“Open up. Aaaaaah. Come on, Sehun-ah, you were much more compliant last night.”

“I was a lot sicker last night too,” Sehun grumbled around a mouthful of mush.

Chuckling softly, Luhan wiped the excess soup from his mouth and spooned another mouthful, blowing on it before holding it out to him again.

Sehun had woken up in a fine mood. Why wouldn’t he when the object of his dreams of the past few months was the first thing he saw that morning?

He honestly felt much better than he had the night before. The fever had abated and though his mind was still a little cloudy, his body tired, he felt more himself. In another day, he would be back to normal. These colds were always temporary and he would have been fine on his own had Luhan not been there. However, since Luhan had been there, he couldn’t have let the opportunity go.

He’d never considered himself a particularly calculating, manipulative person but he realized that he’d been doing one or the other ever since he’d met Luhan. The minute he’d made up his mind about Luhan’s relationship with Jongin, that it was unhealthy for him and he deserved better, he’d been scheming, whether innocently or unconsciously, to break them up. It wasn’t that he no longer cared for Jongin but that he did not like the man Jongin became when he was with Luhan. He didn’t understand how the fun, carefree, kind hyung he’d grown up with had turned into a possessive, condescending, malicious jackass. Somewhere along the way, over the years, Jongin had changed and not for the better.

It shouldn’t matter to him – it was none of his business and Luhan had been a complete stranger when they’d first met – but now that he knew him better, now that he considered him a friend, and more, he couldn’t just stand by and let it continue. He’d given Jongin a chance to change and he’d blown it. He didn’t need to know the specifics of what had happened to know that Jongin had messed up royally. The look on Luhan’s face the morning he’d returned to work after their reunion had said it all. Jongin had killed the sparkle in his eyes, the very sparkle he had helped put there. That was unforgiveable.

He would not actively pursue Luhan, he’d decided. Regardless of what he felt and wanted, he was not helping Luhan for his own gain. But if, by chance, Luhan somehow returned his feelings, he wasn’t going to turn him away. He’d be a fool to and his mother had definitely not raised him to be one.

As he thought about it, as he looked at Luhan smiling tenderly down at him, taking care of him, he had to admit that he had no idea what Luhan felt. Luhan was naturally nice, sweet and giving so he couldn’t and wouldn’t assume that his kindness meant more than it did. The only thing that gave him any hope that Luhan felt something for him, something more, was the kiss, brief though it had been. It had been so short that he sometimes wondered if it had really happened at all but it had and it would continue to confuse him until the day he could ask Luhan about it, if that day ever came. If Luhan didn’t give him some sign of encouragement soon, he would have to assume that he was having a one-sided love affair all on his own.

The thought depressed him but he would accept it. At the end of the day, what he wanted most was truly Luhan’s happiness, for him to be free of Jongin’s clutches. If he ended up in the arms of another man, he would swallow his hurt and bear it. What more could he do?

“There!” Luhan said cheerily after Sehun had swallowed his last mouthful. “That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

Sehun glared at him. “No more soup, Hyung. For lunch, I want something solid.”

“Aish, you ungrateful brat,” Luhan groused, surprising Sehun.

Sehun watched as he left the room, a small smile tilting the corners of his mouth. He wondered if Luhan even realized how comfortable he’d become in his presence. He wasn’t nearly as nervous as he used to be. Of course, Sehun missed his spontaneous blushes but it was easy enough to get one of those out of him. All he had to do was tease or lightly flirt and Luhan’s face would light up like a Christmas tree.

As he walked back into the room, Luhan asked, “How are you feeling?” He placed a hand on Sehun’s forehead, pleased to find that the fever was all gone.

Sehun glanced down at himself. “A little tired still but much better than yesterday.”

Luhan nodded. “You should rest some more.”

“I will,” Sehun agreed, “but first I think I’d like a shower. It’s been over twenty-four hours since I’ve had one.”

Ahh, he thought. There goes the colour in his cheeks again. He hadn’t even done it on purpose this time.

“I’m so sorry,” Luhan apologized hurriedly. “I completely forgot about that. A bath would have helped the fever too.”

Sehun smiled. “It’s okay, hyung. I was too busy sleeping for most of the past eighteen hours anyway.”

Sehun kicked off the covers and slowly swung his legs over the side of the bed. As he started to push up, however, a sudden wave of dizziness had him dropping back onto his .

Bending over, Luhan slipped an arm around his back, beneath his arm pits, to support him. “Lean on me.”

More than happy to comply since it allowed him close physical contact with Luhan, Sehun wound his arm around Luhan’s waist and leaned on him heavily. He heard a soft whoosh of air escape Luhan’s lungs as he helped him to his feet but didn’t ease up on him. Together they stumbled out of the room to Sehun’s bedroom but when Luhan opened the door and was about cross the threshold, Sehun held onto the frame, barring his entry.

“I think I can take it from here,” he said with what he hoped was a reassuring smile.

Luhan frowned. “Are you sure? I won’t stay with you in the bathroom if you don’t want me to but at least let me make sure that you get there safely.”

Sehun smiled wider. “I’m okay, hyung. I promise. I was just taking advantage of your kindness  since I haven’t had anyone pay me this much attention in a long time.”

Luhan blushed, causing Sehun to smile for real.

“Besides, I realized that you also need to wash up. There’s some new clothes in the guest room, never worn before, I swear. There should be a pair of sweats, a t-shirt and a change of underwear. You can go ahead while I muck around in here.”

Luhan chewed on his lower lip, still hesitant to leave Sehun alone. “Are you absolutely sure?”

Sehun nodded. “I’ll be fine, don’t worry. See you in a bit”

Sehun pulled away from Luhan, walked into his room and, with a small wave, shut the door in Luhan’s face. He breathed a sigh of relief for having dodged a very close bullet.

Though he felt much better, his body still wasn’t quite his own so to be safe – and to not give Luhan any reason to come barging into his room and expose all of his secrets – he held onto the wall and bedroom furniture as he made his way to the master bathroom. Once he was safely inside, he sat on the edge of the tub and slowly undressed. He wasn’t really paying attention to what he was doing, thinking instead of the man in the other room, on the other side of the very wall he was sitting next to, disrobing, using his bathroom, wearing his clothes, even if they technically weren’t his. He had bought them in any event. Wasn’t there some culture that stipulated that if one person gifted another with clothing, they became his or hers? Or was that something he had seen in a movie somewhere? He was probably remembering it wrong but he didn’t care. If there wasn’t, there should be, he decided.

Not bothering to wait for the water to fill up, he slid into the tub and turned the shower on. He sat beneath the waterfall, sighing contentedly. He would soap at some point but for now, he was simply going to enjoy the feel of the cold spray on his still slightly heated body.

Sometime later, Sehun dried his hair and, tossing the towel aside, tugged a simple t-shirt over his head.

Feeling stronger now, he stood and walked to the door, pulling it open…and finding an anxious Luhan waiting on the other side.

Grinning, he leaned against the door jamb. “How long have you been here, Hyung?”

Luhan blushed, fingers twining nervously in front of him. “A while…”

“You’re really cute, do you know that?”

Sehun watched as Luhan’s face turned tomato-red, giving himself a mental pat on the back.

Taking Luhan by the arm, he steered him back to the day room. When Luhan pulled his arm free and wrapped it around his waist, he leaned against him once more.

“How are you feeling?” Luhan asked.

“A bit tired, I guess.” It actually wasn’t a lie. He really was better but he suddenly felt like he’d sapped all his strength and energy bathing and dressing. He was more than ready to go back to sleep for a while.

Luhan let Sehun climb into the bed before settling down on the end. Sehun wasted no time in making himself comfortable on Luhan’s lap again, much to Luhan’s amusement.

Neither one said anything for a long time until a barely awake Sehun murmured,

“You’re a wonderful caretaker, Hyung. Jongin’s lucky to have you.”

Because of his position, Sehun missed the sad smile that flirted around Luhan’s lips. “I’ve never had the opportunity to take care of him, actually. He’s only been really sick once since I’ve known him and he practically banned me from the bedroom. He didn’t want me taking care of him and he didn’t want to risk my getting what he had because then he’d have to miss work to take care of me and that would keep him from returning to work even longer.”

Sehun burrowed deeper. “Jongin’s a .”

Luhan said something but what it was, Sehun didn’t know. He was already drifting off to sleep, nestled in the warmth of Luhan’s lap, comforted by the lulling effect of Luhan’s fingers running through his hair.

Later that day, Luhan said goodbye to Sehun, after making sure that he wouldn’t want for anything until he returned Monday morning. He’d offered to come by the following day but Sehun had assured him that he would be okay, telling him to rest and take care of himself for a change.

Once he was settled in the car and his chauffeur merged into the traffic on the road, he pulled out his phone and quickly wrote a text.

On my way home.

He gripped the phone anxiously staring down at it for the two minutes it took a reply to come through.

Good.

Short and straight to the point: very Jongin. Chewing on his lips nervously, he wondered what kind of reception he was in for. He prayed for it to be as quick and painless as possible.

He’d stayed with Sehun for as long as he could but it was 7:30 now and he didn’t want to get home too late. He didn’t want to give Jongin any reason to make snide remarks or act aggressively. He knew that there would be a confrontation of some sort but after being Sehun’s pillow for a day, he just wanted some peace and the comfort of his own bed. He planned on sleeping from the earliest opportunity, all the way through to the morning, maybe even until lunch time. He would appease Jongin as best he could, perhaps make him dinner if he hadn’t eaten yet, then he would turn in. It sounded so simple in his head but things with Jongin were never simple. That alone made him a nervous wreck the entire drive home.

When the car drove up the driveway and came to a stop behind Jongin’s, he swallowed a nervous lump. The moment of truth had arrived.

He disembarked and slowly made his way up to the front door, taking a few calming breaths. He half expected the door to fly open before he reached it but when it didn’t, he keyed in the code and stepped into the foyer. As soon as he did so, he knew.

Laughing to, or rather at, himself, he felt like the biggest idiot. The only thing that greeted him, that awaited him, was silence and darkness.

He’d gotten wound up over nothing, worrying about something, someone, who wasn’t even there.

Days passed and life returned to normal.

Luhan was once again busy tending to Sehun’s day-to-day obligations, instead of his employer himself, and on scheduled days, he attended class with him.

One morning, Sehun sat at his easel idly sketching a random outline while he waited for Luhan to appear. As he sketched, his mind travelled back to their weekend together – okay, if he was honest with himself it was only one day but it certainly felt like more to him – thinking about what had transpired. He and Luhan hadn’t talked about it at all. Then again, what was there to talk about? Luhan had called on Sunday to check on him and when he’d shown up for work on Monday, everything had been as it ever was. He’d paid close attention to Sehun, probably looking for lingering signs of illness since he’d admitted to Sehun that he’d felt awful about not realizing that he’d been sick to begin with, but other than that… He didn’t blame Luhan, though. To Luhan, he had simply been helping a friend, or his boss, but to Sehun, it had meant so much more. He spent so much time on his own, away from family with no one special in his life, that he hadn’t realized just what he’d been missing until he’d gotten sick. He knew what it felt like to have someone care for him, naturally, since he’d dated before but with Luhan…It felt different. Everything was different, was more, when it came to Luhan.

This infatuation of his was spiraling out of control.

Glancing up at the clock on the wall, he frowned. Luhan was uncharacteristically late. It wasn’t like him at all. If he wasn’t coming to work, he would have called so that alone made Sehun anxious. He was tempted to call to find out if everything was okay but he didn’t want Luhan to be embarrassed or feel obligated to apologize for his tardiness. He didn’t want to draw any attention to it whatsoever. Still…he wondered. He just hoped that Luhan was okay.

At precisely 9:30, he heard the lock on the outer door disarm and breathed a sigh of relief.

Sehun kept his eyes trained on the sketchpad in front of him while he continued to doodle, listening for Luhan’s footsteps as they neared.

“Sehun-ah.”

He glanced up, smile at the ready. “He…ey…” He broke off, eyes settling on the unknown figure next to Luhan.

Smiling shyly, Luhan gently touched the arm of the lady beside him. “Sehun-ah, this is Magda. Magda, this is Oh Sehun, my boss.”

Magda nodded, bowing deeply, gaze firmly fixed to the polished wood floor in front of her. “Good morning, Mr. Oh.”

“Magda is my housekeeper,” Luhan explained. “To avoid a repeat of what happened last weekend, I thought it would be a good idea if she came in a couple of times a week to straighten up a bit since we’ve been so busy lately. At least until the classes end,” he added hurriedly. He didn’t want Sehun to think that he was overstepping his bounds.

“Luhan…” Sehun rose and approached the two, eyes flitting back and forth between them. He was unbelievably touched that Luhan would even think about something like that. He certainly hadn’t. “You really didn’t have to.”

The colour in Luhan’s cheeks deepened. “It’s nothing. It’s my duty as an employee to look out for my boss. And it’s my pleasure as a…” His cheeks burned brightly. “…friend to do something for you after everything you’ve done for me.” Despite being the hyung, Luhan usually felt like Sehun was the one teaching him about life, helping him grow as a person. He felt extremely beholden to Sehun for all that he’d done for him so whenever an opportunity to return Sehun’s kindness presented itself, as it had yesterday morning when Magda came over and the idea popped into his head, he latched onto it.

Sehun turned to Magda and offered his hand. “Magda. Welcome and thank you.”

“There’s no need to thank me, Mr. Oh,” she replied in accented Korean, shaking his hand. “I am grateful to Mr. Luhan for this opportunity and happy to be able to help a friend of his.”

Sehun smiled. He was still getting over the shock of not only seeing a Hispanic woman in Seoul, South Korea, but one who had apparently lived and worked there for quite a while if her near-perfect Korean was anything to go by. There was just a bit of an American accent in the way that she spoke.

What’s her story…, he wondered. And she had one, he was certain of it. She wasn’t old – he was pretty good at telling people’s ages – but she looked aged. Her eyes were dark and unreadable but there were lines etched into their corners, and those of , that told a tale of strain and hardship. The artist in him had already begun a mental sketch of her face, memorizing every mark and expression for later when he was alone and could put pencil to paper.

He would never have expected Magda to make such a difference in the atmosphere in his house but somehow, she did. She didn’t say much unless she was spoken to but when she did speak, Sehun often found himself smiling. Magda was a very entertaining woman, unintentionally so. She had a dry wit and was cynical beyond belief but Sehun enjoyed her company. He was able to speak to her in English, which he loved since he hadn’t had many opportunities since returning to Seoul and he was afraid that he would become rusty. He suspected that it had been a long time since she had been able to as well. He also adored how close she and Luhan appeared to be. Sometimes he would find them with their heads together, talking softly, about what, he didn’t know, but they looked really adorable. It eased his heart to know that even before he’d come into Luhan’s life, he’d had at least one person who really cared about him. And when he wasn’t working and they weren’t in class, he found himself joining Magda and Luhan in watching Telenovelas on TV by way of his laptop. He hadn’t a clue what the actors were saying since he didn’t speak a of Spanish but the melodrama needed no explanation. It came through in every tear that was shed, every raised voice, every physical confrontation.

“Magda, can I ask you a question?” he asked one day.

They were lounging in the living room, their usual Latin soap opera playing on the TV in which both Magda and Luhan seemed to be deeply engrossed. He, on the other hand, had finally decided to give voice to something that had been nagging at him ever since Luhan had brought Magda home.

As she turned to look at him, he could see the walls going up in the guardedness in her eyes and the sudden stiffening of her body.

“Yes?” she asked carefully.

“How did you come to be here?” he asked.

“Here?” she echoed.

He nodded. “I mean South Korea. What brought you here?”

She dropped her gaze, eyes lowered to her suddenly tightly clasped hands.

“You don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to,” Sehun assured her, seeing the panic in Luhan’s eyes and feeling like he had crossed some kind of line.

For a few tense moments, Magda remained silent. Finally, just as Sehun was about to change the topic, she said, “It’s okay. I suppose I should talk about it. I never have, you know.” She raised her eyes to his once more and the grief and desolation washed over him as if it were his own. “There was never anyone to talk to.”

Beside her, Luhan reached for Magda’s hand and held it in both of his.

“I’m originally from California, you know. I loved it there. Never imagined living anywhere else, to be honest. Sure, I wanted to travel but that was home and I was very close with my family. When I graduated college, I tried desperately to find a job but the pickings were slim, as they say, so I was dependent on my parents for an entire year. I hated it and finally gave up hope of finding my dream job and settled for something more practical. A friend of mine who was in a similar situation had gotten a job as a nanny for a family of Expats. You know what that means, right?”

Sehun nodded.

“So my friend said that though it wasn’t her life’s goal, the job was okay and the pay was pretty decent. She said that there were other families looking for full time, live-in nannies and she could help me out as far as passing my name on through the family she worked for. I’d been a babysitter in high-school so I figured it couldn’t be any different. Other than the living situation, anyway. So it took another couple of months but eventually I got an interview with a family and since it went well, they hired me on the spot. They were South Korean. I moved in and, I won’t lie, it was weird at first. It’s basically living in a stranger’s house. The house was huge and I had my own wing all to myself but still, very weird. The cultural difference took some getting used to as well. Fortunately, it wasn’t much of a problem since they were trying to become more Americanized in order to fit in. They’d planned on staying long term, possibly permanently. Everything went well and I fell in love with the children. The wife – I’ll call her Mrs. Kim – was a bit emotionally detached but she wasn’t a bad woman. It just made things a bit awkward with her and her kids, and also her and her husband. With me there, she grew even farther apart from them since she was now free to come and go as she pleased without worrying about them. She was involved in a lot of high-society clubs and stuff so she was rarely ever home during the day and often came home from dinner parties late at night.

Long story short, while she was drifting away from her family, I grew closer. The kids became really attached to me and I to them. Mr. Kim and I were nothing but cordial in the beginning but somehow, as the months passed, we sort of became friends. We were both in a strange place, I guess, and we sort of bonded. I was still at home in Cali but I wasn’t anywhere near my family and other than phone calls, I wasn’t able to contact them often, much less visit. Being a live-in nanny is a 24/7 job. So as I was saying, we bonded and became friends but that was just a temporary stepping stone.”

She paused to take a deep breath and Luhan’s hand tightened comfortingly around hers.

Sehun watched quietly, sympathizing but not wanting to break the mood by speaking, not even to offer words of encouragement.

“I never meant to cross that line, neither of us did. It just happened. It was one of those rare days where Mrs. Kim was actually being a mother. She took the kids out and Mr. Kim had come home early for a change. We started talking, one thing led to another and…well, I don’t need to tell you what happened next. I can’t say that I’m sorry because I wasn’t and sorry doesn’t fix things when they’re broken. And if I’d been sorry, it would only have happened that one time. It didn’t. Basically, any time Mrs. Kim wasn’t home and the kids were otherwise occupied, we would be together. It wasn’t just about , though. I think intimacy and emotional support were what we were both lacking and we found that with each other. It was wrong but we needed each other too much to stop.

Then one day, a call comes in. Mr. Kim is being sent back home. There was hardly any time to discuss anything. They barely had time to pack up and make arrangements for their things to be sent to their home here. Mrs. Kim asked me to come with them and I was truly surprised. We got along fine, she and I, and the kids adored me and vice versa but nannies are a dime a dozen and wouldn’t it have made more sense to just get a new one here? One that speaks their language and won’t stand out like a sore thumb? Still, I was honored so I told her I’d think about it. That same evening, she went out and Mr. Kim and I had our alone time and I asked him if he wanted me to come. He said yes. But he said that he would understand if I didn’t, that it wouldn’t be easy for me here and he wouldn’t ask me to give up my life for him or his family.” Suddenly, she smiled. “But the thing is, he didn’t have to ask. Fool that I was, I’d fallen in love with him. I would’ve gone to the ends of the earth to be with him. He never promised me anything, never said that he’d leave his wife for me. I knew that they weren’t happy, that there was no real romance or love between them. But duty wins out over all of that. Where I come from, people honestly believe that love conquers all, that they’re entitled to happiness and they put their desires before the good of the family. For Mr. Kim, his family came first. If he had to choose between me and the happiness of his children, between our love and the scandal that would surely ruin his reputation and that of his family, obviously I would lose every single time. I knew this, I understood it, I supported it. In his position, I would probably have done the same. And because I understood, the decision was obvious. I’d already been with them almost two years by then and I felt like the kids were as much mine as they were their mother’s. I wasn’t possessive of them and I never crossed any boundaries as far as allowing them to think of me as a replacement mother. I don’t know if they did but I made sure that they never called me mom or anything like that. I had already done the unforgiveable with her husband, I didn’t want to encroach on her parental rights as well.

Life here was indeed very difficult in the beginning. It still is, to tell you the truth. Whenever we went out, the kids would have to translate for me and I hated how helpless that made me feel. It was frustrating. And don’t even get me started on the looks that would come my way. As I started to learn the language, I realized that sometimes the things that people would say to me did not match the seemingly kind smiles on their faces. But I would just smile back and move on. What else could I do? As time passed and things settled down again, I got used to my new life but I wasn’t happy. Whenever I wasn’t with Mr. Kim or the kids, and they were in school full-time now, I would find myself becoming depressed. I didn’t know what to do. I considered going back home but my family weren’t exactly thrilled with my decision to leave, especially since they knew why I had left. I got an earful about committing adultery and being no better than Mary Magdalene. That’s Catholics for you.

More time passed and one day Mr. Kim made a comment that I was getting big around the middle. Well, of course no girl wants to hear that. I had been eating more of late but I had attributed it to my depression and mood swings. It never occurred to me that I might be pregnant.”

Luhan gasped, eyes widening in disbelief. Magda’s life was like something out of the Telenovelas she was so fond of watching. He had known her for two years and never in his wildest dreams would he have imagined that she’d led this kind of life.

Magda nodded. “Shocking, I know. I’m a well-educated person so you would think that I would’ve realized at some point that we weren’t always careful and that our carelessness might have consequences. My body has always beat to its own drum so there was no reason for me to expect that anything was amiss. Once I put two and two together, a trip to the doctor confirmed my suspicions. I didn’t even think about hiding it from Mr. Kim. I told him the very same day and we decided that I was going to keep the baby. There was no other option for me – my baby was born out of love so it definitely wasn’t unwanted – and as I said before, Mr. Kim is a family man. He too would not consider abandoning his child. Of course, if we were going to have the child then we had to come clean to Mrs. Kim. She took it better than you would expect, in her cold, detached way. I’m sure that it hurt her but she’s not a very emotional woman so she gave no hint of her feelings one way or the other. Her only words were about how it would look if people found out and the scandal that would tarnish the family name. We decided to keep it hush-hush for the time being. I was mostly inside anyway so no one would notice the changes except the internal staff. They were only told that I was pregnant and that it was not to be spoken about outside of the house. No one knew who the father was.

It might be hard to believe but life went on like it usually did, as if nothing had happened. The only difference was my ever-growing belly. Months later, I gave birth to a little boy. We named him David. He looked like both of us. I mean, he’s fair, as are we both, and his eyes are dark, like ours, but it’s obvious that his father is Asian. I’m not sure what he looks like now but back then, you couldn’t see too much of a difference from a fully Asian baby.”

Sehun frowned. “What do you mean that you don’t know what he looks like now?”

Magda smiled sadly, her eyes becoming watery. “When David was about a year and a half, Mr. Kim had a . He wasn’t a very old man but he worked a lot and didn’t take proper care of himself. It incapacitated him, paralyzed him from the neck down. He lingered for a while but recovery was never an option. He eventually died.”

“Oh, Magda…” Luhan breathed. “I’m so sorry.”

“Thank you. But that wasn’t the worst part. I was sad and heart-broken, naturally, but nothing could have prepared me for what came next.

 The day of the funeral, when I returned to the house, Mrs. Kim summoned me to the study. I settled the children in their rooms and went to see what she wanted. I thought maybe, just maybe, she needed a shoulder to cry on or something. I could do that for her. I wanted to do that for her. I couldn’t have been more wrong. As soon as I walked in and saw my suitcases, I knew. She said that now that Mr. Kim was gone, there was no reason for me to stay. I would receive severance pay, with extra compensation for the inconvenience, but my services were no longer needed. She had already found someone to care for the children so I was free to go on with my life. It was better for everyone this way.” Magda chuckled mirthlessly. “I think I was in shock, to be honest. I couldn’t say a thing. My brain was barely working. A maid was waiting with my son so I took him and followed the butler out to a waiting taxi that would take me wherever I wanted to go. It was only when I was in the taxi, looking back at the house as it got smaller and smaller, that I realized that I had nowhere to go.

I stayed in a hotel for a few days but hotels are expensive and though I had a decent savings and the severance money, I had no job so I knew that I needed to be careful. Living in Seoul is not cheap. It became harder when I couldn’t get a job. My Korean still wasn’t the best and there was the discrimination factor. No one likes to admit that it exists but it does. It’s everywhere. I could’ve gone back home but it was bad enough that I’d left without my family’s approval, to return with a bastard love-child? I was embarrassed. And afraid, I guess, that they would reject me, or my baby. Sometimes the ones we love are the ones who hurt us the most. So I stayed here.

I got odd jobs here and there but I could barely make ends meet. When I found myself in the difficult position of having to choose between paying rent for my little one-room hole-in-the-wall or buying food for David and myself, I knew that I was in trouble. I had to do something and there was only one thing I could think of. It had been a year or so since Mrs. Kim had sent me packing. It was late but I didn’t let that stop me. I was about to throw away what little dignity and pride I had left so what did it matter what time it was? I used the last of my money to pay the taxi and then I waited on the doorstep while the butler went to get her. I begged and pleaded, not for myself but for David. I didn’t expect her to care what happened to me but my baby was harmless. And he was the half-brother of her own children, the son of her dead husband. If not for me, then for them. For the innocent child whose life depended on her kindness. She didn’t say anything, didn’t even twitch as I poured my heart and soul out and begged her forgiveness and compassion. Finally, she took him from me and handed him to a nearby maid. I knew that she would not be the kind of mother that I wanted for him, the mother I would have been under better circumstances, but she wasn’t a bad person and she was the only person I would entrust him to. He might not ever know the feeling of being loved, truly loved, by a mother but she would take care of him as best she could, I had no doubt. And hopefully, one day, he would meet someone who would fill in the empty spaces. That’s what I hoped anyway. Still do.

She told me to wait and disappeared inside the house. When she returned, she had an old wool coat, an envelope with some money and a card. She told me to take it and never come back. To forget her, her children, her dead husband. And my own baby. From that day onward, I had no son. My heart…shattered. I don’t think I’ve ever felt pain like that before. But I agreed. And I left. Looking back, I realize that I didn’t even get to kiss him goodbye. That was ten years ago.” A silent tear slipped down her cheek.

“And you haven’t seen him since?” Sehun asked softly.

Magda wiped the lone tear away. “I kept my word. I never went back to the house. But…the card that she gave me: it was the number of a friend of hers. Far enough away from her house that I wouldn’t bump into her or the children but in a nice neighbourhood nonetheless. I can’t say the same for the family but they were looking for staff and though I didn’t exactly fit in with the rest, I came recommended so they hired me. That’s when I started cleaning houses. I didn’t even think about trying to get a job using my college degree. I didn’t have the confidence anymore. It was just easier to stick with what I was good at, though cleaning houses isn’t nearly the same as taking care of children.

But…I did help out with the children sometimes and one day, when I was picking them up from school, I saw him. He was about four then but I knew that it was him. I almost broke down then and there but somehow, I managed to keep it in until I got home to my little apartment that night. After that, I jumped at the opportunity to drop the kids off at school or pick them up. I stopped working for that family after some time but I sort of remained in the circle and all of their children go to the same school so I was able to see him occasionally. It was hard, staying away from him but I wouldn’t dare approach him. He didn’t know me. He wasn’t mine anymore. I told myself that over and over. I’d done what was best for him. Trying to have a relationship with him would only confuse him. This nagged at me for a long time until a few years ago, I decided that I needed to stop. It wasn’t doing me any good, seeing him, wanting him and being unable to have him. Trying to get him back wasn’t an option either. There’s no way a court would choose me over Mrs. Kim. I no longer take care of any children since I only work for Mr. Luhan now so it’s a bit easier. I still miss him but it’s not as hard as it was when I was surrounded by children all the time. He’s twelve now, almost thirteen. I imagine that he’s becoming quite a handsome young man. The last time I saw him, he was happy. I hope that he still is.

I know that I made the right decision, no matter how much it hurts sometimes.”

Sehun reached over and lay his hand on top of Luhan’s hold of Magda’s hand. “You will always be his mother, regardless of whose house he lives in. You are the one who sacrificed everything for him. He may never know that but you do. You should be proud of yourself.”

Magda laughed softly, her eyes watery. “It sounds so easy…. If only it wasn’t so hard to do.”

Sehun squeezed their joined hands. “It never is when it’s happening to us. But we manage.”

“Secret!”

Sehun looked over at Luhan and smiled. He was watching his favourite game show and today’s segment was all about idol groups, who Luhan apparently loved. How had he not known this? Then again, the only local music he listened to were underground Indie bands. He liked Western pop much more than Kpop.

“No!” Luhan screamed at the television in frustration, forgetting, Sehun was sure, that he wasn’t at his house and thus behaving more raucously than he otherwise would have. “SS has five members, not six.”

“You’re really into this, aren’t you?” Sehun mused.

“Mr. Luhan is a big music lover,” Magda replied as she placed a plate of fruits on the table in front of them.

It was Friday afternoon and they were relaxing before Luhan’s driver came to take him and Magda home. The Telenovela had been pre-empted that week so they’d searched the local channels until they’d wound up on MTV where Luhan’s favourite show was airing. Since he’d missed it practically every week since he’d begun working, he was feeling more than a little enthusiastic.

Averting his eyes from Sehun’s smiling face, Luhan picked up a grape and popped it into his mouth.

“It’s okay,” Sehun assured him. “I love music too. I’ve just never seen you this…involved.”

Luhan blushed. “I watched a lot of TV when I was home, especially on the days when Magda was off. This was my favourite program.”

“And now, we have a special surprise for our viewers today.”

Sehun watched as Luhan’s eyes swung and glued to the TV, rounding in curiosity as he waited for the MC to finish her announcement.

“We’re giving away four tickets to the Summer Jam kick-off concert next weekend. The first two callers to answer the questions correctly will receive two tickets each. You also need to be the fifth caller for each pair of tickets.”

“You should call,” Sehun suggested.

Luhan glanced over at him, already shaking his head. “I have no luck with these things. Or anything. I don’t think I’ll even get through.”

“You have no luck?” Sehun laughed and reached over to ruffle Luhan’s hair, making him blush. “Seems to me that you have the best luck sitting right here next to you. Or haven’t I already changed your life for the better?” he teased.

Luhan’s blush deepened and he smiled shyly. He knew that Sehun was only playing with him but he secretly agreed. His life had become so much better since Sehun showed up.

“Still…” he hedged.

Sehun picked the cordless up off the side table and punched in the number flashing on the screen.

“What are you doing?” Luhan asked nervously.

“Getting you those tickets,” Sehun answered matter-of-factly.

“But…”

Sehun shushed him as the phone began to ring. During their little exchange, the first set of tickets had already been won. There was only one chance left.

Please, he prayed silently. Help me do this for him.

“Hello, you’re on the air. What’s the answer we’re looking for?” the MC’s uber-feminine voice said in his ear.

“I’m sorry, can you repeat the question for me, please?” he asked, coating his words with as much sugar as he was capable of.

“Usually, I would hang up right about now but you have such a nice voice so I’ll give you another chance. The question is…”

So soon as she begun reciting the question, Sehun held the phone to Luhan’s ear.

“Can I have your answer?” Sehun watched the MC say, the bland, generic smile he suspected she always wore never leaving her face. He turned to Luhan, nodding and smiling encouragingly as he watched him his lips nervously.

“Is it…”

He said the name of a group or artist that Sehun had never heard of, naturally, but Sehun’s eyes were once again focused on the MC. He was looking for a tell, anything in her expression or posture, that would let him know whether Luhan had answered correctly.

“Are you asking me or telling me?” the MC asked, drawing out the suspense.

Luhan his lips. “Telling.”

“Is this your final answer?” she queried again.

Luhan nodded, but at Sehun’s gentle nudge, he replied, “Yes. It’s my final answer.”

There was a moment of silence while they all waited with bated breath. Sehun was about to snatch the phone back and swear at the woman when she finally spoke.

“Congratulations! You’ve won two tickets to Summer Jam. Please hold and someone will take your information off the air.”

Luhan’s limp fingers dropped the phone the same time Sehun pulled him into a hug and Magda patted his back, smiling affectionately.

Because he didn’t think Luhan would be of any use just then, Sehun picked the phone up and gave Luhan’s information to the person on the other end before disconnecting and turning his attention back to the prone form still in his arms.

“Are you okay?” he asked softly, pushing Luhan back so that he could see his face.

Luhan’s eyes were glazed over as he said, “I can’t believe I won.”

Sehun chuckled. “But you did so you’d better believe it.”

“I…I don’t know… What am I going to wear?” Luhan blubbered.

Sehun laughed again. “Whatever it is, I’m sure you’ll look great. You always do. But a more important question is who you’re going to take with you. You have a week to convince Jongin-hyung to accompany you.”

Cold reality washed some of Luhan’s euphoria away and he smiled sadly. “Jongin’s very busy with work lately and he doesn’t like concerts so I doubt he’d want to go.”

“I see…” Sehun mentally slapped himself for even mentioning his friend. He didn’t know why he did. He would honestly rather not even think of Jongin but sometimes thoughts of him would creep in, reminding him that Luhan was Jongin’s, therefore not his, and his snide, envious thoughts would flow out of his mouth before he could think twice about stopping them.

“Can you…? I mean…” Luhan cleared his throat, looking up at Sehun for a moment before dropping his gaze again. “Would you want to go with me?”

“Me?” Sehun breathed, genuinely surprised.

“I wouldn’t have won without you. The tickets are as much yours as they are mine. It’s only fair that you go too.”

“Oh…” The brief feeling of excitement and elation that had flared within Sehun deflated. Luhan wasn’t asking him because he wanted him to go, he was asking because he felt like he owed Sehun. Yet again.

“And…” Luhan took a deep breath. “I would like you to. I know that you don’t know or like the music but it’s a music festival and there’ll be other artists that you may like and fun events as well. I would very much like it if you came with me.”

Hope bloomed once more in Sehun’s chest. “I’d love to,” he blurted.

Luhan blushed again, ducking his head to hide the pleasure in his eyes and the stupid grin that spread across his lips. “Thank you. I hope that you don’t hate it too much.”

Sehun tilted Luhan’s face upward so that he could look into his eyes as he solemnly said, “Even if the music gives me a migraine, I could never hate any time that I spend with you.”

“Okay.” Heat bloomed in Luhan’s cheeks and he mentally cursed his natural over-responsiveness. This body of his was such a betrayer.

“We’re going to go and have a great time,” Sehun said confidently.

Luhan nodded.

“It’s a date,” Sehun declared.

They both froze.

Oh, God, Sehun thought frantically. He wanted nothing more than to run away or for the ground to open up and swallow him whole. A date? Did he really just say that?

“Um… I mean…”

“The driver’s here,” Magda announced, saving them both from their current awkwardness.

Sehun walked them to the door, waving to Magda as she preceded Sehun down the stairs.

“I’ll see you Monday,” Sehun said with as much nonchalance as he could muster.

Luhan nodded. “Monday.”

Giving way to some of his inner happiness, Sehun smiled. “Have a great weekend, Luhan.”

Luhan smiled shyly, nodded again and walked down the stairs to join Magda in the car.

By some miracle, Sehun managed not to let his impending outing, or date as he personally thought of it, distract him  throughout the course of his week.

He finished up his portrait of Magda, a spur of the moment impulse once he’d completed the first sketch upon meeting her, and he prepared for and executed his scheduled classes. The classes were almost at an end and he had received an offer – more like a plea – for an extension or a second course since his class was in high demand. He’d promised the Dean that he would think about it. Truthfully, he didn’t mind. It wasn’t disruptive to his own work and he rather enjoyed passing on his love of art to others. Not to mention that the days he had classes, he was able to spend more time with Luhan than regular days. That was the biggest benefit as far as he was concerned.

The evening before the concert, after Luhan left for the day, he went online and looked up the MVs and digital releases of all the names that he had overheard Luhan mention at some point during the week, especially his favourite group, One. After watching a few of their videos and reading their bios, he understood what Luhan saw in them. They were certainly talented, some members more so than others, but what really made them stand out was that there were  two subgroups within the main group, one consisting of Korean members and the other made up of Chinese members. In what was probably the biggest twist that the entertainment industry had seen in decades, the Chinese members sang and promoted in Korean/Korea while the Korean members sang and promoted in Chinese/China. Sehun assumed that it was thus established so that one group wouldn’t have a leg up on the other. They were both fishes out of water, so to speak. Both floundering in unchartered territory. He had to admit that it was pretty clever. As a Chinese immigrant living in Korea, he imagined that Luhan probably sympathized with the Chinese subgroup. But unlike the Chinese members, Luhan had no one by his side to help him through whatever obstacles came his way. Perhaps he envied them too.

When Saturday rolled around, Sehun dressed carefully, trying to look casual yet making sure that he looked his best. Satisfied that he would turn a few heads, he drove quickly over to Luhan’s, slowing only when he to his street. The gates were open so he drove up the circular drive to the front door. Before he could hop out of the car, Luhan emerged from the house, locking the door behind him, and walked down the steps.

As he climbed into the car, Sehun took a moment to trail his gaze over him appreciatively. He had dressed for the weather, choosing a short-sleeved, V-neck graphic-T and straight cut jeans tucked into stylish sneakers. He carried a light-weight jacket in his arms for later in the night in case it got chilly. As his eyes settled on Luhan’s face once again, Sehun couldn’t help noticing the way the setting sun turned the highlights in his hair to various shades of gold and orange. It matched his eyes, which sparkled with anticipation. It warmed his heart to see the twinkle back where it belonged. He had missed it.

“Ready?” he asked, already knowing the answer.

Luhan nodded happily. “Let’s go.”

The drive over was a chatter-filled one. Luhan couldn’t seem to sit still. Sehun found it rather endearing. It made him feel like a father or older brother taking a cherished child to the amusement park or something. Except…his feelings for Luhan weren’t remotely fatherly or brotherly.

Once they entered the city, they were in bumper-to-bumper traffic all the way to the stadium where the festival was being held. It didn’t bring their spirits down, though. One of the stations on the radio was broadcasting from the festival so they listened to the songs of the featured artists during their long drive to their destination. Sehun even managed to sing along occasionally, when he wasn’t paying attention to the road or looking at Luhan that is.

Eventually, they made it to the stadium, even miraculously managing to find a parking spot, and headed to the MTV booth to collect their tickets. Once they had their tickets in hand, in addition to free light-sticks, banners and other goodies supplied by the network, they walked around the stadium, visiting various booths, stopping in on a few fansigns, playing games and sampling the many food vendors before finally making their way towards the stage.

A large crowd had already gathered to see the group currently performing and it was difficult to see from their position in the back. There was only one thing that could rectify the situation, Sehun decided. Grabbing hold of Luhan’s hand, he pushed his way through the crowd, standing his ground when people tried to push him back, never releasing Luhan’s hand as he tugged him in front of him and continued to forge their way. He didn’t make it all the way to the front but got close enough that they could see both the stage and the huge screens clearly.

The first few groups didn’t impress Sehun at all and he could tell by the look on Luhan’s face that he wasn’t into them either but as day turned to night, the performances became progressively better, the crowd louder and Luhan started singing along, holding up his light-stick as he moved with the rhythm of the music. Sehun couldn’t possibly pay attention to what was going on on stage, not when he was standing beside Luhan, seeing the pure joy on his innocent face, feeling him brush lightly against his arm as he swayed, jumped and shimmied. There was nothing more important to him at the moment. They were both doing exactly what they’d come there to do.

When One finally hit the stage, he managed to tear his gaze away from Luhan long enough to give them his full attention. The complete group was performing for the occasion and as with their MVs, their live performances were just as crisp and on point. There were a few barely noticeable slips here and there but they made up for it during their short address to the audience. Sehun found them to be charming and funny. While they spoke, he glanced over at Luhan and found him looking enthralled, eyes completely transfixed on the stage.

“Who’s your favourite?” he asked, wondering if Luhan would even hear him over the noise.

He was a little surprised when Luhan immediately raised his hand and pointed at one of the members. He was even more surprised when he followed his pointed finger and found himself looking at a boy who reminded him of, well…Luhan. He was slender, not short but definitely not tall, and had a very sweet, unassuming face. He was very blond at the moment but it suited his pixie-like, androgynous features.

“Why is he your favourite?” he asked curiously.

“He sings and dances well. And he’s nice.”

“Is being nice important?”

Luhan nodded.

The lights dimmed once again as the group began their final number, giving their all before exiting the stage much to the disappointment of their fans. Shortly after, another group came on and the crowd revved up once again.

By the time the concert/festival ended, it was after midnight. Once again, they were forced to push and pull themselves free of the crowd and once again, Sehun had taken hold of Luhan’s hand to facilitate this. When they were finally out and away, they continued walking, neither one aware that Sehun had yet to release Luhan’s hand.

“Did you have fun?” Sehun asked.

Luhan nodded. “It was great. Better than I could ever have imagined.” He peeked over at Sehun. “Did you like it?”

Sehun shrugged. “Some parts were better than others. I suspect some groups won’t have very lengthy careers.” He smiled and met Luhan’s glance. “But One was definitely worth the trouble of coming to see.”

Luhan smiled brightly, feeling like he had been given a gold star or something. It was ridiculous but he felt too good to care.

He started to raise his hand, intending to shift his unused jacket to his other arm, when he realized that Sehun was still holding it. Colour immediately flooded his cheeks. Did Sehun know or had he simply forgotten to let go, he wondered.

“Do you want to get something to eat before we head out? I’m hot, sweaty and starving. I feel like  I could eat a horse!” Sehun joked.

Luhan nodded demurely, still feeling warm and fuzzy about the fact that Sehun was holding his hand. “I am a bit hungry,” he said quietly.

Deciding that he was being silly, that Sehun had probably just forgotten, he tugged his hand away, only to feel Sehun’s hold tightening, his fingers linking with Luhan’s to get a firmer grip.

“Stay,” Sehun said softly, not looking at Luhan. “Just for a little while. Let’s stay like this.”

Luhan didn’t respond but he didn’t try to pull his hand away again either. Sehun took that as a sign of compliance.

As they walked through the stadium in search of food, Sehun allowed himself to pretend, just for a little while, that they were really on a date. That Luhan was really his.

What he didn’t know was that the one whose hand he held, whose hand was now holding his in return, was thinking the exact same thing.