"Is it really bad?" 

He rattled the piles of paper again, flipping through pages.

"Compared to what I’ve told you before, it has gotten more serious". His grey eyes was somehow intimidating as if I was compressed against the chair by the force. I slowly leaned forward, resting my arms on the table, before my eyes met his.

"How long do I have?" 

"Approximately have no more than a month".

"One month?" The words fell out and it felt like I was losing them as blood. It was like air was dragged out and I could hardly breathe properly. 

"Because you're getting closer to the last stage, and that it has rapidly worsened. Possibly less".

One month. The first thing I thought, who will buy him lattes?

"Would the medicine help?" He gave an unfortunate glance, under his wrinkly and jagged eyelids. There was a sudden wave of weariness.

"There is no cure for your case, but the medication I gave you will help prelong your time. I understand how you're feeling, and I will do everything I can. I suggest you to come to your future appointments."

I sat back, in my tears. I nodded reluctantly.

"Alright. Thank you"- I trailed off, setting in an awkward silence. The perceptible ticking of the clock laid in the coldness of the atmosphere before he spoke.

He started scribbling down something on my report, sliding it back in the shelf of books after, as if closing the file. It’s almost like I could smell the decomposing of my body already. And I would be left with my heart still pumping blood and striving to live its way.

I thanked him again and forced out a bitter smile as I got up.

I walked out the door rushing myself to call Sammy. She has been through enough and the only one that can handle all my chaos. Her advices are crazy and weird but they work. Other than that, I have no clue on what to do next. I am carrying a bomb with me that’ll explode any time. I wish I knew when it would explode. I plopped on a chair in the waiting room and dialled her number.

"Please answer" I groaned.

"Yah Klas! What you up to?!" Her voice turned out quite fuzzy through the phone.

"Serious talk. Can you come? I'm at the hospital."

"Yeah! full house mate, what you got?" There was a loud uproar through the phone.

"Sam?"

"That's cheap man, take this". She shouted.

"Sam!".

"Ha it up princess".

I rolled my eyes. "I'm dying".

"Haha I'm dying from laughing too! ". 

There was a pause. 

"Nevermind you're really dying. Be there in ten."

Stowing the phone back in my pocket, I made my way to the lift. While waiting for the door to open, I counted how many days until Yesung’s ceremony. I promised I’ll be there for him. Twenty eight days and I have a month. Am I cursed or something? Or even as the doctor mentioned conceivably less than a month. My head was spinning with impossible solutions soaring around that it started to hurt. 

As the doors opened, I stepped into the lift and travelled down. Making my way out the building, a sudden shot of pain erupted inside. I crouched down, grasping my hands over my chest. I opened my mouth struggling for air, my breathing was partially fragmented. Every breath i took felt like a knife jabbed into me. I dug into my bag, searching for that small, zip lock bag. My hands were stiff and trembling. Feeling a subtle touch of delight after finding it, I tugged the flaps open and grabbed a tablet. Pulling my eyes shut, I hurled it down my mouth. Tipping my head up, I took steady breaths after swallowing. I've already forgotten the need for water when taking medicine. 

I sat outside on a park bench with my face still slightly furrowed, breathing still not too steady. It doesn’t happen that often. Closing my eyes and inhaling fresh air before a hard tap on my shoulder. My heart jumped as it broke the quietness.

"Hi hi, my darling!". I glanced back and saw Sammy having her head tilted sideways showing a cute smile. Just as cheerful as always and really, the opposite of me.

"You took your time". 

"Sorry! The traffic was crap I should've just ran and I wouldn't arrived earlier. Eh, I bought you a drink".

"Thanks". Taking it from her hand, I took a sip as the mango flavoured liquid brain freezes me.

"So you said you were dying. Is the doctor on drugs? He said he can help you and now he said you're dying."

"There is no cure", I said blinking away. 

"But the medication?"

"It only helps a little bit. It came too quickly". I tossed the plastic cup into the bin next to me. She glared into the distance with solemnity, still slurping on her juice.

She stood up after what seemed like a minute and said, "Right, let’s go". 

“Where?” 

Towing my arm and dragging me with her, she replied, "A place that won’t make you anything but happy". Loosening her grip, she winked at me and headed towards the shopping mall. She takes everything with a positive attitude, even this, she makes it seem less like a funeral for me with her bubbly personality.