A/N: Still a depressing chapter. Yes, this fic is heading towards its ending already in around 2-3 chapters with epilogue. keke. It's sad but i don't want to drag it too long. It'd be boring. keke. So, for now, enjoy another depressing chapter. If you've noticed, i've changed my writing style a bit for the early part of the chapter to suit the depressing mood. keke.


Chapter 31: Stay With Me


“Can’t you love me?” he croaked, “Really, why can’t you love me, Lee ChaeRin?”

I was taken aback by the request. I thought he was going to ask me to wipe his shoes clean or something. I looked up to his face and saw his sorrowful eyes.

It just broke my heart.

How do you tell someone that you can’t love them? I don’t think there’d be a standard answer to this. It was just too hard of a thing finding an answer to. I guess I just had to go with my heart. 

I had to apologize.
I need to apologize.

“I’m sorry,” I said.

There. Two words that bring a lot of meaning when uttered, given the circumstance.

I’m sorry that I can’t feel the same way that you do.

Those were the words that I really wanted to say but left it unspoken. Saying ‘I’m sorry’ was enough for the time being. He’d get the meaning, I was sure.
If not, I think he’d be the one who was most in need of a rain of rocks.

I bit my lip and looked into his eyes. To my horror, I saw them glistening.
He wasn’t about to cry now, was he?
I gulped yet again, for the umpteenth time.

The awkward silence was deafening. It was like both of us had run out of things to say. It was understandable, given our current situation. We could not suddenly talk about the weather now, could we? The buzz surrounding us made by the customers in the stall had ceased to exist. I looked down to my lap, my heart pounding so loudly in my chest.

SeungHyun sighed deeply, causing me to look up. I was half-expecting to see him crying. Or maybe a tear rolling down his cheek. To my surprise, he was smirking at me; his usual annoying smirk.

Was he delighted in any way, that I had rejected him?
Technically, he hadn’t really told me that he liked me. I only heard it from MinHo and assumed by myself. Could it be that the romantic genius was wrong?

SeungHyun didn’t really like me?
Oh, God! 
I gulped.

“You’re sorry, huh, Lee ChaeRin?” he was mocking me with that question. “Why should you be? I didn’t ask for your apology now, did I?”

I shook my head.

“Then, why did you apologize? Do I look that pathetic in your eyes? Do you think that I’m some pathetic guy?” he asked, his voice rising.

Again, I shook my head.
I didn’t even say a word. My conscience was telling me that I should just maintain my silence.

“Don’t EVER apologize to me, you got that?” he said, his voice shaking with anger.

Great, now I have made even the kingka mad at me, I thought to myself.

I was alarmed when SeungHyun suddenly stood up, resting both palms on the table as he leant forward.

“The contract is over, Lee ChaeRin. You’re not my slave anymore. Go do whatever you like,” he said. I waited for him to continue. “You’re a fool to reject a kingka like me. I mean, look at me! Only stupid people like you will reject me!”

“You’re always so humble,” I said sarcastically.

SeungHyun chuckled to himself. “Someday, you’re going to regret this, Lee ChaeRin,” he said. There was a tinge of sadness in his voice but he quickly covered it up with a smirk.

I think I can see it through his shaky hands, like he was holding something back.
“Maybe I will, SeungHyun,” I said. I realized that it was the first time that I have called him ‘SeungHyun’. “You’re a great guy.”

In truth, I really thought that he was a great guy for other girls, but definitely not for me. He was handsome and athletic; the kind of guy any high school girls would die to have. He had his own strange ways of making me happy and he was there when I needed someone. Even though he irritated me more than half of the time, he was a great guy nonetheless. I knew that fact but he just wasn’t for me.

Too bad for SeungHyun, my heart was already taken by a scaredy-cat who doesn’t even talk to me now.

“Be happy, ChaeRin,” he said and I realized that it was the first time that he had called me ‘ChaeRin’. “I just want you to be happy with that wuss.”

“He’s not a wuss,” I said defensively.

SeungHyun chuckled to himself. “Already being so defensive about lover boy now, are you?” he said teasingly.
“He’s not my lover boy!” I said, narrowing my eyes at him.

“Whatever,” SeungHyun smiled, “So, I guess this is goodbye, ChaeRin.”

“Goodbye, SeungHyun,” I said. “I hope that we can still be friends.”

“Maybe,” he said mysteriously; a faraway look in his eyes.

He smiled for the last time and left the stall. I looked after his retreating back, already having the feeling of an empty spot in my heart. I would never regret rejecting him but I know that I would definitely regret the fact that we couldn’t even be friends. I understood from the look he gave me; it was painful for him to be my friend.

SeungHyun might be smiling when he left, but I know, he was crying the moment he turned his back on me. How did I know?

Because, just like me, SeungHyun was heartbroken too.
It was enough to make a tough guy cry.

***

“Omo, ChaeRin-ah, haven’t you slept last night?” YeJin asked me at class the next day. I had called her last night to tell her about what had happened between me and SeungHyun. YeJin was acting really suspicious. I mean, usually, she’d have a lot of things to say but she just kept quiet the whole time and was actually only listening to my ramblings.

I was actually curious as to what had happened to my have-to-say-something-about-anything best friend. Had MinHo’s love rendered her to the point of insanity?

I stifled a yawn. YeJin was still looking at me with a look of concern. Maybe she felt guilty for not saying anything. Either way, she was concerned about me.

Truthfully, I didn’t even remember at what time I had finally fallen asleep. I kept tossing and turning on my bed, thinking about SeungHyun’s sad eyes and DaeSung’s weird behavior. It was driving me crazy, the way these two guys would always pop into my head uninvited. If only I had a door to my head, I’d definitely block these two out. They were definitely giving me unnecessary headaches.

“No,” I said, “I couldn’t sleep.”
“Is it because you can’t stop thinking about SeungHyun or because you’re excited about the class trip?” YeJin asked.

Oh, sh1t!
I had totally forgotten about the class trip. Mrs. Choi had been reminding us about it all this week but I guess I just tuned her out. To me, she was still not worth listening to.

Seeing my crestfallen face, YeJin immediately got the idea. “You completely forgot about the trip, huh? You must be thinking about baboon last night, then,” she said, “I can’t believe this. You were so excited about it last month. We even said that the four of us would have so much fun together. This is just sad. Sad!” YeJin exclaimed dramatically.

I cringed. 
The four of us.
Yes, the four of us would include DaeSung; the exact cause of my broken heart.

Would he be psyched for the trip?
Would he bring GwiSoon along?
Would EunHyuk come to visit his beloved ChaeKyoung? Those two were definitely going to couple up soon. I hope it would be before EunHyuk went back to GwangJu.

“YeJin, are you hiding something from me?” I asked suddenly, trying to change the subject.

YeJin’s face was a mixture of horror and embarrassment. She looked down, avoiding my gaze and began to busy herself with finding her textbook. “I-I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said, playing dumb.

I was stupefied by her sudden change of behavior. Her answer was basically screaming “Yes!” to me. I guess YeJin wasn’t ready to share her secret with me. In a way, it made me sad when I think about it. Just for this once, seeing how uncomfortable she looked pretending to find her book, I let her off the hook.

I decided to give her time until she would finally confide in me.

I stole a glance at DaeSung and he was talking animatedly with MinHo. They were laughing about something that he had said. I bet he was telling about some jokes. Gosh, I can’t believe how much I missed hearing his lame jokes.

I heard it again; the sound of my heart breaking. 
I turned to look elsewhere, hoping to brush off that sinking feeling.

A few minutes later, Mrs. Choi marched into the classroom, looking like a fierce soldier madam as usual. She cleared and the whole class was silent.

“Here are consent forms to be given to your parents. Make sure they sign them and bring them back tomorrow. Those who fail to do so will be left behind. I definitely don’t want to be responsible for immature high schoolers like you.”

Wow, can she be any more loving?

The whole class erupted in a flock of unenthusiastic “Yes”. She passed the forms around before starting with her lecture. I couldn’t even stay awake during her class and when I was in the middle of dreaming about HyunBin, I felt a thud on my head and the pain accompanying it.

Mrs. Choi had thrown a book towards my head.

“Good shot, good shot!” Jung-su got up and clapped. I guess he was always a fan of Mrs. Choi’s throws. I turned to give him a murderous glare to which he immediately sat down.

“LEE CHAERIN! IF YOU DARE SLEEP IN CLASS AGAIN, I’LL CALL YOUR MOTHER!!” she barked.

I stood up straight.
It was all it took to keep me awake.

***

“Mrs. Choi will be there?” Umma asked when I gave her the consent form some later that evening.
“Of course, Umma!” I said. Wasn’t it obvious that the homeroom teacher would tag along to the class trip?
“I’m just asking,” Umma smiled slyly before putting her signature to the paper.

I think my relationship with my mother had definitely turned towards the positive these past few days. We could joke around, cook together and ride in the car without awkwardness now. I guess, in any bad thing, there’d definitely be a silver lining.

“I hope you don’t drink anymore, ChaeRin.”
“Umma! You think Mrs. Choi would let us drink?”
“I’m just saying.”

When I got back to my room, I put the consent letter inside my bag and put them on th