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EPISODE 12
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Jessica's POV

I  stood still at the kitchen, not knowing what to do. What am I supposed  to say to Heechul? Am I just gonna pretend that nothing happened?

When I know inside, Heechul’s the one who’s getting hurt. Because I will never return his love.. because I just can’t.

I took a deep breath and went into the living room, Heechul had just closed the main door.

I looked around and the PD crew was nowhere in sight, means that they’ve left and it’s just the two of us.

“Hey..” I took his hand and brought him to the sofa to have a talk.

“I just don’t want you to get confused.. and hurt,” He looked up at me slowly as I said that.

“It’s  just that.. we’ve been spending so much time together as a virtual  couple that.. maybe it’s gone into your head,” I sighed. He still kept  quiet, thinking about what I had said.

“You don’t actually like me, you’re just… confused,” I sounded more like I was assuming things blindly but I hope he gets it.

Suddenly he stood up angrily but I quickly held his hand so that he wouldn’t go away.

Then he turned his head sharply at me and made a serious face, “Have you ever considered, that loving you was my own decision?”

“Please  don’t say that, Heechul..” I was feeling even more burdened. I felt  like I was trying to convince a little child to eat vegetables but he  just keeps pushing them away.

“I’m not confused..” He looked away from me and whispered, “..you are.”

He tried pulling his hand away from my grip but I wouldn’t let go, “No, I’m not done talking with you.”

He obediently sat down again but his face was still kept away from me.

“I  don’t want our real feelings to get in the way of work, we have to be  professional, Heechul,” I tried to talk some sense into him.

“I understand..” He said under his breath.

“But what about Taecyeon..? I really want to know.. if that rumor is true,” He looked into my eyes.

I didn’t know what to say to him.

It  is true. I have been going out with Taecyeon a few times before but  it’s not like we’re official since he didn’t propose to me yet.

“That’s none of your concern,” I sighed and looked away from his eyes.

“So it’s true then.. You are dating him..” He sounded dispirited.

“It’s  not like that.. I just don’t want to tell you about my personal life,” I  said softly because I really didn’t actually wanna say it.

“It’s  okay, I understand. Just… forget whatever I said,” He made me look into  his eyes again, “But.. I promise you, I’ll make you fall in love with  me.. and at your own will.”

My heart skipped a beat, how I wish he was just joking but even I couldn’t trick myself, he’s dead serious.

“I..” Suddenly my phone rang. I picked it up and it was my manager, he was already waiting for me in the car.

“Heechul, I gotta go..” I stood up and sighed.

---

Heechul’s POV

As  Jessica left, my heart felt really heavy. I thought that once I’ve  confessed to her, I would feel more relief but instead, I felt worse.

I was alone in our apartment, I wasn’t even sure if Yongil hyung remembered that he had to fetch me.

I sat on the floor, hugging my knees. I feel so stupid…

My  relationship with Jessica just went from 60% to –20%.. But I’m sure if  I’m persistent, she’ll realize the cool guy I am and gives me that  chance… I wish.

“I’m so stupid.. I’m such a pabo..” I whispered  to myself as my head kept tipping over, I was sleepy and my eyes  wouldn’t stay open any longer.

I waited and waited, not moving an  inch from the floor. My watch was showing 1AM in the morning and still,  Yongil hyung has not arrived.

for having no phone.

---Next Day---

*knock* *knock*

“Urghh,” I opened my eyes just to find myself lying on the cold floor. I checked my watch and it was 7AM in the morning.

“Heechul? Jessica? Are you guys home?” I could hear Yongil hyung’s voice from the other side of the door.

I quickly went over to unlock it.

“Yah.. Hyung, what took you so long?” I rubbed my eyes.

“Huh? It’s 7AM in the morning, I’m early,” He looked at me confusedly.

“You were suppose to pick me up last night!! I was waiting until I fell asleep on the floor!” I opened my eyes in disbelief.

“Jinja?! I thought you guys were sleeping over here,” He then apologized, “Mian, mian~ Let’s go now, we have a schedule.”

“Whaaaat. I can’t believe this,” I sighed.

“So you were alone? Jessica went home? Why didn’t you ask her to sent you back?” He asked as we went to take the lift.

Suddenly it reminded me of what went on between Jessica and me last night. It brought my mood down again.

“Hey.. you okay?” He asked me concernedly.

“Have I ever been okay?” I sighed. Yongil hyung knew me enough to not ask me what went wrong.

---

---A few days later---

Jessica's POV

Place: SNSD’s Dorm
Time: 20:02PM

It was late already and the girls were just resting in the dorm. Suddenly I got a text.

*bzzzt*

From: Taec ^^
Hey so is it still on tonite?

To: Taec ^^
Yeah.. so we meet at the usual place?

From: Taec ^^
Nah.. I’ll come over n text u when im dere so that u can meet me outside.

To: Taec ^^
kk.

I went to get ready for my outing with Taecyeon tonight. What should I wear? Hmm.

“Going out with *ahem* again?” YoonA asked me as she stood at the bedroom door.

“Yeah,” I didn’t bother looking at her, as I was busy trying on some clothes.

“What about your other *ahem*?” She asked. I paused and look at her, “What other *ahem*?”

“Sica, we all know you’re not funny so stopped trying to be,” She rolled her eyes, “I’m talking about your fanboy husband.”

“Heechul? He’s not really a fanboy, he’s just a little weird..” I sighed.

“The last time I checked, he’s your number 1 celebrity fanboy on the net,” She chuckled.

“You’re kidding right?” I tried to laugh but she seems serious.

“You haven’t seen the articles? It’s dated back from when ZE:A first debuted until now,” She laughed as she found it amusing.

“Okok,  I have to get ready for tonight!” I told her to get her out of the  room. I quickly wore on something nice and put on light make-up.

But  before I left the room, I felt like switching on the laptop to do a  little research on Heechul. I feel like I barely have any knowledge  about him.

Search: heechul

Results: Super Junior, Kim Heechul, Heechul Hangeng, Heechul kisses

‘Oh right.. I forgot about Heechul oppa,’ I smacked my head lightly and re-entered Heechul’s name in the search engine.

Search: heechul ze:a

Results:  ZE:A Heechul confesses his love to SNSD’s Jessica, ZE:A Heechul’s  everlasting love for Jessica of SNSD, ZE:A Heechul meets Super Junior’s  Heechul

I was afraid to click on the results but my hand clicked on it anyways.

I  was shocked when I read the articles. I really had no idea about this  at all. I went to read the comments and many posted that Heechul had no  chance with me and that I’m way out of his league.

There were  even links to videos containing him talking about me and it was  heartwarming to see how persistent he is even though I haven’t responded  to any of his confessions.

“Even if she happened to just walk  past me, I’d think of it as some sort of destiny,” I was touched as I  heard him saying this in the video.

“Jessica sunbaenim, if I get  the chance.. I really want to meet you sometime,” The more I watch these  videos, the more I feel guilty. I looked at the date the videos were  posted and they were from way before we ever got on WGM together.

I  guess I’m such a jerk for saying all those things to him that night. I  can’t imagine if Josh Hartnett told me that I was ‘confused’ and didn’t  actually like him. That just sounds so stupid.

I wonder how he’s  feeling? Maybe I should call him. But he doesn’t have a phone.. Maybe  I’ll call ZE:A’s manager? But what if they’re having a schedule now..  Gah.

*bzzzt*

From: Taec ^^
Hey im here, meet u outside

To: Taec ^^
Ok coming.

“Bye girls,” I quickly left the dorm to meet Taecyeon.

“So how do I look?” I smiled at him.

“Hmm, nice, very nice,” I paused as he complimented me.

---Flashback to previous WGM shooting---

Jessica: "How’s my new look? You like it?”

Heechul: “I love it! You’ve never looked more beautiful..”

---End of flashback---

“Hey, you okay? Let’s go,” Taecyeon pulled my arm.

I  didn’t know why I suddenly thought of a similar incident but with  Heechul. I felt warm thinking about what he said and a little foolish  for not appreciating it at that time.

---

Time: 23:04PM

We watched a movie together as usual. We were lucky that no one spotted us.

It was a long walk back to the dorm but Taecyeon and I decided to converse with each other while we were making our way back.

“I  had such a great night..” I smiled at him shyly. He was walking with  his hands in his pockets and smiling shyly to himself too.

“Yeah me too,” He chuckled. Suddenly, I noticed a huge puddle of water in front of him and he was about to step on it.

“Heechul, look out!” I held his arm tightly so that he would stop walking. Just then, I realized what I had just called him.

“Heechul..?” He raised his eyebrow at me.

“I mean Taec.. I’m sorry~” I tried to laugh to make him forget about it.

“Pfft.  Heechul as in your make-believe husband? The one who’s sooo obsessed  with you?” He laughed. I laughed a little too because the way he said it  was kind of funny.

“What a fanboy, he’s been confessing his love  for you but you never reply to him. He’s living is his dream world, he  should just wake up and see that you’re so not into him,” He scoffed. I  was surprised at what he said, that’s really mean.

“I mean like,  hurray he’s probably the happiest kid alive now that he’s on WGM with  you but it’s all just fake and scripted. Seriously, and what’s with the  whole arrogant attitude? He’s such a loser,” He continued on.

I  was a little mad at what he said. Our recordings are not scripted at all  and the arrogant thing is just Heechul’s intro. When you get to know  him, he’s actually a sweet and fun guy.

“Enough, Taec. That’s not funny,” I rolled my eyes.

“Yeah  it is, he’s a loser and I can’t believe MBC paired you up with him. I  should be on that show with you and be your make-believe husband,” He  laughed.

“Well, guess what? You’re not and he is.” I folded my  arms and walked away from him. I hate jerks. I hate them to the core and  Taecyeon was being such a big jerk tonight.

“Wait, Jess. Look, I was just joking,” He grabbed my arm and forced me to look at him.

“Fine, if you talk bad about Heechul again, we’re over,” I told him firmly.

“We? So we are an item?” He chuckled.

“I don’t know~” I smiled as I hit his arm lightly.

“Okay, I promise I won’t talk bad about that kid anymore,” He smiled as we walked back to the dorm.

---

Place: SNSD’s Dorm
Time: 00:12AM

“So how was your date?~” Sooyoung kept bothering me over and over again before we went to bed.

“It’s not a date~ We’re just going out as friends~” I giggled.

“Right~~” She chuckled.

“Okok,  it was… great. Heechul was being really nice, he even carried my bag,” I  paused. I just did it again, I just called Taecyeon, ‘Heechul’ instead.

“Ohohoho~ Someone just can’t forget about her husband~” She teased me.

“I, ugh..” I didn’t know what to say. I guess it is true, I keep thinking about him.

“Sooyoung-ah,  do you find it weird and creepy if a guy likes you so much.. that  you’re the only thing that he can think of?” I asked her.

I  mean, Heechul’s pretty weird for liking me so much. But I guess, that’s  what fans do right? And I know that if a fan has an opportunity like  Heechul, they’d do anything to win my heart.

“I think it’s  romantic..” She sighed pleasurably, “I mean, don’t you want a guy who  always thinks of you? And does everything to show that he loves you?”

As  she said that, it kind of makes more sense to me. I do want a guy like  that.. I mean, it’s not like Heechul’s a stalker or a ert for that  matter. He’s just really into me and he knows his distance.

“And  what if that kind of guy comes along and confesses that he really,  really likes you but you kind of rejected him?” I asked without  thinking.

“OMO, Heechul oppa confessed to you? Like, for real? AND YOU REJECTED HIM?” She shouted.

“Now I’m thinking, should I be telling you this?” I sighed as I covered my face with a pillow.

“Like duh! So what? Are you guys still gonna continue the show?” She asked, taking my pillow off my head.

“What  do you mean? Of course we’re gonna continue,” I rolled my eyes. But now  I think about it, if Josh Hartnett rejected me, I’d go run away and get  a new name. ><

“Oh man.. Poor Heechul oppa.. He even said that you were the best thing that has ever happened to him,” She sighed.

“When did he say that?” I raised my eyebrow.

“Oh  I almost forgot. I found a letter in your bag, it’s from Heechul oppa,”  She took out the letter from her drawer and gave it to me.

“Were you planning to keep it in there?” I rolled my eyes and then focused on reading the letter.

Hey wifey,

Just writing you a letter cause I felt like it.
I want you to know that this whole thing is
like the best thing that has ever happened to me.
Like seriously, seeing your beautiful face every time I go for shooting,
it still feels so surreal to me. I really can’t believe it,
that I’m finally meeting my dream girl.
I know you must be thinking..
why is this guy so straightforward?
Is he just playing around or is he serious?
Well, truth is, I’ve never been more serious in my whole life.
I hate beating around the bush so I prefer getting to the point.

Jessica, I love you..

It’s embarrassing to say that in real life but I try to, sometimes.
I try to think less about you (since my members think it’s
unhealthy to think about you most of the time) but I can’t,
because I’m so addicted to you.
Please don’t think that I’m some kind of obsessed fanboy
because I’m not..

It’s just that, when you find someone you really love,
they’re the only thing that you can think of.
It’s true, because I’ve never felt like this for anyone before
until now. Even if you don’t like me the same way..
it’s okay because.. I’m happy if you’re happy.

Btw, I don’t know why I still feel a little guilty making you call
me ‘oppa’ when actually, I’m younger than you by a few months.. :X
so sorry for not telling you this coz..
I just wanted you to call me ‘oppa’ ><.
Also, Taeyeon, Sunny, Tiffany, YoonA and Yuri are my noonas too..
haha but we’re born in the same year so we’re considered as friends anyways.
and and! Our next shooting is on my birthday!! ^^ yayyy!
Remember to wear your cow shirt!
You make such a cute cow~
Love you! Take care and eat well!
Think of me every time you have the chance!!

P.S, erm if you do read this..
just keep it to yourself and don’t tell me that you’ve read it ><
also, don’t show this to the other girls..

Love, your destiny hubby

I  was speechless after reading Heechul’s letter. I guess it’s official  then, I’m the biggest jerk ever! I probably broke his heart so bad the  other night. And what’s worse is that the next shooting is on his  birthday, what am I gonna do if he doesn’t turn up or something?

“Sooyoung,  what should I do?!” I kept the letter and bit my nails a little. It’s  so late but I can’t sleep because I’m so restless.

The next shooting is this upcoming Thursday!

“Tell him that you like him too, and get together with him,” She gave me a straightforward answer.

“What?!”

“Why not? He’s a cool guy and both of you are so compatible,” She shrugged her shoulders.

“But he’s.. what are people gonna say when they find out that I’m dating an underrated rookie?”

“Seriously,  Jess? Is that what really matters to you?” She looked at me with a  disappointed face, “If I were you, I’d go out with him, he’s nice and he  really cares about you. Beats that player, Taecyeon.”

“Taec’s not a player..” I said softly.

“Fine,  suit yourself. One day that guy’s gonna get another girl, I tell ya.  But don’t you go begging Heechul oppa to take you back if he goes for  Sunny instead,” She ended the conversation and pretended to go to sleep.

I  was mad at what she said but I kept silent anyways and tried going to  sleep too. I guess I’ll try and do something about this but for now, I  need some rest.