Yesung didn't know what to think. He was so shocked by Ryeowook just coming out and saying his feelings, he didn't know how to reply. He didn't know how to respond or talk. His mouth became dry and a blush formed on his cheeks. He shifted his legs from underneath the blankets and then began to fiddle with his fingers again. Nervousness and anxiousness swelled up inside him, wanting to tell Ryeowook the same thing. Something held him back and he couldn't get it out. 

The familiar thought from before popped into Yesung's mind again. He couldn't tell Ryeowook his feelings. He was just going to hurt him and himself if he did. His parents would eventually move and he would have to leave Ryeowook. How could he live with that? It's not like he could flat out say to his parents that he is gay and is going out with Ryeowook. They wouldn't accept that. They are very religious and don't allow any such things like homouality. 

"I-I hope what I said doesn't mess up our friendship, Yesung hyung. I just needed to tell you. . . Am I, by chance, the one you like?" he blinked at Yesung. Hope filled his heart and he anticipated Yesung's reply. He wanted to know. He needed to know. Ryeowook watched Yesung carefully.

Yesung bit his lip and then let out a long sigh, "Ryeowook-ssi... I-I'm sorry... I don't have feelings for you," he said quietly. He felt his heart break as if someone literally pulled it out of his body, ripped it up, burned it, and placed the ashes of his heart back into his body. He couldn't tell Ryeowook. He was afraid of being hurt more than he already was... But, he was afraid of hurting Ryeowook more.

Ryeowook's face fell, as well as his body did into the chair from behind him. His world shattered to a million peices. 'Yesung doesn't have feelings for me... b-but..' his mind didn't really know what to think either. He understood from before that Yesung may have not liked him back anyways, but officially knowing it had hurt him, "Well... um, Hyung?" he looked at Yesung sadly.

Yesung tried hard not to get tears in his eyes. He didn't dare look at Ryeowook. He couldn't. If he did, he knew what he would see. He would see the face of a boy who looked lost, sad, lonely, and depressed. He didn't have to look. He just made a small "Hmm?" noise, responding to Ryeowook.

"W-We can still be friends... right? I don't want to lose you. And... I'm sorry for telling you about my feelings... I thought I would just give it a try.." he whispered the last sentence quietly. Even if it meant that he couldn't be in a relationship with Yesung, he still wanted to be around him. He liked him a lot. He wasn't going to leave Yesung. He couldn't. He promised Yesung he would stay by his side anyways.

Yesung nodded and right after that, a nurse came in, "Mr. Yesung-ssi.." she smiled sweetly and walked in. She felt the tension in the room and came to a stop, "Oh.. um... am I interrupting something?" She looked at Ryeowook and then back to Yesung. 

Ryeowook stood up and shook his head, "N-no.. A-Actually I b-better get going now. I have school to go to..." he said quietly and scurried out of the room. After he ran out of the room, he burst out in tears and ran to the elevator again. This time he didn't see the ajumma. He felt his heart get torn more and more by each sob. Does Yesung really not like me? Why did he seem so sad though? His thoughts began racing again, like it always  was when he was thinking about Yesung. 

~

Yesung watched Ryeowook run out of the room. It pained him to see him run. Yet, he didn't want to hurt him more either. What am I thinking? I just met him not too long ago... how could I have such feelings for him? He furrowed his eyebrows whilst in his thoughts. 

"M-Mr. Yesung-ssi? Are you okay? Is something bothering you?" the nurse slowly walked up to him and studied his worried expression. Yesung didn't respond to her, "Mr. Yesung-ssi?" she lightly tapped his arm.

Yesung slowly turned his head up to her and nodded slightly, "I'm fine. I'm just thinking..." he blinked and looked away again, not wanting to communicate with anyone. 

The nurse changed his IV fluids to another packet since it ran empty, "Okay, Mr. Yesung-ssi. If there is anything you need, press that red button on the remote. I will be here as soon as possible, " she gave a kind smile. Her expression changed suddenly, "Oh, Mr. Yesung-ssi! I almost forgot to tell you, a therapist is coming in later, just for a little while, okay?"

Yesung nodded ever so slightly, not saying a word as she left him at peace. "Aish.. Like a therapist is going to help. I just want to get out of here... but I guess I deserve it, huh? I caused this mess... I caused everything that happened to me. Starting with being a coward, a loser, being so different, almost killing myself. It's been hours as he stayed in the same position. He felt so empty and lost. His thoughts burdening him, making him want to cry all over again. He wanted to cry. He tried so hard to cry at that moment, but nothing came. He cried so much before, that he just was not able to cry anymore. He ran out of tears. 

"I just want to be gone!" Yesung yelled at himself. "I'm such a moron! I don't deserve another chance at life..." a tear finally came through and started to make its way down his cheek. He tossed and turned, filled with anger and stress. He couldn't do anything about it. A thought popped into his head, "My journal. . . where's my journal?!" He quickly grabbed the remote next to him and pressed the red button. 

His nurse popped inside the room and had a bright, cheerful smile, "Mr. Yesung-ssi! What do you need?" she asked sweetly. Yesung felt weird about the nurse being so nice. Maybe he just wasn't used to people being nice to him.

"U-u-uh my bag. You know... the bag I had when I was by the river... where is it?" he looked at the nurse, his eyes full of hope. He hoped he had it. What if someone else got a hold of it? 

The nurse thought for a moment. She furrowed her eyebrows, trying to think if she saw the bag or not. "A bag?" she thought for a couple more seconds until her eyebrows raised and she nodded, "Ah. yes! You're bag! It's in the closet," she scampered of to the closet and picked up the bag, carrying it back over to Yesung. Yesung took the back and quickly opened it, sighing in relief. His journal was still there. "Is that all you need Mr. Yesung-ssi?"

Yesung nodded and gave a very small smile, "Yes, thank you very much." The nurse trotted off, out of his room and continued doing something else. Yesung took out his journal and felt the smooth leather of it. He felt so relieved to have it with him. He opened it up, grabbed a pen, and began to write. 

"Can you believe it, journal?

I actually almost tried killing myself. Suicide. Would you have thought that I would do that? I did it, though... I tried to. Did I tell you about Ryeowook? I kind of like him. Shocking news isn't it? ...Meh. I really wish I didn't like him, though. Just because I am now breaking his heart by telling him that I don't like him... even though I do. How am I going to get through this? 

I feel worse than before now. I feel as though I'm wasting a perfectly good body. I mean... Think about it. There is some child out there, suffering from some kind of terminal disease, but they wish to live. They want to live. And here I am, being selfish and wanting to die, even though I have a perfectly healthy body. That thought alone makes me feel even worse. It makes me feel like I'm worthless and hopeless. I don't even think I have a purpose in this world... Maybe I'm a mistake."

Yesung continued writing. He wrote many things that he hated about himself and why he should have died from his very first attempt of suicide. His heart continued to sink. He felt worse each second he thought about Ryeowook. He was Ryeowook's only friend, too. 

Yesung jumped slightly and snapped his head towards the door as he heard a couple knocks on it, "C-Come in..." he said quietly. He watched the door cautiously as it slowly opened revealing a tall man in a nice suit. He bowed slightly and walked in.

"Hello, Yesung-ssi, I am Dr. Hwang. Please, don't feel uneased about me. I am your therapist." He gave a soft, cheerful smile.

Yesung became irritated. I don't need a therapist. I just need out of here.Therapists don't do anything anyways. Yesung had a scowl on his face, staring at Dr. Hwang, not saying a word. He didn't want to speak to the man. 

"Yesung, is something bothering you right now?" Dr. Hwang tilted his head, carefully watching Yesung.

Yesung turned his head away from the therapist, getting more angry by the second.

"Yesung-"

"Get out," Yesung mumbled.

Dr. Hwang furrowed his eyebrows, "What?"

"I said 'Get out'!" Yesung snapped his head towards him and glared. Dr. Hwang didn't show any expression and let out a big sigh.

"Yesung... I'm here to help you," Dr. Hwang replied with a gentle voice.

"I don't want your help. All I want is to get out of here." he said in a deep, dark voice.

"But I can help you feel better."

"No, you can't! Don't think you can fix something for me when you can't. Just leave!" Yesung yelled at him.

His heart rate began to beat faster again, making an alarm go off in the nurse's station. Yesung's nurse ran in and scanned on what was happening. It was only Yesung in his bed and Dr. Hwang sitting next to him on a chair. The nurse quickly made her way towards Dr. Hwang and motioned for him to get up, "Dr. Hwang... will you please step out of the room for a moment? Yesung's heart rate can't get too high..." 

Dr. Hwang nodded and him and the nurse left his room. Yesung relaxed again, When am I going to get to leave this hospital? It's not like my lungs exploded or something... He sat there again... bored... sad.. angry.... and lonely. 

Yesung began to over think again, 'I ruined everything all over again. Ryeowook is probably angry at me right now. I broke his heart. He's probably crying. Just like I should be right now. I hope he's okay. I wish I never was born. I wonder how Jongjin is doing... he probably hates me too. My dad is probably angry as hell right now...'

Right after thinking about his dad, the door flew open and someone angrily walked in, slamming the door behind him... It was his father.  He was fuming with anger.Yesung gulped, waiting to be yelled at. His father wouldn't normally say much to him, but if Yesung did something wrong, he would get a small taste of hell from his father.

"Father, I-"

"Save it, you bastard! Do you think you can do things as you wish, just for your own sake?! Don't you ever think of anyone else?!" His father yelled at him, "Have you thought about your mother? She's a wreck right now because of you! Her heart is broken and she is ill with grief.! How could you do something like this, you ungrateful son?!"

Yesung flinched everytime his father started another sentence. His father never did make him feel happy. His father never wanted to. Yesung felt a lump develop in his throat as he wanted to cry again. He didn't dare look into his father's eyes, "D-Dad... I didn't mean to..." He shut off the heart monitor so the alarms wouldn't go off. 

"Didn't mean to?!" His father scoffed, "Then what the hell are you doing, trying to commit suicide?! We have more things to worry about than worrying about you and your depression!"

Yesung's heart was stabbed with those hurtful words. His dad never cared. "I never asked for you guys to worry about me, did?! I did everything I did so you guys didn't have to worry about me! Do you think I like getting beat up every single day at school?! Do you think I love having these thoughts that I'm worthless and stupid?! No, dad! I hate it! I hate everything about me! I'm sorry for being the bad son I am!"

Yesung's father was steaming mad. His face became red with more anger, "Don't ever speak to me that way!" His father smacked him across the face, "I don't ever want you hanging around that Ryeowook kid again. You hear me?!" His father looked him straight in the eye for a solid five seconds and then left the hospital room.

Yesung trembled in his bed. He couldn't take anymore of this. He burst out into tears, curling up into a ball, facing the window. How could all of this happen in one day? He sobbed louder into his pillow, so he didn't alarm the nurses.  He pulled away from his pillow, staring at the sunset. It reminded him of the night Donghae tortured him. He cried out loud again and turned away from the window so he didn't have to see that horrible memory all over again. Pain sliced through his heart as the memories floated through his mind anyway. 

An ungrateful son? He hates me. I know it. I wish he would just get out of my life.  

Yesung slowly began to calm down after crying for hours. He had so much anger, stress, and sadness built up inside him, it all just bursted out at once. Everything was just too much for him. He couldn't handle it.

His breathing calmed down and had a very slow and normal pace. He drifted off to sleep, even if tears continued to fall from his closed eyes.As he slept, a figure walked into his room. The figure laid down a small envelope on his table next to the bed. The figure bent down and planted a small kiss on Yesung's lips, making Yesung's expression smile slightly, then the figure silently left the room.