Chapter 22
The room was bathed in silence. The boys stared at Na Young, while she stared at her tightly clasped hands on top of the table. The quiet wasn’t comfortable. It was staggering, stifling, and downright awkward. Na Young shifted on her seat and avoided the gazes that were boring into her.

“So let me get this straight,” Siwon spoke when he finally found his voice. “You really think that she’s capable of…” He trailed away, not being able to speak the words. He cleared his throat and glanced at Zhoumi, hoping he would take over. “Besides, I thought Keiji…”

“We can’t do anything without any more proof,” Zhoumi finally said, letting a breath out and running a hand through his hair. “If no one saw her, we can’t just put the blame on her. And we can’t put the blame on Keiji-ssi either.”

“I don’t know Keiji-ssi well. But… she’s capable,” Na Young told them firmly, finally looking at the both of them straight in the eyes for the first time since she arrived. “I’m sure of it.”

“That’s a very strong accusation, Na Young,” Zhoumi told her, a hint of scolding in his tone.

She had arrived at the dorm, very much agitated about something. Both he and Siwon worried about whatever it was because in the time that they had known her, they’d never seen her act that way.

“Did Kyuhyun ever tell you about his high school best friend, In Jung?” she launched a question at them. She watched as the two males across from her exchanged a look then turned to her once more, both shaking their heads.

“Kyuhyun never did tell us much about his life in high school,” Siwon answered. He smiled a little. “He was almost at the end of his senior year when he became a trainee if I remember correctly.” He paused and raised his eyebrows. “Why?”

“Kyuhyun wasn’t very popular during our first year in high school,” she shared, biting back a smile. “He was geeky, awkward, buried himself in books, gamed. He got bullied often.”

“Ah so that’s why he bullies everyone so much now,” Zhoumi concluded, clapping his hands together. Siwon laughed.

Na Young chuckled despite herself. “Yes, well, In Jung, despite not being high on the social ladder as well, helped him out of that bullying,” she explained. She smiled a little. “I remember In Jung. She was fat and had a lot of scars on her face, due to pimples. To add to that, she wore glasses and braces, making her have a hard time on speaking properly. So many people mercilessly, but she chose to defend Kyuhyun. Thus, they became fast friends.”

“Then what happened?” Siwon asked, sensing that there was a catch somewhere.

“During our second year, Kyuhyun became popular,” she continued. “He became a kingka.” She giggled when Zhoumi and Siwon both burst into uncontrollable laughter. She knew what they were thinking. Kyuhyun had been a chubby kid in the past. Sure, he was attractive still, but he was a chubby kid with single eyelids and a dorky personality. No one could ever imagine how he became popular in school.

“You know, this is the first time I’m believing this and just because someone is actually confirming it,” Zhoumi blurted out in between gasps of laughter.

“Yeah well, it was because he became Hyo Sun’s boyfriend. She was a queenka,” she told them.

This wiped the smiles and mirth on the boys’ faces.

“How did they ever end up together?” Siwon wanted to know. Coming from a family and a society that highly valued appearances, he knew that this was also important in high school. “A queenka and a geek dating is unheard of.”

“They became partners for a school project. And well, Kyuhyun is Kyuhyun. He’s funny and charming and cute amidst all the dorkiness and awkwardness,” she elaborated. “She fell hard for him.”

“So where does In Jung fit into all of this?” Zhoumi inquired curiously.

“What Kyuhyun didn’t know was that In Jung had the biggest crush on him,” she shared. “I know this because I caught her staring at him like her life depended on it.” She smiled at the memory. “Anyway,” she proceeded, “it wasn’t long before Hyo Sun knew it, too.”

“What happened?” Siwon then asked.

“After a while, In Jung started distancing herself from Kyuhyun. They started hanging out less and less,” she said. “After a while, they just drifted apart. They stopped being friends.”

Zhoumi frowned at this. He knew that Kyuhyun liked bullying people, especially the members, and could be downright evil. But he also knew that the magnae was someone who valued his relationships, whether it’s family, friends or the people with whom he worked with. It didn’t seem like him to just stop being friends with her.

“That doesn’t seem like him,” Siwon voiced out, echoing his hyung’s thoughts. “Kyuhyun would’ve done everything to fix things. Something must have happened.”

“Kyuhyun did try to fix things, continuously. In Jung was a really good friend to him, after all,” she confirmed with a nod. She hesitated for a second. “But with Hyo Sun threatening her to stay away from him, there wasn’t much she could do.”

“How horrible,” Zhoumi couldn’t help but exclaim.

“I still don’t see how all this proves that she had a hand in what happened to Kyuhyun,” Siwon rationalized. “Sure she threatened In Jung, but that was high school and—.”

“Hyo Sun wants Kyuhyun all to herself,” she insisted heavily. “She’s taken every girl that came close to him away from him.”

There was a short silence.

“Is she why you broke up with Kyuhyun?” Zhoumi slowly asked. His eyes on her were piercing and serious.

“Hyo Sun suddenly left school and town in the middle of second year,” she evaded the question. “Then she came back during our senior year when Kyuhyun and I were together.”

“You didn’t answer the question,” Zhoumi pressed.

“I lied when I said I was leaving him because I couldn’t understand how we couldn’t go out like normal couples did. I lied when I said I was leaving him because he was too busy, because it felt like he didn’t have time for me,” she admitted.

“Then what was the real reason you broke up with him?” Zhoumi gently pressed. He could still remember how sudden their break-up was and how empty Kyuhyun seemed at the time.

“I didn’t want to end up like In Jung,” she quietly answered.

“What happened to her?” Siwon prodded.

“She’s dead.”

~ * ~

“What are you doing here?” Zhoumi quietly and tentatively asked, stepping out of the building and into the small garden on the fifth floor of the hospital. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his thick winter coat, hoping it would help himself feel warm. “It’s freezing.”

Jin Ri also looked like she was cold as she sat on one of the benches, shivering a bit when the wind blew towards them. But she just tucked her coat tightly around her. She then closed her eyes and lifted her face up to the sky, enjoying the coolness of the snowflakes that fell on her face.

Snowfall in Seoul that December was the heaviest that the capital has seen in a long time. It was continuous, practically harsh and almost glacial. It made the roads slippery and dangerous. But Jin Ri couldn’t help but think of how beautiful it all was. Everywhere and everything that she looked at was covered in a white blanket.

“Kyuhyun would have loved this,” she commented, smiling and not bothering to open her eyes.

It wasn’t a secret how much Kyuhyun loved the snow. Every time it snowed, he never failed to drag the first person he sees, which was either his wife or one of the members, outside and have fun in the whiteness and cold.

“He would,” Zhoumi agreed. He took a seat beside her, smiling a little and looking up at the sky as well.

He remembered last December when he came to Japan for a day just to visit and check on him. The first thing that the magnae insisted that they do was go out into the snow and just play around. It was then that he realized that, despite being married, despite being 27 years old, he was still a kid at heart. He was still their younger brother, will always be their younger brother.

Kyuhyun always acted—or tried to act—mature. He was someone who wanted to be called oppa or hyung because he always felt that people never took magnaes seriously. Thinking back on his first day of training, he didn’t know that much Korean and kept on stumbling upon his words and mannerisms. Kyuhyun was the one who pretty much took him under his wing. He helped him with his Korean and always made sure that he ate properly and that he wasn’t left out. It was Kyuhyun trying to be the hyung. This made him realize once more that the magnae took care of people well. But he had such a big heart that he never forgot to do this to anyone (if you take the bullying and evilness out of the equation).

Such thoughts brought a sudden sting to Zhoumi’s eyes.

“You know Kyuhyun would have been mad at you,” she broke the silence, startling him.

He took a deep breath and nodded. “I know,” he meekly responded. “He would’ve been disappointed.”

“But not for the reasons you’re thinking,” she countered, finally looking at him. She just looked at him for a couple of seconds, while he continued avoiding her gaze. “No one is blaming you, Mi,” she sincerely pointed out. “I know you did—do—all you can to protected Kyuhyun and, if there’s anything I feel about that, it’s appreciation.” She reached for his left hand and squeezed it comfortingly.

His breath got caught in his throat, making his breathing harder. “But it wasn’t enough,” he managed to say. “If I’d only—.”

She squeezed his hand more tightly. “You can’t think like that, oppa,” she slightly scolded him. “I don’t know how you guys knew that something could possibly happen, but you all did your best. You had security, you were all with Kyuhyun, how could you guys have possibly protected him more?” Touching his face, she made him look at her. “It’s not your fault.”

“But Kyuhyun—,” he began again.

“Kyuhyun would say the same thing, I’m sure of it,” she insisted, giving him a pointed look. “No one is blaming you. I’m not blaming anyone of you so it would be nice if you all just stopped avoiding me.”

“We’re not—,” Zhoumi tried to interject, but was silenced with a look. He took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. For not being there when you need me,” he added when she frowned at him. He turned his hand so that he was holding her hand this time. “We’re going to go through this together. I’m going to be strong for the both of us and for Kyuhyun.”

Jin Ri tilted her face and studied Zhoumi. He looked pale and a bit unkempt. His clothes were rumpled, his hair a tad messy, face devoid of make-up. It was something that was unheard of with him. He was always presentable and always made-up no matter where he was going. The dark circles under his eyes were barely concealed by the spectacles that he wore.

“Have you allowed yourself to cry yet, Mi?” she then wondered aloud, a questioning look on her face.

Zhoumi gave her a small smile and shook his head. “There’s no need to,” he told her confidently. “He’s going to wake up soon and things will be back to normal. I don’t doubt that he’ll get out of this well. I’m not afraid of things going wrong.”

“What’s with you and Kyuhyun and tears?” she murmured before gesturing towards him, removing her hand from his grasp. “Come here.”

He scooted closer to her, wondering what she was on about. Suddenly, she put an arm around him and let his head rest on her shoulders.

Lightly ruffling his hair, she quietly said, “It’s okay to doubt that he’ll get out of this well. It’s okay to be afraid that things are going to go wrong. Especially now.” His hands gripped her other hand tightly as she began to speak. “You don’t have to act strong around us, around me especially, because I know that this is hard for you, too. It’s okay to cry sometimes.”

The snow around them fell, touching every bit of clothing that they wore and every bit of skin that they had exposed. Jin Ri rested her head on Zhoumi’s, lifting her eyes up to the sky as she ignored the painful stabs in her heart in hearing his excruciating sobs.

~ * ~

Jin Ri ruffled Kyuhyun’s hair and let out a breath as she stared at the closed door. Leeteuk and Angie had just left. They were the last visitors of another full day. Sitting down on the chair beside the bed, she grabbed the remote and turned the television on. She did like it when she was finally alone with Kyuhyun, but the silence unnerved her sometimes. It made her think too much of things she would rather not entertain.

She was flipping through channels, hoping that something would catch her attention enough to get her mind off things. Suddenly, the familiar angelic voice of Ryeowook filled the room. Smiling, she realized that it was the song of his that had become so popular, topping charts, over the past weeks.

Such smile immediately disappeared as soon as Kyuhyun filled the screen with Hyo Sun.

Their lip lock was passionate, his arms around her, her hands tangled with the hair on the back of his head.

She turned the television off and threw the remote on the couch. Pushing the chair back, she climbed onto the bed and laid herself down beside Kyuhyun, on her side, clutching the hospital dress that he was wearing. She closed her eyes tightly.

“Hey,” Sun Young greeted her with a soft smile. She sat down beside her and watched as her cousin just continued on staring at Kyuhyun. “You should go home and get some rest.”

“I keep looking at him, staring, thinking that he’ll open his eyes and finally wake up,” Jin Ri answered faintly. She reached out a brushed his hair away from his closed eyes. “I don’t want to miss it. I don’t want to not be here when he wakes up.”

“Ri, you know what the doctors said,” Sun Young gently countered. “The likelihood that he’ll wake up as fast as he did before is—.”

“I don’t care,” Jin Ri cut her off. “I’m going to stay here until he does.”

“What about work?” Sun Young then asked.

“I’ve been continuously writing songs,” Jin Ri shared. “Zhoumi oppa’s been bringing them to the office for me. Seung Hun-ssi has allowed me to take the month off, but I’ve been editing photos while I’m here.”

“You can’t just stop your life like this,” Sun Young started to argue when Jin Ri shot her an angry look.

“Kyuhyun is my life,” Jin Ri snapped. “I don’t care if I lose my job or whatever else is going on. Nothing else matters if he’s like this.”

“Have you forgotten what he’s done?” Sun Young demanded. “Have you forgotten how he cheated on you?” She took a deep breath and stopped talking for a while. “Look, I just think that maybe you should take this time to think about what had happened, about your relationship and where you think you guys stand.”

“Stop talking, Sun Young,” Jin Ri warned her.

“No,” Sun Young stubbornly retorted. “I love you, Ri, and I hate seeing you like this. I know you love Kyuhyun but is all this really worth it just for him? After everything he’s done and the heartache he’s putting you through… I don’t understand how you could just forget what he did, how you can forgive him so easily.”

“Do you think all of that still matters? Do you think it still matters that Kyuhyun didn’t believe me when I told him I would never cheat on him with Keiji or that he slept with a woman that wasn’t me, a woman that he had history with?” Jin Ri yelled, not able to control her temper any longer. “It doesn’t! Not when he’s like this, not when there’s a chance he’s not going to wake up anymore, not when there’s a chance he’s not going to come back to me.”

The door to the room opened. Il Sung walked in, along with Heechul and Zhoumi. The three boys had concerned look on their faces, but no one said anything.

“I haven’t forgotten,” Jin Ri continued, not noticing the boys who had entered the room, looking ready to stop them fighting at any moment. She stared at her cousin, tears starting to fall on her cheeks. “Everyday, it still hurts. It hurts, knowing that he thinks he couldn’t trust me completely. It hurts, knowing that if things go wrong, if I do something wrong, there’s a chance that he would willingly leave me for someone else.”

“Ri, I—,” Sun Young started to apologize, taking a step towards her. “But you were talking to him and everything. It seemed like you were just willing to let it go. ”

“He’s my husband,” Jin Ri reminded her. “I vowed to be with him forever, no matter what it takes, no matter how much it hurts. It’s not easy to do,” she went on. “But I have to do it. Because, really, I would rather that he leaves me when he’s alive and well, than him leaving me like this. I’d rather that he’s healthy and happy with someone else.”

“He’s not going to leave you,” Zhoumi spoke, unable to control himself. “The thought never crossed his mind. He told me so himself.”

“And I’m not going to leave him,” Jin Ri said, reaching out to hold Kyuhyun’s hand and squeezing it. “Ever.”

She and Sun Young had never fought that way before. She knew that her cousin was only looking out for her, hoping that she would stop hurting, but it didn’t mean that the things she said didn’t hurt.

“I’m sorry you had to hear me and Sun Young fighting, seobang,” she whispered to him, kissing his shoulder then his cheek. “You know that she’s just concerned for the both of us because she loves us, right?”

Tears seeped through her eyes and she hastily wiped them away.

“I’m sorry for ever thinking of leaving you,” she then said. “I’m sorry, seobang. But I would never be able to go through with it. I love you so much that the thought of just walking away from you is unbearable.”

She gazed at him through watery eyes. The machine’s beeping sound filled the room.

“Mimi said that you’re not going to leave me, that you’ve never thought of it,” she went on, trying to steady her voice as she started to cry. “I’m holding onto that. I’ll wait for you to come back to me. When you wake up, I’m going to be here.”

Her tears came down harder and she lost the rest of her words as the machine’s beeping sound was overpowered with the sound of her sobs.

“I’ll wait for you forever if I have to,” she managed to get out, clinging onto him, his hospital dress getting soaked with her tears.