your knees as you cried out loud. When you’ve almost calmed yourself down, you felt someone standing beside you. You opened your watery eyes and looked down to see a pair of dancing shoes that the person wore.

The person lowered himself, sitting on the ground next to you. He had blonde hair. “It’s okay, everything’s fine now, don’t cry.” Those words came out of his mouth. You unconciously leaned onto his shoulder as Zelo comforted you. You felt his warmth, different from Yongguk’s, but at the same time calming and comforting.

Zelo your back, looking up at the sky. “I don’t know what has this girl been through, but I’ll find out. I don’t know why I care so much, maybe because of the way she looks lost and hurt, but I know I’ll bring a smile onto her face, someday.” He thought.