neomu a a a apa(wa) naega a a a apa(wa)

 I'm so hurt, I'm hurt

imankeum apeul georan geol nan jeongmal jeongmal mollasseo

I really really didn't know it would hurt this much

jeongmal a a a apa(wa) maeumi a a a apa(wa)

Really hurt, my heart hurts

ireoke bogo sipeul georan geol jeongmal jeongmal mollasseo

I really really didn't know I would miss you like this

neomu apa

I'm so hurt

Groggily, I rubbed my eyes, willing myself to wake up. My phone was ringing, playing a favourite song of mine, “I’m Really Hurt.” I blindly grabbed for it and flipped it open.

“Yoboseyo?” The voice at the other end was Wooyoung’s, cheerily greeting me and inviting me to eat dinner with them after Music Bank this weekend. I was still too shell-shocked by what was apparently a dream. Just a dream? Why was life like this?

Two days ago I had met 2PM and ran into Byunghee. Last night I had a dream that was entirely too real for my liking.

“Eunhee? Are you there?” came Wooyoung’s voice through the phone.

“Yes, I’m here. I’ll probably be going to Music Bank this weekend anyway. So, of course I’ll eat dinner with you all.”

“That’s great! I’ll see you later.” I smiled slightly and hung up the phone. I set my phone back on my nightstand and willed myself to go back to sleep. Perhaps I could pick up on that dream.

After a few minutes, it was obvious it wasn’t working. I turned over in my bed and grunted in annoyance. This was just not doing it for me anymore. I can’t be spending my nights dreaming about something that will never happen again. We’re in different places now. Actually, technically we’re in the same place. But, he doesn’t want me and I definitely do not want him. No matter how much he cried or whined to me.

Or that’s how I should feel. Love is never easy and broken love is even harder to get over. What am I doing with my life? This isn’t healthy.

I covered my head with my pillow and let out a series of frustrated screams. Exhausted I tossed my pillow to the side and laid there staring at the ceiling of my room.

My phone went off again, but it was a text. I had never been texted so much in my life. But I guess when six, actually seven guys get your number then there’s no surprised that your phone is constantly vibration or ringing. I ignored it for the time being.

Instead I reached out to turn my iHome on. I pressed play and the music began to play. It was a consistently favourite song of mine “Without a Heart” by the trio 8eight. Today, however, I was not into it. All of this music was just reminding me of how utterly pathetic I’ve been.

That dream was the last straw. My life wasn’t a fairytale drama. Just because he was my first love did not make him my only love, right? I’m cute. I can get another boyfriend easily. Right? Watch me do this.

E: Nichkhun, do you want to get breakfast?

I wasn’t sure why I picked him out of all the boys. Perhaps he was least like Byunghee or so it seemed. Byunghee was and probably always will be a player. Not to say that detracted from his charm, for me it added a little to it. During our two year relationship, I think he was always faithful. I feel as if it’s bad that I’m not positive. There always seemed to be girls around him, looking at him, et cetera. Being a sixteen year old girl at the beginning, I was annoyed and angry, jealous was a constant emotion. He, being nineteen at the time, thought I was being completely absurd. The beginning of our love was difficult, but we got through it.

But still I wonder if those friends he hung out with were merely friends. I groaned and shook my head violently, trying to etch-a-sketch any thoughts like that out.

N: Sure! We have no schedules today. Do you want to meet at Lolli Café in an hour? We just woke up. >.<

E:Sounds good to me.

N: Okay, we’ll see you there. ^_^

I had been to Lolli Café probably a few times over the years. It was just out of my way to go too often, being situated away from my father’s house. He preferred to leave away from the center of Seoul though this was where all his work was. Yet, I had gone a few times. It had good Western desserts and drinks, which did sound appetizing today. I then found myself craving an éclair. In America, it was one of my favourite sweets to eat.

Of course, there was that sneaky side-effect of weight gain. I glumly patted my once flat belly. I had never been extremely thin probably due to my travels between East and West. My palate was continually changing from rice and vegetables to burgers and fries. At least, that’s where I would lay blame.

Bolstered by the thought of a delicious éclair and perhaps a mocha as well as breakfast with some non-headache inducing companions, I could begin my day happily.

I managed to shower and change within thirty minutes and then headed out from my house. I had meticulously checked the weather before I left and it was supposed to rain in the morning hours. I had brought along a light rain jacket as well as an umbrella. For me, I always wanted to be prepared. I didn’t like being without what was needed and rain can be cruel mistress.

Since it was warming up, I had donned a pair of dark denim ankle-length skinny jeans and a white short-sleeved shirt that matched my white oxford shoes. It was a pretty basic outfit and I thought it suited my style fine. Though I did indeed love to shop, I often bought plain T-shirts and jeans. There was little pattern in my wardrobe aside assorted stripes and plaids and there weren’t any bold colours. I just didn’t think they suited me.

I took a bus to the café, startled to find it nearly full of teenage girls. I coolly sat in the one empty seat that was near the middle and folded my hands in my lap.

“Omo, I’m so excited to see them. I think I might die. Ahhh, Joonie-oppa, I bet he’s just as cute in person.”

“G.O.-oppa is hotter now that he shaved his moustache.”

“Chincha? I really like Mir. I will say to him, ‘Call me nuna.’”

“He’s too young. I’ll take the mysterious leader thank you.”

“But what about Thunder? He’s so cute and naïve. I would definitely corrupt him.”

Were these girls dead serious? The chance of them meeting any of the members was slim. And one of them falling in love with these frankly average looking girls was nonexistent. But they would dream. Oh how they would dream, cry, and moan about their biases and the anti-fans.

The bus was full of different versions of these asinine statements, much to my annoyance. I wasn’t sure when my loathing of fan girls started, but I’m sure it had something to do with Byunghee oppa.

Ugh, it always comes back to him. A girl sitting next to me screamed as her friend turned up her mp3 player. The whole bus silenced as they listened with bated breath to the song.

~~Give it to my Y! Listen to my Y! Jebal nareul dorabwa~~

Sneering at their utter devotion, I jammed my ear buds in and turned my music all the way up.

Baby, baby, baby ohhhh~ Like baby, baby, baby noooo~ Like baby, baby, baby, ohh~ I thought you’d always be mine

I would just like to say that there is nothing wrong with Justin Bieber. Okay, there are a few things wrong with him. But damn him and his catchy music. It just you in, sort of like Korean pop. However, I though Korean would not stoop to that level.

Then again, I was going to eat breakfast/brunch with the ever popular 2PM. But they probably thought I was a or close to it. In any case, I was not fangirling over them. Though they had all been perfectly nice and each one was attractive in their own way. I wasn’t surprised they had so many fans. Each member had something different to offer. Or so this was what I learned in my casual perusal of some 2PM fan sites.

It was one of my quirks to need to know everything about something new in my life, be it a movie, book or a person. My friends called me a creeper, but I think I was just observant. Right?

Anyway, they were steadily gaining antis for some debacle that happened last fall. I had not been here at that time and didn’t really hang out with Koreans when I was studying abroad. But one night with no sleep can really catch you up on scandals. I listened to the entire fan conference too. Wow. And being so well-informed now, I could safely say I was on their side.

The bus driver announced my stop. I, along with the gaggle of fan girls, stood up. I waited as they filed off the bus and began sprinting down the street. Thankfully, it was opposite of the direction in which I was heading. The café was a block away from the bus stop. Since I had fifteen minutes or so, I leisurely walked, enjoying my music.

It wasnotBieber, but was music from the American show, Glee. In some ways, this could be just as bad. This was my guilty pleasure music. Normally, I swear I was artsy and listened to Indie. But that could only go on so long. I also enjoyed some Kpop artists, whom I’d never know in person. Except for 2PM and Mblaq. Oh, and Rain because, hello, it’s Rain. You can’t be a citizen of South Korea and not know him or Lee Hyori. I think they revoked citizenship over that.

The storefront had a large glass window in which they displayed the desserts of the day. The door was French in style and red with an antique looking handle. I pulled the door open and entered the Lolli café. Instantly, I saw my breakfast companions. They were the manliest beings in this little shoppe. Only three had shown today: Nichkhun, Wooyoung, and Taecyeon and were dressed casually for the summer day. As I approached the table, Nichkhun looked up from the menu and spotted me. He gave me a big smile and waved me over.

Omo, why was this boy so cute? He could be murdering me violently and I would just be thinking of him playing with puppies. That was not good. He was one of the few Korean men who could pull of blonde hair. It added to his innocent appearance, especially when he smiled. Just looking at him could make my day better.

WHOA, Lim Eunhee. That’s a weird thought to be having. Then again, there were people like that in the world with faces such as his that made everything better. Upon seeing Nickhun’s wave, Wooyoung and Taecyeon took notice of my presence and greeted me enthusiastically.

“Eunhee-ah! Good morning!” boomed Taecyeon, grinning from ear to ear. I had read that he was very beastly on stage, yet offstage I just saw this overgrown child and if he was an overgrown child than Wooyoung was a big baby. I could tell this from the way he fake cried when I did not immediately return his boisterous, “HELLO, Eunhee-ah! How are you this fine, delightful, lovely morning?”

“Omo, never make that face again, please and thank you,” I told him, arriving at the table. Nichkhun stood up and pulled out his chair for me to sit in while he took the seat closest to the wall. I smiled slightly at him and sat down.

“How was your trip over here?” Nichkhun inquired kindly, sliding his own menu to me. I shook my head and pushed it back to him.

“I already know what I want, but thanks. Uhmmm, it was interesting. The bus I was on was full of fan girls, so it w—“

“Bwoh?! Were they heading this way?” Taecyeon demanded. He set up menu upright on the table and ducked behind it. Of course, it did not work so well.

“Aigoo~,” moaned Wooyoung, rubbing his temples.

“Don’t mind them. We love our fans, but it’s nice to be able to go out without being noticed,” he explained. I could understand that, but they had nothing to worry about.

“They were Mblaq fans, if I’m not mistaken. A whole bus just full of them…talking about Mir this and G.O. that.” At the mention of his name, my voice couldn’t help but crack. Casually playing it off, by clearing my throat, I hoped that would stop any questions.

“You know G.O. hyung, don’t you?” asked Taecyeon. Thankfully, for now, I was saved from answering as the waitress arrived at our table. She was in her fifties and was a foreign woman, so there was no chance of them being recognized. This may have been the main reason they wanted to eat here out of all the restaurants in Seoul.

“Ahnyong, can I take your order now? Shall we start with drinks or are you ready?”

I looked at the others, seeing if they were ready.

“Eunhee-ah, you order first,” Wooyoung said. “Ladies first.” He smiled and winked at me.

“Ahh, ne. Could I get a mocha latte with whipped cream and extra syrup and then a chocolate éclair…omo, should I get two?...ah yes, two please.”

“Excellent choice, dear. And you boys?” After me, it went by seniority. Nichkhun ordered Belgian waffles and coffee. Taecyeon ordered ham and cheese crepes and milk. And Wooyoung ordered Belgian waffles, bacon and a cappuccino. The waitress thanked us for our orders and collected the menus. When she left, Taecyeon laid his eyes on me and leaned forward.

“How do you know him? Mir can’t keep his mouth shut and told me that you had run into them after you left our dressing room.”

I didn’t even know the kid, but I wanted to kill him. How dare he talk about me to others! Aish, this kid. I will kill him.

I shrugged my shoulders and scooted in my chair more. “Aigo, there’s nothing to tell. He knows my father, of course. We were friends when I was in high school…”

“That doesn’t explain why you get so angry when anyone mentions his name,” Wooyoung said, raising an eyebrow at me. I sneered at him.

“Yah! Chugele?” I demanded. He half-smiled and sat back in his chair.

“You don’t have to tell us, Eunhee-ssi…” began Nichkhun. I mentally heaved a sigh of relief. He was the only normal one in this entire group. “However, we will find out anyway. Producer Lim loves us and Taecyeon can threaten the story out of G.O.”