Hey Guys, look one thing I need to mention. I know Onew's birthday is really in December but I brought it forwards a few months just because it wouldn't really fit if it was that close to Christmas. Hope you understand and enjoy this chapter!

Taemin, Jonghyun and Minho all crowded round Key and sat together as he started to read one of Onew's first entries:

12th July 2012

I just came back from an exhausting schedule, and I didn't have time for lunch again today, but of course I made sure the others ate well. As long as they are fine, then I don't need to worry. But after today I am completely worn out, but I mustn't let the others see. I need to be the strong one, I am the leader after all. I hope I am doing a good enough job as their leader, I know I am still very lacking and they deserve so much better than me but I will always try my best and power through whatever obstacles are in our way. FIGHTING!

- Onew

After his writing, Onew had stuck in a photo of all of the members laughing together at their dance studio and around it were hundreds of stars that Onew had drawn. It looked so amazing.

Key stopped reading and took a breath, his hands gripping the leather book even tighter. Minho just stared at the book in Key's hand with a deep sadness in his eyes. Taemin held onto his Umma's arm as the tears started rolling down his face, and Jonghyun could only stare at his clenched hands in his lap as the start of tears brimmed in his eyes. Key flipped through a few pages of fun doodles and notes Onew had made that on the outside looked all happy and smiles, but if you took the time to look you could see the hidden sadness, exhaustion and insecurities. The members could never have imagined their leader knew such pain and sadness; he had never let them in, and now they finally knew they were beating themselves up for not realising sooner. Key finally stopped at a date that was exactly three weeks ago yesterday.

24th August 2012

Just finished after another day of schedules and practise, but as long as my dongsaengs had a good time and are well rested, then I know I will be fine. Although I think I caught another fever but I will have to hide it from them because I don't want them to worry. I don't want them to be distracted and waist time over me when they have their own problems to deal with. I hate to bother any of them with my own problems because I am too weak to handle them on my own. I am the leader so it is my duty to stay strong. Anyway I asked Manager if I can have some time off to go and work on the surprise and he said yes. I really hope they like it when I show it to them and I hope they realise how much I appreciate them, I clearly don't do it enough. Something seems a little off with the others though, the atmosphere was...strange? Different?... They seem to be angry at me. I have been trying to think of what it could be about but I just don't know. I know I am not a good enough leader but I hope I can find out what I have done wrong and apologise to them so I can fix it. FIGHTING?!?

- Onew

Guilt twisted their insides as Key read, Jonghyun put his head in his hands and pulled roughly at his hair, while Minho's already frog-like eyes bulged as they heard what Onew had written. Taemin just continued to let the tears fall silently as his Umma read on. He flipped through the pages of heart ache that the four of them had caused their poor innocent Leader, none of them would have been able to bare the guilt of hearing all they had done wrong twisted in Onew's mind into his own faults and insecurities. Then Key stopped at the last entry, it was dated from the day before, Key took a breath and read the words on the