“Do not think that love in order to be genuine has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired. Be faithful in small things because it is in them that our strength lies”

Falling in-love is easy, but falling deeply, madly and insanely in-love with someone is another story. Before, I only care about myself and not think about the negative things that the people around me are saying. I’m cold, I’m snobbish, I’m a diva, to wrap it all up, but I’m not the person they think I am. I’m actually so far from it. But now I think those negative things will unleash in me. I’m lifeless and I don’t know what emotions means. I’m in pain, IN TOTAL PAIN and worst is, I can’t do anything about it. I guess I just have to wait for my heart to go completely numb.

Days ago, I went to Greece to surprise my wife. I went there because I want to celebrate the last days of her filming with her, but it’s me who got surprised.

I saw her with another man in bed. Worst is, I saw her with Khun, who is my rival ever since she came back from the States. I know that they are good friends, so close that he knows Ishi more than me, but what I didn’t know is that they are also buddies. Judging my wife without hearing her explanation is pathetic, but you can’t blame me, I’m so hurt to even listen to any right now. All I did was run, leave and cry my heart out in the comfort of a private plane that I suddenly rented just to get back to Korea faster.  I feel like trash. I’m lost and not in my right mind.

The moment I left Greece, I told myself that I will not go back to our apartment ever again, but that didn’t happened for the moment I arrived in Seoul, I asked manager hyung to drive me to our “love nest” and that’s when I broke down. My witnesses are our dogs and the four walls of our room. I’m nuts to even go back, but I can’t help it coz deep inside me, I’m still denying what I saw.

After pouring my heart out, I’ve decided to pack all of my things for leaving is the best thing to do right now. My mind is telling me that what I’m about to do is right, but my heart is opposing it. I know that leaving her without even hearing her out is totally ridiculous, but who would even listen to an explanation when what you saw is already enough to speak for itself? After all, even if I hear her out, it’ll only come down to one thing and that is, she played around and cheated on me. It’s just so unfortunate coz I’m not cool with it for I don’t want sharing one woman with another man. It’s just disgusting and my pure wife is now tainted.

“No…don’t leave me…no…please…Oppa…I love you…I’m sorry…don’t leave me”

These words almost made me bend. I don’t know, but my love for her is just too strong to even make me hate her. I know that I’d be so doomed once I turn my back on her, but I don’t have a choice, I have to leave for this relationship will not work out anymore.

Hearing her cry is the hardest and most painful thing, but what I saw and what she did is much painful. I’m losing it, I’m losing her and thinking about it is already bringing me to insanity.

“Jiyong…what happened? What are you back so early? Why are you going back to your apartment all of a sudden…did you and Ishi have a fight?” manager hyung asked and I just looked at him blankly.

“Aigoo…you’re married now…leaving will not solve your problems…you should’ve talked it out” he continued and I smirked.

“Hyung…our problem is bigger than what you think it is...and there’s no way we can solve it” I told him and he looked at me in shock.

“Yah! Is there a third party involved?” he asked and I just sighed and ignored.

I don’t want to tell anybody about this, for I know that it will ruin Ishi’s name and reputation. I will also hide it from my family because I know that they will hate her for it. I just wish that I can handle everything on my own.

What is this? Why is there news about me, Ishi and Khun? This can’t be! How will I hide everything now if it’s all over the gossip sites already?

“Jiyong! Open up! JIYONG!”

As expected, my family came right away to rescue. I’m not in my element and all I want to do is bum around and be miserable. I don’t even know how to face them for I feel ashamed for Ishi. But then again, they’re already here so I’d better pretend like I’m not greatly affected by it or just try to deny everything.

“What really happened?” Omma asked and I can see in her eyes that she’s falling apart as well.

“Nothing…I came back right away because Hyun suk hyung needs something from me” I lied.

“Yah! Do you think we’ll bite the bait? Huh? Jiyong-ah…we’re not idiots! We know you from head to foot…side to side…front and back…you can’t hide anything from us” Noona said and I just sighed.

“What is it son? You can always share it with us” Appa said and that’s when I decided to spit it all out.

And words flowed like a river along with my tears. My family just cannot believe what happened and they are also in denial. They’ve got a lot of reasons is mind not to believe, but this is reality, I saw her with my two eyes.

“Aigoo…Jiyong-ah” Omma pulled me closer to her and hugged me tightly.

“Where is Ishi now?” Noona asked and I can see anger in her eyes.

“She’s still in Greece” I lied once again.

I can’t tell them that she’s here in Seoul already for I know that they are going to scold the hell out of her. They are so mad right now and it looks like the love that they have for her before is now replaced by hate. Oh well, it’s given for I’m their family and seeing me in a dreadful state is really devastating.

“Can you just sleep here Omma?” I asked and got shocked with what I said.

I’ve never asked my mother to stay with me for the night and even though I know that seeing me will just make her pain stronger, all I want is to get some comfort from her because she’s my mother and if there’s someone who can soothe me it’s her.

“What will I do now Omma? I love her so much and I don’t even know if I can still move on from this” I said while resting my head on her lap.

“Aigoo…son…you are stronger than this…I may not know how much it hurts…but things are going to ease up sooner or later…all you have to do now is feel everything coz the pain will surely fade by itself and the healing will come directly from you…help yourself to get better…continue with your life….do not let this ruin you…coz Jiyong…there are more to life than Ishi” she said and I sat up.

“No Omma…she’s everything….she’s my world…she’s all that I want and moving on will really be impossible” I told her and she looked at me as if I just said lame joke.

“I know that Jiyong-ah…but sad to say….she’s not what we think she is…that girl is an easy one…isn’t it enough? Alright…I’m just saying this because I cannot believe that she did this to you...and honestly…deep inside my heart…I really love her as well…but…what she did to you is unforgiveable…and no explanations