Starbucks, 12pm sharp. You made your way into the café, which was quite empty for a Sunday. You spotted two familiar guys sitting at a corner, and you walked forward to join them.

Zelo wore a puzzled expression on his face as Youngjae taught him the same topic for the hundredth time. Zelo looked up when he realized you were here, and he give you a huge grin, gesturing for you to take a seat. You did so, glancing at all the books on the table. Math, English, Biology, three of your favorite subjects.

You ordered a drink before settling down beside Youngjae, helping Zelo with his Math. Zelo was a clever kid, but he was just too lazy at times. He didn’t bother much about his studies, and he wouldn’t have been trying so hard if it wasn’t for Youngjae, who bugged him every single day over his studies.

You realized how little you knew about Zelo. He danced, he liked skateboarding, he was lazy when it came to studying, he’s outgoing, a prankster, a control-freak at times, he cared about you a lot, but that was all. You didn’t know about his family, his past or anything else.

Youngjae snapped his fingers in front of your face. ‘Who are you day-dreaming about?’ He asked, chuckling. You merely sent a light punch on his arm before continuing with the tutoring for Zelo.

‘Finallyy!’ Zelo said loudly, ignoring the stares from other tables. He kept his books, stretching. Both you and Youngjae smiled, glad that the effort the both of you put in didn’t go to waste. Zelo had great memory, and he could probably be better than you in his studies if he put in the effort to actually study.

‘I have dance practice in a while.’ Zelo said, checking his watch. ‘I want to watch!’ You said, thrilled at the thought of being able to watch Zelo dance. He grinned. ‘Sure!’

Youngjae stood up. ‘I would watch, but I have other plans with my family.’ He said, smiling. Right before he left, he whispered by my ear. ‘Enjoy your little date!’ He said, and ran off laughing. You merely gave a small chuckle.

You and Zelo took the bus to the dance studio. He and a few other of his friends were in a dance crew together, and you sat quietly at the back of the studio, watching them practice.

It was different. The way Zelo was when he danced. He gave in his everything, you could tell. And he loved it. What he was doing. There’s a saying, ‘Dance to express, not to impress.’ But not many can do that. Zelo could.

He was sweating like a waterfall once their practice was over. The other members of his dance crew waved goodbye to you and Zelo before leaving. Zelo gulped down a bottle of water, his sweat dripping onto the floor he was sitting on.

‘That was great.’ You said. You would’ve made your compliment much better if you knew how to, but you didn’t. So you made it simple. But Zelo was contented. He gave you a childish and innocent smile, his eyes sparkling with joy.

‘You really think so? I was afraid you would get bored, but..’ Zelo paused, not knowing what to say. You laughed. ‘I used to dance, you know.’ I told Zelo.

‘I know..’ He said, surprising you with his answer. He explained further.

‘I’ve seen you. Dancing. A few years ago, in one of the workshops I attended.’ He said.

You couldn’t recall seeing Zelo during that time, but you do remember registering for the dance workshop with Yongguk. The both of you went for fun, and it was quite an enjoyable experience.

‘You were with another guy.. Is he.. Your boyfriend?’ Zelo asked quietly.

You nodded, not knowing what to say. You had a silent debate in your brain whether to tell Zelo that Yongguk was still, in a way, alive. Nope, Zelo would think you were nuts.

‘How did he.. pass away?’ Zelo asked again, his tone cautious.

You spoke, looking into Zelo’s eyes. ‘It was a car accident. He got knocked down by a car, when he was buying ice cream.. for me.’ You couldn’t disguise the pain in your voice as you spoke, and you leaned closer to Zelo as he curled his arms on your waist.

You leaned your head against Zelo’s chest, feeling a sudden warmth in your heart. You’ve never felt this with anyone, except, of course, Yongguk.

And you felt safe. Secure. Protected. Something Yongguk could always make you feel, something you missed so much in the past 3 years without Yongguk.

But Yongguk was with you now. He was at home, probably drinking a cup of coffee and reading a book, waiting for you to come home. He was alive and breathing, you forced yourself into believing that fully.

A pang of guilt hit you as you realized you were lying in the arms of another man. Another man that wasn’t Yongguk. You pushed Zelo away, maybe using a little too much strength. His expression was rather surprised, but he stepped back anyway, allowing you your own space.

‘Sorry.’ He mumbled.

You felt guilty again, this time, for making Zelo feel guilty. It wasn’t his fault, not in the least.

‘Sorry.’ You said to him, clearly making the atmosphere even more awkward.

‘I.. I have to go.’ You said before pacing quickly out of the studio, leaving Zelo behind.

Guilt. guilt, guilt, guilt. You didn’t know what to do right now.

To stick with the love you once lost, and take the risk of maybe having to lose him again, or to start of fresh with a person you actually have slight feelings for.

You weren’t dumb. You knew it was impossible for Yongguk to be back, just like that. But you weren’t going to admit it. Maybe if you truly believed it, Yongguk wouldn’t leave. Maybe you could grow old with him, maybe you could be with him forever.

At the same time, you could feel yourself wanting to get closer to Zelo. He was special, in a weird yet comforting way. He reminded you of Yongguk in some tiny and detailed ways, but he was at the same time, a character of his own.

You opened the doors of your house, to see Yongguk sitting on the couch, with a cup of coffee in his left hand and a book in his right.