"I.W.A.B." #10 final
I want a BABY !!
[I.W.A.B. #10]
Losing her baby was one of the worst things that could ever happen to her and fact that she felt responsible made it worse. The pain and guilt she was feeling was unbearable that only her death would've put an end to it. Too easy, right? No, she couldn't take the easy path. She deserved to live and suffer for what she did.
" He was my baby too " his words rang through her ears.
He was right.
She reluctantly got up from her wheelchair because her legs weren't used to stand on their own anymore. Jaejoong watched her with his mouth hanging as he wondered what she was up to. She tried to walk but she stumbled, she tried again but fell on her .
" You're still weak " he pointed out.
I know, captain obvious! She rolled her eyes taking him aback. That was.. that was what the old Nicole would usually do and he hasn't seen that for too long. He swallowed and drew out his hand which she casually accepted to help herself up. It wasn't like she had any other choice.
She asked him to bring her to her room and he obeyed without saying a word. He could only stare at her and wonder what was going through her mind. She was immersed in a deep thought as she pursed her dry lips. Her paleness was still there but there was also something that made her face look brighter already. There was a sparkle..
As they reached her room she was slowly taking control of her legs again making a step after another. She went to her closet from where she pulled out a luggage " Put it on my bed " she ordered and so he did again without saying a word.
She started taking her shirts, sweatpants, pants and the rest of her clothes from the cabinet and carefully placing them on her luggage. Jaejoong raised a brow " What.. " he spoke softly.
" Nic.. what are you doing? "
There was a long silence filling the room, a silence that could be deafening for others but not for them because they knew that silence, that silence when they stared into each other's eyes. That was the moment when words weren't needed to understand what the other was thinking " No " he shook his head.
" I have to.. "
" No, you don't " he reached for her hand and squeezed it but she quickly drew it back " This is for the both of us "
" But.. but where are you going? What.. " he was in a state of confusion in that moment making it impossible for him to think straight " What about us.... " he lost his baby, he couldn't lose her too " What about me.. " his voice was low.. and hard.
He dropped himself on her bed and with his elbows on his knees he covered his face with the palm of his hands. Tears that have been held in started flowing down wettening his cheeks and soaking his pants.
Maybe it started as one of Nicole's whims, her childish way to prove herself that she could start anew but during the months they've lived together he has learned to love her and every single thing about her. He loved her beautiful smile, her amazing cooking skills and also her ways to annoy the hell out of him. She was extremely great at it too.
She appeared in his life so suddenly but rather than ruining it, she simply changed it. Before her appearance he had everything so perfectly planned: a promising career that guaranteed him prestige and money. He wanted to build a company that could extend its importance through all of Asia and eventually around the world too.
Things were going so well and a family, a baby to be exact wasn't part of his plan for many more years. How much wrong he was, he realized it later when he found out that nothing could be valued more than the love he felt for Nicole and his baby. Nothing could be compared to the feeling of a united family because that was pure and genuine happiness.
After the accident, the image of a family vanished, there couldn't be the united family he daydreamed about. Despite that he couldn't give up on his life.. a life which Nicole was part of.. he couldn't afford to lose her too.
" Jae.. " she called " Jae.. listen to me, please " she cupped his face to make sure to meet his eyes.
Oh.. Jae.... she felt her chest tightening seeing his puffy eyes. She bit her bottom lip and counted up to ten to gain confidence.
" Thank you.. for accepting me in your life, thank you for taking care of me, I really couldn't ask for more " she dried his tears with the back of her hands and gently carressed his face, his lips.
" You're a great guy, Kim Jaejoong and I truly appreciated everything you've done for me but.. " she paused seeing him shaking his head. No. NO. He didn't want to hear it.
" Don't say it, don't say it.. "
" I have to leave.. " you said it.
Nicole would've preferred to leave immediately while she was still confident about her decision but Jaejoong begged her to spend one last night together. That night they've spent it quietly, he was tightly wrapped in her arms as they both cried knowing that once the sun rised they were going to part.
Nicole still loved Jaejoong and she was clearly aware of that but she also knew that she couldn't be with him and live happily after what has happened to their baby. She knew that what has happened that day couldn't easily be forgotten and she would've blamed him and made things hard for him from time to time. They had to part.
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She turned to look one last time at the door she just closed behind before leaving everything behind. She was leaving Jaejoong, the man that she loved and everything they've built the past few months. So many things happened, so many things changed.. she changed.
A tear rolled down as she got on the taxi " Goodbye.. "
Jaejoong watched her from the window of his bedroom. He knew that could be the last time he was going to see her and as much as it pained him he knew that he had to let her go " Goodbye, Nicole.. "
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Years passed from that day.
She breathed in and felt the fresh breeze that she missed and a smile curved on her face.
" Miss, we can go.... " she nodded and got on the taxi.
On her way to her hotel she admired the scenery of Seoul that she didn't see for so long. There were so many memories coming through her mind. There were the happy memories and the sad ones as well and there was Jaejoong who was present in the both of them.
Jaejoong.. she repeated in her mind. She wondered what was he doing. Maybe he focused on his career again, most probably he found another girl and why not he might've had a family.
All she could wish for him was happiness because that was what he deserved. He deserved to be happy and to be loved.
When she left the mansion she had no plans for herself. She only thought about leaving everything behind and let go of the people that she has been with. She wandered around holding her luggage for the whole day. When she got tired she stopped at a park and dropped her body on a bench where she met the person that saved her from her misery and helped her becoming the grown-up woman that she was now.
Thank you.... she said in her head as she thought of that person.
She didn't know why that day she opened up herself to a complete stranger. She told her about the mistakes she did, the lies she said and the pain that she caused but rather than receiving harsh words and judgement that person patted her back and gave her a reassuring smile.
Nicole accepted that person offer to join her and her friends. They travelled around the world and there Nicole saw things that she has never seen before, things that she could never even imagine.
She went to South Africa where she saw people and kids struggling to survive everyday. They didn't have proper houses and they could only dream to have proper meals. Despite their conditions, surrounded by nothing but poverty she still saw them playing and smiling. She saw how people over there would smile brightly for the smallest things, even for a single piece of bread.
There she realized that as much as bad everything that has happened to her was, it still wasn't the worst. She has learned to live with what has happened to her and rather than letting everything pulling her down she decided to use that as a learning experience and move on.
Rather than holding onto her past and blame herself, hurting herself she put herself together again. She had to use the rest of her energy and life to do something useful, helpful. If she didn't do good in the past, she could do great for the present and for the future as well.
" Miss, we're here "
She looked up at the hotel she was going to stay in for the next few days. It was a luxurious one which she would've rather avoided but that was the place she was going to hold conferences as the spokeperson of her association of fundraising to help those in need.
There were a lot of rich people that she wanted to convince to share their luck with those who didn't have it. People who lived in luxurious mansion, stayed at luxurious hotel like that one, had expensive cars, clothes and a lot of money in ther bank account.
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Conference preparation..
Oh.. She gasped when she bumped into something. She turned and saw a little girl who fell on her because of her " I'm sorry, baby " she kneeled down and grabbed the girl by her shoulder to help her up " I'm really sorry " the little girl blinked her big eyes and grinned.
" Xiao Lin! " a tall blonde guy approached the kid and checked her from head to toe if she was fine " You should be more careful " he said worriedly as he patted her head.
" Sorry, but it was me who bumped into her " Nicole spoke.
The guy turned to face her.
Oh my gosh.... her eyes widened in disbelief.
She blinked, she stared, she could do nothing else but admire his beauty.
He was beautiful.
There was no other way to describe him. Not good-looking, not handsome, not hot. His beauty was delicate and almost angelic. His fair skin, his doe eyes and his light pink lips.
Nicole snapped out when she felt someone tagging her shirt. It was the littel girl trying to get her attention as she saw that Nicole wasn't responding to her dad.
How long did I stare at him? How embarrassing.. she facepalmed as she tried to stay as composed as possible.
" I'm Luhan " he drew out his hand which she shook casually.
" I'm Nicole, sorry for.. " bumping into your daughter. She scratched the back of her head nervously " I'm so clumpsy " the guy just chuckled as he waved his hands saying that it was fine.
His eyes wandered around looking at the workers going back and forth as they were preparing for the big event. Only then Nicole remembered that she was working and giving directions to those workers before she got distracted by the guy standing in front of her.
" What's this for? " he asked softly.
His voice.... it's just like him.. oh my gosh Nicole, get a hold of yourself! She scolded herself and cleared . She started telling him about the conference she was going to hold as the spokeperson of her association of fundraising and she also invited him, his daughter and his wife to come if they didn't have anything to do.
" Ahmm.. no " he stiffened and looked down at his feet " I don't have a wife.. "
Nicole facepalmed harder than she did before. Her cheeks turned into two tomatoes because of how much embarrassed she was. Why did she talk so much? ! She wanted to dig a grave and throw herself in.
" I'm sorry.. " she bit her bottom lip " I feel so stupid "
" No, no " he shook his head " it's okay " he flashed her a reassuring smile which melted her heart in an instant.
" Miss, where should we put this? " one of the workers said earning a glare from her. How dare he came in between them? But she restrained herself " Mmm.. put it over there " she dismissed quickly.
" Oh, I'm sorry.. we're taking your time when you're so busy " the guy bowed his head before picking up his daughter " Xiao Lin, say bye bye " he waved his hand and so the little girl did. Nicole smiled and waved her hand too before turning her back to go back working.
" We're coming later " she heard from behind. Eh? She turned and saw that the two were walking out already.
I'll wait for you.. she smiled again.
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Conference Day 1
She ended her speech and received a big round of applause.
Success! She thought satisfied.
She went down the stage and greeted people who were interested to make donations, know more about their association. She had to shake a lot of hands, talk to a lot of people as she received praise for the great work she's doing for those in need.
" Ni-Nicole? " someone called.
Who.. she turned flashing the smile that she has been keeping through the whole night.
Oh! Op-oppa?! Her eyes widened in shock.
" It's really you! " the guy exclaimed. He went closer and pulled her into a hug " I didn't know you were back "
" Yeah, I arrived this morning "
" Look at you, you got so beautiful.. not that you weren't but " he checked her from head to toe " Woah, you're a woman now " she blushed and bowed her head thankful.
" We're here " a tiny voice rang through her ears. She recognized it " Hey " she waved her hand. The little girl ran to her, Nicole leaned down to receive the hug.
" It was amazing, really " Luhan shyly said patting her back.
" Oppa, he's Luhan and this pretty girl is Xiao Lin " she pointed at the two " Luhan, Xiao Lin.. he's Heechul oppa, an old friend of mine " the three greeted each other. And for unknown reason there was a slight awkwardness building up.
" Now, I have to go but I'd like to catch with you again sometimes, are you staying? "
" Yeah.. "
" See you around then " he pinched her nose and waved his hand to the other two before disappearing in the crowd.
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Conference Day 2
She was on stage talking with her heart on her hands as she showed everyone pictures she took of the families living in deep poverty. She was speaking lowly yet firmly so that her words could clearly reach the lisenters' ears.
He still couldn't believe it.
He blinked his eyes and even rubbed them checking if he wasn't dreaming.
Never he thought he would see her again but only god knew how many nights he prayed for it.
She changed.. he pointed out.
It wasn't really physically because she was still the tiny Nicole he remembered.
It wasn't her face, her eyes, her smile but there was something that made her so different.
It was the aura that was surrounding her maybe.
She had such a bright and positive aura.
It almost seemed that she was shining, radiating positiveness and good vibes to everyone.
She looks happy.. truly happy.
He was glad that the girl fully recovered and moved on from the accident but he couldn't help but feel a little bitter about it.
Even though fact that she left her past behind was a good thing, that also meant that she left him for good too.
He let her go years ago because he knew that was what she wanted and needed but deep inside he wished that one day she would've come back, she would've realized that she still loved him somewhat.. somehow. A deep sigh escaped his lips as he looked at her again.
Heechul hyung was right. She really moved on, she found a new guy with whom she was living her new life and they had a daghter.
A daughter.. they could've had a daughter too, they could've been a family too. And in that moment he bit his bottom lip. Did she.. did she see me? For a second he felt that she was looking back at him.
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That night like the night before as soon as she ended her speech she received a big round of applause.
She walked down the stage and greeted the people shaking her hands, patting her back as they started talking about the association and the donations they wanted to make.
Nicole listened to them but her mind was somewhere else.
Was it him? Was it really him? She wondered.
It was a question that has been lingering in her mind since the moment their eyes met. She looked for him with her eyes in the crowd but he disappeared already.
Could it be that her eyes were playing tricks on her? Why was that.. could it be that she wanted to see him again?
She walked around the hall. Hard task because everywhere she turned there was someone stopping her to exchange a few words with her.
In the end she had to give up concluding that maybe it wasn't him but only someone who looked like him.
She sighed and talked to another lady.
Nicole, keep focused! She clenched her hand into a fist. She couldn't keep on thinking about him. That was disrespectful and rude towards her work, towards people she was working for and people who attended the event.
She put on her trademark smile as much as down she felt.
It was Luhan and Xiao Lin who managed to cheer her up again. The two attended the event again and he made another donation as well for which Nicole was really thankful to.
Luhan wasn't only beautiful but he was nice, polite and kindhearted.
Wasn't he perfect? Not talking about the way he treated his daughter. He was a very caring and sweet father. The two looked really close.
Xiao Lin was really cute and unlike her father she was really loud and talkative. She was a very active kid who kept on jumping and running around. It almost remind her of herself when she was younger.
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The morning after Nicole was on her bed with her laptop on her side as she was having her breakfast of milk and cereals.
She was checking the amount of donations the association received already and she was pleasantly surprised because they received way more than they expected which meant that there were a lot of kindhearted people and she was really thankful to them because with those donations they were going to give a big help to people in need.
She was scrolling down the names of the people and companies registered who attended the event and made donations.
What.. She froze and scrolled up again to check if her eyes weren't playung tricks on her.
Kim Jaejoong..
She read it over and over again in disbelief.
He attended.... so it was really him! But why.. she felt her hearbeat fastening.. why did he disappear like that?
Her jaw dropped when she noticed the huge amount of his donation.
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Is this right? She wondered as she looked up to the huge building.
She went there to personally thank him for his donation but who was she kidding? She wanted to see him.
Why didn't he show up to her? Why didn't he talk to her? How was he doing? Did he have a new girl, a family?
She inhaled and exhaled deeply trying to calm her pounding heart. She was so determined earlier but now that she was there she was extremely nervous and a little bit scared as well.
What if he didn't want to see her again? What if.... there were so many questions lingering her mind. She shook her head trying to brush them all away.
She balled her hands gaining enough confidence to make her way in. She went to the reception asking to see him " Do you have an appointment, miss? "
" Ahm.. no, but " maybe I should just let it go, maybe this is a sign that I should leave. No, N-O, NO " Last night, he attended a fundraising event and I wanted to personally thank him for his donation "
" Sorry, miss, but Mr. Kim is busy and he meets people only through appointment " the worker said.
Nicole was getting annoyed. She clenched her teeth to keep herself from jumping on that worker.
" Can you give him a call and tell him that Jung Nicole is here? " she said firmly " Please.. " she gave her a look and the worker reluctantly grabbed the phone.
That was it.. her last chance.
Whether he was going to accept to meet her or not, it was fine.
At least, she tried.
She tapped her foot on the floor as she waited for the worker to tell her what was the response given to her. What the hell? How long does it take them to answer a phone call?
" Miss, you can go.. 7th floor "
Nicole eyed her " See? " she muttered in her head before walking to the elevator.
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Jaejoong was pacing back and forth in his office. He was nervous, his heart beating faster than ever as he wondered what was he going to do, what was he going to say?
He was a mess, literally.
He didn't sleep at all spending the whole night reminiscing about their past, everything they went trough together....
From the night he spotted her at the club, their first time which was the best he has ever had and the morning after when he woke up hearing her talking with her friend about a mission accomplished.
He recalled how Nicole casually told him about her plan of having a baby assuring him that she wasn't asking to take responsibility. He also recalled that he thought of her as a crazy person, she was just insane..
All of their memories, good and bad, were clearly stamped in his mind like they only happened days before.
A bitter smile curved on his face.... they were only memories.
Memories of the best part of his life.
Nicole was the best thing happened to him. She was the best for making him feel real, pure and genuine happiness but she was also the worst for crushing his world when she left him alone.
At that time he left himself being drowned by alchool. He drank until he got wasted and fell asleep. He woke up and drank again thinking that he wouldn't have felt the pain, the sadness anymore.
It was thanks to his friends that he managed to put himself together again. He looked for her, how much time and money he spent looking for her just to find out that she left the country.
Why did she come? Is she mad that I attended the event? How should I greet her?
He hit his head trying to come up with something but his mind was completely blank. She just caught him off-guard with that sudden appearance. Never he thought that she would come to him first but that was Nicole after all. She has always been so unpredictable for him that it used to drive him nuts.
" Hey "
There. she. was.
She was standing at his door blinking her eyes as she waited for him to make a move. His chest tightening, knees shaking and hands sweating as he stood there like a statue.
" It's been awhile " she made her way in and smiled.
" Y-yeah " he cleared his throat looking for his voice that refused to come out. He reluctantly walked up to her stopping just a few steps from her.
She was breathtakingly beautiful.
She was losing her confidence seeing him so closely. Her cheeks showed a light pink as she pursed her lips and fixated her gaze on her feet. She felt his eyes staring at her and butterflies started moving in her stomach.
There was silence, silence that could be deafening but it wasn't awkward, no, it wasn't awkard at all. There were only too many thoughts, feelings and questions that the both of them didn't know where to start.
When she looked up to him and their eyes locked they could instantly tell that none of them were mad or displeased by seeing each other.
In that moment all of their insecurities and fears disappeared.
Jaejoong made another step and he was now right in front of her.
Too close.. she thought trying to step back but he grabbed her by her shoulders keeping her from moving.
" I.. I came here.... " she stuttered " to thank you for your donation.. it means a lot, really "
" Is that so? " he raised a brow and a smirk appeared on his face. He didn't know where it came from but he was suddenly overflowing with confidence.
" Didn't you want to see me? "
Eh? This guy.. he didn't change at all " No.. " she scowled jerking his hands off her. She threw him a deadly stare which didn't affect him at all. She lost when she looked away and the same smirk he had seconds before appeared again.
" Well, I wanted to see you " he said casually leaving her dumbfounded. She didn't expect him to be so " I missed you " straight-forward.
How in the world was she going to respond to that? She bit her bottom lip because her heart found the response already but her mind told her not to let it out. I missed you too
He lifted her chin making her look at him but she stubbornly jutted her jaw to the side not wanting to lose to him again.
You didn't change that much after all. He grinned mischievously. You're still the stubborn Nicole that I knew. He cupped her cheeks forcing her to look at him again and this time his grip on her was firm not letting her go even when she tried to take his hands off his face.
" I missed you so much " he said almost whispering.
It felt like nothing else mattered anymore. Not her supposed new life with her new partner and daughter, nothing. For him it was only the two of them in that moment, Jaejoong and Nicole again after all those years. He found it hard to believe, was it a dream?
Well, if it was then he wished not to wake up from it anymore because he didn't want anything else but her back to him. There was no time to think, to think straight, to think what was right and what was wrong.. he followed his heart and did what his heart was telling him to do.
He closed his eyes and kissed her.
Her eyes widened, she wanted to push him and run away but her arms and legs didn't cooperate. His kiss was sweet and gentle, it was more a peck than a kiss actually before he opened his eyes and straightly looked into her eyes.
After that brief contact Jaejoong could tell for sure that feelings were mutual.
Even though she didn't respond, even though she wasn't saying anything he was sure that Nicole felt the same. She was only fighting it, maybe because everything was too sudden and things were happening too fast.
He softly kissed her forehead, the tip of her nose and her lips again. His hands slid down to her waist getting a tight hold of it and pulling her to close the gap between them.
Nicole gasped. Feeling his breath brushing against her cheeks, his hearbeat against her chest, her body being completly trapped in his....
" Jaejoong.. I " I can't do this, we can't do this. She wanted to say but her lips sealed because they knew that wasn't what she really wanted.
" I lost you once.. " when her mom suddenly shipped her to the US.
" I lost you twice.. I won't loose you again " he said lowly but firmly. There was so much determination in his voice and in his eyes as well.
He locked his hands behind her back.
Nicole was confused.
Her mind was telling her to leave and not see him ever again because that was her plan in the past.
Her heart was telling her to stay because being with him felt so right. She almost felt like she shouldn't have never left him in the first place. Her heart was winning of course because her body was cooperating with it.
He watched her fighting her feelings. He enjoyed seeing her frowning as she placed her hands on his chest keeping him from kissing her again. He could feel her shaking in his arms, he could feel her shivering.
" Hey " he called softly trying to meet her eyes which were constantly wandering around purposely avoiding his.
" Heeeyy " the tip of his nose touched hers making her turn to him.
" You missed me too " he said with a tone that she surely hated. It was his cocky side taking over him making her eyes narrow questioning him about his statement.
" Deny it.. say that I'm wrong " challenged. He thought as he smirked.
She breathed in wanting so badly to say out her denial but once again her lips betrayed her and sealed. She hated it, she was hating herself for continously letting him winning over her.
" You're right.. " she whispered quietly but loud enough for me to hear " I missed you too "
As she said that she dug her face into his neck too shy and embarrassed to look at him.
She just exposed herself, she exposed her feelings and she regretted nothing because of relief suddenly running all over her body.
She inhaled his scent, the sweet scent of him that she used to be addicted to. She smiled and she knew that he was smiling too when she felt his arms tightening around her. He was smiling smugly, in victory.
He started planting light kisses on her jawline and pressed one firm kiss on the bottom of her jaw, right where her face met her neck, before making a path of kisses up to her ear " I guess I didn't hear it, can you repeat? "
As soon as those words escaped his lips she grunted.
Are you testing my patience, Kim Jaejoong? Aren't you satisfied yet?
And as if he could read her mind he shook his head. No, he wasn't.
He was enjoying it too much and Nicole sighed in defeat finally accepting her fate of continously losing for that day " I. missed. you too " she spelled slowly and an ear-to-ear smile curved on his face. He won again.
But he wasn't satisfied yet, he wanted to push it more wanting to know until where he could push her. It was a once in a lifetime experience seeing Nicole giving up to him like that " Do you still love me? "
I. CAN'T. BELIEVE. IT. ARE YOU SERIOUSLY TESTING MY PATIENCE????
She hit his chest strongly. She was literally fuming.
" Because I still do "
And her heart melted.
She swallowed her anger and looked at him straightly seeing nothing but sincerity.
" I love you, Jung Nicole.. even though you're married and you have your own family, I love you so much that I will still fight for you "
Eh? " Married? Family? " she gave him a questioning look. What was he talking about?
" The blonde guy and the little girl you were talking with last night " he mumbled and there Nicole laughed " Idiot "
She pissed him off.
Was she making fun of him when he was being dead serious? He dropped his arms on his sides making her laugh even louder because she could feel his blood running through his veins. His eyes were flaming fire. How dare she laughed like that?
" Idiot.. "
She grinned mischievously and locked her hands behind her neck.
" Want to know why? "
Jaejoong's eyes widened. Of course, I want to know but make sure I will find it funny too!!
" Because the blonde guy isn't my husband and the little girl isn't my daughter "
She tiptoed a little bit reaching his lips. She opened lightly brushing her lips over his, using feather-light pressure at first, so that her lips were just barely grazing over his.
He wrapped her waist and pulled her closer to him as he deepened the kiss .
" Not mad anymore? " she teased briefly pulling away, his teeth lightly grabbed onto her tongue and pulled her to kiss him again as he shook his head smiling like a little boy who finally got his favorite ice-cream.
He wasn't mad anymore, he was the luckiest and happiest person on earth.
" Do you still love me? " he looked at her without parting their lips.
You're not letting go, aren't you?
He nodded.
I'm not.
She pulled away. She leaned her head on his forehead and lost her eyes in his.
Did he really need to ask it? Wasn't it obvious? Of course, it was.. he was just being Kim Jaejoong and wanted to hear it from her. He was torturing her.... He grinned seeing her losing to him again for the nth time that day.
" I still love you, idiot " she smirked seeing him frowning at the idiot part " and I still want a baby " before crushing her lips into his again.
Thank you so much to my readers and subscribers for all the love and support you gave to this story and HeroNic. " I want a baby " has finally come to an end and I hope it didn't disappoint you that much. Thank you again :)
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