There was only one second of the day when I’ve forgotten about my parent’s disagreement, which is the first thing I woke up. The first second, it was a dream. After that, it was hell. I always thought about the situation last night. It gave me something heavy, you know, when you feel something heavy in your chest. Yeah, it’s just like that.

The moment I woke up, I went downstairs quietly to check if my parents were there. I didn’t want any more ruckuses when I already had enough. Fortunately, they’re not there. So, I ran upstairs quickly to wash, brush my teeth, and change my clothes. I hustled downstairs and made myself a bowl of Lucky Charms cereal. I only picked out the frosted cereals, but I kept the marshmallows. I slide the bowl aside after I’m done without putting it in the sink because I’m such a fat .

I rushed outside the door after that and Jonghyun greeted me outside….with a box of chocolates. I walked down the door steps as Jonghyun went towards me. He stretched his arms out and held the box of chocolates in front of me. Then he wrapped his arms around my neck. He let go and asked, “Are you okay Key?” I nodded. My dad was really harsh last night. My dad made me angry, and made my heart break into a trillion pieces. He called me really harsh words that hurt my feelings that made me hold back for tears. I gulped and finally, a small little tear pricked out of the corner of my eye. Jonghyun wiped the tears off and decided not to talk. More and more tears rolled down my cheek as minutes pass by. My father, the one that loved me, called me all of that? Aren’t parents supposed to be supportive, and make their child’s life happy? Why couldn’t my parents be like that?

Last night, my mom was too shocked to even speak. She didn’t yell or cursed. She just cried. I know that she extremely hates homoual people. She hates them so much and she couldn’t believe that her only child was one of them. I disappointed her. Even though she warned me so many times that those people are bad people. And I still become….gay. I believe in love. I believe that God doesn’t go against gay relationships. Love is like a magnet that pulls the two people together and they fall in love naturally. It’s called fate. It’s supposed to happen. It’s not from force at all. Force is stupid, really stupid.

Jonghyun and I arrived at school. I tried to wipe out all of my tears as best as I could and act like nothing happened. Okay, let’s do this. Jonghyun then asked me, “Are you ready Bummie?” I just nodded my head still holding back the painful tears. When I come home, I might have to deal with more harsh words.

“Okay students! Close your books! It’s lunchtime!” The teacher announced. All the students were happy except for me. Lunch is just lunch. Why do people have to be so excited? I hugged my books and went to my locker. Jonghyun waved to me from a distanced and went towards to where I’m standing. “How are you feeling?” He asked. I sighed. I was worried, hurt, angry, and mad. What do you think Jonghyun? “I’m fine I guess.” I answered. He grabbed my hand and said, “Shall we go get some lunch love?” I giggled at his cheesy accent of a British person. Then I nodded. He then pulled me into the doors of the cafeteria.

“I hate our school’s food.” I mumbled. I stabbed the mushy and disgusting mashed potatoes with my plastic fork. The gravy tastes like water from the dishwasher. DI-SGUST-ING. I’m trying to keep a healthy diet here, and I bet the “mashed potatoes” isn’t even made out of grown potatoes. Maybe, just maybe, it might be plastic mashed potatoes. Anyways, I’m still not going to eat it. So, I have the rest to Jonghyun….and he ate it all. Such a fatty……

“Wart-wu wunna bwe –whungy?” Jonghyun said with his mouth stuffed with mashed potatoes. “What?” I said confusingly. He gulped down all his food that was still in his mouth and repeated, “Aren’t you going to eat?” I shook my head and turned the other way, still thinking about what I should do when I go home. Will my parents lecture me on why being gay is bad? Will I have to deal with more ruckuses? Oh dear God, please help me. I just want a happy life…..

Jonghyun and I were standing with two cars parked in front of our house. They’re home…. “Are you going to be okay?” I sighed coldly and said, “Do I LOOK like I’m okay? I’m about to go to hell right now and you expect me to be okay?” Jonghyun backed away slowly to let my inner animal side calm down. Jonghyun gave me a hug after I turned back to normal again. “I’m sorry Bummie. I’m just worried about you, about us.” Okay, first things first. Does this boy think that he’s the only one who only thinks about us? I do too! My inner animal side started bursting out at me again. You can tell be my red cherry-like face.

Just then, I heard the doorknob twisted at the front door……and there are my parents. They were all dressed up. Guess they were going to a restaurant to eat or something because they don’t want to see my face. My dad froze the first thing he saw my face. Then he turned away in disgust at his own son. I went towards my dad and he backed away immediately. He was afraid of me. My mom nudged my dad to go towards me. “What do you want?” He asked coldly. “I-I want to talk to you guys.” I said unsteadily. “No, now let’s go honey.” My dad pulled my mom towards the car, but then she tugged his arm back and whispered to him quietly. He rolled his eyes and said, “Fine, I don’t give a . Now hurry up bastard, I want to go eat.”  I went up the doorstep with Jonghyun. I could also see his eyes panicking. I was scared also. I will volunteer to go die instead of my dad beating me to death every single time I see him. That would be way better.

My dad kicked his feet on the coffee table and dozed around somewhere and acted like he didn’t care. “Dad, do you still accept me as your son?” My dad stood up and slammed his hand on the coffee table. “DO I LOOK LIKE I STILL ACCEPT YOU? HUH? MY SON IS GAY, A HOMO, A , AND YOU EXPECT TO ACCEPT YOU?” I felt a tear crawling out of the corner of my eye. I was mad. I was really mad, like bursting inside with madness. I couldn’t help it anymore but to slam my hand on the table too. “HOW COULD YOU BE LIKE THIS? HOW COULD YOU? DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW TO BE A PARENT? A PARENT IS SUPPOSED TO SUPPORT THEIR CHILD MOST OF THE TIME. A PARENT WANTS THEIR CHILD TO BE HAPPY! DO I LOOK LIKE I’M HAPPY? I JUST WANT TO SUICIDE BECAUSE OF YOU GUYS. I’M LIVING IN HELL RIGHT NOW!” “Listen Kibum, we’re trying to make you happy-“ My mother spoke up. “NO, MOTHER. I’M NOT HAPPY. KILLING MYSELF AND DIE WOULD BE WAY BETTER THAN TO LIVE IN THIS KIND OF LIFE. MY LIFE ! MY LIFE!” Jonghyun collapsed and cried, and so did my mother. They don’t want to see me like this and I know it. I just couldn’t take it anymore. My life is too horrible and terrifying. It’s totally worth wasting.

But my father, he cried too actually. He really did cry. Guess he still loves me after all. He didn’t want to see his son die. Nobody wants to see their child die. I just couldn’t bear this anymore. I stomped upstairs to my room without taking Jonghyun with me. He stood up and wiped his tears. He bowed and left without saying goodbye.

My mother is still crying downstairs which makes me cry more. I didn’t do anything in my room. I sat on my bed and cried my heart out. I didn’t read, listening to music, or do my homework. I just cried. My face looked ugly but I don’t really care. Oh God, how am I suppose to deal with tomorrow?

I didn’t go to school the next day. I was too devastated to even walk for a centimeter. I just lay down on my bed all day long like a shiftless person. My parents didn’t check on me before they go because they were too scared of me. To scared to even take one glance at me. They are just so…… Are they against me now? Now, I’m treated like a monster? I didn’t even do anything bad! I fell in love with somebody. Who even made the rule that marry a person that is the same gender? I wonder about that a lot. Like, did George Washington make it up or something? Or did Lee Soo Man?

It was 9 pm already and I feel like a heavy ball of glob. I felt lazy and tired. I bet I already gained like, 5 pounds. I need to start working out, but not right now. Just then, I heard the doorbell ring. I went downstairs and opened the door and turns out it was Jonghyun. “Hey.” I said. He rocked back on his heel and the tip of his toe. “Sorry for not coming to you earlier. I had to study.” “It’s alright. Come on in.” I didn’t know why it was so awkward. Was it because of yesterday? No , Sherlock!

“Are you o-“ And he closed his mouth. “Oh, um, it’s alright.” I find it cute now when Jonghyun asks when I’m okay. I guess I’m okay, I’m not sure. After what happened yesterday, it exploded my mind.

The door opened and my parents came in. Not again…. My mom dropped her groceries on the floor. “Kibum, we’re-“