Two forward, Three back
I Can be Tough
TOP POV
I'm falling asleep standing up. My eyelids feel heavy and my head keeps rolling up. Taeyang keeps his side firmly pressed into mine, nudging me slightly every time I start to fall forward.
"They're here."
He nudges me roughly and I step forward, straightening up as Doojoon walks in, Hyunseung following behind him. Two other boys from BLACk walk in, supporting a hooded figure between the two of them. His clothes are ripped and hang loosly off his thin frame. There are bruises on every visible piece of skin and he's limpng heavily, his right foot practically dragging along the ground. When he staggers forward, one of the men grab him by his bound hands. It looks like he's missing a finger. Doojoon's men shove him roughly into a chair and tie him into it, though I think it's more to keep him from falling off then from running away. He's not going anywhere. Hyunseung takes the bag off his head, expression completely blank. We'r greeted by the sight of fresh blood dripping from a swollen and cracked lower lip. One eye is swollen shut and his nose is twisted to the side gruesomly, as if it broke then healed badly. A large patch of hair is missing from the left side of the man's face, leaving scabby skin behind, as if the hair was ripped out. A quiet groan escapes bruised lips as his un-swollen eye opens, squinting against the white flourescent light of the room.
"Good morning, Nichkun."
"Is it?"
"Oh, good. Looks like you're in the mood for conversation"
"Are we in the house?"
Doojoon stiffens and I take a quick step forward and grab the beaten boys chin in my hand, jerking his face towards me. His pupil drifts slowly from the corner of his eye to focus on me.
"There is no house, Khun. Not for years now. But that's not what we'r here to talk about. I'm sure that after a month in the Box, yuo have more interesting things to discuss than useless memories."
My voice feels thick and heavy in my mouth. I need water. Nichkun takes a rattling breath and begins to cough wheezingly. It takes me a moment to realize he's laughing. My grip on his face tightnes.
"A month? Is that really all it was? It felt like longer... So much longer."
Shaking his head a bit, I glance at Doojoon and raise my eyebrows. He shrugs nonchallantly. What the hell do they do in there?
"Hey, Ri, I think Khun could use a glass of water. Wake him up a bit."
Seungri nods and signals to Doojoon's boys, still standing by the door. They hand me a bucket and I dump it over the boy strapped to the chair. He shakes violently as the water and ice poor his open wounds. I wonder if there was some salt in there too. Doojoon steps forward now, cigarette hanging from slightly parted lips. I could use a smoke right about now...
"Listen, Nichkun. I don't like playing ing games, and I've had enough of your tightlipped . This is the last time i'm going to ask you nicely, and you better be ing honets or else i'm gonna you up so bad, the Box will look like a day spa. How did RED find out about the deal?"
Nichkun's head lulls forward slowly, his body still shaking from the cold water. His chin hits his chest heavily, and it's obvious what an effort it take for him to lift it enough for his eye to settle on us. His voice is cracked and halting, a far cry from the soft and deep it used to be.
"You... You hate playing games? Ha..Haha... What the .. do you think this is? We... Our whole lives... are a game... It's just a game."
I kick the chair down hard, not sure if the harsh crack is from the chair or Nichkun's skull cracking against the cement floor. I lean over the figure on the floor, grabbing his face in my hand again, feeling the bruised and sweaty flesh break under my nails. My face so close to his, I can smell the metallic tinge of his breath. I make sure his eye is focused on me, our noses just touching.
"If its a game, I plan to win it."
***********************************************
Hyunseung leans into Doojoon, a comforting hand placed at the base of his back. The older boys shoulder blades are strained against his thin shirt, fists clenching and unclenching by his sides. Hyunseung takes his wrist in his hand and jerks his head back in the direction the two others took Nichkun.
"If I say no, it ing means NO!!"
Hyunseung lets go of his wrist and shrugs, turning his face away.
"Top." Doojoon walks over, his movements visibly jerk and tense. "I'm going o the hospital. See if he can make any sence of this."
He lifts the recording of all the conversations we've had with Nichkun. "Are you coming?"
I can't help but glance at my watch. 5:30. I can't supress the heavy sigh that escapes my lips as I rub at my swollen eyes.
"If you're busy, don't worry about it. I'll tell you everything later."
"No, no. I was gonna meet up with a friend, but he can wait. Just wait by the car, i'll meet you out front." He pats my bicep and walks past as I turn to face Taeyang and Seungri, speaking quietly to each other. "Ri!"
"What's up, hyung?"
"I'm going to the hospital with Joon. Prep school is over in an hour, you think you could...?"
"Yeah, hyung, no problem. But, hyung, you need to rest. You're-"
"I can take care of myself Seungri."
Taeyang grabs Ri's arm as he takes a step back, his eyes wide. Damn, When was the last time I actually slept? I hate snapping at the youngest.
"Just... Get Jiyong for me. I'll see you guys later, I'm probably sleeping in the... in our house tonight. The BLUE house."
Taeynag looks at Seungri nervously.
"Do you want me to call Bom?"
"No, it's fine. I'll see her tonight."
"Top."
The other two glance over my shoulder, waving at Hyunseung. I'm so tiredd.
"I'll see you two later."
When we get to the hospital Teddy is waiting for us, leaning against the sliding doors, eyes scanning over a clipboard held in his right hand.
"Hyun."
"Teddy."
"It's been a while kid. You don't look so good. Neither of you do."
I follow his gaze to Doojoon. Out in the fading light, I can see his eyes are bloodshot and watery and his skin has an unhealthy yellowish tint to it. Guess I'm not the only one whose been losing sleep. Actually, Joon has more to lose sleep over than anyone else right now.
"I'll feel better when I have my right hand back."
Teddy nods understandingly and turns into the hospital, not waiting for us to follow. Hyunseung steps back respectfully for us to pass first. The first thing I notice about Junhyungs hospital room is how small it is. Just big enough for his bed and a bathroom crammed in the corner. It's an underlings room. Junhyung's usually neat brown hair curls out in random directions, brushing over his eyebrows and dipping into his eyes. He doesn't even glance in our direction as we walk in, his attention concentrated on untangling the blonde locks of the boy resting in his lap. Teddy walks to the side of the bed and pats the back of his messy head with the clipboard, careful not to wake the sleeping boy. Junhyung looks up at that, his lips twisted in irritation, when his eyes meet mine. He turns his whole face to us and my eyes travel subconsciously to the scar that goes from the left corner of his mouth up to his ear lobe. It makes it look like he's always smirking, earning him his nickname.
"Hey Joker."
"Top, been a while. I don't see anyone locked up in this place."
"Why'd they put you in such a small room? You should've said something."
"I asked for it. No point in having a huge room when all you do is sit in bed. Sides, bigger room means more space for visitors."
Doojoon laughs next to me and I catch Teddy's grin. Junhyung's distaste for people is famous. The boy in his lap stirs and Doojoon steps forward to pat his back. He sits up slowly and Junhyung leans in to kiss his cheek. It always sends shivers down my back to see the Joker act so affectionate. I know its Gikwang before he turns to face his lover and I see his face. No one knows the whole story, but Gikwang was with Junhyung when he got that scar in a YELLOW ambush, right after the Break. Junhyung would do anything to protect the younger man and though I'd never say it out loud, Junhyung and Taeyang are alot more alike then they'd like to admit.
"I'll see you soon, Kwang. Go home and drive safe."
"I'll take him home."
Doojoon narrows his eyes suspiciously but doesn't move to stop Hyunseung as he follows Gikwang out the door, the younger boy not even glancing in my direction.
"Charming as always."
"I hear you've got you're own now. Don't give me that look, I need something to entertain me in here. I have eyes and ears everywhere. I hear he bites."
While there's nothing I'd love more then to rip his insolent mouth off, I've always liked Junhyung, and the humor in his eyes shows he means no harm.
"He's got sharp teeth too."
The younger boy smiles widely, the scar giving his face a grimacing quality. He'd never had what could be called a friendly face, but now he looks down right evil.
"Now, you two aren't just here for a friendly visit."
"We spoke to Nichkun again today. Don't look so excited, we didn't get much. Doojoon brought the recording, see if you want to hear it."
"Might as well. Got nothing else to do in here."
Joon sets up the box and sits on the bed, leaving me to pull up the chair left for guests. There's some static before his voice comes out, heavy and tense.
-how did you find out? Is there a rat?
-.... You're wasting you're time. This is pointless.
-Not if you cooperate. Who's the rat? Is he YELLOW or RED?
-I have a family, Doojoon.
A loud crash.I don't recognize my own voice at first, deep and grating, sounding like the growl of some trapped animal.
-Who's the rat? Answer the ing question... Is he doing this? What's he trying to do?
There's a long pause and a rattling breath. Junhyung leans forward slightly, his face not giving anything away.
-Last time, Nichkun. Who. Is. The rat?
-....I don't know.
-Don't even...
-I don't know! Dammit, Top, Seven doesn't tell me . We were told where and when to go and we did! No one but Seven knows what we're doing. He doesn't trust anyone, we're just driving blind.
-If that's really all you've got for us, it's pretty ing useless. I don't need useless things, Khun. You sure that's all you know?
-..... I have a family.
-..... We all do.
Junhyung stares at the recorder, as if waiting for more. When the static dies out he leans into his mattress and runs his tounge over the scarred side of his lip.
"At least now we know what color the rat is."
"If Seven's running it, it's a RED for sure."
"And he's gotta be a Fresh for no one to know his face."
I chew on my lip, looking back and forth between the younger boys.
"No. Seven wouldn't trust a Fresh with something like this. And even if he did, why'd he plant a rat? Just for sabotaging the odd deal? No, there's something else."
Silence greets my speculation and Doojoon begins clenching and in clenching his fists, eyes glued to the floor.
"It's a Houser."
My back stiffens and I feel a headache coming on. Junhyung reaches up to the left side of his face.
"That deal was confidential. Only Jun, Hyunseung, and I knew the particulars. We didn't give the group orders until the night before, and no BLUE member had details until an hour before. That was a full on ambush. There's no way that was organized in 24 hours. Someone must've known about it before then."
"Hyun-"
"No. I already thought about it, but Hyunseung can't be the rat. He just doesn't have the time or the freedom."
Im too tired to be using my brain now and Doojoon better get to the ing point, because he's going around in circles and I don't have the time or the patience to-
"Hyuna."
Junhyung and Doojoon exchange a look as I think of the brown haired beauty always by Hyunseungs side. My body feels heavy as I remember The conversation with Nichkun. We all have a family.
*********************************************************************
"Hey."
"You didn't pick me up today. Where are you?"
"Some work came up, sorry."
"....Well, you've been good about picking me up for the past two weeks, so I guess I can let it slide."
I wonder how exhausted I must sound that my dragon is so willing to forgive me. The more time I spend with him, the less time it takes him to relax around me. He's still sharp, even cruel at times, but that's just Jiyong. It's become a sort of relief for me, to obey instead of be obeyed, to want to please someone else for a change. I still hunger for the day that he's mine, for the day I don't have to worry about where he is, who he's with. I hate feeling like I have to fight for his attention, like anyone and everyone near him is a threat to my place in his life. It's an alien feeling to me, having to make such an effort for someone else. Jiyong makes me feel a lot I've never felt before, and I'm not sure I like it. A sharp, and destinctly feminine laugh, cuts off my thoughts.
"Where are you? Are you still with Seungri?"
The female voice says something? Dara? It doesn't sound like her.
"I'm at the house with CL."
Chaerin. My gut twists and my nuckles turn white on the stearing wheel. Jealousy, another feeling i'm unfamiliar with, one that seems to invade my every day since my meeting Jiyong. One of the feelings I could live without.
"Where's Seungri?"
"With Dara. She had a fever so we came back to BLUE house and they'r in her room right now. We... What? Haha and you're a ! No, no. Yeah I'll ask him. Hey, where are you?"
"Are you talking to me now?"
I hate myself for the bitterness in my voice. He laughs at the sound and I have a sudden urge to twicth the wheel, just a slight jerk of my wrist. Then he'l think about me, my broken body trapped in a metal cage. And it would be his fault, his laughing mock the last thing I would hear in this world. Would you think of me then? Live the rest of your life thinking about what you did to me? I would love that, to trap your mind, to infest it souly with thoughts of me. What are you doing to me?
"Seunghyun? Are you listenng to me? Hurry up and get here, my mother is at a meeting and she could get back at any minute. If you're not here in fifteen minutes, I'm leaving."
And the line goes dead, the sound of his breathing no longer hovering by me ear. Was I serioulsy just contemplating crashing on purpose? Jeez, maybe I should just let him leave, I can't deal with him right now. I need sleep. At least that's what I tell myself, but my traiterous eyes glance at the blinking numbers on my dashboard as the car speeds up.
Please still be there.
*********************************************************
The BLUE house is a large apartment building in the center of Hannam-Dong. With so many powerful people in the area, it's easy to make good connections and we have several clients in high places, making it difficult for the law to get a hold of us. The two bottom floors are dedicated to lobbies and there's rooms for every members, though most of them have the higher ups have their own houses. I brought Jiyong to the house for the first time on Tuesday, not having enough time to go all the way back to my house before a meeting, but unwilling to immediately part with him after picking him up after school. It'd be a lie if I said that was the only reason I took him into the house on a business day, when the house is fullest. I wanted everyone to know that he belongs to me, that he is mine. My possession, mine. Considering he spent the majority of the time with Chaerin, my message didn't really make it through. That's probably how Junhyung got most of information. Jiyong is standing by the elavator when I come up from the garage. He makes a point of looking from his wrist watch to my face, black eyebrows rising to tickle a blonde fringe.
"I said fiteen, it's been twenty. I almost left."
"But you didn't."
His smile is completely sincere. Eight. I've been counting the amout of times he smiles at me like that.
"But I didn't. You're tired."
"Yeah."
"Wasn't a question. You want to go to sleep?"
"No, i'll drive you home later."
His fingers feel warm against the back of my neck, his lips soft against mine. He tastes like mint today. I love the way his hip bones push against mine, the way his body fits against mine. If there's anything I love more tan kissing Jiyong, and I do love kissing Jiyong, it's holding him. I love the way the spaces in my body are filled by him; his hair against my neck, the angles of his sides pressed into the joints of my elbows. I love knowing that my smell is pressing into his clothing, seeping into him. I love the smell we create together, our smell. His fingers slide down the knobs of my back and I feel the tips of his tongue on my neck, then the slight pull of his teeth.
"Noona texted me. There's a heavy rain storm in Busan, Umma won't make it home tonight. Let's go to sleep."
Suddenly I feel so tired, and Jiyong feels so warm, and I don't realize how heavily i'm leaning on him until he steps away and my body staggers after him. Another thing I love about Jiyong is his hands, how slender each finger is. Compared to his, my calloused hands are like sharkskin, sharp and painful to the touch. As Chaerin kisses hs cheek and pats my arm as we pass, I stare at our joined hands and wonder vaguely if his skin will break, caught in the blades that are my fingers. Soft white skin covered in red, slender fingers crushed in mine. My back meets with something soft and i'm vaguely aware of Jiyong pulling my shoes off and pulling the covers up around me. I wonder if he plays the piano? That's something rich kids do, right? Or maybe the violin... No, that would ruin those perfect fingers. Maybe he paints? But that image isn't quite as appealing as that of a blonde head bent over sheet music, delicate fingers splayed over white keys. His hair smells nice and his back feels warm against my stomach. Mine. mine,mine,mine.
You can't have him.
I push away the voice that sounds suspicioulsy like Bom's and focus souly on the sound of breath leaving Jiyong's mouth as I pull his body closer to mine. For what feels like the first time in years, I close my eyes and drift immediately to sleep.
A/N: HATE ME! DON'T HATE ME! HATE ME! DON'T HATE ME! PLEASE LOVE ME! No but guys really, i'm sorry i so much with the updating..... I really am trying. Listen, next chapter is multi importante!! A little flash back into TOP and BOM's lives. I'm going to start developing the gang story and the stuff with the BIG HOUSE and such..... so......
Ducklings, I am shameless and disgusting but...... IF THIS STORY GETS FEATURED OR REACHES 200 SUBBERS, I WILL WRITE A ONE-SHOT OF ANY OF THE SIDE PAIRINGS YOU GUYS CHOOSE!!!!!! i will do a poll to see which the most popular side pairing is. Taedae and Seungdara are automatically on the poll, but you guys can suggest any other pairings you like, homo or hetero (that sounds wierd but yeah)
so please, vote or subscribe!!!
I know, shameless, how do i sleep at night. the answer is, with dreams of g dragon making sweet love to me. please know, i love you all. LOVE YOU ALL!!!!! yup. enjoy.
GUYS!! the new chapter is CHAPTER 14!! the chptrs were posted backwards by mistake. GO READ CHPTR 14 IF U HAVEN'T!!
Comments