TRACK 8 - LOVE IN THE ICE

[December 22, Sunday]

Yesterday’s event was a bit weighty on both Kyungsoo and Kai that the two didn’t speak to each other, may it be after the ride home. Both of them stayed in silence and comfort of their bed, with backs to each other. Can’t whisper even a single good night. Kyungsoo who was struggling with the secret and Kai who was struggling with the guilt. Both of them shed no more tears as they fall asleep.

_______________

It’s a brand new day. Kyungsoo got up early and slip on to his slippers and made his way to the kitchen to fix their breakfast. Kai was still in the bed, not because he’s still sleeping but he’s wide-awake, eyes fully open, except his heart just wasn’t up. He turned to lie on his back and stare at the cream pastel ceiling. He stretched out his right hand up.

If only I’m real. If only I am ‘that’ Jongin then I could make Kyungsoo happy. Kai wished in his thought.

________________

Kyungsoo head out to the hospital at 10 o’clock, leaving Kai who was still in the bed pondering with his wish. Half of his body tucked under the sheet and arms covering half of his face.

“Piiiiiii~!!!” a sound that came from his tablet. “Piiiiii~!!!” it rang the second time when Kai didn’t take a look at it.

“What now,” he groaned as he sat on the bed with his hands on his head, weighing it as he rubs his eyes awake. He opened the drawer of Kyungsoo’s end table and saw an envelope image flashing on the screen. He tapped it open. The message is readable yet Kai’s eyes made a double, no, triple check just to see he’s not mistaken. He qickly stood up and drop the gadget on the bed. Quickly, he stride all over the room searching for clothes he could wear. Opened cabinets, pulled out drawers, untied shoe strings, he left the bed room fast.

I could still catch him…

 I can still save him…

 I know it’s not yet time…

Why are they playing with me like this…?

His mind was clouded with knowledge that he knew before getting the recent information from his tablet.

[Name: Do Kyungsoo
Time of death: 16:30, December 22, 2013 
Place of Death: Seoul national University Hospital
Cause of Death: Car Accident]

__________________

The hospital was quiet, with Joonmyun at the station, Chanyeol eating with Baekhyun, and Kyungsoo who was absent-mindedly staring at the nothingness inside the ICU. Tapping his cheek with the end of the pen thinking.

Just two days left… what should I do with my remaining time?

But then the face of a laughing tanned boy interrupted his current thought.

The pout, the grin, the smile and the tears were like a flashback in his head as he thought of what’s going to happen next.

What will happen to Kai when I die? No… what will happen to Jongin after I die?

He knew, at the moment that he had laid his eyes on the patient that had been in coma, he knew that he was Kai. That Kai wasn’t an illusion, but a real human who has bones and flesh, whom he could touch, who has a warm soft hands. But Kai can’t remember anything, he can’t remember his own self completely.

When Kai woke up as Jongin… would he still remember me?

Kyungsoo scribbled on the paper and walks towards the still unconscious Kim Jongin who’s only life is maintained by an oxygen tank, with chest rising every second for dear life.

If only… if only…

“Hyung!” Kai called for Kyungsoo who stares at him with his wide eyes. Panic suddenly came to Kyungsoo as he accidentally drops the piece of paper and tries to block Kai’s view from the mirror image of himself. Kai walks towards the bed, Kyungsoo feeling all nervous and face getting pale. Kai glances to the side, curious of what his hyung is hiding. And when he slowly pushed the white curtain that covers the face of the patient, Kai’s face was stunned, surprised to see a splitting image of himself on the bed.

“H-hyung,” Kai stepped back. “Wh-who is that?”

Kyungsoo looks at the floor, biting his lips while contemplating on the situation, whether he would tell Kai or not but as soon as he looks at the surprised face of the tanned boy he knew what answer he would give him.

“He’s Kim Jongin…”

“Kim… Jongin?” Kai looks again at the patient. Kim Jongin…

His temple pulsated, beating hard on the side as flashes of images and video-like were playing at the back of his mind as he stares at Jongin, at himself.

“Since when…”

“November 28…”

Almost a month… he kept this from me that long?

Kai felt betrayed by Kyungsoo yet the flashbacks won’t stop that it makes him dizzier. He blinks twice to rid of the small while spots that he’s seeing. Taking a step back, he bumped to a chair where the belongings of Kim Jongin were placed. The paper bag fell and a frame with a photo of Jongin and his family dropped, shattered glasses and the beeping of the machine pierces through his ear. It was a really low sound yet to Kai it was like an ultrasonic sound that irritates his ears.

I… I need to get out…

It was suffocating, that Kai just had to run away. Away from the buzzing machine, away from the confusion, and away from Do Kyungsoo whom he thought had betrayed him. He ran in the hallway as fast as he could.

“Kai!” Kyungsoo yelled at him but it was no use. Kai wouldn’t listen to him anymore or Kai couldn’t hear him anymore because of the buzzing that’s slicing through his ear.

“Hey Kai,” Joonmyun greeted the young boy but was ignored. Baekhyun and Chanyeol were on their way back to the ICU with a paper bag for Kyungsoo but accidentally dropped it when Kai bumped in between them.

“Hey!” Baekhyun yelled at him.

_________________

Kyungsoo didn’t know what to do. He needs to chase Kai and explain him everything, why he didn’t told him everything, that he knew everything about him from the start. Because he was unsure, because Do Kyungsoo had now become selfish that he didn’t want Kai to disappear. That the madness of being left alone again might kill him for real this time. He ran to Kai, panting hard through his mouth.

“Kai. Kai. Wait.” He said in between the panting and breathing and running. His feet weren’t made for running but he still tried to chase after the young boy. He saw Kai exited through the glass doors on the entrance building and followed him.

“Kai, wait!”

Kai looked back to Do Kyungsoo who was jogging towards him from the other side of the road. Noise was still piercing through his ear that he didn’t hear a car beeping for warning. Kai places a hand on his ear, trying to dissipate the noise. Kyungsoo looks at his right, wide eyes, he ran towards Kai, mouthing,

“Look out!”

Kyungsoo pushes him away and Kai fell on his back. He winced and then looks back at Kyungsoo whose face was hovered with a bright LED light of a car. Noise was still piercing in his ear that he can’t understand what Kyungsoo was saying.

“I’m sorry….”

Kyungsoo sadly smiled at Kai and said,

“I love you…”

Kai looks at his watch.

[4:30pm]