Winter was here.

Well, technically it had begun over a month ago when the temperature began dropping steadily but the snow had finally started to fall.

Smiling to himself, Luhan pulled the curtains of the windows over the sink closed and moved back to the counter.

He loved snow. Hated freezing his off for three to four months, but he loved the snow itself. It made everything pretty and picturesque, turned the landscape into a breathtaking scene from a painting or movie. It was nature’s own decoration.

“Luhan, I absolutely love this house!”

Luhan smiled again, this time a little more politely and forced.

Kristie and Hyuk had finally come over for the long-delayed dinner date, now that Jongin had the time to play the gracious host since he’d taken a week off work.

It had been three days since Sehun’s appearance at the house, three days since Jongin’s spontaneous proposal.

Things had been a little uncomfortable between them after Sehun left: not tense per se but awkward. Luhan kept catching little furtive looks from Jongin, glimpsed longing, uncertainty and a hint of hope in his eyes and it made his heart ache to see Jongin’s usual confidence shaken, to see him so unsettled, but he couldn’t give him an answer just yet. Not until he knew for sure that he meant it, whatever it was.

Neither Jongin nor Sehun had given him much time to work with. Sehun was leaving in four days. If he didn’t show up at the airport, Sehun would go without him, which would mean, presumably, that he’d chosen Jongin. Or would it? Would not choosing mean that Jongin “won”?

Immediately, he knew that that train of thought was ridiculous. This wasn’t a game, wasn’t a competition. Sehun had said that to him more than enough times. It wasn’t about one-upping the other, it was about their feelings for him and his for them. There were no defaults in life and love. If he didn’t leave with Sehun, it wouldn’t automatically mean that he wanted to be with Jongin. Just like it wouldn’t mean that he didn’t care for Sehun if he chose to stay with Jongin, or vice versa.

The question that needed to be answered here, what they wanted and deserved to know, was who did he love and which one did he really want to be with.

A week wasn’t a lot of time to make such a life-altering decision but he’d had months, years in Jongin’s case, to sort his feelings out so he couldn’t blame them for giving him a deadline. He couldn’t let this drag out any longer. It was time he confronted his feelings and made a decision, one way or the other.

“Have you guys picked a date for the wedding?” Kristie asked as Jongin and Hyuk walked into the kitchen.

Although he was busy taking items out of the fridge, Luhan didn’t miss the unsure glance Jongin shot his way. Kristie’s question had unnerved him as well.

“It was sort of a spur-of-the-moment thing so nothing’s been decided yet,” Jongin answered, giving her the pacifying smile he usually used on his clients. “We can’t get married here anyway, not legally, so before we even begin to think about details, we have to settle on a country first.”

“Why not the U.S.? You can come back to New York with us,” Hyuk suggested. “We have family over there and I’m sure you have friends or associates you could invite, rather than going somewhere where it’s just the two of you.”

Luhan winced slightly, thankful that no one could see his expression. He really didn’t need to be reminded of that particular city.

“It’s certainly an option,” Jongin said. “Not that romantic but we’ll take it into consideration. I was thinking somewhere in Northern Europe maybe. I think Luhan might like it there. Lots of history and pretty sceneries. He likes that kind of thing.”

“That’s also an option,” Hyuk acknowledged. “Well, you have lots of time. You certainly can’t get married before us,” he teased, grinning when Kristie laughed. “Just don’t forget our invites.”

“I would never,” Jongin promised.

Luhan listened to the exchange as he began preparations for their meal. Although they were talking about him and an event that should be important to him, he felt removed from the situation. It was still so surreal.

He glanced down at the ring on his finger, watching the way the light glinted off the stones.

It really was exquisite. It surprised him how understated it was. Jongin was usually all about making  a statement so if he’d had any forewarning about the proposal, he would’ve expected something grand, ostentatious and glaringly obvious in its expense. This ring, however, was something that, had he been given the choice, Luhan might have picked for himself. He had no doubt that it was just as pricey as something far more gaudy but it was classy and tasteful, elegant instead of extravagant. It was the first time in the history of his gift-giving that Jongin had presented Luhan with something that suited him, instead of something that Jongin decided Luhan should have or want.

It was another sign of the changes Jongin had made, and yet one more thing for Luhan to take into consideration, one more thing to confuse him.

“Luhan, are you alright?” Kristie asked.

Startled, he looked up to realize that three pairs of eyes were leveled on him.

“Uh…yeah, I’m fine,” he answered hurriedly. “I think I feel something coming on, though. Jongin, can you take over here while I run upstairs to get something?”

“Sure.” Jongin cast him a worried glance as he moved behind the counter but didn’t say anything.

“I’ll just be a minute,” he said, smiling at Kristie and Hyuk as he rushed out of the room.

He made his way upstairs to his room, his sanctuary, locking the door behind him before he dropped onto the edge of the bed.

His heart was racing and he wasn’t sure it was only because of the quick dash he’d made up the stairs.

Please, please, not now, he thought urgently. Now was the absolute worst time for a panic attack.

And why was he panicking, anyway? He only had the most important decision of his life looming ahead of him; the hours, minutes, seconds slipping away the longer he procrastinated.

Sighing, he braced his elbows on his knees, dropping his head low as he took deep breaths.

It would be alright. It wasn’t the end of the world. Whatever he decided to do, they’d respect it.

The question was: would he be able to live with it?

“God, why is this so hard,” he groaned wretchedly.

If he was honest with himself, he already knew what he had to do: the decision he needed to make. He’d known for a while now but had been hesitant to go through with it because…Well, he was afraid. He’d made choices in his life thus far, choices that had led him to the exact situation he was currently in. He didn’t trust himself not to make another bad one. He couldn’t foretell the future and that was the scary part. Whichever choice he made had potentially good and bad outcomes ahead.

But, as Sehun had said many times, there were no guarantees in life. If you tried your best, put your best foot forward and did what you could with the best of intentions, then even if things didn’t work out the way you would have hoped, there wouldn’t, shouldn’t, be any regrets.

He wasn’t Sehun, though. Sehun was confident in everything he did and Luhan… Luhan didn’t even know himself. He wasn’t sure that he could trust what he thought he knew or felt for either of them. He’d thought he’d known Jongin in the beginning, had found out the hard way that he he’d been terribly wrong. He didn’t know if he would survive any other mistakes.

Sighing to himself again, he rose from the bed and walked to the side-table, taking out a bottle of aspirin.

He hadn’t been lying about not feeling well. He had a horrible stress-headache coming on. Another reason, he thought, why he needed to make a decision as soon as possible. He was literally making himself sick.

He opened the mini-fridge and took out a bottle of water, swallowing the two pills in one go.

He stayed in the room for a little longer, eyes aimlessly wandering around as his mind drifted.

When he felt the headache begin to recede, he replaced the bottle in the fridge and walked towards the door. Taking a deep breath, he unlocked and opened it then stepped out into the hall.

He had barely begun his trek to the staircase when a voice called his name, making him jump. Swinging around, he gasped when he found Hyuk walking towards him from the direction of the master bedroom.

“There you are,” Hyuk said preemptively. “You weren’t looking so good when you ran out of the kitchen. Thought I’d check up on you.”

Luhan blinked. “Oh. Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you worry. It was just a headache. I took a couple of aspirin and I’m feeling much better now.” He smiled sheepishly, embarrassed.

Hyuk returned his smile, his expression warm. “Glad to hear it. Can we talk for a moment?”

Apprehension settled over Luhan but he nodded, leading Hyuk to a small sitting area by a bay of windows. “What’s up?”

“Well, first off I guess congratulations are in order,” Hyuk began. “Welcome to the family, such as it is.”

Luhan winced, laughing drily. “Thanks.”

Hyuk grinned good-naturedly. “My parents…well, they’re my parents. But know that Kristie and I will always have your and Jongin’s back. That makes it four against two. The odds look good.”

Luhan laughed. “I guess there’s an upside to everything.”

Hyuk nodded. “Actually…what I wanted to talk about was you and Jongin. There are some things I’ve been wanting to say for a while but never got the chance to.”

Luhan tensed, unsure and afraid of where this was going.

“My brother has always been a special kind of guy. He’s always had a way with words, knows how to charm the pants off of people, how to manipulate them without their even realizing it. It’s something I’ve always admired and hated about him. He can be a good guy when he wants to be, but also a bad guy when it suits him. A means to an end, I suppose. As his older brother, I’ve been both incredibly proud and terribly disappointed in him in turns. But I’ve always understood, considering where he came from. It hasn’t been easy for me either, staying on the straight and narrow, especially with parents like ours. But I got away. The distance weakened our parents’ hold over me. Jongin wasn’t so lucky.

That being said, I never thought I’d see the day where he’d stand up to them the way he did. He’s rebelled in little ways all his life and he can be rude at times but at the end of the day, he almost always does what they tell him. The first and only time that he didn’t was when you came into the picture.”

Luhan’s eyes widened in surprise. “Me?”

“I’m sure you’re aware that being gay, or biual as the case may be, isn’t exactly kosher in our society, even less so for someone of Jongin’s social status and in his field of work. Yet…he doesn’t care. He flaunts his relationship with you in the face of social convention because he knows that he’s good at what he does and his skills matter more than who he’s currently sleeping with. At least, I assume that’s how his bosses justify keeping him around. Our parents…not so much. As you saw at that…unfortunate debacle of a dinner, they’d always intended for him to follow their game-plan, his thoughts on the matter be damned. If it were anyone else but you, he probably would have gone along. I know that and I’m sure he does too, but something changed when he met you.”

Hyuk’s expression gentled; Luhan’s eyes grew wider with disbelief at what he was hearing.

“You changed him. I don’t imagine your relationship has been a bed of roses; knowing my brother it’s probably been quite the opposite. He’s a complicated guy, often does the opposite of what’s in his heart. He has good intentions but he doesn’t always follow through on them. I don’t know what happened between you this past year but the brother downstairs, the one who stood up for you against our parents, isn’t the same guy who introduced you to us three years ago. For the first time, I finally see someone who knows who he is, what he wants, and is willing to fight for it, no matter the stakes.

I always knew you were different. Do you know how?”

Luhan shook his head, his voice breathless when he murmured, “No.”

“Because he brought you home. He’s had lovers before you but none that meant enough to him to not only move them into his house but to also introduce them to the family, knowing what that would mean. It’s basically a declaration of war, you know? I’m sure that’s how my parents saw it, anyway. And Jongin knew that my mother would do whatever it took to get rid of you. Still…he didn’t care.

Looking back, I’m not sure he was really prepared to be that committed to someone. He had no idea what sharing his life entailed and as a result, I’m sure it was rough on you, worse yet because you had no one but him to depend on and he can be very…selfish with himself.”

Luhan was tempted to nod but he didn’t. It was amazing, though, how Hyuk seemed to know exactly how he’d felt, what he’d gone through, despite having been halfway across the world for most of it.

“He’s a changed man, though, and it’s all thanks to you.”

Luhan blushed, shaking his head. “Jongin’s always been a good guy. He just…” Just what? He didn’t know how to finish the sentence.

“Just needed someone to bring it out of him?” Hyuk filled in. “That someone was you, though, so it’s still because of you. I don’t know if anyone else would have affected him the way you did. Loving you has made him a better man.”

Luhan tried his best not to squirm but he hated being under such an intense spotlight. He wasn’t used to having his praises sung.

“That being said, a relationship takes two invested, deeply committed people to work. A marriage, even more so. My brother loves you and I think he’s turned a corner in his life where he’s really ready to put his best foot forward, or at least try to. However, I know that he’s made some mistakes with you, even if I don’t know exactly what they are, and I’m not sure you’re on the same page. Jongin isn’t the only one who’s changed.”

Luhan dropped his gaze. Is it that obvious?, he wondered.

“You’re different from the last time we met. I can’t quite put my finger on it, and heaven knows you don’t say much, but you’re not the person you were a year ago.”

Heat filled Luhan’s cheeks and he ducked his head.

Hyuk chuckled, knuckling Luhan’s chin until he looked back up. “I’m not criticizing you. It’s a good thing. Jongin’s had his way for far too long. If you’re finally at a point where you can stand up to him, then I say good for you. It means you’re on equal footing now in the relationship. But like I said, I’m not sure that you want the same things he does and that’s okay too.

Jongin’s made a lot of mistakes with you and sometimes when people hurt us, we can’t move past it, no matter how we try. He may have turned over a new leaf but it doesn’t undo the hurts he’s caused you in the past. It’s okay if you can’t forget, or even forgive, them. There’s nothing wrong with feeling the way that you feel but if you don’t want the same things that he does, you owe it to him and yourself to be up front about it.”

Luhan didn’t know what to make of that. It felt surreal that Hyuk was basically giving him permission to break his brother’s heart if he wanted to.

“He’s your brother,” Luhan said softly, pointing out the obvious because it was all that came to mind in his current state.

Hyuk nodded. “It’s because he’s my brother that I want the best for him. And it’s because he’s my brother that I can admit that he hasn’t always been the best person. Not to his family and certainly not to you. I can only imagine what you’ve gone through during your time with him. And yes, he changed and he wants to make it up to you but it doesn’t mean you owe him that chance.

If you love him, then by all means marry him. I’ll be there throwing rice at you guys, wishing you wedded bliss throughout the years. But if there’s even a shred of doubt in your heart, you need to tell him. It’s not fair to him but it’s especially not fair to you. You deserve the life you want, whether it’s with him, someone else or somewhere else.”

Hyuk stood. “I’m not trying to tell you what to do. It’s just something for you to think about. My brother loves you and I want him to be happy. But I want you to be happy too.” He smiled gently. “Believe it or not, Luhan, there are people out there who care about you.” He ruffled Luhan’s hair before turning and walking towards the staircase.

Watching him go, Luhan finally allowed himself to breathe.

That was…weird.

Nice, in a way, but weird and not at all helpful because all it did was make him even more stressed about the decision he had to make.

D-Day…

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

Sehun paused what he was doing, cocking a brow over the look he threw at his sister. “Aren’t you the one who told me to go?”

“Yeah, but I told you to go on your own. I never told you to invite him along. It kind of defeats the entire purpose of going, which was to get some space between you two so that you can put yourself back together again. Him going with you? Not accomplishing that.”

“Him going with me equals me not needing any space, or rather not needing to get over him, in the first place. It’s kind of the outcome I’m hoping for if you recall,” Sehun counter-argued, ever the optimist.

Emily shrugged. “I guess but… I just don’t want you to get hurt. If he hasn’t made a decision during all this time, what makes you think he will now just because you gave him an ultimatum?”

“It’s not an ultimatum,” Sehun grumbled.

It was Emily’s turn to raise a pointed eyebrow in true Oh-family fashion. “It’s an ultimatum, baby-brother, no matter what you choose to tell yourself. And in my experience, nine times out of ten, they tend to backfire.”

Sehun frowned.

Emily dropped the shirt she was folding and walked over to him, touching his cheek gently.

“I’m not trying to burst your bubble but you need to prepare yourself for either outcome, even if it’s not the one you actually want. There are no guarantees that he’s going to choose you. That he’s going to choose either of you.”

“He’ll choose,” Sehun said softly, his voice firm with absolute certainty as he met Emily’s gaze with his earnest one. “I know he will.”

Emily lightly pinched his cheek. “I hope for your sake that he does. And I hope for his sake that it’s you. He’d be making a huge mistake otherwise.”

Sehun smiled. “You’re just saying that because you’re my sister and you love me.”

“Glad you know it,” Emily quipped, patting his cheek a little sharply before returning to her folding. “Now, how the hell are we getting all of this to fit in one suitcase? Do you really need this much stuff? Did you decide to move back permanently and not tell me?”

Sehun chuckled, shaking his head. “Roll, Ems. Roll.”

His head was a messy, turbulent swirl, much like the clear, brown liquid rolling over and around the ice in his glass.

He was standing in front of the painting, the one he’d commissioned from Sehun. He’d never put it in his gallery after all, instead placing it in the parlor as the focal point of the room. It had been his way, he supposed, albeit unconsciously, of trying to make amends for the way the painting had come to be. The shame of that day still haunted him, more so every time he looked at the darn thing but he couldn’t bring himself to get rid of it. It was Luhan, after all.

All day, thoughts had been running through his mind, which wasn’t unusual since he often had a million things going on at work that needed to be sorted, and that didn’t even include the emotional turmoil he’d been in for the past few months. The problem was that these thoughts weren’t his own, or rather they were but they were Sehun’s words, running rampant, wreaking havoc, questioning him, judging him, and worse: making him question and judge himself. And Luhan, by extension.

In a couple of hours, Sehun would be flying out of the country, away from Luhan, essentially putting an end to them for good. Or so he would’ve thought once upon a time ago. But Sehun’s words the last time they’d “talked” had really gotten to him. He hadn’t seen Luhan make a move to pack his belongings, all of his things being exactly where they always were the last time he’d gone to their bedroom – which he had an unusual number of times that day to see if they would be – but his not leaving, or not planning to leave, didn’t mean that he’d chosen, that he wanted, to stay.

“He chose me in the end, though,” he remembered saying, feeling uncertain even as he’d tried to project confidence.

“You and I both know that that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care for me. In fact, he would have to, wouldn’t he, to get involved with me in the first place.”

Sehun was right, of course. Luhan had had two years to cheat before Sehun came along and he never did. He wasn’t like Jongin: he couldn’t be intimate with someone without having some kind of connection between them.

“All I wanted was to make him happy and I did. I know I did.”

He’d been right about that too. Hadn’t Jongin noticed the change in Luhan himself? Commented on the fact that Luhan had stopped taking care of their home, taking care of him, as much as he used to once he’d started working with Sehun? And he’d started “answering back” as well, a fire in his usually docile demeanor that Jongin had never seen before.

“He thinks he’s doing the “right” thing but what is the right thing and is it the right thing for him? That’s what he needs to ask himself. That’s what you need to ask yourself.”

Damn Sehun and his way with words. Damn him for being right. Jongin had been so caught up in trying to fix things with Luhan, so determined to hold onto him, that he’d never once considered that, perhaps, he wasn’t the right choice, the best choice, for Luhan after all. But he was trying so damn hard to prove that he deserved him, that he was serious about them this time. Didn’t that count for something?

“He loves me: I know he does.”

Jongin knew it too. He might lie to Sehun but he couldn’t lie to himself. Even if Luhan hadn’t said it to Sehun, which he apparently hadn’t, or given Jongin a hint of his feelings for the other man, he knew it to be true in the very marrow of his bones.

“He’ll never leave you on his own, we both know that, but it doesn’t mean that he’s where he wants to be.”

Knowing that he was who Luhan really wanted meant the world to him but he didn’t know if he was brave enough to chance asking him. What if Luhan lied? Or, worse yet, what if he told the truth and it wasn’t what Jongin wanted to hear?

Closing his eyes, he pressed the long-forgotten glass to his forehead, wishing that the icy surface could cool his thoughts the way it did his skin.

He had to know.

He couldn’t spend another night living like this. It was time he faced the truth, whatever it was.

Even if it killed him.

Taking a fortifying sip of his drink, he took a deep breath before calling out,

“Luhan. Can you come here, please?”

“This traffic is the worst. Did you have to book a flight on the weekend? Geez.”

Sehun glanced at his sister, a smile tugging at his lips, but said nothing.

Still scowling at the sea of cars in front of her, Emily continued grumbling, “I hope this guy is worth it. You’re basically leaving the country just to see if he’ll follow you. If that isn’t love, and insanity, then I don’t know what is.”

Sehun sighed in exasperation. “First of all, please stop referring to him as the guy or he/him. He has a perfectly nice, pretty name as you very well know. Secondly, I am not leaving to see if he’ll follow me. My darling and wise sister told me to go and I merely invited the love of my life to accompany me. Whether he does or not really says nothing about his feelings for me.”

At his words, Emily couldn’t resist casting a concerned look in his direction. “Sehun-ah…”

“I know, I know. You think I’m being unrealistically optimistic. Maybe I am, who knows?” He shrugged. “But if I don’t, if I stop giving him the benefit of the doubt, what would have been the point of all of this?”

Emily sighed. “You’re too perfect for your own good. He doesn’t deserve you. No one does.”

Sehun grinned, leaning over to kiss her cheek. “Aww. Don’t worry, sis. You’ll find your true love someday. You can always come visit me. We never did spend much time together when we lived over there. Maybe I can help you find someone. Contrary to popular belief, a lot of artists are in fact straight. They just pretend to be gay because they think it makes them more interesting. Do you want to know a secret?” He lowered his voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “It really doesn’t.”

Emily laughed, swatting at his face. “You’re mean.”

“I learned from the best!”

Emily snorted but didn’t dispute it. She jumped slightly when his warm hand enfolded hers, glancing his way again with a questioning arch of her brows.

“I’m going to miss you,” Sehun said softly.

Heart clenching, Emily squeezed his hand. “I’m going to miss you too, baby.”

They fell silent then.

Luhan might be the love of his life, Sehun thought, but Emily was his soulmate.

With them, words were never necessary.

Usually when Jongin summoned him – that is, unfortunately, how he often felt – Luhan felt a twinge of exasperation and would drag his feet like a child being called to the carpet by a parent.

Not so, this time.

There was something in Jongin’s voice that put him on alert. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it but the closest he could come to identifying it was resignation. Jongin sounded resigned.

Taking a deep, steadying breath, Luhan made his way towards the salon, bracing himself for whatever was about to unfold.

He found Jongin standing before his portrait, which he couldn’t help wincing at when his eyes briefly landed on it, a tumbler in his hand.

Jongin didn’t look at Luhan as he entered, simply continued to stare at the portrait like it was the most important thing in the world at the moment.

When he finally spoke, his voice was rough, uneven with a raw emotion that Luhan had never heard before.

“Do you love him?”

A gasp froze in Luhan’s throat, all but cutting off his air supply as his eyes widened in surprise.

Of all the things he’d expected Jongin to say or ask, this was probably at the bottom of the list.

“Jongin, I…” he stammered.

“Do you love him?” Jongin repeated sharply, interrupting him.

Jongin finally turned towards Luhan, his eyes for once un-shuttered, giving him a clear view of the fear, hope, love, uncertainty, and, yes, resignation, that swirled within the man himself.

Looking into those eyes, Luhan knew that the time had come. He couldn’t run anymore.

Emily stayed with him while he checked in, standing off to the side while his baggage was taken away.

When they reached the point where they’d have to go their separate ways, she clucked like the mother-hen she would forever deny being, straightening the collar of his coat, making sure he was buttoned up tight even though he was inside and safe from the elements.

Because he knew it made her feel better, he let her.

“I really hope this guy – I mean Luhan – is worth it,” she muttered. “If he doesn’t realize what a gem you are, he’s a fool.”

Sehun smiled. “Again, you’re biased in your opinions of my awesomeness, however true they may be. And secondly, he’s definitely not a fool. Even if he doesn’t come, I won’t think any less of him. He’s between a rock and a hard place. His decision isn’t an easy one.”

“It seems simple enough to me,” Emily grumbled beneath her breath.

Sehun closed his hands gently over hers. “I’m going to miss you, Ems.”

Sighing, she tightened her fingers around his. “You too, brat.”

“Take good care of my house for me. I’m trusting you not to throw any wild parties in my absence. You know how crazy you grad-students can be.”

“Hardy-har-har,” she snorted.

“I’m serious,” Sehun insisted, eyes wide and unbelievably innocent. “I’m just glad I don’t have a dog or cat for you to potentially kill.” He sobered slightly. “Actually, I’d thought about adopting one a while ago, when things were still good and simple between us. Luhan’s never had a pet and it was something I really wanted to do for him.”

Emily tightened her hands again, showing support in whatever small way she could. “Maybe you still can when you get to New York.”

“Do you really think he’ll come?” he asked, voice small and slightly hopeful.

Emily loved her brother and would do anything for him but because she loved him so dearly, she couldn’t lie to him.

“I think you have a 50-50 chance of getting the outcome you desire. You can never be sure where the human heart is concerned. Even when it’s in love, it’s still a fickle organ and fear is a ever a worthy foe.”

Sehun sighed. “Tell me about it…”

“Whatever happens, you’ll be okay,” Emily promised. “You’ll bounce back. You’re the most resilient person I know.”

Sehun smiled again before pulling her into a bear hug, sweeping her off her feet and spinning her around.

After he’d sufficiently embarrassed them both, he set her down, dropping his hands.

“Bye, sis.”

Standing on her tip-toes, Emily pressed a hard kiss to his cheek, rubbing it into his soft skin before taking a step back. “Bye, kiddo.”

He waved as he walked away, watching her until he was forced to walk through a pair of opaque doors that he could no longer see through.

Finding a comfortable spot in a quiet, deserted row, he pulled his tablet out of his knapsack and settled in to wait, trying not to think about the possible ways that said wait could come to a disastrous end.

“Do you love him?”

“Yes.”

One word, one simple word, brought the walls crashing down around them.

It occurred to Luhan, much later, that he hadn’t even thought about lying, prevaricating, coming up with some way to avoid answering the question.

For once, he had spoken straight from the heart.

Jongin closed his eyes for a moment, breathing deeply through his nose.

If his heart were made of glass, it had just shattered into a million pieces.

“If you leave now, you can still make your flight.”

He didn’t know how he got the words out, how he didn’t choke on them. By some miracle, his body was still functioning even though his heart, mind and soul were filled with pure, unadulterated agony.

“Jongin…” Luhan began softly, taking a step forward. He couldn’t bear to see him so utterly wrecked.

“Go!” Jongin snapped, eyes tortured as they opened and pinned Luhan with the force of his pain. “Leave, now, before I lock you in this house and keep you here forever. Just…go.” The last word was almost a plea, the agony in his crumbling heart seeping through.

Luhan stumbled backward, his breath catching in his throat as he made his way out of the room on unsteady legs.

He wanted to reach out to Jongin, wanted to soothe him. No matter what he’d just admitted, he still cared for Jongin a great deal and hated seeing him like this.

But something had changed with his simple admission. It was like a cord had been cut. Whatever had been tethering him to Jongin, his fear or sense of obligation, was no longer there.

Instead, he felt himself being pulled, out and away, towards the one who really owned his heart.

Pausing by the front door, he carefully slid the shiny, stoned ring off his finger, gently placing it on the surface of the mahogany end-table beside the door, before collecting his car keys, ticket and passport, which he always kept near the entrance/exit in case of emergency. He cast one last look back the way he’d come, even though he could no longer see Jongin, before quietly letting himself out.

The second he heard the sound of Luhan’s car driving off, Jongin pelted his tumbler into the portrait on the wall.

Filled with hurt, anger and self-disgust, he grabbed the frame and tore it off the wall, slamming it onto the marble floor and watching as what little glass remained shattered into tiny shards, eerily symbolic of how his heart currently felt.

Sliding down the wall as his legs would no longer hold him, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and pressed 1 for the number saved in that esteemed spot as his emergency contact.

When the person answered, he wasted no time getting to the point.

“Are you happy now?” he asked, his voice a mix of torment and hysteria.

On the other end, Mrs. Kim glanced at the clock on the living room wall, face tightening when she noted the time.

“Jongin, it’s late. You know that it’s impolite to…”

“Are you happy now?” he screamed, tears streaming down his face as a weary exhaustion overcame him, causing him to slide further down until he was lying on his side, curled into a shivering, weeping ball. “He’s gone,” he whispered brokenly. “He’s gone…”

Mrs. Kim stared at the phone in her hand for a minute before putting her ear back to the receiver, listening as her strong, confident son fell apart, too far away for her to do anything about it.

For the first time she wondered if she had perhaps pushed him too far.

Oh, baby, she thought, heart clenching at the raw misery in her son's choked cries. What have I done?

Luhan made it as far as the end of the street before he was forced to pull over so that he could throw open his door and puke.

All of the anxiety and nervousness that had consumed him all day, hell for his entire life, seemed to come pouring forth until his stomach was completely empty of its contents.

Feeling wretched and raw, he grabbed a long-forgotten bottle of water from the cup-holder which, while unsafe to drink, would most likely suffice for rinsing his mouth out.

When he could no longer taste the acrid, acid burn in his mouth and throat, he pulled himself back into his seat and shut the door, immediately reaching for the gum he always kept in one of the little cubby-holes.

He was a mess.

He was going after Sehun a sweaty, stinky mess. And yet…

He wasn’t going to let anything stop him. Not this time. He had stopped himself from following through on so many things far too many times in his life. None of them had been as important as this but he wouldn’t back down.

It was scary, though. Frightening enough to turn his stomach, to make him heave and his palms sweat.

He knew that he was on a time crunch but he wouldn’t be able to drive if he didn’t calm down.

Closing his eyes, he settled back against the faux-leather seat and counted slowly, taking deep breaths through his nose and blowing out through his mouth.

As he relaxed little by little, he let his mind drift, his thoughts wandering further back than they had in a long time.

The panic attacks had begun when he was seven.

He didn’t know what they were back then, just knew that sometimes when he was scared or worried, his heart would start racing and his breath would become labored.

The first time it happened, his mother had been yelling at him, he couldn’t remember what for, but he’d been so terrified by the sudden lack of oxygen that he’d crumpled over, clutching his chest.

His father had taken him to the local clinic and though they couldn’t find anything wrong with him physically, the doctor had given him an inhaler just in case it happened again.

His mother had been none too pleased. Inhalers were expensive. Why did she have to have such a weak son, etc, etc.

She wasn’t always so critical, he had to admit. There were moments when she’d been his champion instead of his detractor. Like the time little Yuan Li Xu had punched him in the face at recess and split his lip. His mother had gone to the school the next day and raised holy hell, demanding that the boy be expelled.

He hadn’t been but his parents had apologized profusely, as had Li Xu, and he’d steered clear of Luhan after that. A lot of kids had, actually. He was pretty sure their parents had warned them to keep their distance from the kid with the crazy mother. It had been good, in a sense, since it prevented him from being bullied too much, but it had also alienated him from most of the children in school. He didn’t really make friends until he’d finally gone to a high-school in another town and met a new group of kids.

The panic attacks never really stopped but he'd gotten better at hiding them. Anything to keep his mother from acting up. Not that that stopped her. Whether it was his grades, the way he’d dirtied his uniform playing football, or something he hadn’t even done: she always found fault.

One time a friend of hers made a comment that he was so pretty, he could rival the girls in his school. That if his mom slapped a wig on him, she could have two daughters instead of just the one. The woman had said it good-naturedly, and beauty was cherished in their society so it was a veiled compliment of sorts. Instead, his mother had waited until the group of women left and railed at him, screeching to the heavens about her misfortune at not having a handsome, manly son who all the ladies wanted to marry their sons to, or perhaps one she could send to the city to be trained as an idol or actor. Instead, she’d been stuck with a son who was small and un-exemplary in every way but his face and no woman wanted a man prettier than she was.

He’d gone to his room thinking that even his face was displeasing to his own mother. The same face that almost everyone who met them said came from her. He’d always been secretly proud that he resembled his mother so closely. It made him feel like he belonged to her, like no one could ever deny that he was hers, and she his. It seemed that he was alone in with sentiments, however. It didn’t matter what he did. She wanted no part of him.

He’d had one of the most severe attacks that night, crying while struggling to breathe. Crying always made it worse and he’d known better by then but he couldn’t help himself. He’d felt disowned.

As the years passed, he’d just drifted through life, never the best at anything but never so bad that he flunked his classes or got in trouble.

His mother often looked at him like he was something she’d stepped in and couldn’t get rid of: a huge, lingering inconvenience. Even now that he’d come to Seoul and was living a life she could only dream of and definitely approved of, apart from being gay, she still had complaints.

His father looked at him like he was a constant disappointment. Or so he’d thought.

He’d always figured that his father didn’t think much of him as a son. He took care of him because he was the kind of man who took pride in providing for his family but he didn’t say much, didn’t engage with Luhan. His eyes spoke volumes, left to Luhan’s interpretation, but his mouth barely spoke a word.

He’d always figured that his father agreed with his mother’s assessment of him, that he was lacking and wouldn’t amount to much. Now, however, after his visit and his speech, the most words Luhan could ever remember him stringing together in one sitting, Luhan wondered if perhaps the reason he’d been disappointed was because he’d never stood up for himself. He’d always let his mother, and anyone else, walk all over him. And while a son should never disrespect their parents, it didn’t mean that he couldn’t, politely, disagree with what she said, especially when all she ever did was tear him down, stomping on his self-esteem until it became non-existent.

He liked thinking of it that way. It felt good to realize that, perhaps, despite everything and even knowing that his father didn’t approve of his lifestyle, he'd been in his corner all along.

Releasing his breath on a sigh, a small smile tugged at his lips.

The panic was gone, finally.

It would probably return later, when, if, he came face to face with Sehun, but for now, it was gone.

He’d thought that coming to South Korea would be a new beginning for him and it had been in a lot of ways but some things you couldn’t outrun. He knew that now. He hadn’t had the attacks until they started back recently but he’d fallen into bouts of immense sadness that he’d hid from Jongin. They weren’t all that different, he supposed. It still pointed to a problem that he clearly needed to address.

But not now, he thought, glancing at the dashboard clock and realizing how much time he’d wasted.

Gunning the engine, he put on his seatbelt and stepped on the gas.

He had a lot of lost time to make up for.

Sehun glanced at his watch, the first real tendrils of fear that Luhan wasn’t coming beginning to set in.

He’d been told, about twenty minutes before, that his flight had been rescheduled for an earlier time due to forecasted bad weather.

He’d asked at the check-in counter if anyone under Luhan’s name had appeared but they wouldn’t give him the information.

He assumed that if Luhan had checked in, he would’ve joined him in the waiting area but anything was possible. Maybe he was doing some last-minute shopping or had gone to get something to eat or…something. He couldn’t give up yet; wouldn’t allow himself to lose all hope, no matter how grim things looked.

And still…

He walked to the tall wall of windows overlooking the runway.

Scattered flakes were floating down from the inky, black sky. It would’ve been beautiful, something he might have thought about painting, if not for the fact that, were Luhan on his way, it could keep his love from getting to him.

Of course the one time he decided to be brave and follow his heart, traffic had to be atrocious.

He understood that it was almost Christmas and people’s paycheques were burning holes in their pockets but couldn’t they do all of their shopping during the day? Or online, for crying out loud. It was the twenty-first century after all.

To make matters worse, it had begun to snow. He really liked the snow, it was so pretty when it covered everything in a tolerable layer, but not tonight. Not when time was already an issue.

Sighing, he turned the radio on to his favourite station, hoping to distract himself.

“So, as you, our listeners, may know, we’ve been dutifully following, and doing our part in assisting, the tragic love story of S and L.”

Luhan gasped, breath catching in his throat.

Despite all that had happened and even after the proposal, Sehun never stopped his nightly dedications. Luhan, ever the glutton for punishment, tuned in every night, anxiously awaiting the DJ’s introduction, excited yet dreading the song, whatever it would be.

“It is with heavy hearts that we report that S has informed us that tonight will be his final dedication. If it’s anything to go by, we gather that things didn’t work out. We were really pulling for you S. Truly.”

The dissonant, heart-wrenching chords of a piano began and Luhan’s heart dropped at the very first line.

♪Say something, I’m giving up on you. ♪

No. No, no, no, no. This couldn’t be.

Panic threatened to set in again, almost causing him to take his foot off the brakes, but he bore down, swallowing it until he could breathe again.

This wasn’t the end. He wasn’t letting go without putting up a fight, dammit.

“L,” the DJ spoke up, song still playing in the background. “It’s not too late. We believe in you.”

Luhan glanced at the clock again. Yes, there was time. It wasn’t too late; not yet anyway.

The light up ahead finally turned green and he laughed, slightly hysterically, in relief as he stepped on the gas.

He just had to make it to Sehun. He had to.

The announcement that his flight was boarding had come over the P.A. system five minutes ago.

Sehun had stood to the side, hand-clutching his knapsack, watching as the other passengers strolled through the gate.

Now, there were only a couple of people left in the line and one of the attendants, who he had asked about whether Luhan had checked in or not, was giving him the stink-eye. If he didn’t board soon…

Glancing at his watch again, he started making his way, albeit slowly, to the gate.

Come on, Luhan, he thought urgently, fear and dread threatening to clog his throat. Please.

Luhan pulled into a parking spot in the pick-up bay and jumped out of his car, racing into the airport.

He’d arrived with thirty minutes to spare.

He spared a brief thought over the fact that his car would most likely be towed – the same car that was still registered in Sehun’s name and that Sehun had never taken a cent out of his salary for, which Luhan had neglected to rectify himself because, in some way, it made him feel connected to Sehun even when they’d been apart – when the security realized that it had been parked there for too long but he didn’t care about that just then.

He had a mission in mind and it was plain and simple: find Sehun.

He didn’t know if he could even still board at this late juncture – passengers were supposed to check-in a couple of hours before departure time but maybe luck would be on his side – ; he had no belongings with him and would essentially be abandoning his car if he did leave, but he felt like if by some miracle he found Sehun before he got on the plane, then it would be a sign that he was meant to go with him. That they were meant to begin anew.

And if he didn’t…well, Sehun would be on his way to America and he would be stuck with nothing and no one. Exactly as he had been when he’d first come to South Korea.

He went up to the registration desk to find out if he could still board the flight…and had his world come crashing down on him in the next breath.

The clerk pointed to a plane that had just lifted off and Luhan’s eyes absently followed, his brain trying and failing to compute exactly what his eyes were seeing.

Sehun was gone. Sehun was…gone.

Turning around, he stumbled back out, finding himself standing on the now deserted sidewalk.

He couldn’t believe it.

If only he’d been a half hour earlier, thirty minutes, he’d be with Sehun right now on his way to their new life together.

He wanted to laugh, wanted to cry, but did neither.

He was far too numb to do anything.

“Luhan?”

At first he thought that his mind was playing tricks on him, that he was hearing things. Still, his head automatically raised, eyes seeking the face that belonged to the voice, widening in shock when he actually found it.

“Sehun,” he breathed, disbelief coating the word.

There, on the median between the two lanes, stood the man of his dreams.

“I thought you’d left,” Luhan sputtered. “They said…the plane…I saw…”

He sounded like an idiot, he was sure, unable to string together a coherent sentence, but he still couldn’t believe it. Sehun was here.

A slight frown pulling at his eyebrows, Sehun asked somewhat warily, “What are you doing here, Luhan?”

What was he doing there, indeed.

Now was the time, he knew. Showing up had been the first step, a big one, but there was so much more that he needed to do to make up for all the time he’d wasted. Most importantly, he needed to say to Sehun what he’d been keeping locked in his heart all these months.

“Wo Ai Ni. Saranghae. I love you. Aieru. Te Amo. Je t’aime. Ich Liebe Dich.”

He stumbled over the words as he continued to recite the foreign phrases he’d memorized what felt like a lifetime ago but he didn’t stop, didn’t falter even as he felt his cheeks heat up with embarrassment.

“I’ve wanted to say that for…” He giggled self-consciously. “…for God knows how long. There were times when I would just look at you and it would be on the tip of my tongue, right there just waiting to be let loose but…but I couldn’t. I was afraid, I was terrified.” He paused, sobering.

“Why?” Sehun asked calmly.

The minute Luhan began speaking, the moment he’d said those words, it was all Sehun could to stop himself from launching at Luhan, from taking him in his arms and kissing him all over.

He needed this, though. Needed, after all this time, to finally hear him say it. And he figured that Luhan needed to say it too: to get it off his chest.

“Because I always am. I don’t know how not to be. And you…you were something new, the unknown, and I didn’t know if you would hurt me.” He stopped, shook his head, and started again. “No, that’s not it. I knew you would never hurt me. I think I knew that since the first day I met you. You’ve always been exactly who and what you said you were and I think I trusted you from day one. But I didn’t trust myself. I didn’t trust that what I thought, what I felt, was right. That it was real.” His hands fidgeted, twining together incessantly, and his cheeks flamed. He wanted to stop, was mentally berating himself for how stupid he probably sounded, but he wouldn’t let himself. “I’d been down that road before…with Jongin. I didn’t know him at first, we didn’t even speak the same language, but I trusted him because he was kind to me when he didn’t have to be. He took care of me, welcomed me into his home. I thought he was a godsend. I still do, in some ways, but I realized soon enough that we skipped a lot of steps along the way and it seriously hampered us going forward. We never really got to know one another. We didn’t date. We certainly didn’t talk. We were just…together. And then, when things started changing…” He shrugged, eyes dropping to his hands. “I guess I’ve just gotten used to being in unhappy, unstable environments. I tried, in the beginning, to tell him when he hurt my feelings and whatnot, which is more than I ever did back at home, but I could see how stressed he was with work and his family and I didn’t want to be a problem. He wasn’t just being mean for mean’s sake, like my mother was. He just needed an outlet and I felt like if that was all that I could give him, all that I could do for him…” He shrugged again. “so be it. And he wasn’t always. That, more than anything, gave me enough hope to keep trying. He could be so sweet and kind when he wanted to be. I think he really is, deep down, but at the time, he gave me just enough to keep me around and I didn’t know that I was being manipulated. By the time I figured that out, I’d just accepted that this was my life and it wasn’t going to get any better.”

He raised his gaze, meeting Sehun’s intense stare.

“That was until you came along, anyway. When I met you, you just seemed so unreal. Out of this world, like Jongin had been, but so so different. And the more I got to know you, the more unreal you became. You were so…perfect. I couldn’t believe you really existed, that I was lucky enough to have met you. And when you told me that you loved me…” Luhan shook his head. “Words can’t even express how utterly…ugh, everything I can think of seems so inadequate.” He smiled slightly. “I was already head over heels in love with you by then. Coming to work was the highlight of my day. Living with you was the greatest gift I’d ever received. I never dared to hope that you would love me back. I wanted so badly to say it, it was right there on the tip of my tongue. But I couldn’t. What if you didn’t really mean it or what if you changed your mind? What if you eventually realized that you could do so much better than me? All kinds of thoughts went through my head and even though you said it again, every time was like a gift and a curse. I thrilled at hearing it but I felt so undeserving because I knew that I could never repay everything you had done for me and that you could do so much better than me.”

Sehun frowned. “Luhan…”

Luhan raised a hand to stop him. “Wait. Please.” He took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a second before reopening them and meeting Sehun’s with a steely gaze. “You asked me what I’m doing here. Well, I’ll tell you. Jongin asked me if I loved you. Short and straight to the point,” he added with a nod when he saw Sehun’s eyes widen in surprise. “I’d been driving myself crazy just before, as I had been ever since you showed up a week ago, and he called me into the parlor. He was looking at that painting, just staring at it, when he asked. Do you know what I said?”

Sehun shook his head.

“I said yes,” Luhan declared, a bubble of laughter bursting forth. “I said yes and I think it shocked us both, honestly. Then he told me to go, that if I left just then I could still make my flight. So I did. I ran.”

Unbeknownst to Luhan, he had started pacing, walking back and forth a couple of feet as he spoke.

Sehun watched, eyes trained firmly on Luhan as he sorted out his thoughts. It seemed like he was talking more to himself now than to Sehun but Sehun didn’t mind. It was a long time coming, he knew. A smile tugged at his lips but he held it in.

“I think…I think I was always going to leave. I knew I loved you and that I wanted to be with you, of course, but I couldn’t bring myself to leave him. I felt like I’d be abandoning him. But the thought of losing you for good? It killed me. When I grabbed my passport, the ticket was already inside of it. I don’t even remember putting it there but it was, like it was just waiting for me. I think, unconsciously, I always knew what I was going to do. But having him let me go made it easier. The guilt, at least, wasn’t as unbearable, you know?”

Sehun nodded. He could only imagine how hard it had been for the both of them: one letting go and one leaving.

“And then I started panicking thinking that I wouldn’t make it. There was so much traffic. And that song. Why did you…” He looked at Sehun, expression vulnerable as he said, “It almost made me think that I’d already lost you before I’d even gotten here. Before I’d had a chance to tell you.”

“You heard it?” Sehun asked, surprise genuine. He’d forgotten that he’d even sent the dedication, he’d been so caught up in worrying about whether Luhan would reach on time.

Luhan nodded. “It terrified me. It sounded like you were saying goodbye. If you’d given up hope, that would’ve been the end. Of us, of everything.” Luhan paused, looking at Sehun curiously as if finally considering something. “Wait. What are you doing here? The plane left. I saw it.”

“It did but…” Sehun grinned mischievously. “Just as I was about to take my seat, I decided that I couldn’t leave without trying one more time. Going away wouldn’t have stopped me from loving you, from missing and wanting to be with you. Distance might have lessened the intensity somewhat but the feelings would still have been there. And it felt too much like running away. That’s never been my scene.”

Luhan smiled gently. “I’m glad you stayed.”

Silence lapsed between them for a minute, neither of them making a move to cross the lane even as cars passed between them.

Finally, expression and tone serious, Sehun asked, “Are you sure?”

“‘Sure?’” Luhan repeated, confused.

“That this is what you want. That I’m who you want.”

Luhan flushed, nodding. “Positive. I know that you could do so much better than me. That you deserve it and…”

“Stop,” Sehun barked, shaking his head. “Just stop.”

Luhan frowned, puzzled.

“Don’t you get it?” Sehun asked, frustrated; finally crossing the lane so that he stood directly in front of Luhan on the sidewalk. “I’m Magda.”

Luhan’s frown deepened. Now he was really confused. What the hell was Sehun trying to say?

“When Magda told us her story, you said, later on, that you couldn’t believe she would knowingly, willingly, get herself tangled up in such a messy situation. That she would be the other woman. Well, guess what? I’m Magda. I’m the other woman.” He gently cupped Luhan’s cheeks. “I met you and immediately wanted you for myself, even though I knew from the outset that you were with someone else. I told Jongin that I never set out to make you mine and that’s both the truth and a lie. I didn’t try to steal you from him but it didn’t mean that I didn’t want to, that I held back from expressing my feelings every chance I got. My intentions towards you have never been completely philanthropic. I wanted what was best for you but I also wanted what was best for me and what was best for me was you. I wanted you, plain and simple. If Jongin hadn’t made it so damn easy for me, who knows what I would have done to have you. I certainly don’t. As it was, I didn’t really need to do anything. He pushed you away all on his own. I was just in the right place at the right time. And I thank God for that every day.”

Luhan continued to frown, searching Sehun’s eyes as he sought to understand. He vaguely remembered the conversation about Magda but he simply couldn’t put them in the same boat.

“What I’m trying to say is you need to stop all this talk about deserving and me being perfect or you not being good enough for me. You deserve everything and anything that you want; to hell with anyone who tells you otherwise. And you need to stop putting me or Jongin, or anyone else, on this damn pedestal. We’re no better than you. We’re worse, perhaps, because you were naïve and innocent and Jongin took advantage of that. You needed help, needed someone, and I took advantage of that. I did. I made you need me.” He paused, brushing Luhan’s cheek with his thumb. “Sometimes I fear that one day you’ll realize that you don’t, that you’re quite capable of standing on your own two feet, and you’ll leave.”

“No,” Luhan swore, shaking his head emphatically. “Never. I love you.”

“I know.” Sehun’s smile trembled on his lips. “I know. I’ve always known but it’s nice to finally hear you say it.”

He tightened his grip on Luhan’s cheeks, lowering his head slightly to brush his lips against Luhan’s before pulling back. He wanted to kiss him so badly but there was one more thing he needed to say.

“This love that I have for you is obsessive, possessive and incredibly unhealthy. I make no apologies for it. So long as it’s within my power, I will never let you go.”

Luhan’s eyes widened, his breath catching at the intensity of Sehun’s words.

“But should the day ever come where you realize that you don’t want to be with me, I want you to be able to walk away. I don’t want to be like him. I don’t want to keep you with me even at the expense of your happiness. It would kill me, knowing that you’re with me even if you don’t want to be.”

“That will never happen,” Luhan promised again. “I will love and want you always.”

Sehun smiled slightly. “I hope so. But still…in the event that your feelings do change… I want you to get help. To see a therapist.”

Luhan frowned and started to draw away but Sehun held fast to his hold on his cheeks.

“You’re not crazy. This has nothing to do with that. But somewhere along the way, you completely lost your sense of self. Your confidence, your self-worth. I would love to think that my love will one day fix all that ails you. That you’ll discover your beauty and value through my eyes but I don’t know if that’s possible and…I don’t want that, anyway. I don’t want our relationship to define you. I want you to love you for who you are not who you are to me. You need to find yourself by yourself. I’ll be there every step of the way, always and forever. But this is one journey that you need to take alone. Do you understand?”

Luhan wanted to tell Sehun that it wasn’t necessary; that the love he felt for him was equally obsessive and unhealthy. But Sehun was right. The panic attacks and constant anxiety and fear had shown him that he needed help. There were things that he needed to deal with that he’d put off for far too long. His love for Sehun and Sehun’s love for him wasn’t a real concern but he would show that to Sehun in time. For now, however…

He nodded, closing his hands over Sehun’s where they held him. “Okay.”

This time Sehun didn’t hold back.

He swooped in, capturing Luhan’s lips in a hard, hungry kiss, spearing him with his tongue between one breath and another.

Luhan parted for him on a sigh, a feeling of rightness, of belonging, settling over him. He had missed this, the warmth. Being with Jongin was nice, enjoyable even, but ever since he’d known Sehun’s touch, something had always been missing. He knew what it was now: Sehun felt like home.

They kissed until their lips were raw, until their lungs grew starved for oxygen, until the snow came down on them.

Wait…Snow?

Sehun pulled back with a dramatic sigh, looking up at the heavens before gazing tenderly at his lover.

The snow, which had halted briefly, was back.

“Leave it to you to make the most dramatic declaration of love of all time.” At Luhan’s lust-dazed, confused look, he pointed out, “Airport? Cold, winter’s night? Snow falling around us? It’s a scene right out of one of those dramas you’re always watching.”

“Telenovelas,” Luhan corrected automatically.

Sehun chuckled. “Pretty sure I’ve seen this in a million Korean and Western dramas as well. The whole world is corny when it comes to romance.”

Luhan glanced up at the snow, following the drifts as they fell on and about them. Reaching out to touch one that landed on Sehun’s head, he said, “It’s nice. Everything looks so pretty covered in white.”

“You say that now; let’s see how pretty and nice it is when you’re buried in four feet of it and can’t get out of the house. Speaking of…” Sehun reached down, grabbed Luhan’s hand and threaded their fingers together. “Let’s go home.”

Luhan smiled but cast a glance back at the airport doors. “What about your luggage?”

Sehun looked up at the sky again. “I’m pretty sure it’s on a plane to New York right now. I’m sure it’ll come back and if not…” He shrugged. “It’s just clothes.”

Luhan rolled his eyes, tightening his grip on Sehun’s hand as he led the way to the car which was, thankfully, still parked where he left it.

They climbed in quickly and he set off on the road to Sehun’s house.

It occurred to him, once again, that everything he owned was back at Jongin’s. He literally only had his cell phone, passport and the clothes on his back.

As if reading his thought, Sehun placed a hand on his thigh and squeezed gently. “You can use anything of mine that you need until…until.”

Luhan sent him a grateful smile, placing his hand on top of Sehun’s and squeezing it in return. “Thank you.”

They traveled in silence for a while, just enjoying simply being together.

Eventually Luhan the radio, more out of habit than any need for noise, though he did hope for a weather update. Sehun may have been right about the four feet of snow the way the flurries were coming down.

“Guys, I don’t know how we missed this but it seems that L has finally, finally responded to S. S, if you’re out there, buddy, don’t give up. There’s hope yet.”

Luhan blushed, chancing a glance at Sehun. He’d completely forgotten the quick text he’d sent to the station when he’d gotten stuck in another traffic jam after Sehun’s song had played. He’d hoped that Sehun would hear it – maybe the airport music system would be set to that station or Sehun would be listening on his phone or tablet to see if his own request had played – and know that he was on his way. Better late than never, he supposed, but he felt incredibly shy sitting beside Sehun while he finally heard his response to the hoard of songs Sehun had dedicated to him.

Sehun was certainly listening now.

Over the past few months, he’d wondered what kind of response, if any, Luhan would give to his numerous declarations of love. It was rather surprising, given what he knew of Luhan’s musical preferences, but it was incredibly fitting and he couldn’t help the smile that settled on his lips. It also gave him insight, he thought, into Luhan’s frame of mind during their separation. It was reassuring to know, besides his admission of love, that he’d longed for Sehun as much as Sehun had longed for him.

It wasn’t a happy song, by any means, but it was a hopeful one and he felt that that suited the current state of their relationship perfectly.

“I like it,” he said, flashing one of his perfect smiles, the kind that made Luhan’s heartbeat go pitter-patter.

“You do?” Luhan asked, nerves uncoiling.

Sehun nodded. “It’s perfect.”

Luhan blushed, focusing on the road to hide his embarrassment. “I can’t wait to get home,” he said softly.

Sehun squeezed his hand again. “Me either.”

Suddenly remembering that his home wasn’t unoccupied, Sehun pulled out his phone and typed out a quick text to his sister. It was almost midnight but he knew that she was a night owl so there was little chance of her being asleep.

“Get out! I’m on my way home…with my man.”

He grinned wickedly as he imagined the scowl on her face when she read the intentionally abrupt, rude text.

He didn’t have to wait long for a reply.

“ you, !”

He burst out laughing, tapering off into a smile when he read the second text that came through.

“I’m happy for you. Guess he isn’t so stupid after all. Call me tomorrow.”

“What’s so funny?” Luhan asked curiously, glancing over.

Sehun shook his head. “Just Emily being Emily.”

Luhan smiled then turned back to the road.

It took longer than either of them liked to get out of the city and back to Sehun’s house but the moment the door closed behind them, Sehun pressed Luhan against it and sank into him, claiming his lips once more.

They took their time, lips clinging, absorbing each other’s heat, to simply enjoy being together. Eventually, the hunger returned in full force and they went from a sweet lip-lock to trying to devour one another.

Later on, neither one would remember the trip upstairs but by the time they fell onto the bed, they were , a slick glide of skin on skin, limbs tangling in familiarity.

Sehun took his time here, re-orienting himself with the dips and hollows of Luhan’s body, kissing his way down his neck, across his chest to tease his sensitive nubs before continuing downward to his quivering stomach, and lower still.

By the time he took Luhan into his mouth, his tongue working its magic, Luhan’s entire body was trembling – they both were. Their desire for one another, their need, long suppressed was finally given free rein. Sehun wanted to bring him to completion this way, wanted the full taste of him on his tongue, but he didn’t get the chance for Luhan wasn’t having it.

Impatient for the feeling of Sehun inside him, to really feel complete, he pushed Sehun off and rolled him onto his back.

Sehun went with it, his body fluid like water. Whatever Luhan wanted, whatever his heart’s desire, Sehun would give it to him.

Luhan gripped Sehun’s shaft, loving the silken feel of him in his palm, him lovingly while reaching over to the bedside table with his free hand to the drawer that he knew held what he was looking for.

He spared a glance for the tube of lube, which suspiciously looked like the exact same one they’d last used all those months ago and hadn’t gone down significantly, before uncapping it and squirting a sizeable glob onto Sehun’s shaft, coating it smoothly as he continued to .

He hadn’t been intimate in over a month, not since Jongin had talked him back into bed, but he didn’t want any kind of preparation. He wanted to feel that stretch, the burn; to feel every inch of Sehun inside of him as closely and tightly as possible.

Straddling Sehun’s hips, he leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to his lips as he reached back and positioned Sehun, adjusting himself accordingly to accommodate the slow, achingly hot glide of his body as it accepted Sehun.

He breathed harshly against Sehun’s lips, closing his eyes for a minute as his body adjusted to Sehun’s intrusion.

“You okay?” Sehun asked gently.

Luhan nodded, smiling against Sehun’s lips.

When he felt comfortable enough, he sat up, his body sliding down the final inch so that Sehun was completely embedded inside of him.

“God, you feel good,” Sehun groaned, hands settling on his hips.

Luhan blushed, rotating his hips experimentally, drawing another moan from the man beneath him.

“If you keep doing that, I’m going to come too soon,” Sehun warned.

“So come,” Luhan said flirtatiously. “I’ll just keep you like this, inside me, until you’re ready to go again.”

Sehun groaned again, unconsciously bucking upward. “, don’t say that either. Don’t you know how deprived I’ve been without you? Have some pity on a guy, geez.”

Chuckling softly, Luhan started moving, rising and falling a couple of inches each time.

He set a slow pace, wanting to savor it for as long as possible before their passions took over.

“You’re beautiful, you know that?” Sehun asked, voice filled with awe.

In the hurried stumble up the stairs and into bed, neither had bothered to turn on the light. There was a sliver of moonlight, however, filtering through the thin curtains of the terrace doors. It fell across Luhan just so, giving him an ethereal, otherworldly glow. It reminded Sehun of a time they’d made love in Jeju; the first time Luhan had taken him.

“I feel beautiful when I’m with you,” Luhan admitted shyly.

This was still new to him, the talking, the honesty, but it felt good to finally say what he was feeling while he was feeling it.

Taking Sehun’s left hand from where it held his hip, he placed a kiss into the center of his palm and pressed it, palm down, over his heart.

“I love you.”

Unbelievably touched, Sehun sat up as far as he could go with Luhan’s weight pinning his hips and Luhan bent forward, meeting him midway, their lips colliding in an uneven, breathy but tender kiss.

They moved together, bodies as uncoordinated as their mouths but they didn’t care.

Sitting up with Luhan’s muscles gripping him tightly, Sehun was already on the verge and with his arms and legs wrapped around Sehun, Luhan was receiving the best -friction-massage of his life.

Sehun came first, shuddering as Luhan clamped around him, his seeming never-ending.

Not wanting Luhan to be left out, he reached between them and firmly until he was coming, his gasps and moans swallowed by Sehun’s greedy mouth.

They remained like that for a while longer, trading soft, gentle kisses and breathy sighs and giggles before finally ungluing themselves before they seriously became stuck together.

Sehun wrapped his arms around Luhan, forcing him to curl into his side. He didn’t want any space between them; couldn’t stop touching him for now, maybe forever. It still felt too much like a dream. It would probably be a while before he accepted it as reality enough to relax.

He slid his hand down, linking his fingers with Luhan. When he felt a band around one particular finger, he raised Luhan’s hand to the glimmer of moonlight, watching the beam shatter off the ring he’d put there so long ago.

“You’re still wearing it,” he said softly.

“I never took it off,” Luhan replied, blushing into Sehun’s chest. “Promise.”

Sehun grinned, nuzzling Luhan's soft hair as he wrapped his arms around him, holding him closer. “I believe you. I saw it when he put his ring on you. I knew that, eventually, one of them would come off and only the one you’d chosen would remain. I’m glad that it’s me.”

“I love you,” Luhan murmured sleepily.

Sehun smiled in the darkness. “I know. I’ll never grow tired of hearing it but at least I know. Sleep now.” He pressed a soft kiss to Luhan’s forehead, resting his cheek atop his head. “Good night, my love.”

He wouldn’t sleep: not for a while, anyway. He wanted, needed, to hold and look at Luhan just a bit longer. There was still that lingering fear that this was too good to be true.

Maybe when dawn broke he would feel confident enough to close his eyes knowing, believing, that Luhan would still be there in the morning.

Until then…until then.

A/N: The scene has a song too, by the way. Here. It actually inspired it, i.e. I totally borrowed it from a TV show.