I hung up the phone. The boys we're on their way.

  I hadn't seen them in some time. I had been busy the last few weeks in the studio putting the finishing touches on our new album. The only time I'd see them was when I came home late at night creeping through the door. Trying not to wake Taeyang on the couch as I walked into my room. Then I'd be gone before they even knew I was there......

   I guess you could say its my fault that we've become distant from one another. They had all grown so close to Tiffany. She was something to all of them. I know that they probably see me as some kind of monster, them and most of Girls' Generation. Almost as soon as Tiffany and I split Yoona and I have gone public. I didn't want to. I knew that with us being at the time in our carrers we are now that revealing our relationship would only complicate things. But Yoona insisted we go public, and when I refused again, she ignored me for a week. Her and that scary Jessica treating me like I was scum beneith their pretty painted nails. So I gave in.

   Tiffany was never that difficult. We got into little arguments, but each time she'd try to find a way to work it out. She was always a peace maker. During the happier days of our relationship I used to joke that in her other life she was some sort of hippie in the seventies. She'd always laugh that adorable laugh of hers and joke that in my other life I was some rockstar during the same time and we got married. 

    Tiffany was a beautiful soul. I loved her with all of my heart, but I wasnt in love with her. We spent our entire relationship feeling diffrent kinds of love for eachother. I loved her as a companion, a friend, a person. In many ways I admired her. Admired how kind-hearted she was and how she always saw the best in everyone. But Tiffany truly loved me. Like the 'I want to marry you', love of my life, can't live without you type of love.

   But she was too good for me. Any other man would have tried to become a better person for her. Any other man would have changed all they could... but not me. There was no way I could live up to Tiffany's expectations. I would never marry her. I would never father her children. And I definatly wouldn't love her in the same way she loved me. Yoona was the escape from all of that.

   From the moment Tiffany and I started dating, Yoona began flirting with me. Their group would be hanging out at our dorm, Yoona would practically throw herself at me when no one was looking. We'd happen to be at the same award show, she'd find every chance she could to wink at me or bite her lip flirtaciously. At first I was beyond confused. She was, after all, one of Tiffany's closest friends. Then after a while I noticed something. Yoona was just like me.

   She was someone who was confused and wasn't quite willing to be tied down to just one person. She was wild and outspoken. Whenever her mood changed you could sense it from acorss the room. In other words, Yoona was like a force of nature. I also knew that the two of us togeather could possibly lead to chaos later on down the line... but I didn't care. I loved Tiffany. I loved her so much it hurt. But I still could never love her the way she loved me, no matter how hard I tried. So after a while I gave into Yoona's flirattions. 

    It didn't take me long to realise I was in love with Yoona. I don't know how but somewhere along the lines of our brief make-out sessions and flirty texts I fell, and fell hard. Yoona was like a drug to me. Whenever my head hurt from Tiffany's too-good-to-be-true sweetness, I'd give myself a shot of Yoona and everything felt fine again. The funny thing is that I knew Yoona really didn't give two s about me. And she probably never will. I'm not sure if she's loved anything in her entire life. But I was determined to change her. It wasn't long till our make-out sessions turned into . Each time I handled her with such tenderness and care. I'd always tell her I loved her afterwards. Holding her in my arms till she grew bored of it and finally moved out of the warmth of my arms to the coldness of the sheets. After a while I knew that this was exactaly what Tiffany felt. This was how she felt whenever she tried to hold me only to be met with rejection. This was how she felt whenever she told me she loved me only to be answered with silence. I guess it makes sense though. What goes around comes around right?

   I knew Seunghyun was in love with Tiffany from the very beginning. It was before we even met them that I knew. We we're sitting in our dorm staring blankly at the televisions as different groups performed on the music show. It was when Girls' Generation was announced that I noticed Seunghyun suddently become slightly intrested. I watched him as he watched the nine fresh-faced looking girls begin to sing, waving ridicoulusly large lollipops in their hands, smiling at the camera brightly. It wasn't until Tiffany's line came that I saw Seunghyun's eyes gleam. I smirked. I knew I had to have her.

     This is why me and Yoona are so much the same. Each of us went after people that we knew out close friends we're hopelessly in love with. Both of us went into this knowing our intent was to hurt someone who trusted us. Both of us did it for no absolute reason. My mom likes to talk about how she knew I was deviant from the very beggining. The cunning looks I'd shoot at other kids as they ran happily across the playground. Waiting like a preditor ready to go in for the kill. And maybe thats just it. Maybe I'm doomed, maybe I am a deviant. Someone who was born only to create chaos. 

    Sometimes when I lay awake at night, Yoona breathing softly on the other side of the bed, I wonder. I wonder if god was playing some kind of cruel joke on me. I wonder if he purposely set Yoona in front of me so I could see my own refection. And other times I wonder why. Why did I have to hurt Seunghyun? Why did I have to hurt Tiffany? Why did I feel the need to screw up anything and everything.

   Why? That's a good question.

(A/N: Omgg. This is my first time updating in a long time huh? Well I promise to update more frequently from now on. Their may be some spelling errors in this entry but thats only because AF is being retarted. Well enjoy~)