As I thought about Nana’s words, I realized that she was not wrong. I had originally agreed to use the pen name because a book in a thriller-mystery genre would sell better with a gender-ambiguous author. However, I had come to rely on the Lin Ye persona too much to separate the book’s performance from myself. If Lin Ye failed as an author, it wouldn’t be like I, Lin Yejing, had failed. I was so afraid of not being accepted. But what good is an author who is not truly connecting to her readers? 

However, I now faced an even bigger problem. Although as far as I knew, Lu Han and Nana were not officially “dating,” they were definitely going out on dates. 

“I asked,” Terry told me with a huff. “His exact words were ‘we are kind dating to see how it goes.’ Yejing, you should have made a move first. I’m sure Lu Han likes you too. This is all because you let Nana ask him out.”

Was it true? If I had asked Lu Han first, would he have said yes? 

“I can’t believe anyone would date that girl,” Terry grumbled. “Who would be so gullible? Maybe Lu Han is dumber than he looks.”

The worst thing was that the news affected my writing. I found myself staring at my blank word document for hours, willing words to flow from my brain onto the page. Nothing. All I could think about was Lu Han going out on dates with Nana and holding her hand and - 

With a sigh, I closed my laptop. It was my sixth day in a row with no progress. I knew that I shouldn’t let things in my life affect my writing, especially silly things like a romance that never even existed. However, the character of Han Yiru was so connected to everything that was Lu Han, that I couldn’t help it. 

For the first time, I considered having a sad ending to the novel, ending it with a finality that meant no more sequels in the future. Kill off Linn’s character? Yiru depended on Linn, and killing one is like killing the other. Maybe I should just kill them both.

Pushing myself back from my computer chair, I called Terry, knowing that he would still be awake even though it was almost 2AM. He answered on the third ring. 

“What if I killed them off?” I asked without preamble. 

“What are you talking about?” 

“Han Yiru and Linn. What if I killed them?”

 Terry let out a gasp. “”Then I’ll probably kill you,” he said, horrified. Then he sighed. “I mean, it’s your novel, Yejing. You should know best.”

Should I know? I sure didn’t feel like it. 

Since the drama was about to wrap up filming in two weeks, I decided to stop going to the set. I was behind schedule on the daily wordcount that I had set up for myself, and my input at filming was really no longer needed. 

“Focus on your book,” Kevin told me over the phone, trying to sound stern. “Maybe if you write another best seller, this show will have a second season.”

A second season would mean that I get to spend another few months with Lu Han. It also, however, meant more time with Nana. 

Unable to write a single sentence, but needing to do just that, I spent the next five days cooped up in my room, sleeping all day and starting at my blank laptop screen all night. After three days, I started taking to wandering the streets at night.    

“I’m starting to get the tortured artist vibe from you recently,” Terry told me when he visited. It was late into the afternoon, and I had just woken up. “Also, it’s not safe for you to be out by yourself.”

“This neighborhood is pretty safe,” I argued with a sigh. “I usually just go the convenience store three blocks away and get some yogurt anyway. The lady who works the night shift is really nice and always chats with me.”

“Maybe you need a new muse,” Terry suggested. 

“I don’t think that it would help me finish this.”

Filming wrapped up without a hitch, and the drama moved fully into post production. I met with the directors, producers, and staff, and everyone seemed pleased with how it had turned out. 

“I think it’s going to be a hit,” Produc