HyukJae buried his face in his shaky hands. His tired back leaned boneless against his well decorated apartment wall, desperately seek out for support. After the initial shock, knowing the fact that both of his favorite men related to each other, his mind practically started to break down.

The first thing that jumped into his head, the first time seeing the father and son duo standing next to each other was the resemblance of those two. Their height, their face, their lips and those brown eyes. DongHae is practically a Xerox copy of his father. Nobody can deny their blood ties even at the first glance. Everybody would have guessed, except him.

HyukJae’s brain slowly and painfully registered the situation in hand. His mouth suddenly seemed to lose its ability to talk; he ended up stare zip lipped at them. His head throbbed, his breath hitched, blocked by an invisible lump in his throat.

‘This is just a joke,’

 The whole situation was like a big bad joke now. Lee-nim is DongHae’s father. He slept with both father and son. How funny is that? His life is such a joke. A joke that is so bad, that he wished of instant death after hearing it.

‘If only this wall can swallow me right now.’

Nonstop tears kept on pouring from his eyes. He slowly closed them before hesitantly opened them again.

‘Oh God, why would not you just kill me already. Stop playing this sick little joke with me, it’s not even funny anymore,’ his bleeding heart pleaded as he silently watched DongHae’s and his father heated bickering.

***

Since Lee-nim stepped into their house, both father and son didn’t stop yelling to each other. Each words spat fire and increased in volume as time goes by. Blazing eyes, flailing hands, hurtful words exchanged between those two. Furniture kicked and over turned, vases and picture frames threw and left broken on the floor.

They apartment is a mess; in fact, the whole situation is such a mess. Moreover, the biggest mess in this is he, himself, HyukJae.

“You betrayed me! I begged you to search for him before you sent me to US, you promised me!”

DongHae’s raw voice roared. Not giving any chance for his father to talk, he kept on screaming to the latter face. Never in his life, has HyukJae seen this side of DongHae. DongHae looked so mad and hurt at the same time. His usually melodic voice roared like a thunder, his soft loving eyes blazed with fury, he looked so intimidating that way.

“When I asked you weather you found him or not, you said you didn’t, but that’s just a lie does it? You big fat liar!”

So, DongHae does search for him all these years. Smiled bitterly to himself, HyukJae kept on staring at those two in silence.

“You found him years ago, but you decided to take him as your own! You know I love him! I told you that I love him before! How could you do this to me? Your own flesh and blood, Lee SooMan?!”

Lee Soo Man; yes, the same Lee-nim. His favorite customer or this sugar daddy. He had known this man and being with his for almost 8 years now. The man that he grew fond of, the man that somehow ‘saved’ him from other’s wandering hands -and - when he claimed HyukJae as his.

The only man that he had been sleeping with since years. Yet, he had to be the same man who’s his lover’s biological father is.

‘This is such a huge mess.’

He still remembers vividly of their first encounter. Lee-nim was such a sweet talker and a sweet man. He really takes a great care of HyukJae. He always asked about his well-being, his family, and his background. The handsome mogul also shared a lot of things about himself with HyukJae. Being a naïve and desperate; attention and affection that he received back then were more than welcome. He embraced them without hesitation, only to find it later on, it was a bad move.

Bad one indeed.

***

“Eun, there’s someone want to meet you, he booked you for the whole night. Play nice with him. Meet him at V.I.P room number 1 ok?” His Boss’s voice welcomed him when he stepped into the luxurious club that fated night.

‘Hem, another custome,r’ Hung his head low, EnHyuk mumbled under his breath.

“Sure Hyung, I’ll be there this instant”

Feeling low and gloomy, EunHyuk forced himself to go to work that day. It hadn’t been easy for him to maintain his facades and to entertain all those rich Ajusshies, every night. To make himself to talk to them and to listen to their rambling.

In some occasion –or in most of it- their filthy hands will start to wander on his slim body after 5 minutes of drinks or talk.

Later on, they’ll start to his shirt and start to fondle him as he’s a puppy or a toy.

Disgusting.

He was and still is disgusting of their gestures. However, at that time, he had to endure it, to swallow everything life offers him. That’s how much he worth, a lowly host.

Drowned in his own thought, he doesn’t realized that he already arrived at the designated place. He knocked twice on the mahogany heavy looking door. A faint ‘come in’ heard behind the close door.

‘This is it, you can do this HyukJae’. Cheering himself, EunHyuk straightened his suit. He took a deep breath before stepped in.

His breath seemed to caught up in his wind pipe as he saw his new customer.

A handsome man, probably in early 50’s gracefully sipped a glass of expensive champagne. The first thing that occurred in his head that night was, ‘DongHae’

***

DongHae’s face red, holding his anger. His breath heaved heavily, knuckles white in tight fists. He locked hateful his gaze toward his father. Lee-nim sat silently in the chair, his gazed down. He looked so fragile that way, almost crippled, not like a powerful and pompous Lee SooMan he once knew.

Both of father and son tried to organize their uneven breath again after their huge fight. His father was equally mad at first, but he toned down and seemed to have regretted as DongHae repeatedly accused him as a traitor and said he will never forgive the old man forever.

Feeling drained all the sudden, DongHae backed away from their commotion site and slipped against the wall, apposite HyukJae. His eyes wet with tears and had lethargic look plastered on his face. He closed his weary eyes and buried his face in between his knees and sobbed hard.

HyukJae cried in devastation while looking at his love.

He was dying to cross the room over to DongHae and put his arms around the sobbing man so much. He wanted to ease his pain, to sooth his wound, but he had no energy and confidence at all.

Not when the source of the pain in DongHae’s heart is; nobody else but himself.

He’s just not worth it. He is dirty.

Tbc***