Chapter 13
Jin Ri knew that things were going to change. As everyone always said, change was the only constant thing in the world. Not even love was as constant as change was. Even love changed. So it didn’t really surprise her that Kyuhyun seemed more distant when she had finally told him about what happened between her and Keiji in Japan.

It was only 4:30 in the morning. She watched as her husband moved around the kitchen, trying to make himself coffee before he started his day. He was finally shooting that music video of Ryeowook’s song that had been delayed because of changes in schedules. The company had actually decided not to push through with the MV, but the fans kept on pestering them in every way possible to produce it so they decided to do it anyway.

He was trying to get the coffee maker to work, but, due to his non-existent kitchen skills, he couldn’t even do that. So she pushed herself off the doorframe she was leaning on and walked over to him, lightly touching his hand.

“Let me do that,” she offered softly. She got his mug from his hand and pressed a couple of buttons so that the coffee maker started working.

As they waited for the coffee to be made and heated, they just stood there, side by side, not saying anything, not even looking at each other.

It was only a couple of days ago when she sprung the news on him. They were in the house, on one of Kyuhyun’s no-schedule days, just lounging around in the living room and watching TV. She didn’t know what it was that suddenly pushed her to tell him, but she just did it. She sat up on the couch, faced him and told him that there was something he needed know.

The look on Kyuhyun’s face… it wasn’t something she could easily forget. It was different from the look that he gave her when she told him that she had gotten herself pregnant with Shin Jae’s baby. This one was much worse. He looked betrayed, something that Angie had already warned her that he would feel. She couldn’t exactly blame him. After all the denials and defensiveness that she had for Keiji about being friends—just friends—she knew it was upsetting for him to find out that this friend had kissed his wife in the past. What’s worse was that, she knew he was blaming himself. Because he wasn’t there and she had to look to someone else for comfort. And then there was that thing about her keeping it from him.

The coffee maker stopped working. She pulled it out and poured coffee for him. Without a word, he took it from her and walked out of the kitchen.

The silence was what got to her. Kyuhyun wasn’t the silent type, although he looked it, and most especially not to her. But she knew it was for her benefit that he exchanged so few words with her. It was just like that time he found out she had a past with Shin Jae. He was trying to figure out what the right thing would be to do and was trying to calm himself down. But it was hard. She and Kyuhyun, they talked about everything and anything under the sun. Not talking to him at all was painful.

Sighing, she left the kitchen and went upstairs to the balcony outside their bedroom to comfort herself with watching the sunrise.

As she settled herself against the balcony, she couldn’t help but think about the last time they had done this together. It had been around the time when they had finally bought the house and were spending their first night in it. It seemed so long ago.

Throughout the course of their relationship and their married life, they had made so many promises to each other; promises to cherish each other, to be loyal, to be with each other forever and for all eternity.

Forever and eternity, along with love, were words that were thrown around so carelessly. It left people’s lips like they actually knew what they were talking about, like they knew what they were getting themselves into.

The truth was love, forever and eternity, when all stringed together, carried around a promise that was so difficult to keep. It was easy to say you would love someone forever when you’re blissfully in love, just starting a relationship and had just gotten married. They’re words no one cared to think about keeping because you’re in the moment and you think that they’re easy to keep.

She was one of those people. She had become one of those people when she met Kyuhyun, when she had fallen in love with him so hard. She just wanted to give him the world, to make him happy. She wanted to love him forever and in the way he deserved. She still wanted that, but it wasn’t as easy as she thought it would be.

Lately, even when they’d decided to finally start their family, the fights hadn’t stopped. They had both become incessantly busy, especially in the past days, that they never even had time to see each other at times. Kyuhyun got home in the wee hours of the morning and, Jin Ri, being so tired, even more so recently, couldn’t even wait up for him anymore. She was spending more time with the other members and he was spending more time with Hyo Sun. The lack of time for each other seemed like it was driving a wedge between them.

And, of course, there was that thing with Keiji.

She wondered whether she should have ever told him at all. Nari’s argument about it being unnecessary haunted her. She couldn’t help but think that maybe she was right. It shouldn’t matter anymore because it really didn’t matter to her. It was a mistake. She was stupid and out of her mind. But she did tell him. Now she wondered if it was the right time to do so. Things weren’t going so well for them and she just had to drop that bomb right smack in the middle of it.

She closed her eyes and tightened her robe around her as the early cool wind blew. She wasn’t going to let the thing with Keiji and everything else that they were fighting about get to her. She loved Kyuhyun. She was sure of that. And she was going to keep fighting for it because now she knew how love was worth it.

Suddenly, the smell of coffee wafted in the balcony. Before her brain could process it, a pair of arms encircled around her. But she didn’t have to ask or turn around to know who it was. She savored the warmth of her husband’s embrace and closed her eyes, knowing it would go as quickly as it had come. Throughout his silent treatment, Kyuhyun had sudden bursts of affection, suddenly hugging her and kissing her and then he would revert back to not talking to her. It was his way of telling her that he still loved her, that he loved her no matter what.

She snuggled into him, wanting him to stay longer, longer than he usually stayed with her. No words were exchanged, even as the sun rose right before their eyes. There were so many things she wanted to say to him, but she knew they wouldn’t be enough and that it wouldn’t do anything other than push him away again.

The sun bathed them in light and she turned around in his arms and hugged him back before he could do anything about it. He stilled for a second then she felt him return the favor, giving her a light kiss on the head in addition.

She would remember this moment for a long time after that. She would remember how he had hugged her back tightly and kissed her head, telling her without words that he loved her, as the sun shone its light on them.

~ * ~

Kyuhyun sat on his chair and stared into space as he waited for the director to call him to the set. It was day 2 of the MV shooting and he wanted nothing more than to start working so he could get his mind off of things. It was all he could do not to start looking for Keiji and punch the hell out of his face.

Jin Ri threw a curve ball at him when she told him about her and Keiji in Japan. He couldn’t quite contain his hurt and betrayal when she shared that they had seen each other a couple of times she was there. Despite the fact that they weren’t together then, he couldn’t help but feel like she cheated on him. All this time, he had thought that she had suffered the time she was away, just like he did, because that was what she had told him. He didn’t even want to start on the fact that he trusted Keiji up to a certain point. He trusted the both of them, all those times, and then he finds out that they had history. How could he not feel betrayed?

Sighing, he closed his eyes and willed himself to calm down. He missed his wife in more ways that anyone could possibly imagine. It wasn’t just the physical contact and the conversations that they had. He missed seeing her smile at him. He missed the way she looked at him when he walked into a room, like her whole world had finally arrived.

Now, when he walked in, she merely looked away because she knew he would look away. He couldn’t help but think that maybe he was the one running away this time. They were trying to create a family and then he finds out about this.

A hand gently rested on his right shoulder. Opening his eyes, he found Hyo Sun giving him a concerned smile.

“I’m fine,” Kyuhyun told her before she couldn’t say anything.

“Of course you’re alright,” Hyo Sun responded without missing a beat. She took a seat beside him. “You’re Cho Kyuhyun.” He merely smiled at this. “I’m sorry,” she suddenly blurted out, surprising him. But the surprised look on his face was immediately replaced by a blank look.

“Don’t,” was all he said. “It’s not your fault.”

“But I—,” she began again.

“Don’t make me repeat myself, Hyo Sun,” he interrupted, shaking his head at her so seriously that she decided not to continue. “Are we going to start shooting?” he asked, looking around at the set. Everyone was busy setting up.

“Yes,” she answered, suddenly looking hesitant. “Kyuhyun, are you sure you want to do this?”

“Do what?” he asked, looking at her.

She fidgeted for a bit before meeting his eyes. “Don’t make me say it,” she said, almost grumbling. “I mean… you don’t have to if you don’t want to… You know you can say no… Your wife, Jin Ri… does she know?”

“Come here,” he stated, beckoning her to come closer. She leaned towards him. “Don’t worry so much. Riri knows we’re friends.”

“Friends don’t—,” she began to speak, but was cut off by the very thing she wanted to say.

Kiss.

~ * ~

“Did you know that Hyo Sun’s going to be the girl in Ryeowook’s music video?” Eunhyuk asked in what he thought was a conversational tone as soon as she walked inside their practice room.

“What?” Jin Ri asked, laughing as Donghae slapped Eunhyuk behind the head because of how tactless he sounded.

She had a free afternoon that day and decided that she would visit the company after the long shoot she had done that morning. She glanced around the practice room and noticed that only Sungmin and Shindong were there, aside from the two boys who had greeted her.

“Hyo Sun’s going to be Kyuhyun’s leading lady in the music video for Wookie’s song,” Donghae explained as considerately as he could, closely watching Jin Ri’s facial expression.

All the members were worried about Hyo Sun. They really didn’t know what it was about her that’s making them concerned. She was a very nice girl, bringing them food, talking to them nicely when they saw her. But those were exactly the things why they were worried. She was too nice, to them and especially to Kyuhyun. But no one wanted to say anything because they knew that Kyuhyun wasn’t one to do anything stupid.

“Of course,” Jin Ri answered, smiling through her lie. She watched as the boys looked relieved at this information and she began to wonder when things had started to really deteriorate between her and Kyuhyun that he didn’t even tell her about this. “They’re going to do really well together,” she added, fighting back to surprise the hurt she was feeling.

She wasn’t really the jealous type, as Kyuhyun and everyone else knew. She also was never jealous of Hyo Sun. In fact she indulged the two of them spending time together because she knew that Kyuhyun enjoyed being with his old friend. But this new information, for some reason, it didn’t sit well with her. Especially since things weren’t going so well between them.

When Eunhyuk had smiled his gummy smile at her and had gone back to teaching Sungmin and Shindong the dance they had to do for a certain show, Donghae had lingered behind. He watched as Jin Ri suddenly looked uncertain and worried about something. No matter what she said, she was always an open book, especially to people who had come to know her better.

“You told him,” Donghae quietly announced. It was a statement, not a question. He knew it for a fact. He searched her face for any confirmation, but he didn’t need to look further.

“Yes,” she admitted, giving the other boys a smile when they looked their way. Turning back to Donghae, she soberly confirmed, “Yes, I did tell him.”

“Why would you tell him now?” he asked curiously. She shot him a surprised look. “You didn’t tell him even though I told you that you should. Why now?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. I was tired of keeping it from him,” she explained. “It was the right thing to do no matter how bad the consequences are.”

“How bad are the consequences?” he asked, looking concerned. He wanted her to tell him the truth, but he didn’t want anything bad to come out of it, although he knew it was unavoidable. To him, like how it was to everyone else, Kyuhyun and Jin Ri were Kyuhyun and Jin Ri.

She shrugged in response, not really wanting to elaborate on anything. “He’s here, though, right? I hear this is where they’re shooting some parts of the video,” she wanted to know, smiling.

“They should be here,” he agreed. “Probably on the roof deck.” He got his phone out when he felt it vibrating and answered the call.

As soon as Donghae said Sica, Jin Ri tuned out the rest of the conversation. She knew for a fact that Donghae was finally coming out of his shell and showing Jessica that he had feelings for her, that he’d had feelings for her for quite some time.

Not wanting to interrupt on their practice time any longer, she waved goodbye to the boys, smiling sheepishly at Donghae, as she knew their conversation wasn’t finished yet, and left the room. She wanted to go up to the roof deck and pay a surprise visit to her husband, ignoring the fact that he hadn’t told her about Hyo Sun being his leading lady.

As she made her way up through the elevator, she smiled when she thought about all the other times that she had paid a surprise visit to him during his practices and shoots. The big smile on his face that greeted her every time was worth all the effort. She wanted to see that smile on his face and she wanted to see it directed towards her.

She missed her husband.

Soon enough, the elevator reached the roof deck and she stepped out. The set looked beautiful and romantic. She looked around, wondering where he was staying, looking for a tent of some sort, where the stars usually waited while the staff set the place up. Some of the staff that had seen her walking by greeted her respectfully, all pointing to the place where Kyuhyun was waiting.

Thanking them, she hurried over to where he was. She saw him seated beside Hyo Sun, talking about something seemingly serious. Jin Ri giggled when she thought about how surprised he was going to be when he sees her there.

She was just about to call for him when he did something she never thought he would do, him kissing someone else. She halted her steps, devastated with surprise and the pain she felt in her heart.

After a couple of seconds, they pulled away from each other. She watched as Hyo Sun gave him a shy smile and he smiled back in the same way, as if they were remembering what it had been like for them when they had been together.

Thinking she had seen enough, she turned to leave. But before she did, she took one last look at her husband and his supposed friend.

Kyuhyun had turned his attention to the papers he had been holding, assumingly the script of the music video shoot, acting like nothing had happened, like he hadn’t just kissed someone who wasn’t his wife.

As for Hyo Sun… she had looked at her and smiled.

~ * ~

She had grown accustomed to being alone in the house at night. Kyuhyun always came home late, knowing that it was because of his schedule that he was so. But for the past few days, she didn’t know what to think anymore. After the kiss that she had witnessed, she couldn’t help but think about horrible things. It made her hate herself for thinking that way about her husband.

She couldn’t tell him that she saw what happened, that she saw him kiss someone else. She was afraid that things would just grow even worse between them. But, at the same time, she wanted him to know that she knew because she wanted to remind him that he had a wife.

She leaned her head against the window, feeling the cold seep through her skin. It was raining practically cats and dogs outside, blurring her view of the sky and the city. Usually the rain made her feel comforted, but right now it did nothing but suffocate her.

The ringing of the phone echoed in the house, startling her. She got up from the bay window seat she had been sitting on in the living room to answer the phone.

“Ri,” Angie’s voice filtered through the line. “Taeyeon just called me. Is everything alright?”

Jin Ri had called Taeyeon earlier, sounding very much depressed. This worried Taeyeon and asked Angie to call her. Even though Jin Ri hadn’t said anything, everyone knew that she and Kyuhyun had been fighting a lot. It showed when things were strained between them and everyone could just tell.

“Fine,” Jin Ri answered monotonously. “I’m just waiting for Kyuhyun to come home.”

There was shuffling on Angie’s end and then she heard nothing as if she had covered the speaker to talk to someone. After a couple of seconds, Angie was back on the line.

“Ri, Jungsoo’s trying to call Kyuhyun now,” Angie relayed, some sort of hesitation in her voice. “He had come over after the shoot with some of the boys. He left about an hour ago.”

Jin Ri could tell that Angie was worried. Kyuhyun wasn’t the type to stay out late. He only did that when he had a schedule or when they had a fight. Clearly, he didn’t have a schedule that night.

“Don’t worry, unnie,” Jin Ri said, trying to calm the older female down. “I’m sure he’s—.” She stopped talking when she heard the front door open. Standing up and walking towards the staircase banister, she peered down to see Kyuhyun removing his coat, a bit wet from the rain. “He’s home, unnie. I’ll talk to you later.” She ended the call and replaced the phone in its holder.

“Hey,” Jin Ri greeted him as she came down the stairs, closing her robe as she did so, forgetting for a moment that she was actually upset with him. She got the coat that he had just removed and placed it on the coat rack. “Do you want to eat anything?”

Kyuhyun shook his head wordlessly and stared at her. “Why are you still up?”

“I was waiting for you,” she answered as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “You should get out of those clothes so you won’t get sick,” she went on, leading him upstairs to their bedroom.

She prepared his pajamas and drew up a warm bath for him. As he took a bath, she went out on the balcony, watching as the rain poured down on the lawn.

It seemed like it was yesterday when she had first seen this house, fell in love with it and they decided that this was the house for them, that this was where they were going to raise their 11 children. She smiled at the thought and thought about how seemingly easy it seemed.

“What are you doing out there? It’s cold,” Kyuhyun asked, suddenly beside her, freshly showered. Without bothering to wait for her answer, he pulled her back inside and slid the doors shut, blocking the cold.

“You should get to bed, Kyu,” she told him, untangling her arm from his grasp and walking to her side of the bed. “It’s late.”

“Wait,” he said, stopping her and pulling her to him once again.

His arms were tight around her as he kissed her. She couldn’t help but respond, her hands gripping his shirt as she pressed herself against him. His kisses hadn’t been so intense ever since she told him about Keiji. It was always just a quick kiss and nothing more. She missed it. She missed him.

But she pushed him away.

Thoughts of him kissing Hyo Sun entered her mind and she just couldn’t continue kissing him.

“What’s wrong?” he asked huskily, looking at her through lidded eyes. It had been days since they’d been intimate and he wanted that more than anything else. He suddenly didn’t care about her and Keiji. He missed her.

“I just… I don’t feel like it right now,” she responded, moving to her side of the bed and getting under the covers.

“You don’t feel like it right now?” he echoed, very much annoyed, still standing. When she didn’t say anything in response, he continued irately, “So is this how it’s going to be from now on? Me wanting to be with my wife who keeps pushing me away?”

“I do not push you away,” she retorted immediately, sitting up on the bed, knowing fully well that it wasn’t true. She always wanted to be with Kyuhyun in all ways that he wanted them to be together. She rarely said no to him.

“Then what exactly have you been doing these past days?” he demanded.

“I’ve been sick,” she reminded him. “I’m not doing it purposefully. I say no because I can’t do it. I thought you understood that.”

“Well what’s your excuse now? You don’t look sick to me,” he spat, looking her over. He was upset because he decided that he was going to put the whole Keiji thing aside and just be with her because he missed her and just wanted to hold her. But she wouldn’t let him.

“I’m not making excuses,” she snapped, crossing her arms across her chest. “Or is there something else you’re implying?”

He smirked, surprising Jin Ri. “You don’t want to know what I’m implying,” he stated, pulling the covers to get into bed.

“No, tell me,” she challenged, glaring at him as she got off the bed and stood up once again. “I’m sure you’ll get around to it eventually. If this has something to do with Keiji again—.”

“Can you blame me?” he interrupted angrily. “All along I keep telling my hyungs that their worries are unfounded, that there’s nothing to worry about because nothing is going on—.”

“But nothing is going on!” she cut in. “Keiji and I didn’t have a relationship.”

“Oh right sorry. You guys just kissed a couple of times,” he spat.

“Kyuhyun, we were broken up,” Jin Ri emphasized for what she felt like was the hundredth time in a few days. “I didn’t cheat on you.”

“But you kept it from me and lied to me,” he countered. “I feel stupid! I feel like you didn’t trust me enough to have told me right from the beginning! It feels worse than being cheated on.”

Jin Ri winced at the tone of his voice and wrapped her arms around herself. Their fights had been getting worse every single time. They, more often than not, ended up in a yelling match. They barely raised their voices to each other in the past. Now it seemed that it was something they couldn't avoid. And she hated it. She hated what was happening to them and she hated that she added fuel to the fire.

She turned away from him so he couldn’t see the tears that had started to fall on her face. She didn’t know what else she could do to prove to him that it meant nothing, that Keiji never meant anything to her.

Kyuhyun closed his eyes for a second and shook his head. This was why he didn’t want to talk to her. He was afraid that they would get into a fight and then he would end up saying things he didn’t really want to tell her.

He walked towards her and hugged her tightly. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“For what?” she unexpectedly asked, pulling away and looking at him through teary eyes.

“What?” he stammered.

“Are you only sorry for accusing me of cheating on you or are you also sorry because you kissed Hyo Sun?” she asked without blinking.

“Princess, I didn’t—,” he began, taking a step back.

“Don’t make a fool out of me,” she nearly screamed, more tears sliding down her cheeks. “I saw you! You kissed her!” She broke down and sat down on the edge of the bed. “You kissed her,” she repeated in a whisper.

“Princess,” he started, sitting down beside her, unsure of what to do.

“Why did you do it, Kyuhyun? Why would you do this to me?” she asked, her voice clearer as she looked at him.

Kyuhyun abruptly stood up to get something from his bag, which was across the room. When he returned, he had a brown envelope in his hand.

Shoving it towards her, he asked, “Well maybe you can explain why you would do this to me?”

Jin Ri opened the envelope and gasped. It was pictures of her and Keiji in a seemingly passionate lip-lock in one of the company studios, taken after the pictorial of SJM. As she looked through the pictures, she tried to remember if anyone else was there, if anyone, aside from Jessica and Donghae, had seen them.

“Kyuhyun, this isn’t what you think,” she started to explain, standing up. “I don’t know who gave this to you but—.”

“Does it really matter?” he angrily questioned. “You tell me that you and Keiji had some sort of fling in Japan while we were broken up. You tell me that it wasn’t anything serious. You tell me that there’s nothing going on anymore. And then these show up! What am I supposed to do?”

“You’re supposed to trust me because I’m your wife,” she told him, reaching out to grab his hand. “You know I would never do this to you. I would never cheat on you.”

“Do you believe me when I say that I would never cheat on you even when you saw me kiss Hyo Sun?” he then asked her, looking at her intently.

She didn’t respond and looked away. As much as she trusted Kyuhyun, seeing him kiss her hurt her deeply. She didn’t know what to think.

“Now you know how it feels,” he said, turning away.

Her head snapped up at this, her eyes boring on his back. “Did you kiss her because of this?” she asked, waving the envelope violently. “Did you kiss her to get back at me?”

“It’s not like I planned it,” he snapped, facing her once more. “I didn’t plan for you to see it! It just happened and I am sorry that it did.” The kiss with Hyo Sun was a mistake. He knew it wasn't right after he had done it. But something just snapped inside of him when he saw the photo and just wanted to get some form of revenge.

“You don’t sound like you’re sorry. You sound the opposite of sorry,” she realized, feeling even more hurt and upset.

Jin Ri started sobbing really hard. She buried her face in her hands, sitting back down on the bed. She didn’t know what was worse, knowing that Kyuhyun kissed someone else or that Kyuhyun kissed someone else because he didn’t trust her enough not to have kissed another guy.

He took a step towards her. He hated seeing Jin Ri cry and hated himself for being the one to do it. But all throughout the fight, he just couldn’t stop himself. The anger he felt in finding out about what happened between her and Keiji just snapped something in him. He wanted to take back everything that he said, but, at the same time, he meant all of it. He was just tired. It seemed like, even after all this time, he was still going after her since she kept on pushing him away the past days.

“Princess,” he began.

“Go away,” she whispered clearly in between her sobs, not bothering to look at him.